My Reason – In honor of a friend

Visible Darkness Pat Erickson

My Reason – In honor of a Friend
By: Linda A. Long

Your death
Will not be
My excuse
It will not be
The chip
On my shoulder
The reason
I take a drug
To escape
Or have a
Drink to
Feel numb

Your death
Will not be
A reason
I feel sorry
For myself
Under perform
Stay in bed
Give up
And
Lose hope

While your death
Broke me
It will not
Destroy me

Your death
Will be
The reason
I rise
The reason
I reach higher
Dream bigger
Try harder

Your death
Will be
My life force
My motivation
My inspiration
My Power

Your death
Will be
My reason
To live

Your life
Will be in
My memory
And move
On with me
Throughout
My lifetime
Your life
Will be my
Reason
To believe
Your life
Will be
My reason
To rise

Your death
Will not
Be my excuse
To fail
But my motivation
To succeed
Your life
And memory
Will remind
Me to rise
Rise
As a
Warrior
I will rise
In your memory
I will rise

(C) 2018 Linda A Long – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

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Photo Credit
Visible Darkness by Pat Erickson – Fine Art America

NOTE In Loving Memory of Karen Grant – My Reason.
This photo was taken at the Kenny Chesney Concert in June 2011 two years before Karen was diagnosed with Peritoneal Cancer and one year before I had to stop drinking alcohol due to Chronic Gastritis and autoimmune issues. It was a fun day. I was also 40 pounds heavier in this photo than I am now. The most important thing about this photo is it was taken when Karen was healthy. This is how I will remember her beautiful face.

Broken Halo

Fallen Angel Sorrow Art

Early in the morning on Thursday April 19, 2018 my beautiful best friend, Karen, lost her five year battle with Peritoneal Cancer, a rare aggressive Gynecological Cancer.

Karen was diagnosed five years ago after having severe bloating and stomach pain for three months. Her first surgery was supposed to be a complete hysterectomy. However, when they went in, they found tumor wrapped around her Colon. They removed 18 inches of her Colon, her Gallbladder and her Appendix in that surgery and advised the odds of her making it were slim. She made it.

One month later Karen had complete and total hysterectomy followed by aggressive Chemo. She lost her hair and a lot of weight. Again, they advised she probably would not make it. She made it.

They gave her 18 months to live and ensure there was understanding that Peritoneal Cancer never goes into remission. Karen had a six month break from Chemo but more or less received Chemo for the last five years. She was given 18 months to live and lived five years. She had me and all that loved her convinced she would beat it. She did not.

On Saturday April 7th, Karen reached out to me to say goodbye. She told me it was almost time. I asked to be with her and hold her hand. She told me she knew I lost my sister to a terminal illness in the same fashion and didn’t want me to do another death bed vigil. She also told me she wanted me to remember her strong. We said our goodbyes over the course of three hours. Every day from April 7th to April 19th I sent Karen a message in the morning that said that I loved her and I was lucky to have been her friend. I was told by her family she treasure each messaged but it would have been too hard for her if I was there and saw her that way. She wanted me to be remember her strong.

She was the best friend I ever had. I am not sure what life looks like without her. If you are the praying type, I ask you pray the healing of my mind, body and spirit because I feel very broken and lost. I also have my own health issues going on and had 10 tubes of blood drawn this morning.

My good news from yesterday was… I got the call about Karen only hours before I was giving the most important presentation of my entire career to two Directors and two Group Managers who will determine the future of my career. My boss was standing next to me when i got the call about Karen. I never told him my best friend was dying. He was in shock when I told him this was going on the whole time I worked for him. He asked if I wanted to reschedule the presentation because my Directors would understand the situation. I told him my Directors would understand but Karen was a hardass and would not understand. She would expect me to honor her by crushing it. I hung a Post-it note on my laptop that said, “Crush it for Karen” and off I went to do my presentation. I was very relaxed. I smiled and spoke authentically. At the end, one Director (a female Director I never met in person before)said, “I am very very impressed” and the other Director(a man who works in DC I’ve met and bonded with) said, “I am pleased as punch!”. My direct supervisory followed me out of the room and said, “GREAT Job. Now go take care of yourself. I’ll see you in a week!”. I thank Karen for the inspiration. I crushed it for Karen! I left the office immediately after that meeting was over. I am officially on Leave from work until April 30th.

I spent yesterday afternoon with with Karen’s sister and her long time boyfriend and caretaker. I spent yesterday evening with a couple of friends and spent last night making phone calls to tell folks I loved them. I went to Karen’s Mom’s house this morning and then focused on caring for myself this afternoon. Now, late on Friday afternoon I am starting to allow myself to feel again. I was strong for two days. It is time for good cry again.

Karen’s services should be Tuesday with her obit in the Sunday paper. Her sister was meeting with the Rabbi today.

Karen was a Country Music lover. She once said to me, “everyone needs some country in their life Linda Long!” She took me to two Country music concerts, Kenny Chesney and Darius Rucker. In memory of my beautiful best friend, Karen Grant, I am sharing “Broken Halos” and “Somewhere With You”. I needed Country in my life today.

(C) 2018 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

Photo Credit: https://www.elvenstarart.com

Letting It Go – Poetry

20140622-190950-68990690.jpg

A poem about struggling with depression. It’s been a while since I smiled, laughed and felt light. I am writing my way out of the darkness into light.
Letting It Go – Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

Where are you
Where is the
Bright light
That used to
Bounce off
Your cheekbones
To light
The sky
With love
Where has
The flame gone
That used to turn
Your lips
Upward as a cup
Ready to
Overflow with
God’s goodness
Has sadness
Stolen
Your joy
Is heartache
Holding your smile

What would
Happened if
You let go
What if
I told you
It was safe
For you to cry
And let your tears
Purge the darkness
From your heart
What if
I hold you
As you
Fall into the
Depth of pain
And told you
It’s gonna be ok
What if
You slowed down
Long enough
To be weak
What if
I told you
Transformation lies
In surrender

Would you
Let go
Would you
Feel the pain
Would you let it
Transform
Your darkness
Into Light
Would you
Surrender
Would you
Let the pain go

(C) 2018 Linda A Long – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

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Photo Credit
Hester Van Doornum

Retrieved From

http://www.hesthervandoornum.nl/gallery_en.php?mghash=645106d15c94f6437e4576f28e8e8006&mggal=1&mgid=0&mgcmd=noslide&lang=en

Pivot – A Self Love Poem

Art - Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching.

Freedom

Pivot – A Self Love Poem
By: Linda A. Long

Where I am go
I ask myself
In the quiet
Moments of
My body slowing down
I reflect
Where I’ve been
A planner
A goal setter
A doer
I chart a course and
Move forward

Pivot
The alarm sounded
In my head
This doesn’t
Feel right
Pull back

I heard
Whispered in my ear
But I kept
Moving forward
Because
I set a goal
I achieve goals
I’m an achiever

Snap!
My higher self
Gave me the
Break
I wouldn’t take myself
My higher self
Gave me the
Opportunity to
Slow down
Long enough
To see it
To feel it
To know

It’s time
To let go of
What no longer
Serves my
Soul’s purpose
It’s time
Return to
Authenticity
It’s time
To return to
To honoring
Who I am

I am a giver
I am a caring
Compassionate friend
I am an intuitive healer
I am a poet
I am writer
But most importantly
I am a lover

My soul’s purpose
Is to love
And help others
My soul’s purpose
Is to
Love unconditionally
I serve
And give
From my heart

As I stepped away
From my life
The last few weeks
I can see
And feel
The path
I’ve been exploring
In the
Last year
Isn’t in alignment
With the truth
Of who I am
While it has been
Beneficial and enjoyable
It’s time
To let go
And return
To my soul’s
True path
It’s time
To pivot
Pivot
Back to a
Soul based
Life
And let go
Of what
No longer feels
In alignment
With the truth
Of who I am

Seeing the truth
I am choosing to
Pivot back
To loving myself
Enough
To live
Authentically

I pivot
I love myself
Enough to honor
The truth of
Who I am
In slowing Down
I saw the truth
I choose
Authenticity
I pivot

It’s Poetry Friday 💙 I writing today’s post while enjoying a beautiful day in South Jersey. I am sitting outside at the local Starbucks with my iPad Pro and Iced Cinnamon Coconut Milk Macchiato. I have two weeks left of lectures for school. I came here to get out of the house while doing my school work. I also needed to get out of the house because I’ve been a little depressed.

Today’s poem surfaced after having some time to step back and reflect on my life. Many of you know I’ve been in school to be Integrative Nutrition Health Coach and I graduate in May. The last year has been life changing for me. I originally enrolled in the course because I was having reoccurring flare ups of an Autoimmune Disease and I didn’t know how to manage it holistically.

The last year I’ve gained the knowledge and skills to take care of myself. While I am in a small autoimmune flare up right now as a reaction to a foot injury, I was able recognize the signs earlier and take the necessary steps to mitigate the damage. I can already feel the flare up calming down because I took quick action by requesting to telework this week, resting, taking the right supplements and surrendering to what is. I credit my education in holistic wellness with equipping me with the awareness and knowledge to know how to take better care of myself now. Also, I changed jobs as a result of being in this course and reflecting on fulfillment in my life. I’m enjoying the new gig. However, I’m not attached to it. Whatever happens, happens.

Something happened while I was in school this year. I got caught up in my ego’s momentum of owning my own business, having clients and a health coach website. I went down the rabbit hole with my classmates. Here are the problems with that…I have a good full time job that I don’t hate; I’m not leaving it! It’s a good living that affords me a nice lifestyle in a beautiful location. Having my own business and having paying clients means I have no time to volunteer at the Homeless Shelter. My soul misses it. I miss those beautiful people. I need to get back to that. Writing has become a chore; a business task. I’ve lost my passion for it. I’ve spent all of my time on a computer the last year instead of with the people I love. Not all bad. I got something good out of it but it’s time to have a social life again. Also happening this year, my closest friend is dying from Cancer. I am raw with emotions over this. I could swim in tears if think about it too much. My Blue Eyed poetic Inspiration is not in my experience as much as I would like him to be. I miss him more than he probably realizes. I also haven’t seen friends and family very much in the last year. It’s clear I’ve been disconnected from my spirit and my heart.

Pivot…I think that was my Spirit Guide talking to me. It’s time to pivot back to my authentic self and return to honoring the truth of who I am. Here’s my plan for the summer:

Building a Health Coaching business is on hold.

I’m going to volunteer my health coaching services to the homeless shelter a few hours a month. I was told to contact them once I graduate. No better way than to use my education to help folks who can’t afford to pay for health coaching services.

I am returning to writing essays and poetry for enjoyment. This blog is my passion. It’s my place to write for enjoyment and I’ve reclaimed it for that purpose. Since I am also a Health Coach, I will keep information about Integrative Nutriton and Health Coaching on it. I will be writing creatively. I will be posting erotica and love poems.I will doing writing challenges again. I will write about mind, body and spirit for my own holistic wellness.

I will be sitting on the beach more this summer. I’m going shopping for a new suit 🙂

I will be spending more time with my family; especially my mom. I enjoy her company.

I will be spending more time with friends.

I will give myself space to grieve for my beautiful friend when the time comes.

I will hopefully see Bluelove more 💋🤞I really do miss him.

Lastly, I will continue to do my best in work. I’m enjoying my current job but I don’t want to be attached to any outcomes. I do kind of miss being in a support role. Hmm. If only I could be in a role that is part Program Manager and part support role —- like a “Senior Advisor” to an executive😊😊 That would be the perfect job for me! Universe, What do you think of that idea?

Well, that’s the plan for the summer… For now, I still need to rest so I can heal my foot and calm my Autoimmune flare up down. I do truly believe my higher self knew I was out of alignment and wanted to get me back on track. It sprained my ankle with Chip Fracture to slow me down 😉

Thank you higher self. I owe you one! 💙🦋

(C) 2018 Linda A Long – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

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I Will Be Brave – A Tribute To A Friend

Art butterflies

I Will Be Brave – Tribute To A Friend
By: Linda A. Long

I will not
Pretend to be
Strong any longer
I’ve been doing
That since
You were diagnosed
Five years ago
I will allow you
To see and know
That I am sad
I am sad
Your body
Is slowly down
I am sad
You will be
Losing this battle
I am sad
The world
Will no longer
Know your
Beautiful face
I am sad
To lose
My beautiful friend

As you approach
The end of
The battle
I will tell you
Your bravery
Changed me
And showed
Me the way
Your courage
Challenged me
To open up
And love more
Your compassion
Empathy and love
Showed me
What a true
Friendship really was
And demonstrated
To me
The importance
Of authenticity
And loyalty

As I’ve navigated
Life and faced
Adversity
Your example
Reminded me
To not to lose
The battles
In my head and
Most importantly
Your example
Taught me
To show up
Show up
For the people
I love
What will I do
Without you
My good egg
What will I do
Without our
Beautiful friendship

As time slips away
I reflect
On our three hour
Coffee dates
At Starbucks
Sushi with
Seaweed salad
Stuck in our teeth
Hugs
Laughter
Grape Vodka shots
Wine and beer Sunsets
Truth and direct honesty
Between us
I will cherish the
Never ending
Stream of
Written messages
Between us
Daily Check-in messages
Weekly wrap-up messages
OMFG messages
You would not believe
What just happened messages
And most recently
The message
I never wanted
To receive
The message
That said
You wanted me know
Just in case
It happens fast
You wanted me
To know
It is almost time

No
I won’t pretend
To be strong
I won’t
I am sad
I am sad
To lose
My friend
I am sad
The world
Is losing a
Beautiful soul
I am sad

I am sad
But I will
Put my chin up
I will carry on
I will live bigger
Smile wider
And love deeper
Because
You were in
My life and
Your shining example
Will give me
The courage
To reach for
My highest good
With love
In my heart
I will be brave

The words
I have to say
Today are
Thank you
I am grateful
You allowed me
To be your friend
I am thankful
You were
In my life
I love you
My beautiful friend
I love you
I am sad
But I will
Be like you
I will be brave

(C) 2018 Linda A Long – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

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NOTE: I was home today feeling sorry for myself because I have a chip fracture in my foot and I am stuck in a boot for three weeks. I got a message – a message I knew was going to come soon. It was words she couldn’t bare to say out loud but knew she had to say them to me. My friend’s battle with Peritoneal Cancer is coming to an end. She is not on hospice but it will be soon. They gave her 18 months to live almost five years ago. She fought it hard but the Cancer is throughout her body.

I remember sitting at the table in a sushi restaurant five years ago when she told me she was diagnosed. I shared this whole journey with her. We started messaging each other daily a few years ago. Some days our chats were light-hearted while other days our words were heavier; filled with tears instead of laugther. For us to spend an hour “chatting” instead of talking is pretty normal for us. Today, she needed to tell me things but wasn’t up to a visitor or talking on the phone but she wanted me to know. I am sitting here trying to wrap my head around life without her and hoping I can see her one last time.

Lusty Corner Of My Mind – Blue Love Poetry

Jack_Vettriano_--_(32)

Lusty Corner Of My Mind – Love, Sex & Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

I’ll admit it
No reason to lie
Or pretend
It’s true
My thoughts
Have been filled
With erotic kisses
From you
If I close my eyes
I can almost
Feel the sensation
Of your lips
Moist against
My skin
My imagination
Is vivid with
Sultry fantasies
Of your body
Pressing tight
Against mine
As if squeezing
The sex out of me
And taking it
As your own
Deep in the
Lusty corners
Of my mind
Is the place
Where you
Are lying
Beneath me
Enjoying the rhythmic ride
Of my passion for you
That is ready to burst
Out of me
Onto your hips
Pinned to the ground
Beneath me
You give me control
I have you
As you lay
Submissively
I slide my hips
And take command of
Your body
For a moment
In time
In my mind
You are mine
In the seductive
Movements of my thoughts
Our bodies
Are pulled together
Like magnets
Drawing close enough
To smell
Each other’s breathe
And feel the warmth
Of the sexual energy
Pulsating between us
One day
You will touch
My body
One day
I will feel
You inside of me
One day
Our passion will
Break free
From our minds
In a moment
Of complete surrender
Until that day
I will enjoy
The sweet feeling
Of arousal
From the Fantasies
In the lusty corners
Of my mind
Won’t you please
Dive into the
Deep waters
Of my erotic fantasies
With me
And touch me
With the power
Of your mind
Co-create
An erotic encounter
To be savored in the mind’s eye
Manifest sex with me
Through the distance
Use your thoughts
To connect with me
In the erotic playground
I am waiting for you
In the lusty corner
Of your mind
© 2013 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

I believe when two people have a connection they are capable of transcending space and time and can communicate with each other through the power of their minds & their thoughts. This poem is born out of that belief.

To read more poems from my Blue Love Collection, please visit my Poetry Page:

Writingholistically.com/poetry

Photo Credit:
Jack Vettriano – 1951

Retrieved From:
http://www.tuttartpitturasculturapoesiamusica.com/

(C) 2018 Linda A Long – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

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Break Me Free – Blue Love Poetry

Jack Vettriano – 1951

Jack Vettriano – 1951

Break Me Free – Love, Sex & Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

Restless passions
Stir deeply
Like wine
Growing in intensity
With the passage of time
Deep rich flavors
Of desire
Heighten the senses
As these days have passed
Between us into weeks
And the weeks blended into months
Yet our
Desire deepens instead of fades
Cautious at first
Of this new spark
Uncertain of the path
It would take
Not knowing if
The pulse would slow
With the passage of time
Yet
Instead it sharpened
And has come into
Clearer view
Seeing it
Become more
Resisting it less
This passion
Presses against my chest
I feel it call
From deep within
It tries
To break free
Needing to wrap my arms
Around your neck
And pull your lips to mine
Freedom
Comes in the release
Of this desire
That I have imprisoned
It calls to you
Break me free
Break me free
Into your arms
Onto your lips
Break me free
Resistance is futile
I am drawn
Into your eyes
Break me free
This passion that breathes
Your name
Calls to you
Take hold of me
And break me free
Break this passion free
(C) 2013 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserve

Photo Credit:
Jack Vettriano – 1951

Retrieved From:http://www.tuttartpitturasculturapoesiamusica.com/2011/05/jack-vettriano-scotland.html

NOTE: I have over 300 poems in the Blue Love Poetry Collection. I will be reposting some of the older poems I wrote in this collection to get them reindexed in Search Engines under the new website name of Writing Holistically. I will mix them in with new poetry. I am planning for Fridays to be the day I post Poetry. I probably won’t get to post until after dinner sometime. So if poetry is your thing or if you happened to enjoy Blue Love Poetry, stop by on Friday nights before bedtime to get a fix💋🦋💙

Also, I’ve been doing some work on my site so I can include more content about health coaching. I also needed to make the site easier to navigate. Look around, you will see things have changed a bit and will continue to change. Please notice the Poetry Link in the Navigation bar. If you click on it, you now will see a list of all of the poems in the Blue Love Poetry Collection alphabetically with the date it was published. WOW! I sure have written Blue Love A LOT Of poetry 💋🦋💙 Here’s a direct link to the Poetry Page.

Writingholistically.com/poetry

I am still planning to work on selecting some of them to go into a coffee table style book with art. If you have a favorite, let me know🦋💙

ICYMI:Need help setting a goal? There’s great formula to use in my last post:
https://writingholistically.com/2018/03/29/goal-setting-formula/

(C) 2018 Linda A Long – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

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