I never wanted to love you. I never planned to love you. Love wasn’t what I had on my mind. I wanted fuck you. It was a sexual attraction. It was a physical attraction but something happened along the way. I fell down into the rabbit hole of your beautiful blue eyes. I have been stuck here ever since. Much like Alice when she fell into Wonderland, I find myself seeing thing differently. Feeling things I never wanted to feel for a man again. Unlike Alice, I’ve cursed my way through this by routinely asking myself “What the fuck? How? When? Why?” Those questions are rhetorical, of course.
We drift through this beautiful life; moving through one phase to another. We come together. We move apart. Now we are in a separation phase of our journey. We are separate but still connected. We are separate but both growing, learning about ourselves, healing, reenergizing and reconnecting to our authentic selves. I have faith our separation is for a greater purpose. It will ultimately be for our highest good.
As I call you to mind and feel my heart swell with love and affection for you, I want you to know I love you. Nothing has changed for me in our separation. I still love you. I still desire you. I am still stuck in the wonderland of your blue eyes. I am, however, aware this is a time of great change for you. It’s your time to rest. It’s your time to reconnect with family and friends. It’s your time to listen to what is in your heart. Follow where your intuition leads you. See what you need to see. Feel what you need to feel. This is your time to choose the life you want after so many years of living up to expectations. This is your time to finally find what is authentic and true for you.
Take comfort. I am still here holding love in my heart for you but I also know you need this time, you need this space from us for a while. So, if you don’t hear from me, please know I am not remaining distant because I don’t love you. It’s actually quiet the opposite. I am remaining distant to give you the room to choose the life you want without any outside noise or influence from me. I have no expectations of you.
You see my beloved, I grew up. I learned what real grown up unconditional love really is. I learned love is not attachment. Love is not needy. Love is not conditional. Love has no expectations. Love, truly loving you, means I want you to be happy, with or without me. I am here if/when you are ready connect. I am hoping to hear from you and see your beautiful eyes again. I welcome a reunion with you. But I finally love myself enough that I will be thankful for the role you played in my life even if our separation remains permanent. I will love you for the impact and influence you have had on my life. I will love you for reigniting passion in body. My love for you is big enough, deep enough and wide enough to give you space to find your life even if it ends up not being with me.
Beloved, please know you are love and missed. We are separate but still connected in our hearts.
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Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋
NOTE This love letter for Blue Love was pushing at the edges of my heart all damn day. I couldn’t wait to get home and write it out of me💙💙
This is the third day of my new job. Wow! It’s gonna be a whirlwind. It involves interacting with congressional liaisons, working with the highest levels of management and, I found out today may even include establishing a not for profit company. Holy crap! My dream came true ✨ It scares the crap out of me 🤣I’ve been pretty stressed out all week. I am not good with change. My belly is freaking out; my nerves are raw. I will be glad to get my first week over✌️
Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved