This Self Care Sunday finds me a bit frustrated with my physical body. I’ve had this Sinus and Ear infection/congestion going on for two weeks. Today is my 6th day of antibiotic and probiotics. While it is not as painful and is finally breaking up, it is happening quite slowly. If it’s not gone by Tuesday, I have to go into the ENT’s office. Maybe he will be able to drain the ears. I am hoping I don’t end up on steroids.
Here’s where I am struggling. I felt like I was getting better on Friday and then felt worse yesterday. I am not sure what happened. I am feeling like I failed myself because my body is taking slow long to heal. I keep thinking over what did I do wrong that it got this bad. Why is my body struggling to fight this?
In a conversation with a “spiritual mentor/teacher” earlier this week, she suggested that I get sick so much because I carry/take on the energetic burdens of people I love by because I am a highly sensitive Empath with strong intuitive abilities. I can take on emotions, feelings and symptoms of others. I feel for people. For example, I get sick so my Mom doesn’t. I energetic take it on to protect her.
My mentor explained I unconsciously take on these burdens because I am stronger spiritually than most people; my empathetic abilities allow me to tune into people and lift their burdens. This is why my former work environment was spiritually so bad for me. My current work environment is better or me. It’s quiet, removed, bigger and calmer. Also, when I am close to someone, they can feel energetically strong when I am around because I give them strength. This is a great gift. However, you have to learn how to manage it. The problem is I am not managing it correctly and it’s breaking down my body, especially my heart which is already weak from a congenital issue. I need to learn how to disconnect empathetically from people and allow them to carry their own burdens; whatever that means. This concept makes total sense to me but it’s heavy stuff. I appreciated her insight because I couldn’t see this myself. I am reading a bit on how to survive as an Empath and Intuitive. Obviously, I haven’t figured it out yet but I am starting with Heart Chakra mantra and balancing work.
This comes back to me thinking I can control everything. It’s my body, I’ve been taking care of myself. I should be able to control this a little, right? Well, I thought I could. It wasn’t until yesterday that I decided to completely surrender for the whole weekend. I am just staying home snuggled up under a blanket with a antibiotics, probiotics, Mucinex, Flonase, water and a tissue box. I am bit a bored but I am coughing and hacking stuff up. No one would want to be around me anyway. I have no business going anywhere today.
Yesterday I watched the new series “Yellowstone” with Kevin Costner. I love it. It’s based in Montana and depicts life there and tensions between White and Native Americans. Since I definitely want to travel out west and especially visit Montana, I like it. Since Kevin Costner is still HOT, I rewatch “Dancing with Wolves” last night.
I definitely feel a spirit bond/connection to Native American history and traditions. The way the White man took form them and killed them makes me sad and a bit nauseous when I think about it. I am going to back to DC overnight next week. If I have time, I would like to go back to the American Indian Museum again. I didn’t have time to finish the whole museum the last time I was there. I also got a bit emotional reading about the Cherokee Removal in the Trail of Tears exhibit. I couldn’t read anymore and left. While watching “Yellowstone” on OnDemand, I stumbled across “Yellowstone Live” on NatGeo Channel. Really an amazing series highlighting wildlife and geology of the park. There are four episodes. You can stream all four online. I’ve enjoyed that as well. I definitely want to go there when I travel out west. My observation is that people are stupid putting their lives in danger to get their social media photos; not to mention how they show a total lack of respect for wildlife by intruding into their habitat. Wildlife photographers remaining save a far distance is different than human having a total disregard for the well being of the animals and theirselves. Let’s face it. If some idiot put himself near a black bear and got attacked, the bear would be put down; not the stupid human.
Well, I am hibernating this Self Care Sunday. I am surrendering and giving my body space to heal. I am also reading on how to survive and take care of myself as an Empath. I really need to learn this like my life depends upon it – because it does…I am still planning to go to work tomorrow. For now, I am under a blanket with books, tissues and stuff to entertain me.
I hope you are taking care of yourself today.
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