Self Care Sunday – I’m weird; are you weird too?

It’s true. I am weird. I’m the round peg in a world of square holes 🤣 I like and believe in weird spiritual stuff. I tell you this as a warning. What you are about to read is going to seem weird – especially if you’ve never experienced what I experience every day. I write about weird spiritual topics to encourage people to open the minds and hearts. Signs are all around us. It’s up to us to be open enough to receive the signs and follow the flow of the Universe.

I’ve been seeing repetitive number series (11:11, 111, 222, 333, etc.) every day for a few years. It actually started New Years Eve weekend 2016 when I was driving to the Berkshire Mountains for the weekend. I had no idea what it all meant back then but I sensed it was not a coincidence; it had to be some sort of sign. When I first started seeing the repetitive number series, I google it every time is saw one. It started with 11:11 then it was 111 and 1111. I see repetitive numbers series throughout the day now. The most common repetitive number series I see is 222 which is about partnership, love, divine timing and everything working out for the highest good of all concerned. I always think of Blue Love when I see 222 💙

2222

I was driving late Friday afternoon. I looked at my dashboard and saw my trip mileage was 999, I had 333 miles of fuel remaining, the truck in front of me had 555 on the license plate and I heard on the radio “Veteran’s Day 11/11”. Four repetitive numbers in under 10 seconds. I knew it was a sign. The Universe was trying to get my attention so I pulled over and reflected for a moment. I remembered my research 999s are about cycles coming to an end, 333s are about divine guidance and 555 signify divine positive changes are happening for your highest good and 11/11 is confirmation that I am on the right path. After thinking through all of that this sign means to me that the hard cycle of learning or growth I’ve been in is just about over. Like I’ve learned the lesson and completed the cycle; time to rest before the next lesson starts. It’s also a sign that I am exactly where I am meant to be.

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The first hard cycle that is ending is the challenges the new job I started three months ago. If you’ve been reading my blog, you know this damn job has been really challenging for many reasons. It’s the hardest job I’ve ever had and it didn’t need to be. It was leadership who made it hard because they were trying to fit a schedule for a new program into a timeline they promised without knowing all of the requirements. I was getting pressure from all over including executives and managers to meet a ridiculous schedule that they made without completely understanding regulatory requirements changed in recent years. I contacted legal with my “ethics” concerns about six weeks ago. It has taken some time for things to play out. Folks have been a little standoffish with me because I “outed” them more or less. 🤣I give zero f**ks. I am not there to make friends. Taking a stand and doing the right thing was the right thing to do. Period – end of story! Things seem be stabilizing now. A GM called me this week to thank me for “pulling the threads” and making sure they knew about the regulatory missteps because I “saved” them in the long run. Yes, things are starting to settle down.  I am not sure what will happen next so I’ll just go with the flow and trust everything will work out for my highest good.

The other cycle coming to close is the one that started last year while I was watching Christine Blasey-Ford testify at the Kavanuagh hearings about sexual assault. Something about watching that hearing triggered deep pain from my past that I bottled up instead of acknowledging. All the painful memories from when I was younger returned. I remembered crying for three days straight. It was so confusing to me that in 2018 I was reliving painful memories from so long ago as if they happened yesterday. I remember I called my therapist for emergency session because I was so overwhelmed with grief. That’s what it was – it was grief. It was grief for what was taken away from me and how those events affected me and my relationships with men the rest of my life. Over the last year, I’ve worked through those issues and let myself feel the pain. It wasn’t until a month ago that I realized I’ve healed. Sitting at the hospital with my family while my brother is in congestive heart failure could have triggered me but actually I noticed I was detached. I focused on supporting my mother. Instead of feeling triggered I’ve felt nothing…. No anger.  No pain. No resentment. Nothing…I just feel free… Like I finally released the pain. Don’t confuse that with forgiveness. I do not believe we need to forgive those who harm us. This isn’t forgiveness but I have let go of the pain of remembrance. I found peace with the memories. The power has shifted. While I remain sad about how my life was affected and how my relationships with men has been impacted by those events, I no longer feel traumatized by it. I also see by sitting with my anger and grief last year and crying for three days I was able to open up and let go of the pain. I cleared space for me to show now as a stronger Linda now. Yes, a painful cycle completed recently☺️

Have you noticed a change in the last week? Do you suddenly feel lighter? Perhaps a burden was lifted or you finally made a hard decision? Have been seeing repetitive numbers? Take an opportunity to slow down and let yourself notice the shift. Below is a little recap of why personal meanings interpretations of repetitive numbers series. However, you would be best to google them for other meanings to determine what resonants with you.

When it first started, I researched each number and eventually began to trust it’s a code. Those numbers mean something. When I see or hear 11:11, 111, 1111 is about alignment. Whenever I see it, I take it was the Universe is saying “stay woke”, “your thoughts are in alignment with the Universal flow of energy” or “you are on the right path”. Over time I began to trust that 222 is my reminder that everything is working out for my highest good. It’s also a reminder for me to send energy to those I love. When I see 444, my angels and guides are nearby. I say hello, thank them for the support and ask what message they’ve come to give me. When I see 777, I recognize that as message from spirit to trust my intuition. When I see 555, it means divine changes are happening. When I see 888, I know blessings, usually financial, are on their way. When I see 333, I thank the Ascendent Masters for guiding me and protecting. It’s also my reminder to balance myself holistically. When I see 999, it means a cycle is coming to an end and it also is a code or a calling for “lightworkers”. I know this all sounds crazy but trust me. My life has changed dramatically for the better since I started acknowledging and trusting the code in the numbers.

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Today, I am remembering my friend, Karen, who passed away from Cancer in April 2018. Karen embraced my weirdness. She would sit at dinner asking me all kinds of questions trying to understand. lol 🙂 While she wasn’t into all of the spiritual stuff I enjoy, she was always willing to learn and listen. I haven’t had a friend like that since she left. All of my other friends are too normal for me to really let all of the weirdness hang out. I also wish my friends enjoyed the outdoors & hiking as much as I do. I went to Batsto Village on Sunday but didn’t want to hike the long trail alone.I am probably going to the Kripalu in the Berkshire Mountains this winter because they do a four to six mile guided hike every day if the weather is nice….Yep, I’m weird. I like weird spiritual stuff & I also like the outdoors! I’m weird, can I be weird with you? 🤣

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I am sharing “Your Song” by Elton John because I’ve heard it like ten times in the last 24 hours. That feels meaningful to me. Like someone reading this needs to hear it 🥰

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Breathe ~ Blue Love Poetry

Breathe ~ Blue Love Poetry
In the fresh clean air
I breathe in
Today
I find
A long exhale
I visualize it
As it floats
Out of my Mouth
With the sound
Ahhhhhhh
It travels
Across the air
To fill your lungs
And nourish you
With the love
The unconditional love
That is shared
In the bond
Of our souls
Twisted around
Each other
Until my soul
Is unrecognizable
Without the
Imprint
Of your beautiful
Blue eyes
In my heart
In the silence
Of the night
I hear you
I whisper
Into the wind
From the corner
Of your mind
And intuitively
Comfort you with love
I am here my love
Speak to me
Know I can
Hear the words
You cannot voice
Out loud
I can hear
The breathless desires
You whisper to me
As you toss
From one side
Of the bed
And turn
To the other
Side of the bed
I can hear
Your worries
As if I carried
Them in my own anxieties
I can feel
The flow of
Your energies
From your lustful desires
Brushing me
Between my breasts
As they lay firmly
Between my legs
And leave
Your imprint
Across my thighs
With the thoughts
You send me
Through intuition
I may be
Temporarily retreating
Into the silence
Of the mountains
To balance self
To learn to manage
My abilities
And to learn
How to shine
My light
As a healer
Into the lives
Of others
I may be
Further away from you
Than your heart
Would prefer
But it is in the solitude
Of the woods
I know
The love
In my heart
Is still
Blue
It’s the same color
Of your eyes
It’s in the
Clean fresh air
Of these mountains
I hear my blue heart
Quietly echo
Your name
With every beat
And release of tension
I send
My love to you
In every exhale
I place into
The wind love
That floats
Peacefully into
Your lungs
Breathe in deep
My love
Breathe in love
Breathe out fear
Breathe in
The clean fresh air
Of my love for you
I love you
My blue love
I breathe love
Into you
(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday – Tell Me Your Story

whats-your-story

The Amazon Ultimate Wish List Book arrived in the mail yesterday. It reminded me of when my Mom would hand me the Sears Wish Book and ask me to circle some ideas for my list for Santa. It was always an exciting day.
sears 1974
Thinking back to when I was young, I remember I wanted to be a Lawyer. Actually, I wanted to be a lawyer for a long time. I even studied Latin in high school to prepare for Law School. My dream and plan to got to Law School got overtaken by events. High school wasn’t a happy time for me. That mostly has to do with broken trust and painful experiences that left me bruised both figuratively and literally. By my Sophomore year of college, I was living in chronic depression and attempted suicide. Shortly after that I got Mono. Mono kicked my ass. I was sick for over six weeks and I missed a lot of school. I dropped out of college just before my last year because I ran out of money. I could’t afford to pay my tuition any longer. I took a full time job as an Assistant Manager for a local bank that I had been working at while in school. Fortunately, I was always a hard worker with a strong work ethic so I was always able to support myself.

It’s funny when you look back on your life. It’s so easy to see how things shaped your experience and changed your life. I can see now that dropping out of school completely changed the path for the rest of my life and lead to me being where I am today. I can also see now that something broke in me during that time. I was heart broken. My dreams were destroyed, and at the time, I thought I would never be happy. I was depressed, had low self esteem and a dysfunctional family environment. It was easy to let go and lose track of who I was. I worked full time all day and partied all night long. I careen through one reckless drunken night and casual relationship after another while I hid the depression from everyone. The truth was I wanted to die. When I was drunk enough, I would say it. The only reason I didn’t try to kill myself again was because, by the time I was in my mid 20s, my sister was terminally ill. She needed me. After she died when I was 32, my Mother needed me. Then my brother-in-law died when I was 34 and my sister and her kids needed me. Taking care of others gave me a reason to live. I made my life about working, drinking and taking care of others. I had absolutely no sense of self for many years.

It caught up to me in a very ugly psychological breakdown. I felt the swell of emotions and pressure pushing at me for a while. I kept pulling myself back from the edge. It started because I was laid off from my job a year prior and I returned to school full time to finish my BS degree. I graduated with a grade point average of 3.98 but finding a full time job took me longer than I thought it would. I lost my apartment. My mother kept my car from being repossessed and I was working in a sub shop just to have cash in my pocket. It was devastating. I had always been independent, self-sufficient. I could always take care of myself. Finding myself that destitute especially after finally graduating from college, was devastating to me. I snapped one night while I was sleeping over friends house in 2007.

As I look back on the night of my breakdown, I can see I was in the right place when it happened. My friend’s husband is an Orthopedic Surgeon. I could hear him tell her they couldn’t take me to a hospital because the ER doctors would put me in a Psych Ward for three days. He didn’t want that to be part of my “story”. So they instead agreed to stay up with me all night and took care of me. He got me an emergency appointment with a Psychiatrist the next morning. Fortunately, I was offered a great full time job two months later. The angels must have been on my side that day because the hiring manager for a contracting company found my resume on an unemployment job bank website. I didn’t even know unemployment put my resume on their site. I was offered the job during the interview and started work four days later.

This brings me to today…I am still friends with the couple who saved my life that night back in 2007 but they moved to Florida. Florida is financially more hospitable to doctors than New Jersey. I talk with them and text with her regularly. They recently sent me photos of them in costume for their Halloween party last week just to show they are still “fun”. She still calls me “Norma Rae” because she swears I am going to change the world one day. The funny thing is — now I think she just might be right. The job I’ve been in for the last three months has certainly tested me. It’s given me an opportunity to rise up and show I am a leader. Most recently, it’s given me an opportunity to remember that there is a “Norma Rae” in me. It woke something up in me that will never be suppressed again. I still think I would have been a great lawyer and I do think that I shall change the world one day.  That’s going to be my story. Ready to ride shotgun with me?

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A quick update from last week’s Self Care Sunday post, I am still dealing the fallout from taking a stand at work and ensuring we did the right thing. It certainly will lead to some uncomfortable conversations for a few people but I give zero f**ks. I’ve only been there 90 days so I have no loyalty to any of them. I have legal and my direct supervisor on my side. Most importantly, they can’t fire me or reassign me which makes me the right person to take this stand. Yep, there’s a “Norma Rae” in me. It’s funny, I was told unofficially on Thursday that I may be getting two more workforce development grant programs to “stand-up” (because I proven I know how to do it) which would make me a Portfolio Manager. I almost laughed my ass off when I heard it and made the comment “Wow, I didn’t see that coming!” We will see how things play out.

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As far as my brother being in Congestive Heart Failure goes. Well, his heart went from only functioning at 25% up to 50% so they released him from the hospital. For clarity, my brother and I are not close. Our history is complicated mostly because he was a violent mean drunk when he was younger and he hurt me. Me going up to Philly the last three weekends wasn’t because I am an enlightened human being who has forgiven him. I’ve been going to up to Philly every weekend because I have a 80 year old mother who has buried one child already. I need to be there for her but I will admit being there with him has been helping me heal some of the wounds from my teenage years at the same time. No matter what happens, I will still never be in the same room or a car with him alone. It’s great to be the bigger person but I will never let my guard down around that him… NEVER! But I am glad he is out of the hospital because I was able to stay home this weekend and my mother is less stressed. I’ve done three weeks of laundry and spent $200 food shopping this afternoon because I had absolutely nothing in the house. It’s late Saturday afternoon. I have Mac & Cheese cooking in the crockpot.  I tried to find “Norma Rae” on line to watch again but can’t find the whole film.   It’s been a while since I’ve seen it.

What’s your story today?
norma rae
(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Heart Healing

This past week presented me with two opportunities to stand in my authetic power and demonstrate my inner strength.

This week I’ve been dealing with fallout from a potential ethics issue at work. Early Thursday I received a cryptic email from an “temporary” leader stating he did not see anything wrong.  After I took a deep breathe, I attached all of my written documentation and wrote back. I requested that if they were stating we did not need to comply, I disagreed. I also asked for a memo signed by all Senior Execs in the chain “directing” me to not comply – you know – “just” in case we are audited😉😂 Yeah, I went there! I was done and was not even playing anymore. I sent that message at about 8:30am.  Shortly after I sent it, my direct boss sent a note backing me 100%.  I also reached back out to Legal and they told me they had my back too. Around 8:00pm on Thursday night I checked my email. I found a note from my Senior Exec thanking us for bringing the issue to her awareness. She asked that we follow the appropriate process and update the schedule to reflect the additional milestones and show the 12 month delay; she would start messaging it….  I guess no one wanted to sign that memo I requested 🤣 No, I didn’t think so 😂✊

Like I said before, I give zero f**ks lately and I am not even playing.  Basically, I won! I stood up for what I knew to be right and ethical. I had so much documentation backing me up and legal on my side. I wasn’t backing down. I put myself at risk by doing it since I’ve only been here 3 months but I am happy it’s resolved. Now I can just focus on lining things up the right way with zero drama. In case you all don’t know I am stubborn like that – especially when I know I am 100% right… I will dig my high heel into the ground and I will not back down.

This situation reminded me of when I walked off a job 20 years ago because the owner was verbally abusive to employees. I started keeping a file and documenting everything he did and said to people. Then one day I had enough. He said something to me and replied, “I quit! and, by the way, you will be giving me unemployment and covering my health insurance because I’ve got a file of documentation against you as proof of creating a hostile workplace!”🤣✊Well, I didn’t know that folks outside the room heard me. After I walked out, they all started calling me “Norma Rae” and saying I “rang the bell” 🤣 One of those coworkers has become a life long friend. She still calls me “Norma Rae” and reminded me of that story recently. She was proud me this time around too! I won’t back down!


Switching to this week’s personal challenges. My brother has been in the ICU Heart Failure Unit in a hospital in center city Philly all week. He’s in Congestive Heart Failure. I spent the last two days at the hospital with him, family and his lifelong friends. He informed us he signed a DNR – Do Not Resuscitate. Late Friday afternoon they drained the fluid off of his heart. We made it through it and us now waiting for pathology to come back before deciding what to do next. He’s sitting up but not moving around much. I am actually sitting in the family room writing this blog while the doctors are in with my brother and sister in law. I will drive home later this afternoon. Other family members and his friends are planning to visit & watch football with him tomorrow.

My brother and I have a complicated history. Sitting here with him and helping him is forcing me to confront some demons and past resentments from the person he used to be…He is no longer that person. I see that now. He’s a different man than he was in his younger years. Sitting with him the last couple of days I see him differently. I don’t really understand life and how things work but but I will say — sitting with him and helping him is helping me heal the broken part of my heart from so long ago. Caring for someone who hurt me so deeply is truly opening me to a new deeper meaning of unconditional love. If he doesn’t make it, I know I made things right for both of us. Maybe I needed to work through this on my own and let go of this demon from my past to allow myself to open completely to love. Maybe I had to set him and myself free from the past to find peace within myself. I still don’t know what’s going to happen with his heart but I do know,I am glad I’ve been able to share his journey.

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

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Self Care Sunday ~ How I See Things

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Art Credit: puppygai.deviantart.com

I see choices in life as Black and White. For me, it’s yes or no, right or wrong, good or bad, pass or fail. I don’t walk the fence. Mostly, I don’t hang out it limbo or in the grey because it’s too confusing and stressful for me. I make decisions based upon information, research, my personal values, gut instinct, intuition and ethics. I then move along.  Seeing life through his lens means I like rules. Rules are easy for me.  I like routine and structure. It creates less stress for me in life.

So, the interesting thing about the job I am in now is that every day it presents a different challenge – nothing is routine -ever! lol 🙂 It gives me a new problem to solve or a new puzzle to put together on a daily basis. This week’s problem skirted the edges of my ethics. Meaning that I received confirmation that my “worst case scenario” on a risk, which I’ve been briefing up for a month now, will be realized. It will result in a 9 to 15 month schedule delay. OUCH! Let me be clear! I knew it was going to play out this way all along. I was only going through the motions and looking for alternative paths to demonstrate that I explored all mitigations — but, I knew what the final decision was going to be. I knew because I started conversations with our legal counsel on the issue over a month ago to protect myself; they finally issued an official decision on Friday. They also advised me that I have their full support and they will participate in any needed conversations. This led to emergency telcons late Friday afternoon –  always a fun way to end a Friday 🤣

Here’s the thing…unless senior leadership has a mitigation at their level that isn’t available to me, I’ve done all I can do…That’s the way I see it…it’s time to adjust the schedule and move along. It doesn’t stop what I am doing. There are plenty of other tasks to work through while we also work through the regulatory requirements. It just means that we will have to level set our external stakeholders expectations which could be sticky but that is NOT my job. Remember – I just got here 3 months ago and this issue will cause a 9 to 15 months delay. In other words, it was a problem long before I got here – FULL STOP🛑

So, what happened?  How come it wasn’t found earlier? Well, they didn’t know what they didn’t know and never bothered to ask about regulatory requirements because they thought they knew them.  I happened to pull a thread one day and that’s when it all unraveled 😳Here’s where my ethics were challenged.  When the risk first came to my awareness and I started asking questions.  Folks started telling me to ignore it. They said it would delay the schedule. They told me it wasn’t enforced. They said no one would notice…About a month ago, I woke up at 3:00am with that on my mind and anxiety. I knew that was my intuition telling me it was a problem and I needed to dig deeper into it. That’s when I did my own research, found the penalties and heard other stories. That’s when I quietly reached out to our legal counsel for assistance and protection as I started messaging the risk and potential impact to leaders. That’s when I started formulating an alternate schedule (that I haven’t shared) that incorporates the additional actions. That’s when I knew I was “seeing” things clearly.  Sooo, we will see what happens next week when my leaders start telling folks legal’s decision on this issue but…I am good.  I know I did the right thing. My direct leadership knows I explored all options. They also clearly know my ethics now. They saw that I was trying to protect myself, the company, organization and program.

ethics quote

The discussion about ethics brings me to our current President, his political party and Administration. Right is right, wrong is wrong…Facilitating Ethnic Cleansing, asking for foreign interference in our elections, siding with Dictators, engaging in cover-ups and giving yourself a billion dollar contract should be considered wrong by anyone’s standards regardless of political party…. Every day I wake up hoping he resigned or was ask to leave under the 25th Amendment. It’s embarrassing to have him as our President. FULL STOP🛑  Have your ethics been challenged lately? Do you see the world as Black and White, Right or Wrong? Are you decisive? What would you do if you were a new employee working on a highly visible program and discovered a gigantic risk with legal implications?
novo-ethics

Switching gears,  My brother has a heart problem.  He’s been sick for a while. He is currently in critical care on oxygen and it is suspected he’s in heart failure.  Normally, he tells me not drive up or come to the hospital. This time he straight up asked me to come see him. I will be driving up to Philly early tomorrow. This presents me with an internal conflict.  My brother and I have had a complicated relationship. He didn’t have a typical brother and sister relationship.  He is ten years older than I am.  He was a mean violent drunk in his younger years and he was abusive towards me in many ways.  I won’t go into the details but he is the reason I spent a good part of life in unhealthy relationships and still have trust issues.  It was only last year that I finally started to let myself see the damage that was done to me in those years.  It’s complicated to still love someone who caused me so much pain.  Especially because he never apologized. He never accepted accountability for what he did to me… For now, I would like to offer the below Loving Kindness Prayer for my brother and ask God to help me deal with all of these conflicting emotions I am having about him.

I have a very strong relationship with God. I pray to God, my angels and saints every day. I ask for guidance and direction. I ask for help during challenging times. Every day I ask the Holy Spirit to “use me” to help make the world a better place. I ask the Holy Spirit to put me in the right places at the right time to help people. That is my daily prayer. I ask the Holy Spirit and God to send me where I am needed most. Tonight I ask God to be with my family and help me compassion and empathy to my brother in spite of our complicated history.

Isaiah-6-8-Send-Me

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Misty Eyed ~ Blue Love Poetry ~ Throwback Thursday

Soul mate quote

Misty-Eyed ~ Blue Love Poetry

It was today
As I was going
About my day
I felt
The swell of emotions
That I have
For you
I got misty
Thinking of you
My heart swelled
As I quietly said
Your name
And remembered
Nervously standing
Before you
Looking into
Your beautiful eyes
Knowing you could see me
You could see
How I felt
For you
You could see
My desire, affection and lust
For you

My feelings
For you
Have matured with time
They’ve deepened
In our separation
And have become
More authentic
As I’ve healed
Emotionally from past traumas,
I’ve grown up,
It’s in this new space
Within my heart and soul
I feel the most alive
Alive with love

I am not really sure
Where the road
Takes us next
I don’t know
If this is where
Our paths separate forever
God, I hope
You stay in my life
I love you
I know that my love
For you is
Deep enough
To lovingly hold you
In my arms
Without any words
Yet it is mature enough
To set you free
If this is your time
To find yourself
In a new world
I now love myself
Enough to let you go
With grace
But please
Let me hold you
To feel your
Energy touch mine

I got a little
Misty-eyed
Thinking of you today
And I am not afraid
For you to know
Because I am grounded
In my vulnerability
It’s out of my
Self love
That I can
Show you
Unconditional love
Yes,
I am ready to go
On this ride
With you where ever
It takes me
Even if
It takes us down
Different paths and
You choose to
Let go of us forever
I love you enough
To be a good friend
To you as well as
Take care of myself
I am proud of myself
For opening
My heart to loving you
Unconditionally loving you

Please know, my friend,
The path we’ve shared
In recent years
Contributed to me
Becoming the woman
I am today
Loving you
Helped me learn
How to love myself
Opening my heart
To you
Showed me how
To open to my truth
Yes,
I became misty eyed today
Because
Today
I knew I truly
Loved you unconditionally
I knew I’ve grown
It was today
I quietly said
A prayer
I thanked God
For showing me
How to love
Through you
It was today
I thanked God
For you and
It made me
Misty Eyed
(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ My WHY

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I had a super crazy busy stressful intense work week. By Wednesday, I could feel it taking a toll. In the afternoon walked out into the hallway break room to get a bottle of water before a meeting. When I got back to my desk, I realized I lost my phone. Since I have an Apple Watch, I can tell when my phone is within range of my watch. When I got to the break room, I could see it was near by. So I pinged it. There was a guy I didn’t know standing on the other side of room. We were both confused because we could both hear it but not see it. Then he leaned over and put his ear close to the trash can and said, “OMG, it’s in here! You threw out your iPhone!”🤣As I pulled it out of the trash he said, “Man, I don’t think I even want to know what’s going on in your world today. You threw out your iPhone and didn’t even know it! ” 🤣 Yep, I threw out a $600 iPhone and didn’t even realize it; that is how preoccupied I was with this damn job.

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After spending a whole week working very closely with my Director to give presentations to her bosses and external stakeholders, she said to me on Thursday, “Every aspect of this is hard and complicated. We just have to remember the good you are doing for the industry in the long run!”😄 It was in that moment I remembered my professional “WHY”. The reason I took the job in the first place is that ten years down the road I will be able to look back at this time and say I played a role in changing the workforce in my industry. The new programs I am working to establish will develop and change workforce in my industry for the future. I am starting it. I’ve said since day one, I only want to make a meaningful contribution. I want to make a difference. God gave me what I asked for but he never said it would be easy 🤣 He also didn’t tell me I would throw away a $600 iPhone because I was so preoccupied by the damn job but he certainly gave me what I asked for. He gave me a way to make real difference not only in my organization, not just in my “company” but in the whole damn industry. God is good.

While the situation with the phone was funny and my coworkers were cracking up, the truth is…it worried me that I did it. It’s not the first time I’ve been so preoccupied that I did something stupid since starting this job. It was a wake up call for me. I need find a new way to manage the pressure and responsibilities of this job with some self awareness. I realized by late Thursday afternoon I needed a full and complete STOP. My schedule worked out that it gave me a four day weekend. After going through my emails and tasks, guess what, everything can wait four days. I am taking a break and completely disconnecting. Friday is my errand, shopping day. I spent today, Saturday, in Philly with my Mom and family.  My niece brought her pitbull over for a visit.  He’s ‘s 65lbs and sitting on my lap. I was covered in dog hair when I left.  I will most likely sleep in on Sunday and not sure after that. I would like to go hiking if the weather is cooperative and Monday I am hoping to have lunch with friends. If I am going to thrive in the next crazy year and maintain holistic wellness and balance, I am going to need to find chunks of time like this weekend to completely disconnect from work and focus on the other aspects of my life.  My job isn’t going to love and care for my body and my soul; that’s my job.

love job

One part of me wants to surrender and go back to an easy job.  That is my ego…My ego is being stripped down in this job because every day I have to swim a little harder, learn a little faster, make decisions without a lot of information and then go defend them 🤣 I am way outside of the comfort zone and operating on level higher than I ever imagined I would be operating when I accepted this job.  Thank God my brain is hardwired to be strategic and thank God I strengthened my intuition in recent years because so far, I’ve made good decisions. I also know my limit. I know when a decision is above me.  I am good about building relationships and I am inclusive. I look for the right folks to include or give counsel along the way. Seriously, I talk more in this job than I ever talked in any job. It’s exhausting🤣

One thing is for sure…the ego and emotions have no place in making strategic decisions that will affect my career in the long term. My ego wants to protect me. It wants me to keep doing what I am good at and what is easy with no room for failure but my soul knows I am where I am meant to be – success or failure – it will be my lesson. The key is for me to practice non-attachment to how I think it will play out and just do my best and let it unfold organically.  Whatever happens is for my highest good. Everything is always working out for my highest good even if it works out differently than I expected.

I also reconnected with personal WHY – GROWTH! I wanted potential for long term diversified growth opportunities in my future. I am in the right place for this now. Getting back to my WHY cleared up all the confusion and uncertainity I was having.

What’s your why

Every choice, every decision has a lesson in it. This one is teaching me patience. It’s also teaching me to TRUST to my intuition and use strategic thinking to evaluate choices instead of my ego. I can’t be reactive and emotional with this decision.

What’s You’re Why?  Have you reconnected with it recently?  Sit with yourself long enough to observe if your ego or emotions are driving your decisions. Can you practice non-attachment? Can you consider strategically aligning your choice with what you want in the future rather than reacting to the demands of your ego or attachments of your emotions? Seems to be working for me 😊✨  Ripped-paper-with-written-on-it-Whats-your-why--1024x683

I offer the below Loving Kindness Prayer for the Kurdish people in Syria and all American Armed Forces affected by the actions of POTUS.  He’s golfing while massacres are occurring.  He’s golfing while ISIS is being let free. He’s golfing while US forces are getting hit.  This scares me.  What will the retaliation be?  What demon has he unleashed into the world.  I hope he not only goes down but I hope every Republican supporting him and protecting him goes down with him.  Money and power should never come before human life.

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Awakening ~ Flashback Friday

Awakening
To awaken
Is to
See and feel
Things differently
It’s to
See things
You couldn’t
See before
It’s to
Feel things
You may
Have not felt
Before
It’s to know
You’ve changed
And nothing
In your life
Can remain
The same
The challenge is
To honor
Your awakening
As a call to action
In your life
It’s your Spirit
Pushing from
The inside
For you
To follow
The path
It is laying out
Trust
Your wisdom
Accept
You’ve changed
Relationships
Will suddenly
Be awkward
With your new awareness
Not everyone
In your life
Will accept
The new you
In fact
They will want
The old you back
But
If you are awakened
You know
You can’t
Continue
To be
Who you were
Strength
Can only be found
In the surrender
Your surrender
To the new truth
In your life
Take very good care
Of yourself
As you wake up
Slow down
And listen
To inner wisdom
Instead of
Relying upon
Outside approval
Or validation
Rely on your
Own internal teacher
To led your way
Do not trust
False Gurus
Do not follow the advice
Of your
Well meaning but
Unaware friends
They are not
In your shoes
Do not seek
Counsel
From the same
People
Who aimed to
Hold you back
Slow down
Turn off the noise
Temporarily give up
Numbing yourself
And feel
The shift
Inside of you
Feel the shift
Who does your
Internal wisdom
Call you
To be
To awaken
Is to wake up
To yourself
And finally see
Your truth
It’s not easy
But once you accept it
You can start
Living more
Authentically
Wake up
Awaken
(C) 2016 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

NOTE:   This poem was originally posted in November 2016. At the time I was depressed. I really had no idea how much my life was about to change for the better because I awakened. I was trying so hard to hold on to the past, to what was and I was melancholy for what I thought I was losing. Three years later…Nothing was lost… But, oh what I gained. I gained clarity in my life about what I need, what I want, who I love and who I give my energy to. I have no guilt anymore about limiting my exposure to people who have held negative thoughts towards or have tried to manipulate me in the past. I no longer feel guilty about choosing me.

The most beautiful thing about awakening is not feeling attached or clingy to anyone or anything. In a state of non-attachment I can truly embody unconditional love for the people in my life. I will be honest though…I plan to give Blue Love a nice tight hug and press my boobs into his chest until I set us fire…💁🏻‍♀️💙🔥🥰

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Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Self Care Sunday ~ Rearview Mirror

rear view mirror
A few years ago, I started opening my awareness to see and accept that often we do not know why we had to have some experiences until years down the road. It’s often those experiences, those jobs, those people, those uncomfortable times of our lives that gave us key knowledge or insights that ultimately helped us grow.

I will say honestly my awareness started opening to the truth in my personal life in 2009. It wasn’t until a few years later that I truly embraced it and finally moving to my quiet apartment on the beach and separating myself from the noise in my personal life that finally gave me the space and room to embrace that I changed.

The same thing happened in my professional life but the key pivotal point in my career when Blue Love left for a new job. We were in the comfort zone and his decision took us both out of it. While the transition was difficult for me, I see now without that happening neither one of us would have grown into who we are today. For me, I used that time as an opportunity to look within myself. I used it to reevaluate my needs. I used the time to look at myself and I woke up spiritually. In doing so, I realized I was unfilled in just about every area of my life.

In addition to working full-time, I went back to school for a year to become a Board Certified Holistic Health Practitioner from May 2017 to May 2018. The weekly exercises and classes taught me skills to manage my holistic wellness and I learned how to take care of my holistic needs. Let me be clear. This course was for personal enrichment but doing it had a profound affect on my professional career too. It helped me see that I was professionally unfilled and I only enjoyed working where I was because Blue Love was there. Without him there, the environment wasn’t enriching and it eventually became toxic. The people, the talking, the cliques and drama. It was all too much. I couldn’t handle being in the middle of it anymore. That insight inspired me to pursue a temporary assignment which changed my whole career.
risk quote

While I was working in my temporary assignment for 15 months, I was removed from the drama, noise, cliques, gossip of the organization I worked for 10 years. In that silence, in that distance, I was able to find my own voice. I was able to embrace my strengths. I was able to let go of any previous versions of myself and be seen differently. When my temporary assignment ended, I did end up going back to my former organization briefly – but on different terms. I was protected by two managers and that gave me the freedom to give those managers my best contribution. They agreed to keep me buried, out of the limelight, and protected from the noise, and I helped them problem solve by using my innate strategic abilities. In the end, I chose to leave the organization permanently. I am still happy and grateful I had the opportunity to go back to that organization temporarily and help two friends. It was a rewarding experience and I made a meaningful contribution.

So, now I am in a new job. It’s the most challenging job I ever had. Stretching me until I almost break but I’ve learned in recent weeks – it is completely within my skillset. It was stressful for the first few weeks for a few reasons but mainly because they were already behind schedule; nothing was done before I got there. I had to start at zero. I walked into a fire. Also, I went from sitting in my cubicle in a peaceful corner of the building on telecoms all day to giving regular meetings briefings to VP and Director level folks. It’s like going from being a lower level project manager with little visibility to being on VP and Director level radar every day in one step…

I actually have two briefings to leadership this coming week. What the actually f**k? 🤣I am working on them this weekend to save myself from Monday chaos. All of these briefings are exhausting. I am thankful the manager who recruited me taught me how to do them. Since I am always slotted for 30 minutes – I prepare 6-10 slides max with no backup slides. My senior exec is a data driven engineer so I give her data on each slide to chew on. She likes it. And the part I am good at – I tell a good story – I prepare the narrative (messaging) that goes with the slide packet in advance; no free-styling in the room 🤣 Lastly, give my GM & Director an opportunity to comment in advance to obtain support before going in – which means think & plan ahead. 🙄Blue Love says these leadership briefings will keep me charged 🤣 Maybe…it does seem like it’s preparing me for something in the future. I guess I will be able to see that clearly in the rearview mirror. But, jeez, couldn’t they let me ramp up and catch my breathe before being thrown into the Shark Tank right from my 9th day? 🤣

Something kicked in the last few weeks. I realized this job is really going to be about risk management, communications and managing stakeholders. If I can be disciplined to assess risks and impacts early and often, work with leadership to figure out mitigations, I will be able to manage the chaos without getting completely overwhelmed by stress. I am utilizing the risk management experience I gained a few years every day. I’ll be riding this roller coaster job for at least for another ten months until I can potential bid out at my current level. Hopefully, everything starts falling into place and I’ll stay until I am eligible to retire in eight years but only time will tell with job. The problem with this job is…since starting it, I am exhausted on the weekends from the level of effort that is required of me all week. I’m not enjoying my life. I am out of balance because I am so darn tired by the time the weekend comes…And, I’ve had a migraine since Thursday night most likely from clenching my jaw. I am not comfortable with how this is affecting my holistic health.

I will confess part of me wishes I was never recruited for this job. I really don’t need nor really enjoy being in the limelight. I am actually quite ok playing a support role to a leader rather than being the star. That’s why I so enjoyed Blue Love. I would still enjoy doing that for him. Being this visible is uncomfortable… I am adapting but it’s taking a lot of energy and interfering with the rest of my life. Other folks see the level of effort that is needed…A GM involved said to me yesterday, “You are the right person for this job because someone will tell you NO ten times yet somewhere in there you hear YES. You figure out a way to get it done and get to YES when most would give up. The job is challenging and complicated; it needs your strategic abilities and tenacity!” I suspect he’s right but is he saying I am pushy? Because I’ve been trying to not be so pushy. Lol 🙂
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This brings me back to Blue Love. He put the ball into motion for both of us back in 2016 when he accepted a new job which took him away from me. Because he did that, we both had an opportunity to grow and stretch. It gave us both freedom to find our own authentic voice. It gave me a whole new career path and it lead him to another new job as a Senior Executive for another company. I could not be more proud of him or grateful to him. There is no doubt in my mind that he and I were always meant to find each other, help other grow, learn from each other and love each other. Our connection is truly unbreakable and for our highest good 💙✨

Often times we can’t see how everything always works out for our highest good until we have an opportunity to look at it in the rearview mirror. With reflection, we can see how things fell into the place perfectly or how things falling apart led to growth and change. Courage is needed to look at ourselves. Fortitude is needed during difficult times and a good bit of guts is needed to take a risk on love, on your future and on yourself.

On the another related topic, I got a call this week about a family member being emotionally unstable again. In the past, I would jump into action and try to help them through it emotionally. I would help them work through their problems to find a solution. This time, I am choosing to not engage. It’s not because I don’t love them or care about them. It’s because they have to learn to adapt and save themselves. They have to learn how to navigate through problems and stand on their own. I won’t be here forever. They have to wrestle their demons on their own and gain strength by doing it. Honestly, I’ve been through a lot in my life. I am a survivor. Loss has broken my heart. People have disappointment and hurt me emotionally and physically. And somehow, today, at 52 year old, I still believe in people and still believe in love. I saved my own soul. My salvation was in the strength that I gained by struggling and overcoming adversity. I learned coping skills to get through tough times. I will not take that type of growth opportunity away from anyone else by making things easy for them anymore. They have to learn to fight for their own soul and I will have to learn to live their choice – if they don’t.

On a musical note, if you don’t already have Lenny Kravitz “Essentials” or “Greatest Hits” in your collection, you can download it with this link in Apple Music. I’ve loved Lenny for a long time 💙He’s cool 😂And I love his soulful rock.

Let love rule 💙


(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

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Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Self Care Sunday ~ Wait, What?

img_2217It’s Saturday morning and I am tired – actually, I am mentally and physically exhausted from this week. It wasn’t a bad week. It was just hectic and I’ve been using maximum brain power in this new job. It’s exhausting 🤣 I am learning to bend with the wind instead of letting myself feel the pressure.  I am focusing this weekend on rest and my physical self care. I am listening to my body’s need to slow down. I am honoring my brain’s need for a little break from thinking so much 😄

I spent the first half of my work week leading a work group tasked with coming up with two different schedule scenarios for execs. My work group developed an aggressive schedule (high risk and shorter) and we developed a realistic schedule (average risk and longer). We also crafted a narrative around both approaches. Since I used to be a Risk Manager, I messaged both schedules to my senior exec in terms of managing risk. I offered her decision points along the way in each schedule so she and her leadership team can make decisions on how much risk they want to assume organizationally over the next 15 months. Guess what? She liked the approach but something unexpected happened…Since my program is high profile internally and has many high profile external stakeholders, she thought the best way to manage the risk in the schedule was for me to meet with her and her leadership team bi-weekly for 30 minutes over the next 15 months! Wait, what? LOL 🤣Crap! 🤣 It’s also preferred I meet with them in person at least one time each month; the other time can be a telecom which if fine but, in general, I was like — 🤣
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On another note, I did get a bit of a reprieve because I also found out my funding, while it is now cut in half, is coming in categorized as “development” which offers more flexibility and time. We also can’t kick anything off until after November 21st too. So, yes! I have some breathing room which is another reason I am taking the weekend to rest my brain a bit and not think about anything hard. LOL 🙂 Another surprise – they offered to pay for me to get a Grants Management Certificate with the intention of me possibly becoming a Grants Officer as one mitigation for some down stream schedule risk. The good thing about this is that I can take the classes during work hours, but again. Wait, what? LOL 🙂 This is why my brain hurts and needs rest this weekend. Jeez, this job has been one crazy trip! It’s not a four alarm fire anymore. It’s more like a roller coaster ride now… Do you remember how much I hate roller coasters? Lol 🙂 CRAP! Well, at least, it’s not boring…

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Two weeks ago, I was so stressed out by this job, I was ready to walk away. It really was too much. It seems like my former boss was right, I needed to give it more time. I needed to wait it out and see if things calm down. It has settled down a bit and I have adjusted to this new level of responsibility. I am thankful today for my former bosses who mentored me instead of offering a job. I do truly believe I am where I am meant to be. I just got scared for a while because it was a fire when I first got here. I was coming home everyday crying. Now, I see my leadership is trying to put structure in place around me so I am supported. I am thankful for that.

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Switching gears, I’ve been watching the Impeachment Inquiry unfold. Holy smokes! After two years waiting for Mueller, it is amazing one whistleblower was capable for shaking this much loose. It’s been interesting to watch. Well, we will see who drops next. Rudy Colludy is a gem. He’s so outrageous that he’s giving everyone up the more he talks. Keep showing those text messages on national TV, Rudy! Wait, is the Rudy the Whistleblower outing Trump? Lol 🙂

Yep, so that’s it for this weekend. I am sleeping, resting, watching Impeachment stuff on TV, enjoying the short respite and that’s about it.

ICYMI: I posted a poem on Friday, The Unarmed Truth. It’s about love, living in truth, soul mates.

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search
DMCA.com Protection Status

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved