In 2011 I walked away from a life, a lifestyle, circle of friends that had a toxic hold over me. It was one of the most stressful times of my life because I was constantly attacked for being different from them and for not conforming to their ideologies. I was under constant pressure to fall in line to the “Group Think”. I was a round peg hanging around with square pegs trying to put myself into square holes with them. Living in that toxic energy everyday where the people surrounding me where trying to keep me small, almost destroyed me and actually made sick…very sick.
Eight years later and after surviving that hard transition I am in a wonderful place in my life. That hard transition led to wonderful inward journey and sparked many positive changes in my life, I am thriving. I am free from the manipulation. My self confidence is back. I am now standing in my authentic my personal power.
As I look back, I can see God wanted me to let go of that life for a long time. God had bigger plans for me than I had for myself…but I kept holding on. I kept holding on because I was afraid of the unknown and perhaps I was a bit gun shy because other changes I made didn’t work out the way I thought they would. The tighter I held on, the worst it got. Then God brought me to my knees in burnout, depression and illness.
When God forced me to my knees, I finally learned to stayed there a while and rest. I didn’t rally. I didn’t force myself to get back up. I didn’t play nice. I withdrew and checked-in with myself. I prayed and evaluated my options. After taking some time to strategize things, I made a big move…I changed my life, I changed my lifestyle and removed myself from that social circle. It wasn’t an easy time of my life but going through that struggle made me stronger for everything else than has come after it.
It’s been my experience any time God wanted me to make a big change in my life, he made me as uncomfortable as possible. He broke me until I surrendered into the flow of the Universe. He broke me until I trusted him to show me the new path.
Trust me…Not walking away sooner almost killed me and certainly broke my spirit. But the question is… why was I fighting to stay somewhere I was no longer meant to be and possibly no longer truly wanted? Why was I allowing myself to be beaten down? The truth is…I was so stuck in the middle of the storm I couldn’t see I was in a storm. I couldn’t find a way out. It was like being in the middle of hurricane. You think you are ok as long as you don’t venture to far either way but each day I became smaller and part of the fire of my spirit slipped away. I couldn’t believe something better was out there for me because my self confidence was shattered and the judgment of others had me doubting my every move. I allowed the perceptions of the small minded people around me to become my truth. I allowed the “fight” and the victimization to become my story.
I can’t tell you how I finally broke the cycle. I am not sure what rose up in me to finally fight for myself. I don’t know the exact moment I chose myself but I do know…My life is dramatically different and better because I surrendered. I am better because I finally let go. I am better because I made a new life and chose a new path for myself.
This topic has been on my mind the last few days. The current situation I find myself in work is challenging but I am NOT out of my depth. I am well within the capacity of my inner strength and courage. I know I am brave enough to see how it plays out. I am a strategic thinker and risk taker. You bet your butt I have like three contingency plans in place 😂😂✌️ I also secured support to mitigate potential roadblocks. I am using the leverage I have appropriately and respectfully. I am being careful how I speak and which words I use. I am feeling hopeful that It’s going to work out in my favor. I actually saw some positive affects already but I still don’t know what job I will end up in yet 😂 I’ve surrendered…I took a stand for something I believed in and that was the right choice for me. If I lose, I lose. I can live with it. If I lose, God has something else in mind for me. Trust me, I’ve already handicapped the various outcomes 😂✌️This was a very strategic well thought out risk for me to take. Honestly, I would not have taken this kind of risk a few years ago. I would not have had the courage or confidence in myself to believe I could affect a change like this nor would I have the faith to know I will be ok no matter the outcome. When people spend all day telling you are that are you are small, you start to believe them.
The other reason I was thinking about this is a friend is in a tough situation and I am concerned about her. Because of the nature of our official relationship I can’t offer to coach her. However, my unofficial observation is it may be time for her to surrender, let go and give herself a new beginning. While I did encourage her to explore other options, I stopped short of saying it was time to surrender because I believe that’s a realization she needs to make herself. I do honestly believe God may be making her uncomfortable because it’s time for her to let go and make a move. The only thing I can really do in this situation is be a supportive nurturing friend to her while she figures this out. As I do care about her very much, I reached out to a mutual friend who I know can help her. I just wanted to be sure he knew I was genuinely concerned. I believe she needs a coach not a savior or a fixer; I know he will do that for her. Hmm, maybe he and I should be Executive Coaching partners and start a business together??? LOL 😘😉 See, I’m always strategizing 🙂
Head’s Up —- Mercury Retrograde starts Tuesday, March 5th and last until March 26th. This can be a time of technical snafus and communication errors. I typically experience mail issues, phone and clock problems, electrical stuff in the house(smoke alarms), calendar mix-ups and computer problems at work. If you need to sign contracts or possibly accept job offers (I hope 🤞), be SUPER careful with words and communications. Thank God my serious work conversations are out of the way. The ball is rolling so hopefully things should be ok. I also remind folks to be careful with facial expressions like eye rolls especially in meetings. This is also a good time to revisit, reflect, rememberances, rekindling and reunions. Reach out to a friend and catch up 😊 Mercury Retrograde doesn’t have to be a time to hide. Just think twice before sending snarky emails and texts and choose your words carefully.
The Action this week is just to remember we are all in this life together. Look out for one of another. Help people when you can. Give support to those you care about and, if you are called, take a stand for something or someone you believe in.
When God drops you to your knees, stay there a while. Take the time to rest, heal and nurture yourself back to wellness. I can’t remember where I heard the below little story but I still love it…
God dropped me to my knees in a hole of depression and anxiety but guess what? I surrendered, let go and now…
I know the way out now… 😊✌️💙
As Always – I will be including the Loving Kindness Prayer on every post going forward because I believe love can and will triump over evil. Light will prevail over darkness. I believe we need to put LOVE into the Universe. Love each other…
Remember to put a little love in the world by saying the Loving Kindness Prayer for someone special. I often like to say it for special people in my life as well for groups such as my family, friends, coworkers and all beings.
Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved
I claim love as my vibration for 2019.
Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋
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