I Open, Amen
By: Linda A. Long
And bruise my soul
I open, Amen
I trust that love
Will mend the edges
I open, Amen
I offer my
Mind, body and spirit
To the healing
Powers of love
My own soul
Before all others
I open, Amen
To let go
God chose for me
I don’t understand
I only know
Pain has been
I open, Amen
I let go
And so it is
(C) 2018 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC
NOTE: Self Care Sunday today started with me thinking a lot about what I’ve learned in the last two months since I broke a small bone in my foot and I’ve been forced to slow down.
The interesting thing is everywhere I turn the message I am given is “slow down”. My doctor said it to me, my physical therapist said it to me, my mother said it to me and my friends have said it to me. But the question I asked myself is why was I so resistant to slow down. What was I running from? What didn’t I want to see? Was there a truth in my life I didn’t want to accept so I kept myself in constant motion so I didn’t have to confront it?
The answer to all of those questions is yes! YES! It’s only since I’ve been forced to stay in one place and spend a good portion of time alone that I’ve been able to see the truth. My truth is I am always very hard on myself. I am better friend to others than I am to myself. Perhaps that boils down to not loving myself. Maybe that says more about how I think about myself and my body. I am not sure. But it is the truth.
Breaking my foot taught me a few things about my body too. My body is muscularly weak. It’s time for strengthen myself so my bones, joints and muscles are stronger as I age and go through Menopause. I joined a small gym that is geared more towards folk over 50. I like it because there aren’t alot of people there and I am not there to socialize. It’s also owned by a physical therpaist and offer yoga and pilates too. My first workout with the trainer is tomorrow. I also bought a few personal training sessions for the first month to give me some structure. I am not looking to bulk up or get into the best shape of my life. I am looking to strengthen myself and maybe knock off the 20lbs I put on in the last five years. Although I’ve maintained a 40 pound weight loss for six years. I did put back on 20 in the last few years. I’d like to lose that.
My foot showed me I am actually exhausted on a few levels. Physically, I’ve been sleeping more, resting more and relaxing more. And, it’s all ok. Mentally I am tired too. This summer I will not be going to school or working towards any intellectual achievements. My brain needs a break. Spiritually, I’ve been feeling detached and have been more or less going through the motions. I wish folks would stop trying to recruit me into their churches. I am not interested in attending church services. It’s not my thing. I am, however, working to get back in touch with my spirituality. I am currently taking a 21 Days of Prayer course on http://www.dailyom.com. I love it. Each day we learn a new way to pray. It’s been very rewarding and I am building a Prayer Tool box. I also downloaded a couple of meditation apps to help calm my mind down. I LOVE the Stop, Breathe and Think app for iPhone. The meditations are all under 10 minutes and it has a daily check-in feature.
One of the nice things that has happened is I am writing a lot lately. Poetry, Haikus and blogs are flowing. It’s great outlet for me. I’ve reconnected with a few friends as a result of my best friend passing away a few weeks ago. A few people have reached out and we’ve been able to reconnect. I am even closer to my family than I was before. I talk to them more than before. My sister and I are closer than ever.
As far as my health goes, I am having a few challenges. I have a chronic gastritis flare up that is not calming down quickly so it looks like I need a scope in the coming weeks. It can be painful at times. My foot is slowly healing. Physical Therapy is working but I am not ready for power walking just yet. I have an appointment this coming Friday to see my Integrative Doctor at the Chung Institute in Moorestown, NJ. Since I am in Menopause we are going to start looking at bio-identical hormone replacement to help with some of symptoms. I love that my GP is so open to alternative treatments. She even told me the bio-identical hormones were my best bet and was happy I was going to the Chung Institute. Bio-identical hormone creams are made from your own saliva and are exact match to your own body’s chemistry. That means there are less side affects.
As far as work goes, it’s going extremely well. I did ask to work a reduced schedule through out May to give myself some space to heal. They approved it. They told me I was doing a great job and would support whatever I need. Even though today is Sunday I worked for a couple of hours this morning. I am briefing the Asst. Administrator on Tuesday and need to turn in my presentation by tomorrow for review. I think it’s interesting that I am doing the best work of my career while I am also experiencing so many challenges in my personal life.
I had a conversation with my therapist the other day. I mentioned about doing this all alone. She asked me to consider that perhaps I was meant to figure out this part of my life on my own. This is the time for me rest, heal, reconnect with friends and spirit, excel in work and just enjoy life rather than push. Maybe this time was just about me and no one else. Perhaps these challenges and how I am handling them is defining me and growing me for some other purpose. Who knows???
What I do know is, I did the dreaded swimsuit shopping and was pleasantly surprised to find two that look nice on me. Memorial Day to Labor Day you will find me by the pool or on the beach in my free time. This summer my focus is going to be just “being” instead of “doing”. The only things on my schedule will be work, self care(gym, etc), prayer, family and friends…That’s it.
What does Selfcare Sunday look like for you today?