“When I was little, I picked up a flower and put it in a vase. After a few days, it died. I asked my mom why and she said: “You can’t force a flower to thrive somewhere it doesn’t belong to. And now I have realized that people are like that too.” ॐ – Author Unknown – Retrieved from Sageword Facebook Page
In an effort to turn the course of my thoughts and release the heaviness of emotions I’ve been struggling with recently, I’m writing another therapeutic post to make some space for creativity again.
I’ve been feeling like I’ve been pushed to a fork in the road. I feel like life is calling me to make choices that will determine my future. I wasn’t really planning to do this now. I was hoping to be like everyone else I know and just coast along in life. I was hoping for once what I have would be all I would need. But, life doesn’t work for me that way. Maybe it doesn’t work that way for anyone? Maybe I’m just more open about it and more willing to change and grow.
Part of what brought me to this place is a feeling growing inside of me. A feeling growing inside of me that is saying I deserve more. I deserve more. I deserve to work to the full capacity of my intellect, talent and skills. I deserve to have satisfaction in my daily activities. I deserve to be in a relationship with a man who is capable of giving me all of him. I deserve to have a healthy body. I deserve to have peace in my life, my body and my mind. I deserve more.
You’ll notice that nowhere in that last paragraph did I speak about being rewarded for my efforts. That is because I don’t think that way. I truly give and help people because I enjoy it. I have no ulterior motives.
In recent weeks I’ve been helping someone at work during a transition time. I offered to do it because I knew he needed the help, he’s very appreciative for the help and I enjoyed doing it. I wanted him to see the level of support and service he should be getting. I wanted him to know he deserved more than he was accepting. That is why I helped him. I wanted to show him by example what he deserved. I don’t seek rewards for those efforts. That’s not what I’m about. I don’t expect anything in return from him other than “thank you Linda” which he has said numerous times👍😄
But, in helping him see he deserved more, I saw I deserved more. We are like mirrors to each other. We show each other what we need to see, what’s holding us back, who we can be and what the possibilities are for ourselves. Through him I’m opening myself up to wanting more. I’m diving further down into myself and using our connection to source profound growth and personal evolution. Some connections are deeply spiritual and have the capacity to spark movement in stagnation.
At this time of reflection in my life, I’m also practicing great caution. I’m looking before I leap. I’m considering alternatives. I’m taking my time. There’s no rush. Things may work out for me organically without a lot of effort from me. But, I must be willing now open my eyes to what else is available to me.
A friend gave me some advice the other day. She said, “Linda, I’m going to tell you what I tell my kids. Open your eyes and look. You’ll either find you like what you have and choose to stay where you are or you will find something that’s better for you, something you like better. Look. You’ll know if it’s time to leap. Trust your intuition.” I suppose that’s what I’m doing. I’m looking.
I am looking for more because I now know I deserve more. How do you know you deserve more? It’s when you can no longer accept less…
The Music is “Driving” By Will Ackerman
This is absolutely favorite piece of music. I close my eyes and tears well up from from the emotions in the chords. The year after my Sister died I was in a pretty deep depression. The truth is I had an emotional/physical/spiritual breakdown. I didn’t know how to live without her. In some ways, I still don’t. In that challenging part of my life, I relied on music to help me get through the long nights. I found this song on the “Conversations With God” CD. I wore the CD out twice. This song especially brings me great peace. It’s almost like it was telling me it was ok to be sad and cry. And, it’s reassuring me that I am being guided and protected by Angels.
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