I am a walker. I will sometimes walk six to eight miles if the weather is nice and I am feeling good but my normal walk is between three and four miles. Since the Corona Virus Pandemic hit my area walking in public has been challenging and stressful for me. Yes, I live on the boardwalk. You would think there would be plenty of room and fresh air. However, my area on the boardwalk is super crowded on nice days right now because it’s the only boardwalk open in my area and not everyone wears a mask. It stresses me out. I also like to walk along the bay side road because it’s normally quiet but folks have been back there too on nice days 🤣
I am an early riser. On the weekends I am normally up by 7:00am and would normally watch @MSNBC sipping coffee in my chemise (nighty) and Uggs. I wear the summer chemise and Ugg duo year-round because my body is hot, hot, hot but my feet are always COLD – it’s a sexy and practical look 😜Anyways, instead of watching news in my nighty and Uggs this morning, I did my three miles on the bay side road at 7:30am. It was great. It was peaceful. I could walk most of the time without the mask. I only pulled it up when I saw someone approaching. Overall, it was a great relaxing walk. I adapted to my new reality and found some peace and happiness this morning by doing it. The soundtrack for this morning’s walk was Bill Withers Essentials on iTunes:
I love this Bill Withers collection💙If you like old R&B, I highly recommend it but I would suggest you try to listen to it when you can listen to the words. “I can’t write left handed” is about the Vietnam War; it’s one my favorites. However, the one that made me cry this morning was “Let me in your life”. Bill’s narrative before the song and the lyrics really touched me because I recall having a similar conversation or two in the past with men but I just couldn’t let them in. I was still carrying too much pain from the past. I was still living in the “story” of what happened in the past. Here’s the thing… at 53 years old, I think I would like to try. I would like to try and let someone in, if it’s not too late… If I didn’t miss the chance to let someone in my life. I would like to try... I truly love Blue Love💙He knows that. More importantly, he believes it and trust it too. I am, however, loving him safely at a distance. The real test would be for me to let him love me up close; let him, or someone else, all the way in my life…Let him or someone else really see me, help me forget the story from my past and just love me💙 I am healthier now. I’ve healed from the past. I don’t have to carry that story with me anymore. I would like to try and let someone in, of course, I want it to be Blue Love. Even if it can’t be him anymore…Even if something has changed and he doesn’t feel the same way for me…I would still like to try to let myself be loved by someone, if it’s not too late… 😪
I am also trying to adapt at work. The situation I am in at work is unhealthy. It’s not going to get better. The best thing about this experience is that it taught me a lot and I will take all of this experience on to the next role I find myself in. After some reflection, I realized this was never supposed to be a forever job or even my “dream” job. It was a learning opportunity. It was a job for me learn skills and abilities to take to another job. I also learned I like being a “project lead” and I like working on “start-ups” or the front end of a development schedule. My #1 skill is strategic thinking so working on figuring out a path forward is a good fit for me. I liked the work. Unfortunately, the organization is NOT a good fit for me.
Sooo, I sent a “trial balloon” to a locally based Exec I know. I asked her if something was possible. She replied, “yes, just let me know. I will see what I can do to make the stars align.” It brought a tear to my eye. I slept on it over night and on Friday morning I sent her a followup message with an official request. I LET GO. It was time to call the game.
The funny thing about this is… Three hours later a former coworker who has since moved on to new group as well texted me. She told me I was recommended for a job in her group working for one of her peers to help stand up a new “system”. She wanted me to know she also gave them a positive recommendation 🤣 Wow, you gotta love when the Universe gets behind your decisions✌️💫 That’s when you know you are moving in the right direction😀 It’s still not clear to me if the opportunities are one in the same or if they are two separate unrelated jobs. Either way, I am happy and look forward to hearing more about them. Staying where I am would be me accepting less than I deserveand willfully allowing them to take advantage of me. This choice isn’t about “getting out” of a situation. It’s about “aligning” with a positive healthier situation that will be better for my overall holistic wellness. It’s also about enforcing boundaries✊
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Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋
Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved
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