Coping

corona virus

Can you relate? Are you feeling caged in? Are you ready to run? 🤣

I’ve seem to settle into being home this much. It’s not as hard as it was a few weeks ago. I’m not saying I want to do it forever. I am just saying I’ve made it this long without getting Corona Virus, let’s not fuck it up now🤣✌️

I need to get something off my chest so I am going write it out here…I am sharing it because I am curious if the pandemic, people dying and social distancing, has changed your perspective about work or life?

I feel like it brought some clarity to me with regards to work. I am thankful I have a job and I am able to telework. I am thankful I have a safe place to live and work. But work has been off the hook since last week when the explosion I knew was coming and warned folks about – actually happened. However, it was inappropriately directed at me – Staff. I was grilled by Senior Execs in Zoom Video call last week about schedule issues. The problems in the program I work on are not my fault. They existed before I was hired. I can’t make up lost time. Facts are facts. I can’t change the facts. It’s not my risk to own. If my managers are risk adverse, there is nothing I am going to do talk them into pushing the envelope. Nothing! I am staff – ultimately, it is the manager’s decision as to how much risk the organization takes on. I gave options, they chose low risk. Those were my marching orders. If it were my decision, I would have taken strategic risks within regulation to achieve a quicker schedule.

The funny thing about this is, this drama is all happening at a time that I am turning high quality documents around at lightening speed and working to help them achieve milestones early. What I am trying to say is – my stock is up! Now is the time to take a stand. This isn’t about money. It’s not about wanting a promotion. I don’t! It’s about level setting folks as to where accountability and responsibility lies…I am STAFF! I present information to allow managers to make informed decisions but I can’t make a silk purse out of a pig’s ear! Crap is crap and a broken schedule is very hard to fix no matter how much you yell…

I handled myself well in that meeting. I was composed but I also I realized Execs crossed a line by grilling me (Staff) and I realized my leadership should have jumped in and asked me to leave. This program would not be anywhere without the efforts I’ve been making to move it forward. I had a two hour phone call with a Manager yesterday. I called them out on everything…EVERYTHING! I was respectful but also direct. They said they know I’ve been pushed too far and they fear I’ve reached the last straw… They could tell.

I told them straight up…Put some protections in for me or reassign me to another job. I believe I actually said, “you are free to replace me and reassign me to another job. I am good with that!” 🤣 I am done! I just can’t put myself through it anymore. It felt good to say the words out loud. It felt good to show them I had boundaries. I also asked for them to drop me off the Executive briefing invitations. No reason for staff to brief top level Execs! Managers should be briefing Execs not staff. In my old organization a “project lead” would never brief a top level Exec directly – period! My former bosses would never allow for a staff member to take that kind of heat from an Exec without jumping in…My former boss would have went nuts on that call 🤣 Management told me they were shell-shocked. They couldn’t believe what was happening and how calm I was in explaining things to them. I am not reactive. Thank God! By me being so calm and respectful I made them look like an out of control idiot!

Something about what we are living through in this global pandemic changed me. I see things clearly that I once was confused about. I like being staff. I like doing staff work. I like doing my job to the best of my abilities. I don’t like the office politics. I don’t like the high profile bullshit. I don’t want to ever be a “manager”. I need a balanced life. I am just not sure this job, the role I am in now, will ever give me that…The managers had an urgent action to turn around for grumpy Exec. I did all of the work and handed it off to them to brief. I also forced them all to have ownership in the product. You need to concur or not concur and if you don’t respond by the time I need it, I will consider your lack of response as concurrence. That’s how it is rolling now. I am all out of fucks to give…

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