Self Care Sunday ~ Wrong Choices;Right Places

bad decisions

I believe choices that appear to be bad or wrong are actually learning opportunities for reflection, self awareness and course correction. If we learn something about ourself and grow through those experiences, there are no mistakes. If every path presents a growth or learning opportunity, then you are never on the wrong path. If more people thought this way, they would stop beating themselves up for past choices. Perhaps they would start reflecting and find the what they were supposed to learn from the experience.

I’ve been thinking about choices I’ve made in my personal and professional life over the years. In my personal life, I wish I would have learned to stop beating myself up a long time ago. I wish I would have learned to forgive myself for not knowing better when I was younger. I wish I would have learned to love myself and heal the trauma inside of me long before I was 50 years old. I carried those wounds for a long time and used them as a shield. It’s only been in the last two years that I’ve allowed myself to the space to heal and learn through my experiences. Healing is a work in progress. The difference is I am now willing to see and feel the pain. I am now willing to learn from it.

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In my professional life, I’ve always been open to new opportunities and taking risks. Every role I’ve had over the years, offered me a new piece of wisdom and experience that became part of my knowledge base. I’ve been thinking about this because I’m extremely conflicted in my current role. It’s kind of crazy how I ended up here too….In the Fall of 2017, I was unhappy and restless in my job. I needed a break from the organization I was working in. So I took a temporary assignment which lasted 15 months. After turning down a permanent job offer, I went back to my former organization in a new role. I liked the work and I liked the team I was working on. However, the front line manager was not offering me a promotion. I kept looking for other opportunities. I applied for two promotions in two different groups at the same time. A GM saw my name on the candidate list for one of those promotions and instead poached me by offering me an unadvertised position. That’s how I got the job I am in now…

I’ve been in this role for just about five months. The first six weeks were really bad and it’s surprising I stayed through it. It was a really rough start. It was rough start because Execs were pressuring for a quick turnaround on a schedule. I found out they made a commitment before they completely understood the number of regulatory actions that needed to be done first. I knew it wasn’t going to happen the way they thought and I knew I was going to have to prove I was right.

Here’s the problem – I believe this kind of drama will continue going forward given the players involved with my program. It stresses me out. I just don’t know if it’s healthy for me.

The interesting thing about this is…I’ve been praying for intuitive guidance to help me with this. I figure Spirit will give me a sign in some way…So I thought it was funny when I bumped into my former boss on Christmas Eve morning in the local Target. He and I chatted for a while about personal stuff (holidays, etc.). Before he left, he asked if I heard my former supervisor accepted another job and then he asked me to stop by his office after the holidays. He may have an opportunity for me 🤣I believe in pursuing all opportunities… I will stop by and see him after the holidays are over. I know I can’t make any moves until after I get the Skin biopsy results and know what needs to be done. I am in an easy part of my schedule right now. I have space and time in my current job to take care of the health issue without impacting my work.

What I know for sure is… my holistic wellness is more important to me than money, title or power.  Living authentically is more important than any promotion opportunity this position would offer me.  Money and title don’t motivate me.  Doing what’s right and living truthfully is in alignment with who I am.  For now, I will go with the flow, do my best while I explore other options.  I guess we will see how this plays out…


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*This post was last edited at 1:21pm on 12/29/19.

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