The last song I heard was “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen. The third line of the song is Caught in a landslide.
Caught in a landslide…
Caught in a landslide of emotions she slips slowly into the murky waters of internal chaos. Paddling upward trying to get to the top and fill her lungs with air. But, each stroke only wears her out and pulls her further down into the place where the shadows live. The shadows of past heartaches live in this place. For years she danced around it, tip toed around the edges hoping not slip. But, today her foot slipped and got caught in a memory of loss and death.
Recognizing she was stuck and it was pointless to waste energy by fighting, she surrendered. She allowed herself to see what she chose to ignore for years. She allowed herself to feel what she chose to suppress. She allowed herself to grieve for the losses that tied her to this pain. Tears flowing like a raging river. Bottled up emotions boiling to the top and pouring down her face. She licked the salt to taste her pain.
She saw her pain up close for the first time. She sat with it. She lived with it. She slept with it. She owned her pain for the first time and felt sadness on the deepest level of her being. There seemed no way to pull herself up and out of this abyss. Slowly she dug through all the debris that was weighing her down. With each piece she removed she felt freer and noticed she could breathe a little easier. She stood on each stone that broke her heart and used them as tools to line her path to emotional freedom.
The tears of sadness stopped and one day she realized her heart was no longer broken but renewed and healed. Surviving the landslide of emotions she reflected and acknowledged that it was only by surrendering into the depth of despair was she able to heal and be free.