To the man I never wanted to love:
I never wanted to love you. I never wanted to fall in love with you. I was just walking down a hall minding my own business one day when BOOM! 😂There you were looking adorable and staring at my breasts. Flushed and confused, I found myself trying ignore what happened in hopes I wouldn’t fall. As time went on, I found my footing slip and I slowly fell into your beautiful blue eyes and have yet to find my way out.
I knew then I could not go back and look at you the way I used to. I couldn’t tell my heart that your eyes are just like all others. I couldn’t stop my heart from racing when you were near me. I couldn’t stop my body from becoming wet and aroused in your presence. I knew I was in love with you before you left a year ago.
Through this last year, I’ve grown and I’ve learned how to love you in healthy way. I also learned how to love myself unconditionally. It is in the framing of unconditional love I write these these words to you.
My heart swells with emotions as I consider moving into the future without you in my life. I try to comprehend what that could mean to both of us. How that change could impact who I am and how I live my life. I ask myself if I can move through the pain of letting you go. I ask myself if I will ever love another man after we let go. I ask myself if my heart will find the path to love beyond you and how long will my heart hold your beautiful eyes in my focus before it opens up to another man. I do not have answers to those questions.
There are a few things I do know to be true in my life. The truth is I can’t see my life without you. I can’t see how I will move forward knowing you are no longer in my experience. My other truth is I love you. I love you. Those are the three words that hang on the end of every sentence I write to you. Those are three words I write in poetry for you. Those are the three words my eyes say to you. Those are the three words I feel as my eyes swell with tears thinking about how will I ever let you go and live without you in my life.
As choices lay before you, I am not asking you to return to a place that no longer gives you fulfillment. I want you to be happy, fulfilled and living your highest good life. What I am asking you is to remember I am not like everyone else you leave behind. I am not like others who will miss you. I am different because I am a woman who loves a man. I am different because I am in love with you. Others may care about, respect you and admire you but I am in love with you. When I let you go, I am letting go of love. When I say farewell, I am saying farewell to the man I love. My eyes well up with tears as I allow myself just a moment to feel the heaviness of those emotions and comprehend what that means to both of us.
I see and intuitively know you are at a crossroads in your life. Life is calling you to make big heavy choices. I sense your restlessness. I feel you are half in and half out of everywhere; not completely sure where or how you will jump in all the way. But I also see a new man rising out of this transition. I see a new conscious man rising and on the brink of a major transformation. Whether that transformation is physical or spiritual I am not sure. I sense a new awareness in you. It makes me love you even more.
As a woman who has been through major transformations and is flowing through life’s changes taking one deep breath at a time, I understand how it feels to be uncomfortable. I know how it feels to feel the weight of choices on your shoulders. I will not allow myself to be needy or to burden you. I want you to understand I will love you no matter what you choose. Even if your choice means I lose you, I support you in whatever choice you make because I want you to be happy and fulfilled. I want to help you find your highest good in life by being someone who loves you unconditionally.
As I stand back and flow through changes, I offer some insight I’ve learned along the way. Transitions and transformation require a good bit of courage and require surrender into the flow of life. These times of life are the times that remind us we are alive. They make our hearts race with excitement and perhaps make us even question our sanity. But, trust me, these times of transformations are worth every bit of anxiety endured for they change us on a cellular level.
As you become conscious and start to listen to the wisdom in your own heart, you will know what path is right for you. You will also know it because it will feel scary and make you a little sick to your stomach. Lol 😂 As I let go of my attachment to you, I consciously understand that just because you may not be in my daily life, doesn’t mean I am losing you. I am hoping there will still be a place for me and my love in your life. I am hoping you see me as someone who can support you through your transformation. I am hoping you see me as a friend and quite possibly a co-conspirator 😈💋 I am hoping you see me as a woman who loves you and only wants your highest good.
I never really planned to write to this letter but I feel called to express these words in hopes you see them. I know the words I write here may overwhelm you. You may ask why do I write these words now? I write these words now because if I am truly on the brink of having to let you go forever, then I really have nothing left to lose anymore. I am ready to accept whatever choice you make and still love you unconditionally. That is what true love is…true love is free of conditions and attachments. Love is freedom. Love is the key 🔑💙🦋
(C) 2017 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved
Life Is Best When Lived Passionately ART CREDIT: Robyn Chance, http://www.fineartamerica.com