Self Care Sunday ~ Grieving is self care

Rumi 20 years and her death is still my reason. My sister died on March 9, 1999 around 4:30am with me and other family members by her side after two weeks on life support and a battle with a terminal illness. During those two weeks, I sat with her. I talked to her. I read the newspaper to her. But mostly I sat in silent prayer. Honoring the beautiful soul that made such an impact on my life. When it became clear to me that it was end, I made her promises and those promise are still the reasons for my choices today.

I promised her I would live the life I was capable of living. I didn’t live up to that promise for a long time. I promised her I would live up to the beauty she saw within me. I was so blinded by self doubt and bad influences in my life that I couldn’t see myself as beautiful. I also made sure I thanked her. Anything good that is me is there because she loved me and believe in me. I am who I am because that beautiful soul loved me and took care of me since the day I was born.

How exactly do you commemorate the 20th anniversary of the most painful day of your life? I am honoring her by finally living the life I am capable of living. No more playing small. I am making choices that are authentically aligned with my truth now. That’s the only way I can live now. Emotionally, I recognize a need for support so I went out to dinner with friends last night (Friday). It was a beautiful night out. I am going to philly for a day with the family on Sunday. Today, Saturday, I am honoring my body’s need to slow down. I am also allowing myself to feel melancholy for what I lost. I am reflecting and being thankful for how I’ve grown and changed in recent years. I am remembering where I came from with gratitude. I am reaffirming my commitment to embodying love and light as I moved forward in this life. Mostly, I am just missing my sister and wondering how the hell it still hurts so bad after 20 years. The pain of grief never really goes away. You just become desensitized to it. It’s like the chronic knee pain you’ve learned to live with as you get older. I’m still walking but my heart and soul are wounded. So today is a day for me to just allow myself to honor that feeling without pressing myself to be happy or social.

On a positive note, I received wonderful news on Thursday about a career related situation. It looks like the strategic risk I took a few weeks ago is going to work out better that I even imagined. It’s partly official but not totally buttoned up yet. I can’t celebrate yet. The dust should settle in the next week or two. A new beginning will hopefully be on my horizon by the end of March. The best part of this is — even if it does go sideways, I can live with it. I did the right thing for myself and for my Program. If I end up back where I used to work after all of this — well, that must be where I am meant to be. This positive news is helping to keep my spirits balanced on a tough emotional day.

Grief

ACTION
This week’s action is to honor where you are. Feel what you need to feel. Cry if you need to cry. Hit bottom if it’s the only way for you to rise up to the top again. Show yourself some love and compassion today.

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved
Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Grief

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

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Friday Feeling – Gratitude

Prayer

The only words I have today are “Thank You God!”. The 35 day government shutdown is now over!

I’ve been struggling with depression since Monday. When I woke up this morning, I decided to drive up to Philly to spend the day with my Mom and Sister rather than going to a rally for Federal Workers. As someone who is an empath and highly sensitive. I absorb the feelings of others around me and being in an environment of so much stress, anger and anxiety is toxic for me. I needed TLC without any sensory overstimulation.

Empath highly sensitive Empath Self care

After helping my Mom with her Property Tax Rebate forms, she took me to Red Robin for a burger and coke. After I ordered my whole meal “Gluten Free”, the server looked at me and her eyes teared up. She told me she was just diagnosed with Celiac Disease and has gastric polyps. She just found out on Tuesday. She was overwhelmed. She told me her hair was falling out and skin was breaking out. I told her the same things happened to me before I was diagnosed Gluten Intolerant. I also told her my health greatly improved with going Gluten Free. While I am not perfect, I am better than I was and my hair grew back. I gave her some advice. I wrote some things down for her and gave her a recommendation for doctor at Jefferson Hospital. Before she walked away she said, “You have no idea how much you helped today. I was really upset this morning and you made me feel so much better. Thank you.”

After the server walked away, my Mom looked at me and said, “Now we know why you came up here instead of going to that rally. That girl needed someone today and God chose you to help her. God knows you are not happy unless you are helping someone my beautiful child!”☺️I then went to pay the bill and saw it was $22.22. Four twos! 222 is my God sign. It means, “Everything is going to be ok – right one, right place, right time!”. When I see repetitive twos I repeat my personal mantra, “Everything is always working out for my highest good!”

2222 numerology

222

Wait, there’s more… I was listening to CNN as I was driving home. It was 2:22pm and Trump was speaking. He announced he agreed to open the government for three weeks so they could work out a deal. 222 was my magical number today. Numbers are spiritual signs. If you are seeing repetitive numbers, google what they mean to unlock the code. Here’s a quick guide:

111 222 333 444 555 666 777 888 999

I have a lot of thoughts on the shutdown in general but let me sum it up with these two sentences. I do not want a President or an Administration that is not capable of feeling empathy and compassion for average American citizens and I will never again vote for a Republican – even if I know them personally.

Empathy quotes

As Always
Remember to put a little love in the world by saying the Loving Kindness Prayer for someone special. I often like to say it for special people in my life as well for groups such as my family, friends, coworkers and all beings.

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

I claim love as my vibration for 2019.
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Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

(C) 2018 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

DMCA.com Protection Status