Self Care Sunday ~ Heart Healing

This past week presented me with two opportunities to stand in my authetic power and demonstrate my inner strength.

This week I’ve been dealing with fallout from a potential ethics issue at work. Early Thursday I received a cryptic email from an “temporary” leader stating he did not see anything wrong.  After I took a deep breathe, I attached all of my written documentation and wrote back. I requested that if they were stating we did not need to comply, I disagreed. I also asked for a memo signed by all Senior Execs in the chain “directing” me to not comply – you know – “just” in case we are audited😉😂 Yeah, I went there! I was done and was not even playing anymore. I sent that message at about 8:30am.  Shortly after I sent it, my direct boss sent a note backing me 100%.  I also reached back out to Legal and they told me they had my back too. Around 8:00pm on Thursday night I checked my email. I found a note from my Senior Exec thanking us for bringing the issue to her awareness. She asked that we follow the appropriate process and update the schedule to reflect the additional milestones and show the 12 month delay; she would start messaging it….  I guess no one wanted to sign that memo I requested 🤣 No, I didn’t think so 😂✊

Like I said before, I give zero f**ks lately and I am not even playing.  Basically, I won! I stood up for what I knew to be right and ethical. I had so much documentation backing me up and legal on my side. I wasn’t backing down. I put myself at risk by doing it since I’ve only been here 3 months but I am happy it’s resolved. Now I can just focus on lining things up the right way with zero drama. In case you all don’t know I am stubborn like that – especially when I know I am 100% right… I will dig my high heel into the ground and I will not back down.

This situation reminded me of when I walked off a job 20 years ago because the owner was verbally abusive to employees. I started keeping a file and documenting everything he did and said to people. Then one day I had enough. He said something to me and replied, “I quit! and, by the way, you will be giving me unemployment and covering my health insurance because I’ve got a file of documentation against you as proof of creating a hostile workplace!”🤣✊Well, I didn’t know that folks outside the room heard me. After I walked out, they all started calling me “Norma Rae” and saying I “rang the bell” 🤣 One of those coworkers has become a life long friend. She still calls me “Norma Rae” and reminded me of that story recently. She was proud me this time around too! I won’t back down!

Switching to this week’s personal challenges. My brother has been in the ICU Heart Failure Unit in a hospital in center city Philly all week. He’s in Congestive Heart Failure. I spent the last two days at the hospital with him, family and his lifelong friends. He informed us he signed a DNR – Do Not Resuscitate. Late Friday afternoon they drained the fluid off of his heart. We made it through it and us now waiting for pathology to come back before deciding what to do next. He’s sitting up but not moving around much. I am actually sitting in the family room writing this blog while the doctors are in with my brother and sister in law. I will drive home later this afternoon. Other family members and his friends are planning to visit & watch football with him tomorrow.

My brother and I have a complicated history. Sitting here with him and helping him is forcing me to confront some demons and past resentments from the person he used to be…He is no longer that person. I see that now. He’s a different man than he was in his younger years. Sitting with him the last couple of days I see him differently. I don’t really understand life and how things work but but I will say — sitting with him and helping him is helping me heal the broken part of my heart from so long ago. Caring for someone who hurt me so deeply is truly opening me to a new deeper meaning of unconditional love. If he doesn’t make it, I know I made things right for both of us. Maybe I needed to work through this on my own and let go of this demon from my past to allow myself to open completely to love. Maybe I had to set him and myself free from the past to find peace within myself. I still don’t know what’s going to happen with his heart but I do know,I am glad I’ve been able to share his journey.

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