Self Care Sunday ~ New Normal

Brene Brown new normal

As we all work towards acceptance that our normal is forever changed since Corona Virus, I am writing today about what’s changed in my life. How I am adapting. What I am choosing to let go and what I am embracing and enjoying.

What’s changed with me? I am on 100% maximum telework for the foreseeable future. In my current role, I can work from home without any impact to my responsibilities. I am allowed to go into the office to work occasionally, if I prefer, but I am not required. At first, I found this is bit stressful and isolating. I think that is because we were also under a Stay At Home Order. Since we have a little more freedom to move about, I’ve been enjoying working from home. I do MISS seeing folks in the building but not that much anymore🤣

I know a lot of folks who are teleworking are rolling out of bed and working in their pajamas – not me. I need a morning routine or I don’t feel settled. I still start work between 6:00am and 6:30am so I get out of bed around 5:30am and take a shower. If I have Zoom meetings, I pay a little more attention to hair and make-up. I put Morning Joe on @MSNBC on the TV, make coffee, water my plants and eat breakfast while I start reading/sending emails. It’s a routine. I need a routine to help manage anxiety.
morning routine

One thing that has changed with working from home is my work wardrobe. I wear sneakers most days now. Since my apartment is L shaped, I have plenty of space to pace 10,000 steps a day. So I wear sneakers with everything now. I have fashion sneakers, glitter sneaks, casual sneaks. I have sneaks I only wear indoors and sneaks I only wear when I am walking on the street. Sneakers are my new fashion statement. A blouse, ankle pixie khakis, capri jeans  or a casual skirt with sneakers is my new work outfit 😁 I love it ✌️I just bought these gems the other day. I can’t wait for them to arrive💙

Sketchers

Since I’ve been focusing on getting 10,000 steps in most days, I’ve changed my outside walk routine as well. My normal walks ranges between 2.5 and 4 miles. I will walk 6 to 8 miles if I am feeling good. Lately, I’ve been trying to increase the pace of my stride and get my heart rate up while walking outside. So, the first minute or two are a warm-up and then for next 30 minutes or so I power walk. After the 30 minutes of “exercise”, I slow down a bit and walk for enjoyment. The biggest new normal of my regular walks is — I always have a face mask with me now. I don’t wear it if no one is within 6FT of me but if I see folks coming near me on foot or on bike, I pull it up over my nose and mouth. It’s not hard. I consider it a sign of respect. It shows I care about them. I wish face masks were not politicized and I wish more folks thought about others more than being self indulgent😷Since it’s a holiday weekend and I live in a resort town, the social distance experiment will be interesting this week.  I will keeping my distance from the crowded spots.

social distance

I don’t know who needs to hear this but…Going to the beach, walking on the boardwalk, getting your hair cut, getting your nails done and going out to dinner are conveniences and luxuries of modern day living. They are not civil rights or liberties. When you are asked to wear a face mask, you are asked to do so to protect humanity. No one is violating your rights 🙄
civil rights civil liberties

There is a new normal in my job now too. I achieve two important milestone 4 months early because of a calculated risk I took when I met with a regulatory body.  They ended up giving  me approval to take a short cut on one milestone which to our surprise also eliminated the requirement of a second milestone too. BOOM 🤣 Everyone was excited and happy. So excited and happy that my GM called into a Zoom meeting without me and got herself committed to accelerating my schedule without talking to me first.  That’s when the fight broke out 🤣 She didn’t understand the concurrent activities 🙄 She’s new but I told YOU – I got zero fucks to give anymore…They put me in this role and gave me a seat at that table so they are gonna hear what I have to say 🤣I told her she should have left the schedule alone and just messaged that the team is hoping to complete the big milestone a month early unless we hit a snag.  It will gives a little wiggle room 🤣Well, my direct supervisor was the “referee” for most of this week 🤣 God bless him.  He works with mostly women who all have direct communication styles.  He calls himself the “token man” but actually he’s the referee🤣He probably deserves a combat medal 🤣 She admitted she should checked with me first before making the commitment but also worked her ass off this week to mitigate the impact. What she did will probably end up being a non-issue for me because something is held up in the approval cycle outside of our control.  If she would have talked to me, she would have known about that and not put everyone through the drama. She is new to this project. She’ll learn – eventually🤣

She and I are good now✌️We fought it out – with the help of our Referee 🤣So, this is the crazy part of our schedule which will continue until we release a public “Call for Proposals” at the end of the summer. I own every action until that happens but they now have been throwing bodies from organizations all over the “company” to help me in every possible way. The guy building the website says, “I have 20 emails from you before I even get in at 8:00am” 🤣 But the plus side is wear myself out by 3:30/4:00pm so no one ever gets a late day action from me.  I can’t even tell you how many new people I’ve met through Zoom meetings in the last few weeks.  So my new normal will be crazy for a while 🤣
crazy

The other good thing that happened this week in work is they confirmed a posting for someone to take over for me after my “start-up” actions are done should be going out soon. This means I will definitely move on to new role or project after my key milestones are done — sometime in Autumn. I am working with a local Director to identify opportunities but my current group said they already have something in mind for me when I finish this up. I just have buckle up and ride this crazy new normal out for a while.

Since my normal isn’t normal anymore, I am might as well tell you I haven’t been on a bike in years – I mean years.  It makes me a little nervous🤣The local bike rental shop in the next town over opened this weekend.  I am going to rent a bike one day to see if I want to buy one.  My building has a bike storage room so I won’t have too bring it up into my apartment.  I would like to ride the boardwalk end to end, AC to Ventnor, at sunrise one morning 😁🚴🏻‍♀️

What’s your new normal? Are you adjusting, changing your routine? If things are hard right now, remember:
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(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved
Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Trust Blue Love

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It’s been a strange few days. I’ve been getting reminders throughout the day that have been centered around the word trust. Almost as if someone is asking me if I trust them or like God or the Universe is asking me to TRUST.

I was in Zoom meetings and telcons for just about seven hours today. It was a mentally exhausting day. During one of the phone calls,  I started to daydreaming a bit. I started thinking of BLUE LOVE💙 His birthday is coming up next week. I thought back to the same day a year ago. I remembered it was around that same time he announced the big change was making in his life. His announcement prompted me to wake up with my heart beating out my chest one morning.  Like seriously, I thought I was going explode🤣 I just had to confess to him – like he was my priest🤣 I had tell him my real feelings.  I spent so much of my life being afraid to show people who I really am. I’ve spent my whole life in protection mode and hiding my true feelings.  I just didn’t want to hide from him anymore 💙By 7:30am, I confessed to him and then I spent the rest of the day dizzy, nauseous and relieved 🤣

I have TRUST issues and fear of intimacy issues from traumas related to men. It’s kind of big deal for me to be that vulnerable with anyone.  Something changed that day. I changed that day.  I learned that day and every day since… that I am safe with him. My heart is safe with him 💙 I learned that day and every day since that my vulnerability and well-being are safe with BLUE LOVE.  Something about knowing I was safe to be vulnerable with him gave me the space to heal past traumas over the last year.  Knowing I was safe with him was a Catalyst for healing for me 💙

For some reason…something that deep came to my mind while I was daydreaming this morning.  Then I saw the number 1010 like five times in row; it was almost flashing.  I googled 1010 and this is what I found💙 A profoundly deep moment in the middle of a very long and tiring work day 🤣

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(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Destiny Rarely Misses

destiny

REMEMBER Transformations are never easy…To transform into new versions of ourselves, we often have to strip away everything we know about ourselves to become someone new.

I think this is problem I’ve been having in my job. I  started this job in August 2019. Since day one it has been demanding I become a new Linda and I’ve been in full resistance — I’ve been in resistance because I didn’t know that was what I was signing up for. They didn’t tell me how complicated the project would be.  They were not honest and did not tell me 95% of the burden would be on my shoulders. I never made a conscious choice to become this “work” version of myself. It wasn’t until I was already in the job and saw the full picture that I understood who I would need to become to successfully run this project.  

My truth is…I have an Anxiety Disorder and this job has been triggering it since day one. I’m back to taking Xanax at bedtime to stop clenching my jaw. Otherwise, I’ll worry all night. I MISS having a low pressure job 🤣
change

Most folks would call me a Project Manager but my actual role is the Pre Award Lead for two new programs. All that means is I identify and execute the steps needed to launch the new programs successfully and then turn them over to someone else to perform regular operations and maintenance.   In one regard, the project is the perfect fit for me. I like project work because there is a beginning, middle and end.  I also like project work because it’s diversified.  I like to move around and have new experiences so project management work is actually a good fit for me. The role is also a good fit because  my brain is hard-wired for strategic planning and I enjoy working on the front end of the development cycle.

In other ways, this is the  hardest job I ever had in my entire life… The HARDEST… At 53 years old, I just wasn’t intending on signing up for the hardest job of my career 🤣 YOU feel me?  🤣 Can you understand why I was so bitter and had so much resistance to it?  Also, I walked into a fucked up situation. They were already four to six months behind schedule on my very first day in the job.  A good bit of my early efforts were spent trying to find the most expeditious path forward without breaking any laws 🤣 The project has been understaffed and I’ve encountered one land mine after another. My leadership doesn’t understand the work and every “expert” I’ve needed guidance from to move this forward has been new in their role, and therefore, conservative with their guidance. Yawn, I am LIKE fucking over it already 🤣 It’s actually become A big FAT joke between my boss and I that so many folks are new in their jobs and afraid to make the wrong decision.  So we agreed I should just start doing my own research and sending it to them asking for written concurrence.  If it’s wrong, I’ll take the hit. I KID you not. …  It won’t be wrong…I am good at research and documentation. Can you understand why I ran out of fucks to give along the way in this crazy fucked up job? Seriously – I am straight out of fucks..fucks

To help mitigate risks to the program and for the company, I am focused on staying with the program until they “handoff” packages to our parent company targeted for Autumn 2020.  I am working to accelerate that 🤣They know I am not interested in working daily operations.  Once they bring on the full time person for daily operations, there will be wiggle room for me to transition into a new role.  Also I am pretty sure leaving at the critical point of the schedule on a highly visible project could be the kiss of death to my career and finding other projects to work on 🤣 If I stay until after the key milestones, I will have greater pool of opportunities. So, here I am… It’s funny because the early part of the week was really HARD but good news on Wednesday made the rest of the week rewarding. I’m becoming the Linda I never asked to be in a role I never intended to apply for; I was recruited (selected). I didn’t apply for it…

I don’t believe in coincidences. Destiny rarely MISSES.  Perhaps destiny found me while I was busy looking for it in other places 🤣

Transformations

Funny story… When I stepped out on my balcony to take the below photo this afternoon, the wind blew the door shut and broke the handle 😳 I was stuck on my balcony on the seventh floor of a high rise and the front door to my apartment has a deadbolt on it. 😲The building maintenance staff wouldn’t be able to come in without taking my door off 😳After freaking out at first, I remembered my balcony window doesn’t lock all of the way. I was able to pry it open and climb in through the window. However, now I have to figure how I am going to water my little plants on the balcony while I wait for the door to be fixed.  I will have to either climb out the window or reach all the way out and hope the water hits them 🤣 I think I deserve a slice of CHOCOLATE CAKE  tonight 💙

ALERT:  CODED MESSAGE IN THIS POST 💙😘balcony garden
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Smile For Me ~ Blue Love Poetry

Smile ~ Blue Love Poetry
Smile for me
Light my heart with
The sparkle of
Your crystal blue eyes
I need your love
In my life
Smile my love
Shine my
Divine Masculine
I need your
Essence in my orbit
Call to
The Highest Priestess
Within me
I stand as
Your Divine Feminine
Naked
In front of you
Holding the key
To your desire
Between my breasts
Smile and
Unlock my sensuality
Rest easy
My love
Our divine connection
Is ordained by
The heavens
To last forever
Your heart is only
One beat away
From mine
Smile Blue Love
There is no reason
To be sad
You are loved
Beyond measure
Smile for me
And let the light
In your crystal
Blue eyes shine
Smile for me
Smile
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

NOTE This Bill Withers song has been in my head forever. I like to send Blue Love smiles 😍 I think we need each other’s smile today 😍

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Blue Love Haiku #15

Love

Hi
As I mentioned in yesterday’s Self Care Sunday Post, I am posting the solution to the Coded Message Activity. It’s Blue Love Haiku #15 💙 I was going to wait until later in the week to post this but I am having a very strong Blue Love vibe today so I am answering the “call” of my heart 💙😘

Blue Love Haiku #15
In loving you, I (5 syllables)
Set you free to find yourself (7 syllables)
In love’s reflection (5 syllables)
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ A Coded Message

Love

My perspective on love has changed over the years.  The younger unhealed version of myself expressed love almost as a  desperation; it was a bit clingy. It was focused on holding on too tight. It was possessive in fear of losing it. Fear based love isn’t really love at all; it’s attachment.  IN  recent years, I’ve learned to love everyone without attachments.

In recent years, I’ve challenged myself to grow through self reflection and focusing on LOVING  myself first.  In stripping away all of the bullshit I told myself over the years, I started to really see myself. Without turning away or finding a distraction, I looked at myself. I sat with myself. I was then able to see things that happened to me in my past where not my fault but I let them become my story. I owned them. I wore them. I became the victim to the limitations of the pain and fear of emotional intimacy.

I started telling myself, “YOU  are strong enough to change this now. It’s not too late.”  I cried for the life I never had. I wept for the years I lived in fear. I mourned for the heartache and abandonment of my young soul. I grieved for everything I lost.  I stopped telling myself bullshit. I accepted accountability and responsibility for owning something that wasn’t mine and started showing myself compassion, empathy and grace. I broke the cycle. I broke the cycle of fear. By letting myself go to the very bottom of my pain, I  SET  myself free. I broke the cycle of fear and pain in my life.

I’ve learned to love in separation. “I love  YOU” is eternal and limitless when a true connection exists between two people. This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationship but also between friends and family. Think of the friend who calls or texts you at the exact moment you are thinking of them. Remember how it feels to talk to an old friend after a long separation yet you feel as if it was just yesterday you were near them.  Love is eternal, limitless and  FREE. It is our minds that try  TO  restrict love and put judgments on it.

Can you  FIND  a few moments to sit with  YOURSELF?  Can you find healing  IN  letting  go of the story you told yourself before you were healed?  Can you feel  LOVE’S  warmth on your face in your heart?  Can you shine with me in love’s  REFLECTION?

Love

I had the strangest dream last night or actually early this morning. I had a dream that someone was showing me how to write CODED messages in my blog posts. The voice was saying I would need to know how to deliver coded messages to people. It kind of freaked me out. I don’t know what that is about but the dream seemed VERY VERY real. I do consider myself as part of the “resistance” against current Administration. I am really hoping things don’t reach the point that I need to deliver coded messages to other members of the resistance 😳

I experimented with embedding a coded message for Blue Love in the first five paragraphs of this blog post. When arranged properly, the words form a Haiku.  It’s my Blue Love Haiku #15 💙

ACTIVITY:  

Find the BOLDED ITALICIZED WORDS  in the first five paragraphs of this post. Remember this code, I may use it again without providing any instructions 🤣

Hint:  There are 13 BOLDED ITALICIZED WORDS in this post.

Once you find all 13 words,  arrange them as a Haiku by putting them in sentences that are:

5 syllables in the first sentence
7 syllables in second sentence
5 syllables in the last sentence.

Have fun 💙 I’ll post Blue Love Haiku #15 later this week. Heres’ an example of how a Haiku is arranged for you to use as a guide:

Haiku

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Growing from seeds

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When I realized I would be home by myself a lot due to teleworking and the New Jersey Stay at Home Order, I decided to put some energy behind tending to a balcony garden of potted plants as a distraction from anxiety attacks.

I’ve never been much of a gardener. When I lived in a single home in the past, the bunnies used to eat all of my plants. Those adorable little gangsters caused me a good bit of frustration.  I eventually gave up gardening until this attempt at a potted garden on my balcony.  My experience so far has been encouraging. However, I already have a few lessons learned.

First, Mid March is too early to plant anything – even a potted garden. The herbs are really growing great so they may be ok any time of the year inside.  Spinach is a cold weather plant and is doing really well too. The Kale is growing fine but Lettuce… Oh my goodness, the Lettuce is not being cooperative. I may try to grow Lettuce from seeds in cell trays and then transplant them into the bigger pots.  That’s a weekend project.

Second, it’s windy on my balcony. I live in a beach front condo on the seventh floor. My unit is on a corner so it gets the wind in two directions.  It can be windy on the balcony even on warm days. We’ve also had a lot of storms lately. It’s been very changeable weather. One day it’s sunny and next it’s a wind storm out there. The plants are getting beat up outside on the balcony. I find myself bringing them inside a lot. I don’t like to do that because they bring bugs with them but my little seedlings are looking a bit depressed from being blown around.  So, I will live with bugs to watch the seeds I planted grow.

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The most important thing I’ve learned from these plants is that good things take time. It took time, water and a little sun for the seeds to push through the soil. I am happy to see seeds I planted grow but I am also not attached to them. I’ve learned to love without attachments.  I am not looking to be perfect with these plants. I just want the experience of tending to them. If the Lettuce does not want to grow, it’s ok. I will give it one more shot, perhaps, then let it go. It’s really about act of tending to the plants that helps manage my anxiety. Harvesting and being able to eat what I grow is a big bonus but not my main objective in this activity.

I read the below passage by Khalil Gibran earlier today.  I think it’s just beautiful.  Fear often holds us back from becoming who we are meant to be.  Just as a seedling can’t go back to being a seed once it pokes through the soil, we can’t go back to being who we were in the past or stay who we are today because we are afraid.

So today I encourage you to breathe through the fears and become the ocean…

Fear Khalil Gibran
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Adapting

Adapt Darwin

I am a walker. I will sometimes walk six to eight miles if the weather is nice and I am feeling good but my normal walk is between three and four miles. Since the Corona Virus Pandemic hit my area walking in public has been challenging and stressful for me. Yes, I live on the boardwalk. You would think there would be plenty of room and fresh air. However, my area on the boardwalk is super crowded on nice days right now because it’s the only boardwalk open in my area and not everyone wears a mask. It stresses me out. I also like to walk along the bay side road because it’s normally quiet but folks have been back there too on nice days 🤣

I am an early riser. On the weekends I am normally up by 7:00am and would normally watch @MSNBC sipping coffee in my chemise (nighty) and Uggs. I wear the summer chemise and Ugg duo year-round because my body is hot, hot, hot but my feet are always COLD – it’s a sexy and practical look 😜Anyways, instead of watching news in my nighty and Uggs this morning, I did my three miles on the bay side road at 7:30am. It was great. It was peaceful. I could walk most of the time without the mask. I only pulled it up when I saw someone approaching. Overall, it was a great relaxing walk. I adapted to my new reality and found some peace and happiness this morning by doing it. The soundtrack for this morning’s walk was Bill Withers Essentials on iTunes:
Bill Withers Essentials

I love this Bill Withers collection💙If you like old R&B, I highly recommend it but I would suggest you try to listen to it when you can listen to the words. “I can’t write left handed” is about the Vietnam War; it’s one my favorites. However, the one that made me cry this morning was “Let me in your life”.  Bill’s narrative before the song and the lyrics really touched me because I recall having a similar conversation or two in the past with men but I just couldn’t let them in.  I was still carrying too much pain from the past.  I was still living in the “story” of what happened in the past.  Here’s the thing… at 53 years old, I think I would like to try. I would like to try and let someone in, if it’s not too late… If I didn’t miss the chance to let someone in my life. I would like to try...  I truly love Blue Love💙He knows that.  More importantly, he believes it and trust it too.  I am, however, loving him safely at a distance.  The real test would be for me to let him love me up close; let him, or someone else, all the way in my life…Let him or someone else really see me, help me forget the story from my past and just love me💙 I am healthier now. I’ve healed from the past. I don’t have to carry that story with me anymore.  I would like to try and let someone in, of course, I want it to be Blue Love. Even if it can’t be him anymore…Even if something has changed and he doesn’t feel the same way for me…I would still like to try to let myself be loved by someone, if it’s not too late… 😪

I am also trying to adapt at work. The situation I am in at work is unhealthy. It’s not going to get better. The best thing about this experience is that it taught me a lot and I will take all of this experience on to the next role I find myself in. After some reflection, I realized this was never supposed to be a forever job or even my “dream” job. It was a learning opportunity.  It was a job for me learn skills and abilities to take to another job. I also learned I like being a “project lead” and I like working on “start-ups” or the front end of a development schedule.  My #1 skill is strategic thinking so working on figuring out a path forward is a good fit for me.  I liked the work. Unfortunately, the organization is NOT a good fit for me.

Sooo,  I sent a “trial balloon” to a locally based Exec I know. I asked her if something was possible. She replied, “yes, just let me know. I will see what I can do to make the stars align.” It brought a tear to my eye. I slept on it over night and on Friday morning I sent her a followup message with an official request. I LET GO. It was time to call the game.

let go

The funny thing about this is… Three hours later a former coworker who has since moved on to new group as well texted me. She told me I was recommended for a job in her group working for one of her peers to help stand up a new “system”.  She wanted me to know she also gave them a positive recommendation 🤣 Wow, you gotta love when the Universe gets behind your decisions✌️💫 That’s when you know you are moving in the right direction😀 It’s still not clear to me if the opportunities are one in the same or if they are two separate unrelated jobs. Either way, I am happy and look forward to hearing more about them. Staying where I am would be me accepting less than I deserveand willfully allowing them to take advantage of me.  This choice isn’t about “getting out” of a situation. It’s about “aligning” with a positive healthier situation that will be better for my overall holistic wellness.  It’s also about enforcing boundaries✊ settling

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Mike, Mike, Mike

hump day

Sigh… It’s Wednesday! On Wednesdays my coworker who sits next to me at work would holler over the wall to me, “Linda, Linda Linda! What Day Is it?” Then she would say, “Mike, Mike,Mike”. I miss that. It always made me laugh and reminded me what day it was🤣 The days all runs together being home all the time. I now send her this meme as text message on Wednesdays 🤣

So pardon me while I freak out bit…

I found out on a Zoom Meeting  today that I could be teleworking for a long time – longer than I even imagined. My company is planning a three phased approached to bringing employees back into the office after COVID. Since the work performance of my group has NOT been impacted by telework, they are putting us in the last of phase of employees to return to the office. Also, when we do return to the office, it will most likely be only a couple of days per week. Since there is no timeline yet, folks are guesstimating it could at least the end of summer maybe fall or longer. The plan will be impacted by amount of Covid testing in my geographical area and/or if a vaccine comes sooner.
freak out

While I consider myself extremely lucky to still be working and have a paycheck, it makes me sad. Being home alone isn’t good for me. Also, I am sad I won’t see my coworkers anymore. I won’t see anyone around the building. I used to like my drive home; I used it to decompress as I drove. I can’t meet my former coworkers for lunch in the cafeteria anymore. I have a whole closet of nice work clothes I can’t wear. I actually got dressed for my Zoom meeting today to make myself feel better and my khakis were loose :-). It felt good to wear make up today.

A plus of teleworking is that I have an ocean view. I can pace all day when I am on the phone everyday so I get my steps in. I have dropped a few pounds and I am eating healthier because I am home. I am also saving money because I don’t buy food out anymore much. I am watching my little plants go.  I had to bring them inside a few days ago because of the wind. In the big pots on the floor, are Spinach, Kale & Lettuce.  They are all sprouting babies 🙂 In the plants on the table are Parsley, Oregano, Thyme and Mint.  They are growing like crazy. I need to cut some actually. The large plant in the back is a Drawf Blueberry bush. It will be another year maybe because it blooms Blueberries.

plants

I am very lucky and thankful – just freaked out about what the future looks like. Things will be better once my local area “opens back up” but I am now understating the impact.  It will never be the same, at least not in the near term,  and a lot of small businesses aren’t going to make through it. It makes me sad thinking that someone’s dream is dying. It’s so fucking sad. I am feeling their sadness. I do indeed give too many fucks sometimes. fucks

I am working to come to acceptance that changing jobs in the middle of pandemic probably isn’t a good idea. So, I am working toward making my current situation healthier for myself and planning to ride out the crazy job I have now until after the new year.

Yep, I feel like I just woke up to the magnitude of how my world will be changing and it’s freaking me out.
wake up

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Means to an End

0EDEE1E3-92C6-47FA-BAD0-225EEA6EAA71_1_201_a

I took the above photo while walking this morning along the back bay in Ventnor City, NJ. I was thinking a lot about my work and life as I walked. The question I kept asking myself was…”How much do you trust yourself? How much do you trust God? How much do you have faith that God and Universe will guide you to the right choices?” After pondering these questions for most of the walk, I came to an mind blowing realization… I am currently at the stage of having such complete trust and faith in God and Universe that I literally no longer give a fuck🤣 It doesn’t matter anymore. I will be just fine… whatever happens.

don't give a fuck meme

I have complete faith in God and in the Universe to protect me and guide me. I guess my faith is so strong because I’ve survived a lot of shit in my life. I’ve live through grief, loss, financial ruin, physical harm, emotional abuse, unhealthy relationships, suicide attempts, multiple depressions, countless career moves and…guess what? I am still standing – stronger than ever!  Living through it helped me grow into a strong, beautiful woman with rock solid faith. There is a purpose to my suffering. Maybe, just maybe, God has been preparing me all along with now, this moment in mind, so I could help others get this through trying time.

Jeremiah 29:11

The biggest reality check about my job is that it is a means to an end for me. It’s not who I am. My identity and self worth are not tied to my occupation. Truthfully, I would prefer to be working for a non-profit such as a homeless shelter than doing the type of work I am doing right now but if I made that type of move right now, I would take a huge pay cut. While working in my current job, I have the means to help local organizations like the Atlantic City Rescue Mission out of my current salary. I would never be able to do this if I was working for a non-profit. I’ve been an active volunteer at the Mission for years but haven’t been in the facility recently. I can’t take the chances of getting sick. I am helping them in other ways. Long term, I plan to retire the day I am eligible and go to work for a non profit.

If you have the means, please consider making a donation to www.acrescuemission.org. The Mission serves three meals to over 400 people a day in the community, offers shelter and gives bags of food away to members of community out of their pantry. The lines at the Mission have been around the block for the last few weeks as many have not received Unemployment benefits or stimulus checks yet.
Atlantic City Rescue Mission

Work update: My new GM has really jumped into the fight with me and has been able to provide me cover so I can move things forward. I am thankful for that. The reality is… leadership recognized I was right. I was trying to tell them for eight months about risks. The explosion that happened a couple of weeks was inevitable. I told them months ago. I do not have the authority to do some of things they were tasking me to do – it’s the bottom line. I kept telling them it. I was documenting it in status updates and briefings since last August. I moved forward doing what I could do without crossing the line until I had to stop. We’ve reached the point I have to stop and someone with authority to negotiated contractual relationships has to take some of it over. They recognize that now – mostly because my new GM went through all of the documentation and saw I was right. I also wrote two 10 page technical documents that have been peer reviewed by some high level folks in the company and have passed with minimal edits. Most of the edits have been editorial in nature but haven’t changed or challenge my strategy✌️That’s a win ✌️ This is also giving me some leverage.

managing-up-relationships

They are hoping to keep me in place until we hand our “package” off to our parent company which is targeted for December or January unless we can accelerate it. I am not involved with what happens in the months after the “hand-off”.  If I can hang in there until after the hand-off, there will be a wider range of career opportunities open to me without causing any type of risk to the program…It comes down to how much stress, drama and anxiety can I take to move their objective along while also helping to move my own personal goals along too?

This job stuff has really been too much drama… And, I’m quite ready to say “Fuck it!” but I am reminded it is a means to end 🤣 In the meantime, I am trying to find Zen while doing some adult coloring with watercolor pencils.  The title of the coloring book spoke to me on a deep spiritual level…🤣

adult coloring

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

DMCA.com Protection Status