#DearMeTenYearsAgo

Letter writing

This Self Care Sunday post was inspired by a hashtag trending on Twitter #DearMeTenYearsAgo.

My spiritual or personal awakening actually started ten years ago in 2009 after I watched “The Secret” https://www.thesecret.tv for the first time. There was something about that afternoon; I knew that movie changed me. I could feel the grid shifting I watched it. It planted a seed in me. I remember my mind was open for the first time to the Law of Attraction and the to the notion that thoughts become things. It was the first time I allowed myself to believe I could live a life bigger and more fulfilling than the one I was living. It was a powerful moment in my life.

The problem was – I wasn’t ready for that kind of self-revelation in 2009. I wasn’t ready to really see myself yet. I wasn’t ready to let go of unhealthy habits, relationships and friendships. I wasn’t ready to change. I wasn’t ready to be that powerful so I continued being small. By continuing to live small and not honor the new wisdom starting to rise within I was living out of alignment with the calling in my soul. I knew I was not centered. I felt it. Honestly, I didn’t want to hear the voice within. I numbed myself with alcohol and partied non-stop to drown it out but I still heard it in the middle of the night. I still heard it when I was alone… I still heard it as one unfulfilling experience rolled into another… The pressure within me was building. I started getting stressed out and depressed.

The hardest part of personal and spiritual growth is that your perspective changes. It’s very hard to continue as if everything is the same when you now see, feel and experience things completely differently than the folks you surround yourself within every day. The longer you fight it, the worst it gets. It’s almost as if it taps you on shoulder but you don’t listen. It taps you on the shoulder again and you still don’t listen and then one day it knocks you the fuck out with the truth just so you wake up. Believe me – that hurts! 😂 The truth of who we are and what we’ve settled for in our lives is very hard to see up close. I chose to see it in anyway. I used the pain to grow and change.

Knock out gif

But before I grew and change – I became sick from the stress of the events. I won’t get into the long series of events that eventually pushed me to let go of a relationship, friendships, a lifestyle, a way of thinking and small-mindedness. All I will say – it wasn’t pretty. I see now it didn’t need to be that hard. If I just would have let go sooner I could have saved myself a lot of heartache, pain and sickness.

Here’s my rhetorical question… If I didn’t go through the heartache, pain, sickness and all of those changes, would I be the woman I am today? Was it the struggle the defined my character and shaped me into who I am today. I like the woman I’ve become. I like the woman I’ve grown into. I know I am a powerful creator. I now know my worth. I am not afraid to see myself. I enjoy self-awareness. I now won’t accept less than I deserve from anyone including myself 💙✨✊

#DearMeTenYearsAgo – I would not go back and change anything ten years ago unless I would end up the same strong, passionate, compassionate and beautiful women I am today. If the struggle made me who I am today, I will take the struggle – heartache, pain, tears and sickness – I will take it all just to be sure I end up the same woman I am today💙✨✊

Food for thought

If you are starting to experience things differently now and are getting yourself stressed out by change on the horizon, my advice to you is to just follow the signs. Follow one sign at time without looking to far ahead. Make one choice at a time. Eventually you will hit a tipping point as I did and then you won’t look back. I would also suggest surrendering to the process before I did. It’s very hard to know you are changed and are different on the inside then have to put on a mask to pretend you are still the same person to the folks in your life. I would also suggest you be careful who share confidences with now. I learned the hard way not every person in your life will be happy you are changing. Some will be envious. Some will judge you. Some will try to manipulate you just as they have done in the past. Some will try to hold you back. You changing will make them see themselves.

If you need support, confide in someone who has been through it (a kindred spirit). If I know you personally, please feel free to reach out to me for support. Peacefully start following the signs God and Universe are laying out for you. You will find your way.

Follow the signs quote`

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