I feel something rising up in me lately. It’s almost like I am breaking through something. Maybe an old paradigm is being broken. Perhaps an old way of thinking is no longer working for me. Maybe a heart once guarded is putting down the shield. The only thing I know for sure is whatever is happening to me is for my highest good. It is good. This I know to be true. I feel it. I sense it. It’s taking me to the very center of my soul. That is absolute beauty.
The other day I found myself bursting into tears as I as driving. As I took a moment to dry my eyes, I realized they were happy tears. I realized I was feeling something profoundly beautiful. I knew something was healed inside of me. I also knew what I was feeling scared the crap out of me. But, it was comforting like a long lost friend returned. It was that moment I knew whatever is rising up in me is good. It’s very good. It’s absolutely beautiful.
I find myself having these profound moments lately where I feel…I feel things intensely. Tears come to my eyes and I have to pause and feel whatever it is. At first, these moments were unsettling. They made me feel vulnerable and weak. In recent weeks I am learning these moments, these emotionally charged moments, are me with all barriers stripped away. In these moments of honesty, truth and vulnerability I see myself clearly. It’s good. It’s very good. It’s absolutely beautiful.
I know people who live life in an illusion. They live in mini-mansions and they are surrounded with superficial happiness. They have all the things they were told would make them happy. Yet, they still don’t know peace. They still feel empty. They still know something is missing. I lived the same way until a few years ago. Illness and a painful end of a relationship pushed me into change. It was in the separation from people, a lifestyle and way of thinking that I found freedom. Without letting go and trusting my intuition I would not be open to life the way I am now. When everything is stripped away there are no illusions. It’s a wonderful time to start everything fresh. It’s the perfect time to welcome truth into your life. Pain was a teacher for me. I chose to heed the wisdom and respect what I was feeling instinctually. That is absolutely beautiful.
Today the deeper I allow my soul to the dive into this sea of emotions and feelings the more I feel my potential blossoming like a flower. It’s opening me in new more beautiful ways with each passing day. I feel my heart opening again. My mind is welcoming new thoughts and ideas. My world is expanding with possibilities and I am embracing my natural capabilities. I am finally embracing my God-given “giftedness” instead of holding back or hiding it. Self-acceptance is absolute beauty.
With all of these wonderful changes also comes a greater ability to discern what and who is good for me. Although I am somewhat open on my blog, I am actually quiet, introverted and pensive in real life. I need people who respect that. Although I am intense, romantic and passionate, I don’t show that side to everyone. If you are lucky enough to experience my intense passionate side, keep it to yourself and cherish the gift I am giving you. I don’t share that with everyone. Even though I am emotional and driven to know myself on the deepest levels, it is not essential for some people in my everyday life to know this aspect of me. Mostly, I know now that I need people who aren’t overwhelmed or intimidated by my intensity. I also like people who aren’t afraid to go where their soul calls them even if it means giving something up today to have something better tomorrow. Knowing you deserve the best in life and not accepting less is absolute beauty.
Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” is one of my go-to songs when I am feeling the intensity of life. It’s funny because I do really feel like I’ve seen both side now. I know now that I would rather be where I am today and be the woman I am today than where I was three years ago.
(C) 2014 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved
Charlene Van Den Eng