Self Care Sunday ~ It’s Been A Week

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My coworker who sits in the cubicle next to mine has a saying. At the end of a challenging day she says, “It’s been a day!” When I was leaving work for the weekend on Thursday evening, I said to her, “It’s been a week!” It was a challenging week for sure.

I traveled for work in a small plane on Wednesday. It was a one day trip. I don’t normally have trouble on those flights and actually the flights were ok that day. There was a little turbulence but that is normal on that plane. The problem was I wasn’t feeling great. The antibiotic I am on is really upsetting my stomach. However, I felt like I needed to talk to leadership in person so I traveled. The first flight was actually ok but the flight home was stressful. My stomach was upset all day. I started getting anxiety about getting sick on the plane. Ended up chewing on a half of Xanax on the way to plane. While my stomach never really settled down until after I got home, the anxiety went away about 10 minutes into the 45 minute flight. I’ve never been happier for a plane to land. Lol 🙂 By the time the plane landed I believe I looked something like this…🤣

hot-mess

My meeting with leadership overall went well. It was clear in the meeting my leadership wants to do whatever needs to be done to support me. It was clear they are committed to helping me in whatever way they can including resources. However, it was also clear to me many of the folks lack a basic understanding of the work. Many of the folks are new or temporary in their roles which means I am constantly bringing someone “up to speed”. It’s exhausting…The bottomline is the organization was not prepared to take on this type of program and lacks the infrastructure to provide the proper support. So now everyone is scrambling to figure things out. It sucks… The other reason I was having some anxiety that afternoon was because they dropped a bomb on me at the end of the meeting. They told me we are getting a third program which is similar to mine and they want to put it in my portfolio. I will have a portfolio of three new programs to stand up in one year without any staff but myself as of right now…. Do you see why I had anxiety that afternoon? know they want the money and shinny new high profile programs — but like, what the fuck?

I had two fires to put out on Thursday.  One was the new program.  We just don’t have enough information for me even to give a good assessment but they aren’t going to like the time it’s going to take to launch.  My boss pushed it back up to ask for more information.  All we really did was push this fire back a week probably🤣The next fire was more complicated.  I opposed a potential candidate they wanted to hire.  I knew it was coming. I was given 4-1-1 in the hallway a few months ago by someone who wanted to protect me🤣 I can’t say much more but they did understand why I opposed the selection, I had documentation.  They understood once I explained the potential conflicts it could present for the program.   I will most likely be successful in blocking the potential hire but come on…They should have known what I knew…Doesn’t anyone check references anymore?

On a positive note, I bumped into my former GM in the hallway earlier in the week. We chatted for a few minutes. It was nice to see her but she caught me at a vulnerable moment. As I was telling her everything that was going in this job, I almost cried🥺As I was saying it all out loud it became clear to me that it is really becoming too much…The gravity of that awareness makes me sad but there can also be freedom in finally accepting it.

I had a doctor’s appointment on Friday morning. I mentioned to her that not only am I in the most stressful job of my career right now but I am also having night sweat and hot flashes from Menopause. We decided to try a small dose of Effexor(SSRI) for the next 30 days. It’s recommended to help hot flashes and night sweats for women who are not candidates for hormone replacement. It’s also an anti-anxiety medication that may help me cope with job better. I have to call my doctor towards the end of the 30 days to let her know if it helps. If it does, I will stay on it at least for the next 6 to 12 months and then ween off. If it doesn’t help me, I will stop it. I will start it when I am done the antibiotic.  I am hoping the Effexor helps me.  The worst part of these dang hot flashes is that I generally like it cool.  I keep my condo around 70 degrees or under.  I often have my bedroom window cracked open at night – even in winter.  I don’t like to be hot 🔥

Lastly, committing to being a vegetarian is the easiest lifestyle change I’ve ever made. Technically, I am a lacto-ovo-vegetarian who occasionally eats fish. The main reason I will never be a Vegan is because I have long standing Vitamin D and Vitamin B-12 deficiency issues. I need to get as much nutrition through food as I can because my stomach doesn’t tolerate supplements well.  I also started ordering a few Vegetarian and Vegan dishes each week from Eat Clean Organization, a local food prep company.  I pick my order up on Mondays after work at a local Health Food Store. Their Thai Sweet Chili Cauliflower, Madras Lentils & Chana Marsala are awesome!  They make quick lunches or dinners. January is Veganuary.  Maybe give Meatless Monday a try this coming week 🙂

Below are some new items I’ve added into my diet to diversify my nutrition profile. I started eating a 1/2 of an Avocado every day.  Avocados are packed with good fats and nutrients.  It’s truly a superfood 🥑  Imagine Organic Soups are DA BOMB. They are Green and Clean products too!  I incorporated more Hemp products into my diet because Hemp is a natural source of Omega 3 Fatty Acids. Fatty Acids are good for the belly, the skin and the heart. Eating foods with Hemp in it is better than taking a Fish Oil pill for me:-) The Oatmeal tastes just like traditional Oatmeal minus the belly bloat for me.  I also included some of my snacks below.  I will share more new products in my future posts.  I’ve also started sharing photos of new recipes I’ve tried or doctored up in my twitter feed in the right sidebar 🙂

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Let It Happen

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Sometimes you just have to say it – speak it and let whatever is going to happen – happen! Let it happen. I say this because it became clear to me that the only way for me to move forward and get myself unstuck this week was to have the courage to speak and own my truth.

I write a lot about speaking the truth but speaking the truth isn’t always easy. Often it can lead to conflict, hurt feelings and change — but hanging out in limbo was wearing me out. I had to do something. I had to say something.

On Monday I sent my supervisor a note and asked if he had time to have a check-in meeting with me this week. He replied, “I’m free now but otherwise booked the rest of week.” 🤣I thought I would have time to prepare but I didn’t. It was “go time” so I took a deep breadth and called him.

At first we started talking about tasks and action items then eventually I started working towards the real topic I needed to discuss. Then I said it… I told him straight up the conflict this job presents me and amount of stress it is putting on me. I told him I enjoy the work and the challenge. I also stated that I know I am more than capable of doing this job successfully. However, the political agendas, oddball questionable requests from the folks above him put me in an uncomfortable position and it is no longer tolerable for me. WOW! YES, I SAID IT!
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It felt good to say it but I was also nauseous as I waited on his reply. After taking a pause, he not only said he understood but also said he feels the same way. That’s when he gave me the space to be completely 100% honest with him. I explained I don’t want to walk away from a job could be my legacy but I also have to look out for my long term holistic wellness. Me being stressed out over bullshit everyday isn’t good for me – period! I told him I don’t want to walk away – but I am also now prepared to do it. I can’t fight anymore! I felt the release of five months of stress as I said those words…Screen Shot 2020-01-11 at 8.58.31 AM
Well, things started shifting as a result of that conversation. My Supervisor and I worked with legal to establish an escalation path for my “sensitive” concerns. We addressed the fact that I am acting in two roles; I’m over it and we need to fix it. By Wednesday, my Divisional Manager asked me to come “downtown” this Wednesday to have meetings with them to do strategic planning so she can ensure I get proper support. She also assigned a management consultant to help me do strategic planning. I am meeting the consultant on Wednesday. The bottom line is – they heard me and have responded to my concerns. They also told me they are impressed that I was able to get the program under control in a relatively short period of time and understood the stress that must have put on me.

I don’t know how this will work out long term but for now it looks like we have a way forward and I am thankful for support. It was the right way for me to address my concerns.  I needed to give them an opportunity to fix it before walking away from a job that could be my legacy — but let me be clear… I AM OVER IT! I don’t give a F**K anymore! If it continues to stress me out and make me sick, I will be finding an exit ramp and have not one regret when I leave.   I am thankful I had the courage to say everything I had been holding back.   I said it… I let it happen.

So, I’ve haven’t been feeling a 100% and have had a sore throat for two weeks. I went to my ENT doctor Friday afternoon. I found out I have an infected ear and sinus; it is draining down and irritating my throat. The reason why this interesting is because the Throat Chakra, the area surrounding the ears and throat, is the area that balances the energies of speech and truth. So when you hold back words or speech or don’t speak your truth, you are creating an energetic imbalance which can lead to physical illness. I made myself sick by trying to hold everything in and not speaking my truth – literally made myself sick.
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Funny, as I was writing this I was reminded that I am also a Certified Reiki Master. I am actually certified to teach Reiki. I say I remind myself of it because I stopped practicing Reiki because I felt like I was absorbing too much energy and “seeing” too much stuff from clients. It was creeping me out🤣 If you are not familiar with Reiki, “Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. It is administered by “laying on hands” and is based on the idea that an unseen “life force energy” flows through us and is what causes us to be alive. If one’s “life force energy” is low, then we are more likely to get sick or feel stress, and if it is high, we are more capable of being happy and healthy.” Visit www.reiki.org for more information.

Today is Saturday. Considering I just started an antibiotic, Mucinex and an additional probiotic, I am not leaving the house today. I will wait and see how I feel tomorrow. Since I have to prepare a lot of documents for my meetings “downtown” later this week, I am already scheduled to work from home on Monday which gives me another day at home to heal.

What’s your truth? Are you holding something back? Is it causing you stress? Are you ready to let it happen? Take care of yourself!  Know you are divinely supported and loved. I often call upon Archangel Michael when I need protection or assistance. I don’t say any prayer in particular. I just give him a shout and say what I need help with 🙂 Give him a shot…

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(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Truth & Choices

D7D50E3C-7EF8-4167-86D5-FC82C496DC67_1_201_aAs my two-week break from work comes to an end, I’m preparing myself to return to work on Monday.  One thing is for sure. I could get used to not working 🤣I balanced myself between rest and activity through the two weeks. I took one two-day trip to Philly for Christmas and then stayed close to home for the rest to time.  Yep, I am going to enjoy retirement 🤣Unfortunately, I am not eligible for eight more years… so I go back to work on Monday at 6:30am.

I was hoping being off from work for two weeks would help me gain clarity regarding my conflicting feelings in my current job.  I can’t say that it has given me a definitive answer.  All I know is I still feel uneasy and my intuition is on alert.  My biggest problem with the job is there is a political under-tone in the job. Folks are lobbying to use the work I am doing to their political advantage and in direct conflict to my beliefs.  Also, they’ve been cautiously lobbying me by broaching the subject of their preferences.   I am fighting to ensure decisions are made on the merit of the projects and the reach they could have in the industry.  However, at the end of the day, once I send the packages to our “parent company”, it will be out of my hands.  Also, the “Selection Official” often makes choices that benefit her husband and her home state. Again, in complete conflict with my beliefs…I can’t square myself with that…My worry is that I am going to eventually lose my temper and get myself into trouble as this plays out. I am getting tired of fighting. The decision will eventually come down to doing what is in authentic alignment with who I am and how I want to live.  Money, title, power and working on a high profile program isn’t worth being stressed out and conflicted everyday.

When I was wrestling with a career decision last year, a friend asked me one question, “Do you enjoy the work?”.  If I ask myself that question now, the answer is “No. I don’t.”  It makes me sad because under different circumstances without the politics, I would have really enjoyed this type of work and challenge. I just don’t see it changing. Actually, I see it getting worse as I get closer to the selection phase of the project.  So my choices are… (1) Talk to my leaders about my concerns.  I know for a fact my direct supervisor feels the same way I do. He has even told me he would not mind offloading my program.  The program is a hot potato….Leaders above him are feeling pressure from industry and political folks… Not sure talking to them would make anything any better  (2) I could ask to be reassigned to another role in my current Organization  (3) Or I can leave the organization all together. This would essentially cut all ties with the organization I am currently in – most likely for the rest of my career – but do I even care anymore?   I am already exploring other opportunities and my mind is open to trying new things.

After writing the above paragraph, I took a break from writing and scrolled through Instagram. The below photo was the first post in my newsfeed. Do you think it’s trying to tell me something? 🤣🤣

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While on the topic of truth…I’ve been thinking a lot about my connection with “Blue Love” and what that connection has meant in my life.  This is going to get deep so follow me… Loving him, holding space for him, speaking my truth to him and now being in separation from him taught me what real love, real unconditional BIG love, actually is.    It’s loving without expectation or attachments.  That’s a profound lesson to learn.  Loving this way healed parts of myself that were blocked by past traumas. Focusing on myself and moving on with life while in separation from him helped me to let go of who I was in the past and learn to love and accept myself.

My connection with Blue Love started as a sexual attraction and that sexual energy is still palpable between us even after all of these years.  Our connection is so much deeper now.  I have no idea what’s going to happen in our future. I don’t know if we will remain in separation or be reunited. I will love him either way but I will say I miss swimming into those beautiful blue eyes and hope to do it once again…. Honestly, I would like to sip a delicious glass of red win while talking to him one to one and swim in those beautiful eyes…That reminds me of the below poem I wrote a while ago about that…

I am a big fan of Todd Rundgren. He is a nominee for the 2020 Rock Hall of Fame Class. However, he still needs some votes to get in. Voting is open until 1/10/20. Head over to https://vote.rockhall.com to vote for him. “Love is the answer” & “Hello, it’s me” are my favs 💙🙌

Swim ~ Blue Love Poetry
Swimming
In your manhood
I find myself
Going deeper
Into the waters
Of your soul
To find
My own path
To contentment
I hold my breathe
As I dive
All the way down
Into the place
In your heart
Where the love
You withhold
From another
Waits patiently
For me
To believe you
Waits for me
For me
To relax into
Your hands
And trust you
With my future
And my heart
I swim to the top
Of reality
Gasping for air
Searching the horizon
For safety and security
I panic
And try to swim
To familiar land
Until I felt it
I felt your heart
Pulling me
Into the riptide
Of love again
Trying to gain control
Of my destiny
I try to change
My course
I am
So used to
Looking out myself
It’s my instinct
Or perhaps
Just a habit
To disengage
To protect myself
But I feel it
I feel myself
Drowning in your soul
I feel myself
Needing to be near you to
Feel my own heart beat
Get out
Leave

My inner skeptic
Shouts
Get out before
He breaks your heart

My wounded soul
Begs of me
As one barrier
Between us dissolves
And we move closer
To one another
I take a deep breathe
Before diving
Back down into the water
Swimming back down
To bottom of your heart
Until I find
The center of your world
Placing my lips
Against your chest
You give me oxygen
And tell me
To take a breathe
And trust you
Trust you
As I steady myself
I whisper to you
I do
Trust you
As much as I
Am capable of trusting
Another person
I trust you
I don’t want more
If I won’t have you
(C) 2016 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Photography “Kissed” by Libor Spacek

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Wrong Choices;Right Places

bad decisions

I believe choices that appear to be bad or wrong are actually learning opportunities for reflection, self awareness and course correction. If we learn something about ourself and grow through those experiences, there are no mistakes. If every path presents a growth or learning opportunity, then you are never on the wrong path. If more people thought this way, they would stop beating themselves up for past choices. Perhaps they would start reflecting and find the what they were supposed to learn from the experience.

I’ve been thinking about choices I’ve made in my personal and professional life over the years. In my personal life, I wish I would have learned to stop beating myself up a long time ago. I wish I would have learned to forgive myself for not knowing better when I was younger. I wish I would have learned to love myself and heal the trauma inside of me long before I was 50 years old. I carried those wounds for a long time and used them as a shield. It’s only been in the last two years that I’ve allowed myself to the space to heal and learn through my experiences. Healing is a work in progress. The difference is I am now willing to see and feel the pain. I am now willing to learn from it.

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In my professional life, I’ve always been open to new opportunities and taking risks. Every role I’ve had over the years, offered me a new piece of wisdom and experience that became part of my knowledge base. I’ve been thinking about this because I’m extremely conflicted in my current role. It’s kind of crazy how I ended up here too….In the Fall of 2017, I was unhappy and restless in my job. I needed a break from the organization I was working in. So I took a temporary assignment which lasted 15 months. After turning down a permanent job offer, I went back to my former organization in a new role. I liked the work and I liked the team I was working on. However, the front line manager was not offering me a promotion. I kept looking for other opportunities. I applied for two promotions in two different groups at the same time. A GM saw my name on the candidate list for one of those promotions and instead poached me by offering me an unadvertised position. That’s how I got the job I am in now…

I’ve been in this role for just about five months. The first six weeks were really bad and it’s surprising I stayed through it. It was a really rough start. It was rough start because Execs were pressuring for a quick turnaround on a schedule. I found out they made a commitment before they completely understood the number of regulatory actions that needed to be done first. I knew it wasn’t going to happen the way they thought and I knew I was going to have to prove I was right.

Here’s the problem – I believe this kind of drama will continue going forward given the players involved with my program. It stresses me out. I just don’t know if it’s healthy for me.

The interesting thing about this is…I’ve been praying for intuitive guidance to help me with this. I figure Spirit will give me a sign in some way…So I thought it was funny when I bumped into my former boss on Christmas Eve morning in the local Target. He and I chatted for a while about personal stuff (holidays, etc.). Before he left, he asked if I heard my former supervisor accepted another job and then he asked me to stop by his office after the holidays. He may have an opportunity for me 🤣I believe in pursuing all opportunities… I will stop by and see him after the holidays are over. I know I can’t make any moves until after I get the Skin biopsy results and know what needs to be done. I am in an easy part of my schedule right now. I have space and time in my current job to take care of the health issue without impacting my work.

What I know for sure is… my holistic wellness is more important to me than money, title or power.  Living authentically is more important than any promotion opportunity this position would offer me.  Money and title don’t motivate me.  Doing what’s right and living truthfully is in alignment with who I am.  For now, I will go with the flow, do my best while I explore other options.  I guess we will see how this plays out…


(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

*This post was last edited at 1:21pm on 12/29/19.

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Early Detection

5A812EB1-30DC-4C74-873D-82A20BAAAD65_1_201_a“Suck it up, spit it out and handle it”. That’s my Mother’s way of saying “You got this” or “Get over it” or “You’ll be fine” 🤣 I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard this in my life…My Mother was never a coddler nor was she sensitive to emotions and feelings. She’s softened after she turned 70 🤣 Now that she is 80, she is still a tough old lady but she also is more compassionate and loving. She says I helped her grow✌️

I shared the above story about my Mother’s favorite saying because she just said it to me Friday. However, Friday she followed it with “I love you and you have to give this one over to God.” The reason she said this to me is because my Dermatologist did a biopsy yesterday on a growth on my jawline. While doing the biopsy, the Dermatologist told me she was 95% sure the growth was Skin Cancer, Squamous Cell Carcinoma (SCC) to be exact. She told me, once the biopsy results were independently verified, she would refer me to Mohs Surgeon for removal. The whole thing was a bit surreal. I thought I was going to just get mole “looked at”. I figured they would just freeze it off and away I would go. Instead I found myself having a conversation about SCC being 99% curable when caught early and being told I need to make sure to get it taken care of because SCC can spread to Lymph Nodes and bones.

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Let me be clear I am not upset about this. I have enough friends who have had Skin Cancer and have had Mohs Surgery. I already two recommendations for surgeons in Philly. The reason it caught me off guard is because I really thought it was only a mole. I really only went to the doctor because I am vain and didn’t want to walk around with a mole on my jawline 🤣 And let me tell you, it grew quick. It wasn’t there at my last full body scan in June. I found it in mid November and it grew a good bit by the time it was biopsied. The doctor said I did everything right and catching it early is important. Seriously, I walked out of the Doctor’s office like “what the f**k just happened?” 🤣

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The conversation about SCC freaked me out a little because it’s exactly where I’ve been complaining about jaw pain for two years. After a MRI, Cat Scan and Ultrasound, they told me the pain in my jaw is Arthritis but a cancerous growth is there now too. Can you blame me for being a bit freaked out. Also, this is the second kind of Cancer I’ve caught early. I had pre-cancer in my colon removed and I have abnormal cells (that are not cancer but could become it) in my stomach that are being monitored. Is this just how getting old is? Is staying on top of stuff so you catch things early what we do after we turn 50? I still have a 5% chance it could not be SCC but it seems I just gotta “Suck it up, Spit it out and Handle it!” 🤣

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Switching topics…I had an appointment to test drive a new car (2020) after the biopsy yesterday. I loved the car but the numbers weren’t where I want them to be. It wasn’t financial advantageous for me leave my lease early so I left. I told them we can revisit it when I am closer to the end of my lease. They have already reached back out to me on Saturday morning saying they are still working on it 🤣Let them work it…I am not budging unless it’s where I want it to be…. Guess what? When I was in my 20s, I was an Assistant Buyer for a retail company. I spent all day in my cubicle negotiating cost, terms and lead times with vendors. The key to negotiating is to not show emotions or attachments. I can live without a new car and I can tell them “no thanks” all day long if they want to keep trying without meeting my terms…🤣

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My last topic today is work…this job has me so conflicted… Part of me loves it. Part of me hates it. I am doing a good job and they’ve told me it. I am capable of succeeding in this job but I find myself being routinely ethically challenged. Therefore, I am not attached to it. The opportunity to make a difference in the industry comes with a good bit of drama, pressure from political players and folks in industry who expect special consideration — which I won’t give them – period!  It’s gonna be a fight… I will be using scoring mechanisms that even the playing field – period!  Its up the primary applicants to partner with other entities and up to recipients to issue sub-awards and give contracts for services post award without pressure. My direct supervisor and I are completely in alignment with “no” being the answer. Fortunately, a scathing new audit of grant programs administered by our “parent” company gives me justification and the cover to say “no” but I do have legal looking for a way to help me give everyone a “win” so I don’t have to battle with leadership again. I will have to see how this plays out.…So, as much as I love the opportunity to make a difference in this job, I am still not attached to it. I am not sure I will stay in it for the long term if these types of issues continue to pop up. It’s exhausting and they have certainly found a way to f**k up my dream job. I am staying open to other opportunities that cause me less stress and conflicts. Again, the key is non-attachment or maybe it’s just a distraction to see if I am going to f**k up what I asked for???🤣 I am just not sure which way it’s going yet…

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Something that made me happy today…I gave every employee in the building I live in a $10 Dunkin’ Donuts Gift Card yesterday as a token of appreciation for their help throughout the year and I also contributed to their bonus fund. I’ve seen a bunch them walking around the building today with DD cups and they all had big smiles on their faces when they saw me. It made me happy🤣

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(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

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Self Care Sunday ~ Use the pain

C61EE275-EE53-40A4-A257-9F61D81713B7_1_201_a.jpegThe focus of my self care this week has been centered mostly on relationships and physical self care.

I’ve taken opportunity to socialize a bit more this week than I normally do and I am glad I did it. I went to Christmas Chinese Auction party with 22 women. It was fun. The women in this crowd are a good bit older than I am and most of them were the first friends I made when I moved down here 25 years ago. I’ve always been most comfortable with folks older than I am, “Boomers” as they are now called.

The best thing that came out of that night was that I reconnected with one of the women who I fell out with a few years ago. It got pretty ugly between us a few years ago. Mostly because she likes to control things and I don’t like to be controlled ☺️🤣 I am an equal. I am not a child. I am not a follower. I make my own decisions…Well, our friendship became a constant tug of war and eventually it broke under the pressure. I accept my responsibility in the breakdown of the friendship. I could have talked to her instead of shutting her down but “shutting down” to folks who hurt me is my trauma response. It was how I protected myself since I was young. Until recently, I didn’t know any better. Her husband died around the time some of this was going on. I think she was just trying to control things because she felt out of control but she could have backed off, stopped trying to control me and been more sensitive to my feelings. Anyway, we were both wounded.

I guess since I’ve been focused on healing this year she’s been on my mind a lot in recent months. I miss her friendship.  Her best friend is dying from Pancreatic Cancer and she, herself, recovered from Breast Cancer. It just felt like it was time to say how I felt to her; no more shutting down to people. Also, there aren’t very many people in my life other than my sister who make me laugh as hard as she does. I mean seriously, snorting, soda out of my nose, full belly laughs when I am around her. We’ve always clicked. Even this passed Sunday she was cracking me up. For some reason I seem to get along very well with Geminis♊️  I must be drawn to the duality of the twins; it intrigues me 💞 But that dark twin can be straight up gangsta sometimes! That’s one I fight with 🤣 Anyway, I pulled her aside, hugged her and told her I loved and missed her. She said the same thing. We aren’t going to revisit the past. We are going to leave it in the past. We are just going to start from today building a new friendship from who we are today. It is a fresh start for our friendship. Do you shut down to people like I do? Are you willing to open up to someone who loves you?

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Physically I’ve been trying to manage a flare-up of arthritis in my left jaw this week. It hurts…The damp weather the last few days has been rough not to mention the low barometric pressure gave me a migraine. This is the worst time of year for my jaw issues and migraines. I also found a small external growth near my jaw earlier this week. I have an appointment with the Dermatologist to have it looked at and hopefully removed this week. Since I am allergic to NSAIDS and Aspirin, my pain relief choices are limited. I am going to try CBD Oil & found a reputable local CBD (Hemp) Oil Representative through a medical professional referral. I ordered the Pure 500 CBD Oil (Cinnamon Flavor) Tincture and my friend gave me a sample of the cream which I put lightly on my jaw today. It seemed to help but I will try it again. HempWorx. A friend told me it’s really helped her arthritis a lot. It should arrive this coming week. It was not cheap but I am hoping it helps not only my joint and muscles issues but it also is supposed to help migraines and sleep issues. I will let you know how that goes. Lastly, Accuweather has health forecast page for allergies, migraines and arthritis. Once you enter your location, it will show the health forecast options.  It was 100% on the money this week. Migraine started late Thursday. I started meds in enough time to prevent the full migraine and arthritis in the jaw flared up on Saturday too. Check out the site.

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I am working on changing my diet around lately. I tend to have a sweet tooth ☺️I have to work hard to keep it in check. It’s a slippery slope. Once I have sugar coffee, I want sugar all day every day🤣That’s why I typically don’t use sugar in the morning. I switched to oatmeal for breakfast. I’ve been adding a low sugar free protein powder from Bowmar Nutrition to it to bump up the nutrition too. The Hot Chocolate and French Toast Protein Powders from Bowmar are good. They use Monk Fruit to sweeten which is extremely low sugar but sweet.  As for dinner, I’ve been making bowls with cooked veggies and protein source each night. Since my belly feels best eating only cooked instead of raw vegetables, I am buying assorted cooked veggies every few days at a local prepared food store called (Done.) This week’s bowls have had a bed of Baby Spinach at the bottom with roasted Brussels Sprouts, Sweet Potatoes, Marinated Mushrooms with Barbecue Tofu & a little Crispy Pork Belly topped with Blue Cheese crumbles & a Balsamic Blue Cheese dressing I mix at home.  You could also mix and match from the image to make bowl combos. Just select a protein (4-6oz for women; 6-8oz for men) and a carb (1/4 cup) with as many as you like from the veggie list.  I need to eat cooked veggies because of my digestive issues but raw would be good too 🙂

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The only thing I am going to say about work this week is to encourage folks to accept the opportunity to learn and grow when it’s presented. Leadership approached me a while ago and asked me to get a Grants Management Certificate. The Certificate program is a series of seven courses and they are all available virtually. Work agreed to pay $7000 for all of the courses as long as I took virtual courses and I was allowed to take them all during work hours from home. They only thing I couldn’t do is travel for any of the courses. I completed three courses so far. This past week I teleworked three days and was only in the office Thursday and Friday. However, on Friday I was able to use knowledge from the course while working on strategy for the Call for Proposals.  I am finding the classes beneficial. It’s filling in a big knowledge gap for me and I am grateful my leaders were willing to invest in me. I should finish my certificate in March.

Lastly, I can’t wait until current occupant of the White House is Impeached! I hope the Senate is courageousness enough to remove him. I am want to go back to having a President I respected. Honestly, I cringe every time I hear POTUS’s voice. Believe me I would be at every protest if I wasn’t afraid of getting arrested on being seen on camera 🤣✊ This is best red hat EVER…
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(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Dark Places

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Each week I write Self Care Sunday posts to discuss holistic approaches to wellness and self care. I like to write about spiritual as well as physical and emotional wellness because the mind, body and spirit are the trinity of holistic wellness. True holistic wellness can only occur when the three aspects of being are in harmony and/or balance.

Some of the topics I present may be heavy and may even trigger feelings or an emotional response by readers. I write about them because often we don’t know what we don’t know. We don’t see what we don’t want to see. I am encouraging you to maintain an open mind and an open heart as you read these posts. Be gentle with yourself if painful memories are triggered and consider allowing yourself to sit in that pain for a little while to see it, understand it and to heal it.

For my own wellness, working to heal past traumas and let go of previous versions of myself has been the key to true holistic balance. In the past, I tried to heal my physical body without ever addressing repressed emotions or buried traumas. Stuffing down pain manifested in health issues, poor self care and emotional issues. I have chosen to see it and feel it so I could heal in 2019. Honestly, it feels like 2019 not only brought change in my professional life and in my relationships but it also changed how I look at myself. It changed how I approach life too. Almost like my reset button was pushed and I loaded back up as a healed version of myself😄💙

I realized over the last year that true growth happens when we are able to sit in our dark spaces without trying to numb ourselves or shield ourselves from the pain of our darkness. True healing happens when we allow ourselves to see the truth, the truth of who we are, what we accepted, who we’ve become, mistakes we’ve made and opportunities we missed. As for myself, it’s been painful to see and feel the truth but it has also been liberating. I’ve found freedom from the limitations of my trauma and healing in my heart and soul by finally slowing down long enough to allow the darkness within to surface. Once darkness is brought to the surface, the light transmutes it and heals it.

Can you maintain an open mind as unpleasant experiences from your past surface? Can you sit in the dark space with a heavy heart and feel the pain without trying to  numb   yourself to it? Can you let the darkest part of your soul come up and into the light to be finally healed? Can you forgive yourself for accepting less than you deserved or for not knowing what you didn’t know? Can you love yourself enough today to choose to heal?


My work story this week is on the topic of – you don’t know what you don’t know. I’ve been dealing with a legal/ethics issue at work. Since my first milestones were met and are out for public comment, I assumed we were past the drama of the situation but I got a phone call from a Manager (not mine) with a new challenge🤬

A few leaders loaned me advisors when I first started. A manager for one of those teams started the phone call off with with “about this paperwork thing” 🤣 That should have been my first clue 😂…Bottomline is their team members provided me bad, out-dated information – period! I asked for clarification. They couldn’t give it to me because they were not following regulations…I went another path and moved on but it seems my program’s public notices shined a light on that team’s compliance issues. That team has already been chewed out once; I think they were trying to feel me out…So, I shared my legal documentation which has concurrence and directive from our “parent company” and I stated “we could try to get a waiver for the rest of the process to shave off time but any request would have to be coordinated back through legal and our parent company.” I could feel the breath in their long SIGH over the phone after I said it. They weren’t angry with me. I was just stating facts and had the documentation to support what I stated.

So, here’s bottom line. Leaders are in this predicament because they assumed they knew everything about grants and thought their “experts” knew it all too. They didn’t have a clue the team wasn’t staying up to date on regulations and compliance requirements. Now, you can argue they have been “under the radar” or getting away with it for this long…and I am going to tell you…the truth always comes out eventually and it’s best it doesn’t happen in the middle of an audit by the watchdog 🤣🤣 See where I am going with this??? When we assume we know everything, we not only close ourselves off to learning and new knowledge, we also make ourselves vulnerable. Our knowledge and experience will eventually become out-dated if we do not challenge ourselves to keep an open mind, learn, ask questions and stay humble. We don’t know what we don’t know but assuming we know everything is a vulnerable position to be in especially for a leader.

Wrapping this week’s post up…. The below meme accurately depicts me preparing to be normal at work and in social situations 😂I’m going to a girls Christmas Gift Exchange on Sunday afternoon. I’ll have to be super “normal” with that crowd; they are very straight-laced✌️I only see them a couple times a year so I am looking forward to it🎅🏻I just hope the Trump cult members in the group respect the “no politics” agreement! I am a moderate Democrat. I’ve always been moderate. I usually vote blue but, on occasion, I’ve voted red. Since Trump became President and both parties are being led by extremist, “moderate” is now a four letter word.  With everything that has come to light in the last three years, I don’t foresee me voting for a Republican for the rest of my life✊

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Love and Good Deeds

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I heard the above Bible Verse the other day.  While it’s intended to encourage us to love others and spur us to do good deeds for others, I thought I would take a moment to reflect on how we can apply “love and good deeds” to self care.

I believe holistic wellness is a balance between giving to others and tending to our own needs. To give to others without limits is dangerous and can even be self destructive. It took me a long time to learn this lesson and learn to set healthy boundaries.  My self care message today is simple. While it’s important to love others and do good in the world, it’s equally important to take care of yourself and look after your own needs too.

I encourage you to take a moment and LOVE yourself today. Do something good for you today. Do something that makes you happy. Do something you enjoy. Take care of yourself today. What good deed can you do for yourself today? Perhaps it’s something as simple as resting today or going for a walk in nature. Maybe it’s as complicated as speaking your truth and finally facing the truth about a situation in your life.  It’s healthy to live in truth and authenticity. How can you extend good deeds toward your self care during this hectic time of year to ensure you are well enough to give to others in the future?

As for myself, I came home from my Thanksgiving trip to Philly with a head cold🤒 I am tired and congested. I have a small fever and a headache🤧I need to rest, and stay warm today. Since I woke up and found no food in the house, I had groceries delivered by the local ACME. That was self care today.  I placed my order near 9:00am and by 11:15am, I had three bean sweet potato chili made with grass fed beef in the crock pot 😀I added sweet potato and a tablespoon of organic Cacao Powder to bump up the vitamins and minerals in it. It’s weird I am craving chili instead of soup while sick. I will be staying in warm while under a blanket with slippers, a cup of tea and my remote in hand binge watching something on Netflix or Amazon until I feel better. Now, if I could just figure out how to get a large Dunkin Donuts Coffee with Gingerbread S’mores and cream delivered, I would be all set 🤣

Thankfully I am taking virtual classes for my Grant Management certificate from home Monday and Tuesday this coming week and  again Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday of next week too. I can’t stay warm and not worry about getting dressed for work for a couple of extra days  each week while still “working”.

A brief update on work:
The truth is this job scares me a bit…🤣 It’s complicated. It’s high profile. It’s challenging. It’s demanding that I perform a different level than ever before.  Honestly, I get overwhelmed when I think about it too much.  I try to disconnect from it when I start to get overwhelmed. Seriously, I am starting two new grants program from zero…zero… I was told recently there may be a third program added later this year… I get a little freaked out about how big this job is sometimes… Folks say “take things one day at time”. While that is somewhat true, I need to look a year down the road so I can mitigate risks early. So it’s a balance between working on tactical tasks today while stepping back to strategize for the future.

Some of my stress in this job is that it is more responsibility and accountability than I’ve ever had in my entire career. It scares me a bit. Leadership offered me a professional executive coach. However, I declined for right now because the guys is on staff to my director. How do I know he won’t snitch? 🤣 I would not feel comfortable being completely honest with him so what’s the point of meeting with him??? I feel like I do need someone to coach me through this transition to this new level, I just haven’t found the right person to help me so I am working through this on my own. I am not sure Blue Love would have the time since he transitioned to a new job recently too. For now, I am “coaching” myself. I am grateful for the growth opportunity.

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How are you loving yourself? What good deeds have you done for yourself recently?  Can you use gratitude to attractive your deepest desire?

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

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Self Care Sunday ~ No Ordinary Life

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If I am home on the weekends at 10am, I like to watch AM Joy on MSNBC. Joy Reid does a segment where she asks her guests, “Who won the week and why?” Her guests pick their winners from the news events in the previous week. So my question to you today is how did you WIN your week? What went right? What worked out? Did you make progress? Was there an energetic shift in your life? Can you take a moment to appreciate what’s good in your life? This is how I won the week.

A “win” for the entire Universe this week is that Mercury Retrograde is finally over🤣 Mercury went direct on November 20th. I have to be honest. I am not really affected by Mercury Retrograde shenanigans too much anymore but the funniest story I heard this week was a Kansas City news anchor accidentally sent his sick call email to the entire broadcasting company across the USA. His coworkers across the country started the #PrayersforNick viral hashtag on Twitter and a shrine at his desk🤣

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While this is funny, some screw ups may not be as comical. I would encourage folks to just automatically try to be more present every day – slow your roll down… Seriously, slow everything down and learn to be more present. Perhaps be more cautious with communications, contracts and commitments when you hear Mercury is spinning backwards😉Check the below Mercury Retrograde Bingo Card to see if you got any of them this time around.
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My professional “win” of the week was I was able to meet an important first regulatory milestone for my program this week. I submitted our first two “notices” to the Federal Register on Thursday. They should be live by Tuesday or Wednesday. It’s important because it starts a 9 month clock of regulatory actions that have to be done before we can announce a solicitation or call for proposals to the public. This one action won’t close for 60 days so while I wait I am writing Standard Operating Procedures, establishing policy directives, working through Privacy Requirements and figuring out Merit Criteria standards. Plenty of work to do but now it’s a pace that is manageable and folks realize that I was right all along 🤣 So, that’s helpful too 😜
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My other professional “win” of the week is that I realized I am not attached to this current job. I like the job. I am thankful for the learning opportunity. I do feel like I am in the right place. It’s clear they need someone strong and “by the book” like me to move this forward. However, I am not attached like I’ve been to jobs, people and organizations in the past. My loyalty is to myself and my growth. If the signs point me in a new direction, I will go wherever the Universe leads me. I trust the Universe and know everything is always looking out for my highest good. There is freedom in non-attachment. Attachment keeps us stuck in unhealthy situations. Attachments holds us back from choosing growth. I am glad I am not attached this time around. What are you attached to? Can you let go a bit?
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My Thanksgiving “win” this week is that I got assigned desserts to bring for dinner. Since I am traveling that day, packing pies and cakes is so much easier than packing hot food. The only requirement I was given was to be sure I bring a Big Plain Cheesecake with Cherry Pie Filling and Whipped Cream on the side along with any other desserts/pies I want to bring.  I LOVE cheesecake with Cherries and whipped cream too:-) I am thinking cookies, Apple Pie, Pumkin pie and maybe a Pecan Pie.  I can’t eat any of those but I will enjoy Cheesecake and I may pick myself up something else with chocolate ☺️🤣

Speaking of sweets — My normal morning Cup of Joe is Dunkin’ Donuts Dark Roast with Cream (No  Sugar).  I had a late afternoon treat today. It was DD Dark Roast with Gingerbread S’mores and cream.  WOW!  It tasted like a donut. I am sure it had a million grams of sugar but it sure was delicious 🙂 #coffeelover

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My personal “win” this week is that I am learning to be less judgmental of myself. I have a tendency to be very hard on myself. I am working on that. I am also learning to accept myself as I am today. Celebrate my growth. Appreciate the woman I’ve grown into and leave the past in the past. Maya Angelou said, “when you know better, do better.” I am embracing that teaching and acknowledging that I know better now. Therefore, I can do better than I did in the past. Does this resonant with you as well?

My Christmas “win” of the week is that I finished about 75% of my Christmas shopping on Friday. I am usually a last minute shopper so this is a big deal for me. I am putting my little four foot free up this Sunday too. Yep, I am winning Christmas this year. I am gonna be ready for Santa early this year 🤣

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My only issue this week is my jaw has been super tight and the arthritis in my TMJ has been painful. I’m trying to be more aware of when I clench my jaw. Whenever my TMJ acts up like this, my Go-To meal is Gluten Free Mac & Cheese with BBQ Pulled Pork👍It’s delicious & easy on the jaw – nothing crunchy or chewy 😊

How did you win your week? How are you taking care of yourself?

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved
Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Take What You Need

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Sometimes in life we are meant to do hard stuff. Sometimes we don’t know why we are called or chosen for hard tasks. Other times we sign up to do hard things because we want the challenge. Whether it’s in our personal life or in our professional life, our hardest phases are also the greatest opportunity for growth and character development. Sometimes it’s the struggle we endure that defines who we are and perhaps reveals we are stronger than we even knew.

I find myself in the middle of an extremely hard task at work. The coworker who sits next to me is an experienced advisor who helps to ground me when I need it. I said to her yesterday in a moment of frustration, “If I would have known this is what every day would be like in this job, I don’t think I would have taken it.” Considering the ethical drama that occurred and the fact that I blew up a schedule in my first 90 days because of a regulatory issue, she knew what I meant. Google https://pra.digital.gov for more information about federal regulations regarding data collection from the public. She then said something that stuck with me and I’ve been thinking about it. “Just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean you are on the wrong path. I’ve watched you learn and grow. Maybe that’s what this job is all about right now in your life. It’s a learning opportunity. Take what you need from the experience and learn to leave the rest behind.”

It is true. I have grown a lot in these 90 days. I’ve proven to myself I am capable to standing tall and strong when it counts. I’ve proven to leadership I am going to do the right thing even if it makes their messaging difficult. I’ve shown folks around me who I am and demonstrated my integrity will always come before their milestone.

While I reflect on this, I am thankful to my Mother for teaching me how to be fierce and strong. I think I learned to be a hard-ass from her. I am thankful for experiences that shaped my viewpoint and honed my strategic thinking skills. I am thankful for past managers who shaped my experiences with their examples of leadership. I am thankful for my current supervisor. He’s ethical and he’s not afraid to do the right thing even if it is unpopular. He’s also a direct communicator like myself. He kind of reminds me of Blue Love in that regards. My supervisor works in a different city than I do. We’ve only met in person once but we talk on the phone for 15 minutes just about every work day. In my first 90 days, we’ve already gone a few of rounds. We say what we have to say to each other but after we fight it out, we get into alignment and back each other up 100%. Everyone says we’re a good team. He works things downtown while I work things at the beach 🙂

Leadership approved $6K worth of training in Grant Management for me this week. My first two courses are in December. I finish my certificate in March. I am not sure where that will lead but it will set me up to be Grant Officer, which is a Contracting Officer for Grants. For now, I’m going to focus on what my coworker said. I’m gonna take what I need from the experience and learn to leave everything else behind.

I would also like to say I am grateful I have my ocean view back 🙂 The building I live in has been doing some external brickwork. The last two months they’ve had my ocean view windows blocked off for protection. They had a blue coating on them. I had to keep the blinds closed because the blue hue was giving me headaches. They took off the coating on Friday and I have my view back 🙂 The outside of the window still has some smudges. They are cleaning them next week but at least I have my view back.

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So, tell me… Are you going through hard stuff right now? Did you recently change jobs and find it’s different than you thought it would be? Are you going through a difficult transition or change in your personal life? Remember the words of my coworker… “just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean you are on the wrong path!” Take what you need from the experience and leave the rest behind!” And if you need an example of this…think of Marie Yovanovitch…She stood up for our Nation and what is right. She showed us how to be fierce ✊I wish I was in that room for that hearing. I would have loved to have stood and participated in that standing ovation 👏👏👏
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This all reminds me of the U2 song Walk On from the album I love All That You Can’t Leave Behind

I know how it aches and your heart it breaks. You can only take so much. But walk on. You got to leave it behind – Walk on

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Poetry IG: @jmstormquotes