Sometimes you just have to say it – speak it and let whatever is going to happen – happen! Let it happen. I say this because it became clear to me that the only way for me to move forward and get myself unstuck this week was to have the courage to speak and own my truth.
I write a lot about speaking the truth but speaking the truth isn’t always easy. Often it can lead to conflict, hurt feelings and change — but hanging out in limbo was wearing me out. I had to do something. I had to say something.
On Monday I sent my supervisor a note and asked if he had time to have a check-in meeting with me this week. He replied, “I’m free now but otherwise booked the rest of week.” 🤣I thought I would have time to prepare but I didn’t. It was “go time” so I took a deep breadth and called him.
At first we started talking about tasks and action items then eventually I started working towards the real topic I needed to discuss. Then I said it… I told him straight up the conflict this job presents me and amount of stress it is putting on me. I told him I enjoy the work and the challenge. I also stated that I know I am more than capable of doing this job successfully. However, the political agendas, oddball questionable requests from the folks above him put me in an uncomfortable position and it is no longer tolerable for me. WOW! YES, I SAID IT!
It felt good to say it but I was also nauseous as I waited on his reply. After taking a pause, he not only said he understood but also said he feels the same way. That’s when he gave me the space to be completely 100% honest with him. I explained I don’t want to walk away from a job could be my legacy but I also have to look out for my long term holistic wellness. Me being stressed out over bullshit everyday isn’t good for me – period! I told him I don’t want to walk away – but I am also now prepared to do it. I can’t fight anymore! I felt the release of five months of stress as I said those words…
Well, things started shifting as a result of that conversation. My Supervisor and I worked with legal to establish an escalation path for my “sensitive” concerns. We addressed the fact that I am acting in two roles; I’m over it and we need to fix it. By Wednesday, my Divisional Manager asked me to come “downtown” this Wednesday to have meetings with them to do strategic planning so she can ensure I get proper support. She also assigned a management consultant to help me do strategic planning. I am meeting the consultant on Wednesday. The bottom line is – they heard me and have responded to my concerns. They also told me they are impressed that I was able to get the program under control in a relatively short period of time and understood the stress that must have put on me.
I don’t know how this will work out long term but for now it looks like we have a way forward and I am thankful for support. It was the right way for me to address my concerns. I needed to give them an opportunity to fix it before walking away from a job that could be my legacy — but let me be clear… I AM OVER IT! I don’t give a F**K anymore! If it continues to stress me out and make me sick, I will be finding an exit ramp and have not one regret when I leave. I am thankful I had the courage to say everything I had been holding back. I said it… I let it happen.
So, I’ve haven’t been feeling a 100% and have had a sore throat for two weeks. I went to my ENT doctor Friday afternoon. I found out I have an infected ear and sinus; it is draining down and irritating my throat. The reason why this interesting is because the Throat Chakra, the area surrounding the ears and throat, is the area that balances the energies of speech and truth. So when you hold back words or speech or don’t speak your truth, you are creating an energetic imbalance which can lead to physical illness. I made myself sick by trying to hold everything in and not speaking my truth – literally made myself sick.
Funny, as I was writing this I was reminded that I am also a Certified Reiki Master. I am actually certified to teach Reiki. I say I remind myself of it because I stopped practicing Reiki because I felt like I was absorbing too much energy and “seeing” too much stuff from clients. It was creeping me out🤣 If you are not familiar with Reiki, “Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. It is administered by “laying on hands” and is based on the idea that an unseen “life force energy” flows through us and is what causes us to be alive. If one’s “life force energy” is low, then we are more likely to get sick or feel stress, and if it is high, we are more capable of being happy and healthy.” Visit www.reiki.org for more information.
Today is Saturday. Considering I just started an antibiotic, Mucinex and an additional probiotic, I am not leaving the house today. I will wait and see how I feel tomorrow. Since I have to prepare a lot of documents for my meetings “downtown” later this week, I am already scheduled to work from home on Monday which gives me another day at home to heal.
What’s your truth? Are you holding something back? Is it causing you stress? Are you ready to let it happen? Take care of yourself! Know you are divinely supported and loved. I often call upon Archangel Michael when I need protection or assistance. I don’t say any prayer in particular. I just give him a shout and say what I need help with 🙂 Give him a shot…
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Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋
Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved
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