Self Care Sunday – Emotional Self Care

Self care sunday

This Self Care Sunday is complicated because I haven’t been feeling well. It’s taking a toll me is physically and emotionally. Here’s a recap of the current situation with my health before I get into how it is affecting me emotionally and what I’ve been doing to take care of myself through this crisis.

I have pain in the upper left quadrant of the my abdomen and flank area. It more of gnawing pain that it is sharp. The intensity varies day to day. My stomach is distended and I feel pressure; almost like the bloating is pushing everything out of place. I have Celiac Disease and have had flare-ups of Gastritis since late 2010. I’ve had this pain before and it went away by me increasing my stomach meds and watching what I ate. So when this started again about two weeks ago I assumed it was just a flare up. The problem is nothing I am doing is working. It’s getting worse instead of better and it’s wearing me out.

I went to the Gastroenterologist on Thursday. I am grateful to have found a good Gastro doc in the local area. He told me to double my dose on the medications but also said he wanted to do a CT Scan with Contrast before doing anything else. He will make a decision about any other tests after he gets those results. He doesn’t want to do a scope if he can see on the CT Scan what’s wrong.

I had the CT Scan yesterday. In the past, I’ve had that test with no negative after affects but yesterday I suffered all day. The barium and injection burned the hell out of my stomach under my left breast and in my left flank area. And I spent most of morning and early afternoon running to the bathroom followed my constant pain and bloating throughout the rest of the day. The funny thing was I am growing accustomed to being in pain and I wasn’t stressed out by it. I just went and sat by the pool all day and tried to keep myself calm until it settled down. It was feeling a little better by the time I went to bed.

As I was laying in bed this morning, I decided it may be time for me to give my belly a rest from digestion. I am sticking to Clear and Full liquids today including shakes, soups, jello, etc. I may actually do this for a few days to see if it helps. I should have the test results by Monday or Tuesday. I am hoping an answer is in there or everything just calms down on its own with increase meds and lighter diet.

These recent stomach issues are taking a toll on me emotionally. Mostly because I feel like I’ve done everything I can do to be well and I still am not well. Since 2010 my body has been under attack by itself. I stopped drinking alcohol, quit smoking, lost 65 pounds, completely changed my diet, changed my lifestyle, switched to organic everything, eliminated products with toxic chemicals and eliminated toxic relationships from my life.

Spiritually I am the best I’ve ever been. All of the changes I may led to increased personal power and confidence, better knowledge of self and a deeper love of myself and others. This struggle also opened my eyes to how folks with autoimmune diseases struggle everyday. It made me more compassionate and empathetic towards people with illnesses. It made me less afraid to be around people who are sick. It’s also made me less afraid to die. If it happens, I will know I went out swinging and lived my life to my highest good.

How am I dealing with this emotionally? Well, I’ve had the same therapist for five years which means she knows me well. She has also been through five years of constant health problems with me. I saw her on Thursday night. It was helpful talking to her. I don’t see her to vent. I see her for help getting clarity when I feel things are ambiguous. I told her if I was ever diagnosed with Cancer, I would decline treatment. I told her that I am tapped out after the last eight years of fighting. She said, “It really has been too much. I get why you are saying that; I understand why you are tired. For now, let’s focus on how we get you through this event. How do we refocus you on what’s good in your life? How do we celebrate your successes? How do we help you see even though your body has been breaking down you have been rising growing into a beautiful strong confident compassionate loving woman. You may be struggling to keep your head above water but you are also succeeding in life. You are the best I ever seen you Linda. I mean that.”💙🦋

My therapist and I talked about relationships. She giggled when I told her two men from my past came back into my life in the same week. She said God was testing me. He was asking me if I learned those lessons. She was happy to hear I declined both, moved on and nailed those fucking doors shut for good😂

I reflected on that conversation about relationships and I learned something about myself. I am not lonely. I am not desperate for a companionship. I am also not willing to give my energy to anyone or anything that isn’t good for me. Companionship and sex aren’t worth compromising my spiritual energy. I won’t be in a relationship with anyone that lacks authenticity. If I am with a man and having sex with him, it will be because I love, respect him and feel good emotional when I am with him. As far as other relationships, I have family who loves me. I have close friends who care about me and will always be there for me. I have a small, close, tight circle and that is all I need. It’s all I need because those relationships are authentic and meaningful. It’s all I need because the people I surround myself with are good for me; I feel good with them. While I may spend too much time alone, I am not lonely. I am authentic and that is more important to me than having people around me all the time.

I learned something important in work this week too. I am doing better than I even knew. I was asked to send my program documents to our civil rights group for review. The response was quite positive. They were impressed with how I structured the program. They will be supporting me and collaborating with me we going forward. My Sponsor and Directors were completely understanding about me not being able to travel until I know what’s going on with my stomach. I was supposed to go to DC on Tuesday to brief my Sponsor but we are doing a telcon instead. I spent most of Friday finishing the brief so I could send it out for review before the meeting. I am planning to go into the office tomorrow but I did bring my laptop home just in case my tummy is really bad.

I guess all I can say is I am taking things one day at time. I am keeping my head above water by not over thinking things. I am focusing on what is good in my life. I am honoring my progress instead of focusing on my struggle. I am using coping skills I learned through Cognitive Therapy. For me self care includes regular visits with a licensed therapist. If you are struggling, please consider finding a licensed therapist to help you gain clarity. I should mention that I met with four different therapist before I found one that I clicked with. I’ve been seeing my current therapist for five years.

Finding the right therapist can take time but it’s obviously been very beneficial for me. Your Family Doctor or Insurance company should be able to refer you to licensed therapist in your area. If you do not have insurance, many therapist work on sliding scales and offer pro bono services. If you are considering suicide, consider visiting a the below website for assistance.

(C) 2018 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Suicide prevention

Butterfly

Showing Up Anyway

Glenn Doyle Melton

One of my biggest issues about Facebook and Instagram is that everything on Social Media is an illusion. It’s all smoke and mirrors. You only see what the person posting wants you to see. For example, I had a conversation with a coworker a while ago. From what she told me in person, there is a A LOT of drama in her life and her family life is challenging. However, on Facebook, it’s all big smiles, family photos, beautiful pictures of happy times and long posts about her wonderful life and vacations. Her Social Media image does not match what I saw in person. My coworker isn’t the only person guilty of this. Almost everyone does it on Social Media. I bought into at first too. Folks take 35 crappy selfies and only post the one that turned out good. They use filters on their sunset photos so it looks extra beautiful and make sure you only see what’s good. Social Media robbed us of authenticity and reality.

I disengaged from a Facebook a few months ago. I have no regrets. I am still on it because my family is on it and they post photos of the kids there. I also find out where my nieces softball games are so I can go watch. I enjoy that. I don’t post. As I scroll through posts, I can’t help but wondering how did we all get conditioned to think we always have to be positive, have a beautiful back yard or live in a big home? Why is it everyone thinks your life is wonderful if you are eating dinner with 20 other people or checking into four bars every night? When did we give up our right to have a messy complicated life? Why can’t we ever be pissy, have a bad day, be sad, admit our holidays sucked and God forbid post a bad picture of ourselves on Facebook?

This post isn’t a rant about Social Media. It is about a complete lack of authencity. No one wants to own the messy parts of themselves that aren’t camera ready. No one wants to admit they have depressing thoughts sometimes. No one wants you to see their darkness anymore. I am writing this post because the truth is I am messy and complicated lately. My thoughts are sad and depressing. I am worried and scared. My tummy is bloated. I am in pain and I just am fucking over it. Why should I continue to lie and pretend I am positive and happy when I am not. I am just not…

Don’t get me wrong… There are positive things in my life. I like where I live. I am enjoying my job. My career is going great. My family loves me. Yesterday I got to watch my great niece pitch over 50mph at FastPitch Summer Nationals via North Myrtle Beach Park’s field webcam. Tomorrow is her first elimination game. Her team, Philadelphia Spirit (Fast Pitch Softball), is in seed one in her division. They are undefeated in the tournament so far. I hope I can catch part of the game. My nephew is a good dad and good coach. That makes me proud and happy because I’ve been keeping him straight since I was 10 years old. We fight like brother and sister BUT he listens to me. I get through to him and I know I played a role in making him the man he is today. That makes me happy and proud especially when I see him with his kids.

I have an appt with my Gastro doc tomorrow morning. I am hoping for answers but I don’t expect to get any tomorrow since I will need a scope and probably a cat scan. The pain is all around the left breast which is where the stomach but it is also where the heart is. My BP and Heart Rate have been stable and beautiful. Hopefully that means my heart is not the problem. Either way, I need to figure out what this is because it’s wearing me out.

I just decided it was time to be honest and show authenticity on this blog. Sometimes life sucks. These health issues are taking a toll on my stamina and wearing me down. That is nothing but the truth. Why should I act strong when I am not? Why shouldn’t I allow you to see me? Perhaps I allow folks to see me this raw, others will feel liberated and will drop their masks too. Perhaps someone reading this will see I am sad and know it is ok for them to be sad too. Maybe someone will see it’s ok to be messy and afraid. Show up anyway… Show up in life anyway… The below poem is messy and afraid Linda writing authentically about how she’s been feeling lately. Please open your mind and heart a little before reading this. Allow your compassion and empathy to feel what I am feeling rather than judging me. Then you will understand authentically how I feel.

In gratitude,
Linda

Showing Up, Anyway
By: Linda A Long

I can pretend…For your benefit…That I am well
That my…Mind, body and spirit…Are harmoniously unified
I can pretend…That I am…Determined to…Remain strong and optimistic
That I have…Control of my emotions
That I am…Filled with…Inspiration to rise up…And fight, fight
The adversary within…My own body
Undermining every…Step forward…Pulling me back…After every victory…Weighing me down
With worry, anxiety…And ceaseless attacks…On my body
Weakening my mind…And slowly…Breaking my spirit
I only fought…This long…Because I didn’t…Want you to…Think I was weak
I only fought…This long…Because I believed…I could still…Win
I believed…I could still…Live a full life
I thought…I would still have love
And be able to…Share my heart…With another
Joyfully living my life…In a state of gratitude
But…It is very hard
To be grateful…While feeling…Constantly defeated…By a body that…Attacks itself
It is hard…To be optimistic…When every day…Presents a new physical challenge
With little answers…And even less support
Everyone wants to hear…“I’m great”
No one wants…To know the truth
Or even really…Look in my eyes to see my truth
No one wants to…Stop looking at…Their phone for five minutes to have a simple Conversation
And actually mean it…When they ask…“How are you?”
I’ll just go on…Pretending…“I’m great”
And you all…Just go on…Doing whatever makes you feel good
With your heads…Buried in your phones…Too preoccupied for human compassion
Being too wrapped up…In your own life…To really care…About mine
I go on pretending…To make it easier…For everyone…Who says…“I am here for you”
But really…Just want to be here…When I am great…And not when
Life is heavy and complicated…
I’ll pretend…You care…While you feel…Good about yourself
I know the truth….But
I will keep pretending…For your benefit
If it helps you…Get through the day
Broadcasting fake friendship…On Facebook…While phone calls and texts…Go unanswered
I know who…I can really count on…I know who…Really cares about me
But…I will pretend…For your benefit
Everything is fine…Even while I silently…Want to let go
Because I am tired…
From fighting so hard…To be well…It is exhausting me
Fighting alone…Is disheartening
I am just not sure…I know my reason…Anymore
I don’t know my…Reason to fight…For this life…Anymore
And I am not sure…What difference…It makes
I am sorry…If my true thoughts
Scare you or hurt you…
It just scares me… That I don’t know what my reason…To live is anymore
The next time…You ask…“How are you?”
I’ll smile and say…“I’m great!”
Simply because…It’s what you want to hear
Not because…It’s how I feel
Know this…When I ask you…“How are you?”
I want to hear…The full truth…Even if it is…Messy, complicated and sad
Let me hear your heartache…Let me share your burden…Let me lighten your heart
I want you to know… You are loved…And have a reason… To live
Even if I can’t…Find my own reason anymore

(C) 2018 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday – Self Care Isn’t Always Pretty

Self Care Sunday

It’s Self Care Sunday. I hesitated in writing this post. I usually like to write positive posts that are reflections of how to take care of your body, mind and spirit for holistic wellness. However, today I feel like a failure. I am just not sure what is the best way to take care of myself.

After thinking about it, I decided to write this post in complete honesty and share what is actually happening to me today. Hoping to show that self care isn’t always fun or pretty. Make choices about self care can be stressful. Just because I went to school to be an Integrative Nutrition Health Coach doesn’t mean I have all the answers. Nor does it mean that I am perfect and always make the right choices. So here’s what’s happening…

I have a congenital heart arrhythmia that has been stabilized for seven years because I quit smoking, lost 65lbs, started exercising and stopped drinking alcohol. My EKG is UGLY. It looks like I’ve had heart attacks on my EKG. However, it hasn’t changed since 2011 which means it is stable. I am proud of myself for making hard choices and changes to make my heart stronger. I tell you this background information about my heart because it is related to what has been happening to me lately.

I’ve had gastrointestinal problems my entire life. I had Liver damage after a bad bout of Mono when I was 21 years old. I didn’t drink alcohol for six months just after turning 21 because of the Liver issues. I had my Gallbladder removed when I was 30. I flat lined under anesthesia during that surgery; I was brought back. I ended up in the hospital for four days when I was supposed to only be there for only six hours. Since that event I need Cardiac Clearance for any procedure that requires that sedation. This is playing into my current issue.

After having continued gastrointestinal issues, I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease in 2012. At that time I had substantial damage to my stomach and Liver again. My Liver completely healed and is healthy. However, I now have a chronic form of Gastritis. It flares up when I do not watch my diet, when I am exposed to Gluten or when I am extremely stressed out. The Gastritis was stabilized for three years. I had only minor flare-ups that lasted only 3 or four days. I was able to get them under control quickly. Unfortunately, in April of this past year my best friend died while I was stuck in boot with a broken foot. This also happened while I was only two months into a new job and getting ready to graduate from school. The stress got the best of me. I also know for a fact I ate Gluten by accident. Anyways, I had a pretty severe Gastritis flare-up from the end of April through mid-May. My doctor told me we could hold off on the scope but I would need to have the Upper Endoscopy if it flared-up again.

I was feeling pretty good for a few weeks. Until early last week when the gnawing pain returned. I also had to go on a road trip to Hampton, VA for work. Although I had stomach pain, I went on the trip anyway since I knew it was probably just a Gastritis flare-up. I probably could have gotten out of the trip but I went anyway. The trip was good. It was very successful. My travel companions were really nice. Work-wise it was great experience. I am glad I pushed through it and went. My team is planning on going back in late September. I am pretty sure I am skipping that road trip. The faculty of the school we visited will be at the same conference I am attending in DC in mid-September. I can meet with them independently there. There is no reason for me to go back to Hampton for the technical interchanges. I’ll leave that to my PhD coworkers.

So, here I am doing everything I know to do to get this flare under control and it is not getting any better. It seems to be getting worse. I called my doctor on Thursday morning before leaving for Hampton. He told me I needed the scope and I needed new Cardiac Clearance before he did it. I called my Cardiologist office and found out my Cardiologist retired in June 😱 I technically do not have a Cardiologist and none of his colleagues will give me clearance for the scope without a full Cardiac workup. Actually, I am not upset about that. It’s safer for me that way. Since the pain and Gastritis is centered around my left breast, we need to be 100% sure it isn’t heart related. I really do not believe it is Cardiac related. My symptoms are pretty typical of a Gastritis flare-up. I am not really even drinking coffee. Now, you now my tummy is bothering me if I can’t drink more than 8oz of coffee. The full Cardiac workup just delays the Upper Endoscopy by two or three weeks because the new Cardiologist couldn’t fit me in until July 20th!

So, here I am very symptomatic, in pain, and I am supposed to take a small plane to DC for a 45 minute meeting tomorrow with my Sponsor at 3pm in the afternoon. I WANT to go! I was looking forward to going to this meeting! I am enjoying this job and this new role. I like the work I am doing. I am learning from my Program’s Sponsor. I like her. I want to go on the one day trip. However, I am not sure my body is 100% up to it. Do I push through the pain, get on the plane and hope for the best? Or do I give in – call and tell them I am not feeling well, I don’t feel comfortable flying and request to call into the meeting instead? I asked my Mom this question morning. She said, “I can’t answer that for you honey but I can say you already know what is the best thing for you to do. You just don’t want to surrender to it because you always push yourself though stuff.” She’s right. I don’t want to surrender to my fucking body again. Give up something I want to do because my body isn’t up to it – again. It’s so fucking frustrating. I try so hard to be well.

My new Group Manager is already aware of my health issues and offered to accommodate me however needed. He said I am doing such a great job even with my health issues that I should not worry about asking for accommodations. I am pretty sure my Sponsor would understand that I am not feeling well and can’t fly. Especially considering I always say “YES” to every other request and opportunity. The pressure I am feeling is coming from within myself because I am so fucking frustrated with my body and these health issues. Every time I take a step forward, it pulls me back. It’s really disheartening. Honestly, I would never take my own life but I am very weary of having to fight this hard for wellness. I just don’t even care anymore. I really don’t and I am not even sure why I am fighting so hard for this life anymore.

So there you have it. A Self Care Sunday post that is depressing and filled with stress and frustration. I am admitting that everything I am doing to take care of myself isn’t working right now while I am sitting here trying to make a decision about tomorrow. Another Sunday ruined by my traitor body. I am letting myself be sad today. I will mostly likely be sending an email as soon as I wake up tomorrow stating that I could not get on the plane. As I told you, Self Care isn’t always fun or pretty; sometimes it is down right frustrating.

(C) 2018 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Blue Love Haiku #13

Blue Love Haiku #13

Blue Love Haiku #13 – http://www.writingholistically.com

Blue Love Haiku #13
By: Linda A Long
I rest in your thoughts
Riding the wave of your breathes
Filling you with love

(C) 2018 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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NOTE
This is a mid-week poetry and a little bit of a self care post.

I am enjoying writing the Blue Love Haikus. They give me a quick creative outlet without saying too much. As far as the future of this blog, I am focusing on writing a Self Care Sunday post each week and writing one mid-week poetry post for now. Any additional posts will be ad-hoc as the spirit moves me.

I haven’t written about my Holistic Health Coaching business lately. That is mostly because I wanted to take the summer off. It is also because I changed full time jobs. I now have a job that I find fulfilling so I’ve been focusing on growing into that position and taking advantage of opportunities related to my full time career. I realized in recent weeks that I can’t build a Personal coaching business while also investing myself in building a new program in my full time job. I thought I would be able to manage two clients at a time in my coaching business while working full time and still have a enough time for self care. It’s not quite working out that way. After giving it a lot of thought, my intuition is telling me my energy needs to stay with my full time career. I also need to ensure I have time proper self care. Therefore, I will not be looking to grow a coaching business at this time. I contacted a local homeless shelter. We are working on an agreement for me to provide three to four hours per month of pro bono Life Coaching services to their residents/clients. This means I will still be able to work as a Life Coach but won’t have my own clients to manage. I will also have some freedom on how and when I schedule the appointments. Most importantly, I will be able to offer Life Coaching services to folks who normally would not be able to afford them. That feels good to me. We haven’t officially kicked anything off yet but I hope to have this all in place by the fall. I also decided I want my Life Coaching practice to focus on Self Care practices. While I can do Life Coaching under my Integrative Nutrition Health Coaching Certificate, I would not mind getting an official Life Coach credential as well. That’s a personal goal for my future.

It’s 4th of July. I am taking a short break to rest and write this blog. I walked four miles this morning. Afterwards I came home to clean and pack. Two coworkers and I are jumping in a car tomorrow for an overnight trip to southern Virginia (not far from Virginia Beach). We are  going to kickoff a “Get Well Plan” with a school that has a grant that is at risk. It’s a great learning opportunity for me. It’s also an opportunity for me to facilitate between the faculty and my coworkers. I’m a little nervous about traveling in a car for five hours with two people I really don’t know. We are also taking the Ferry and Cheasepeak Bay Bridge Tunnel. We are scheduled for 5:15 ferry home Friday night. I am hoping for good weather and calm seas. lol 🙂 I probably won’t be home until close to 8pm on Friday. A weekend of fun in the sun and in DC for the day on Monday.

This is the time of the year that beach town residents life myeslf get to practice our Defensive Driving Skills 😂 Oh my goodness. People and bikes darting out in front of cars. It’s scary. 😱😂 I try to walk as much as possible. Parking in my neighborhood has been insane this year. Not sure what happened. I have off-street parking but folks still come into our lot and take our spots. Guess what? Several have already been towed 🙂 I almost had someone towed on Friday night but fortunately our maintenance guy found them and told them to leave. I didn’t want to go to any barbeques off-shore today because I wanted to make sure my car is safely in my parking spot before folks starting coming into town for the fireworks later. Fireworks aren’t over until close to 10:30ish. That’s too late for me to come home from offshore on a work night. It’s now about 2:00pm and I am getting ready to head down to the beach for a couple hours.

Lastly, The below quote spoke to me 🙂 I definitely speak Butterfly 🦋 I believe in transformations, breaking free and metamorphosis. I hope to continue to surround myself with folks who are good for me. I hope I also encourage folks to transform and break free from their cocoons. My question to you is:

Do you speak Butterfly or Catterpillar?

Quote

Look for my next blog post on Sunday. It will be about ways to practice Self Care and I’ll tell you all about my road trip to Virginia in that post. To see my daily posts, follow me on:

IG: @highestgoodcoach
Twitter: @highestgoodhhc

Self Care Sunday – Looking Out For Yourself And Others

Art

It’s Self Care Sunday. How have you taken care of yourself this week? Have you moved your body physically and made it stronger? Have you enforced and maintained boundaries in your relationships? Have you protected your spiritual alignment by choosing to be with folks who are good for you? Have you taken advantage of opportunities in your career to set yourself up for future? Or did you slow down and allow yourself a day to rest your body and mind? I did all of these things this week.

God proved to me this morning he puts you exactly where you need to be. It’s up to us to be awareness and alignment so we can see when he is asking us to take action. I was walking early this morning. I walked a different route than I normally do today when a frantic elderly Indian woman came up to me. She was sweating, panicked, holding an umbrella and her purse. She handed me her cell phone and phone book. I couldn’t understand much of what she was saying but I could tell she wanted me to talk to someone on the phone. After hesitating for a moment, I took the phone and said hello. The guy on the other end told me she got lost because she got of the Jitney bus at the wrong street. He asked me to point her in the direction of his home which was about three blocks from where we were. She was panicked. It’s really hot today and I was bit worried about her. After I hung up, I decided to turn around and walk her to her at least to the street her Son lived on. When she saw his house, she must have said thank you to me over a hundred times. Honestly, I couldn’t understand anything else she was saying to me. She hugged me and was smiling ear to ear. The amount of relief, happiness and peace I could see in her face made it totally worth me turning around and escorting her so she didn’t get lost again. I am sharing this story just to encourage folks to look out for each other. Use your instincts and intuition. You don’t always need to understand someone’s words to know when they are in distress. After doing a quick assessment of the situation, I trusted my intuition and knew God was asking me to her. I said, “YES”!

I had my last PT appointment on my SI Joint, IT Band and foot earlier this week. The therapist and I agreed it is not healed yet. I am not ready for yoga yet. However, my work schedule and travel schedule has my calendar screwed up. My therapist worked my leg pretty hard and gave me the home exercises to do in the gym. I am trying this for a month to see if I can strengthen it on my own. With that said, I don’t usually go to the gym on Sundays. Since I was down for the count Friday night and Saturday with a migraine, I went to the gym today and walked three miles today to get back on schedule. I am committed to getting back to yoga and making my body stronger. On another note, I wore my highest high heels for the first time since rolling my ankle & breaking my foot. It was time to get back on the horse and wear high heels again😊I wore high platform sandals. I will say I was a little nervous & extremely careful 😂 I was ok👍

In recent weeks, two men from my past have been in my experience. One has been trying to re-establish contact and I ran into the other one at the grocery store; I completely ignored him. I am writing about this here just in case either one of them (older or younger guy) is reading my blog. I want to make things crystal clear without having any direct contact with either one of them. There is nothing here for either one of them. NOTHING! I am not interested in reengaging with either one of them and I have no feelings for either one of them. Let’s just leave things in the past where they belong. Those relationships were not good for me back then and I am not interested in revisiting them now. I wish both men well. I have no hard feelings. The point of me writing this is to say I actually have no feelings – at all – for either one. Again, I am only putting this on my blog in this post just in case one of them, younger or older guy) is reading my blog. The Blue Love poetry collection is not written for either one of them. Neither one of them is the inspiration for my poetry. It’s really that simple. Blue Love is a man who is good for me. My connection with him is healthy. He’s taught me how a man should treat a woman. While he desires me, he also respects me. Whatever happens in our future, he helped me grow. He helped me see I deserve better than what I accepted in the past. So, I am enforcing boundaries and not allowing men from my past who were not good for me to return into my life. Once again, I am thankful to Blue Love for looking at me with the beautiful blue eyes of love and helping me to know I deserve better. Thank You Blue Love.

On the career front, everyday presents me with a new opportunity. On Friday, the Sponsor of my Program asked if I wanted to come down on 7/9 and join her in a meeting with an Administrator from another Line Of Business. She is hoping to create a partnership between the two Organizations and extend the reach of my Program. Guess what I said? “YES”! I love how engaged she is. I also love that someone at her level is working to remove my roadblocks. That says a lot to me. It makes me work a little harder and makes this job more rewarding. While I am on leave tomorrow, I have to wait for Best Buy to come in afternoon and install a new flat panel TV. Since I have a four hour window, I’ll probably kill time by working to prepare for my meetings.

I woke up at 2:00am on Friday morning with a migraine. When I get migraines, they usually start in the middle of night. I have medication. I usually get up, take the meds and go back to bed for a couple of hours. Usually by the time I wake up, it’s gone. This one wasn’t. While I was functional on Friday, I was still in pain. I came home around 4pm and gave into the headache. I knew it was going to take a few cycles of meds for it to go away. I pulled the shades, curled up in bed, watched tv and slept most of Saturday. The headache was gone when I woke up this morning. I think the headaches are prompted by jaw tightness and TMJ. My jaw was popping a lot last week and I was eating chewy stuff more than I should. Instead of pushing through it, I surrendered yesterday and rested. I allowed my mind and body to slow down. I took care of myself.

Sometimes self care is more tactical; it’s about actually physically taking care of yourself. Other times it’s more about enforcing boundaries. For me, it’s also been about learning I deserve better than I what I accepted and expected in the past. I am happy where I am now. I am happy with how I have grown and woman I have become in recent years. Folks who knew me seven, ten or fifteen years ago, really don’t know me at all anymore.  I am also eagerly looking forward to more – so much more in the future. I am looking forward to surrounding myself with people who are good for me like Blue Love. I am thankful and grateful for all of my blessings. I am happy for the love in my heart and good the people kind souls who are in my life.  I am happy and grateful.
(C) 2018 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

ICYMI My last post was Blue Love Haiku #12

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Blue Love Haiku #12

Blue Love Haiku #12

Blue Love Haiku #12

Blue Love Haiku #12
By: Linda A. Long

What if I told you
My hips swing to your heartbeat
As they open with lust
(C) 2018 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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NOTE

I am once again writing Blue Love a mid week love poems/haiku to try to get my brain out of the linear work mode into a freer space of creativity 😊 Writing for him makes me happy 😊

Oh my goodness, what a week so far. It’s all good. LOTS of opportunities! However, so much work. Honestly, if this job wasn’t so damn rewarding and so chuck full of opportunities, I might consider alternatives😂 It’s really an exciting time in my career and I am very grateful for it all. I am grateful for all that I have and I am eagerly looking forward to more…so much more.

In a nutshell, I was asked to travel to southern virginia next Thursday and Friday with a team to visit a school with a grant that is at risk. While I was planning on taking off those days to enjoy some beach time, it was an opportunity I could not pass up. I said YES and I am taking off this Monday and Tuesday instead. I was asked to possibly present a workshop and moderate a panel discussion for my leadership at conference in front of hundreds of people in DC in September😱😂😂 We submitted the paperwork for it today. We will know in a few weeks if we were selected. I had three amazing meetings with stakeholders and walked out with tons of action items. I worked with two interns who just graduated high school and have no clue about working a real job. I had to explain things to them while they were yawning in front of me 😂😂 I told one, “Go get a Snicker!” 😂😂 Guess what? All of this and it is only Thursday. I am working tomorrow. I hope it is a slower paced day 😉

On a funny note, my mother sent me a photo of me when I was about 70lbs heavier than I am now. She said, “Hang this on your mirror so you remember how fat you were and you never go back!” 😂😂 My Mom has always been a straight shooter; tells it like it is. The photo is on my mirror as my reminder 😂 She also found my senior prom photo which actually isn’t all that bad as far as senior prom photos go…

What going well for you? How’s life? Are you living your highest good?

ICYMI: My last post was Self Care Sunday. It focused on taking care of my physical body and protecting my life force by staying away from folks from my past who were not good for me. It also included “The Emperor” – a poem I wrote for Blue Love in 2017. Blue Love is and always has been good for me 💙🦋

Magical shit

Self Care Sunday – The Emperor Of My Heart

It’s Sunday; that means I am writing about Self Care. Self Care today has taken on a physical and spiritual flavor.

Physically, I am feeling good. My broken foot is almost healed. It still gets sore but overall it’s pretty much better. Unfortunately, the foot issue affected my right SI Joint and IT Band because I was walking uneven. Even with weeks of PT and Chicropratic Adjustments, I’m still experiencing daily pain and tightness in both of those areas. Strength training in the gym is helping but it may a chronic issue. Often as we get older we have aches and pains that never really go away; we just learn how to adapt and live with pain.

As I am getting older, I am learning the importance of keeping active and moving through pain most of the time. There are some days when it is appropriate to take a complete and total rest day. However, I find I feel better with some movement on most days. Staying active is self care for me. I went to the gym on Friday and walked five miles. On Saturday, I walked five miles and toured some the 48 Blocks Art installations in Atlantic City. I enjoyed both days. This is my third day off. I woke up more tired than usual and sore. I pushed through it and walked a slow three miles. As I was approaching the end of my walk, I realized my SI Joint and IT bands just weren’t loosening up which meant it was time to slow down for rest and recovery. After being social most of Friday and Saturday, I am not really up for socializing today either. It’s only 11:00am on Sunday morning. I am sitting in my new Espresso leather recliner writing this blog contemplating if I have the energy to go to the pool or beach today. I’m tuning into my body’s inner wisdom to direct my level of activity today. As of right now, it feels like it will a quiet rest and recovery day.

My spiritual self care today is focused more on protection of my life force and energy. I am feeling really good lately. I am operating on the highest level I ever have in my entire life professionally and personally. I am balanced and grounded. I feel peaceful and happy. I’ve chosen to surround myself with folks who are also operating on a level equal to mine or higher. I committed myself to working and living to my highest potential and finding my highest good. That means I need folks in my life who can push me and motivate me to reach for more and be my best. I enjoy being with folks who challenge me to rise up and reach for more within myself. I am not slowing down or going back to who I was.

Unfortunately, I can not allow some folks from my past to re-enter my life. I need to be especially vigilant in not revisiting any relationship that was unhealthy in the past. No hard feelings. I wish folks well and hope they find happiness but I can say for sure it won’t be with me. If they weren’t good for me ten years ago, my intuition is telling me they still would not be good for me now. This is good self care for me.

Life isn’t always roses and unicorns. Life has pressures, challenges and frustrations. I find the pressure, challenges and frustrations easier to deal with now because I am better at protecting my spiritual energy. I am better at making sure I am not giving too much to others. I am better at recognizing folks whose spiritual energy isn’t a match to my own. I am better aligned holistically – mind, body and spirit. I am focused on using my natural skills and abilities to spurn growth in all areas of my life. I want to joyfully pursue my highest good with people who have true honest intentions towards me and are good for me.

As I was walking in nature this morning, I was praying and tuning into my own intuition for direction and guidance. My thoughts kept returning to Blue Love. His intentions towards me are genuine and pure. His energy is balanced and healthy. Our connection is healthy and good for both of us. Wherever it goes, whatever happens between us, no matter how things play out for us – we have been good for each other. That’s what a true Soul Mate does for you. They make you better and help you grow. Having folks in my life like him is good self care for me.

I wrote this poem for Blue Love a while ago. It was on my mind today as I was walking. He is still the Emperor of my heart.

The Emperor ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

Who is he
Who is the
Man
The Emperor
Who is this
Man
In your
Atmosphere
The man
Who walks
With you
You wear
His essence
Like perfume
And hold
His heart
In your hands
Gingerly
Knowing
With your
Heart’s Intuition
This strong man
Has a soft
Gentle soul
Who is
The Emperor
Is he
Your King
Your partner
Your lover
The leader
Of your world
This man
This man
Who’s energy
Whirls around your
Atmosphere
Taking his place
Next to you
Demanding
To be heard
In your mind’s eye
Who is this
Formidable man
You like
His fire
You crave
His fire
The fire in his belly
Lights your match
His heart beats
In yours
Who is
The Emperor
Of your world
Matching your
Passion
You crave
His energy
His kiss
Drips off of
Your lips
In anticipation
Of his possession
He is the ruler
Of your heart
Just as you
Are the fire
In his soul
You burn
In his
Atmosphere
The Goddess
In you
Is his strength
You honor
Him with
Words of love and devotion
You inspire
Him with desire
You nurture him with
True
Real
Beautiful
Love
That is
Here
To stay
In both
Of your lives
Who is
The Emperor
Of your heart
Have faith
In this
Formidable man
Have faith
In your bond
Trust what
You see
Believe what
You sense
Until the Emperor
Is laying beside you
Have faith
And stand true
As his
Goddess
Of love
(C) 2018 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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