Self Care Sunday ~ Osteopenia Treatment

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It’s been two weeks since I received my Osteopenia Diagnosis and found out I have to change the way I live to prevent progression to Osteoporosis. It’s important to note I am not a candidate for any of medications normally prescribed for Osteopenia that help build Bone Density. Therefore, I have to do it the natural way which is a lot more commitment and work for me.

The below meme reflects the simplified treatment plan the doctor gave me. I was advised to take Calcium with Vitamin D3 twice a day and to do weight bearing exercise with resistance bands. She advised me to avoid free weights until my bones are stronger and should not join a gym because of the COVID pandemic.  Therefore, my workout plan/routine should home based. It should be something I can do anywhere to make it easier for me to fit it in.
osteopenia

I originally thought I would hire a personal trainer to help me develop a plan. However, I spent most of last weekend researching exercises and recommendations for post menopausal women over 50 for Osteopenia. I quickly realized I don’t need a personal trainer and I don’t need a gym. I found everything I need on the internet and especially on Youtube. I especially love Bob and Brad, two Physical Therapists. Their channel is great. I learned from them my exercise plan focus needs to be four pronged: Weight Bearing, Resistance, Posture and Balance. Weight Bearing and Resistance to build strong denser bones as well as build muscle around the bones for stabilization. Posture to prevent the round spine. Posture will also help with headaches. Finally, Balance is essential towards preventing trips and falls. Here’s one of their videos that is honestly good for just about anyone.

I am doing a phased approach. Remember, I am already a distance walker. So I normally walk three to five miles a few times a week and I shoot for 10,000 steps each day. The Weight Bearing, Resistance, Posture and Balance exercises I started last week are below. I am doing one set of each for the first few weeks and then I will add a second set for a few weeks. After I add the second set, I will increase resistance and weight.

  • 25 Squats – can use a chair for support. (Build strong legs and back)
  • Standing on one foot – 30 seconds each foot, can use a chair for support. (Build strong ankles for balance)
  • Side Steps – It’s described in Bob & Brad’s video.  I am doing it for two minutes throughout the day. (It’s very effective in building side legs, foot and ankle bones and muscles)
  • Neck stretch – 10 times, push the chin back in alignment with the neck. (Posture)
  • Doorway Stretch – 5 times for 10 seconds each.  Arms at a doorway and lean it. See the video.  (Posture)
  • Wall Push-Ups –15 to 20 each each day to start. (Upper body strength and Posture)

Since I am teleworking full time, I work these in throughout my day as I work. I found out last week I probably won’t be required to be in the office until sometime in 2021. They even told me I may be able to stay a 100% remote employee and just occasionally travel to DC instead of having a NJ based office. I should be able to maintain this plan going forward. I will say I noticed I was tire this week. I guess from the additional exercise every day plus the increased Calcium and Vitamin D3.
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good

💙🦋 Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Osteopenia

osteopenia

A few weeks ago I had a phone call with a Functional Nutritionist. While on the call, he reviewed my most recent blood work. He noticed some numbers were a little off while still normal and told me it could suggest “early Osteoporosis” or Osteopenia. Since I am 53 years old. I am post menopausal and I broke a bone when I was 51 years old. He suggested I ask my General Practitioner for a Dexascan for a baseline. I had my Dexascan last week and this week I learned I do in fact have Osteopenia.

What is Osteopenia? Osteopenia means there is a loss of Bone Density; the bones are not as porous as they should be. However, the density isn’t low enough to be considered Osteoporosis. When my doctor called me with the results, she told me I was not a candidate for the medicine that is often used to treat Osteopenia. I have other complications including an arrhythmia and arthritis in my left jaw, both could be negatively impacted by the medicine. That means I will need to work to improve my Bone Destiny and reverse Osteopenia naturally.

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My doctor suggested I take Calcium with Vitamin D twice a day. She told me Weight Bearing exercise is an essential requirement for me to build Bone Destiny and suggested I use resistance bands instead of using any type of free weights. Additionally, I need to improve my posture and balance to prevent falls. I can use Yoga and Tai Chi poses for that. Lastly, she suggested I may want to have a session with a personal trainer to develop a home based training program because I should not be joining or going to a gym due to COVID pandemic. I reached out to a personal trainer over the weekend. We are coordinating schedules for private sessions in my home.

Since receiving the diagnosis, I’ve doing some research and coming up with a game plan. I am already naturally active. I am walker. I distance walk a few times a week and get 10,000 steps per day.  Since Friday, in three days, I walked 43,000 steps.  I enjoy walking but it’s not enough. I need the weight bearing, resistance, posture and balance work.

I am sharing this information in case anyone else needs it.  If you over 50, you may want to bump up your calcium and get some weight bearing exercise before you lose Bone Density too 🙂

Osteopenia

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good

💙🦋 Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Solidarity Sunday ~ Community Gardening

tomatoes

This past winter I met Board Members for the local Community Gardening Organization. We have a lot of similar interests. Most of them are activists, restaurant and farm owners and local gardening store owners. I started following them on Instagram and learning through their photos and stories the impact communal gardens can have in a social-economically disadvantage area.

When New Jersey was put under a Stay At Home Order and I switched to 100% telework in mid-March due to COVID, my anxiety was out of control.  I decided to plant Kale, Spinach, Lettuce and Herbs on my balcony to help manage my anxiety. Kale, Spinach and Herbs have been doing great. Lettuce was unsuccessful so I dumped it out and planted a mix pot Kale and Spinach in the middle pot. My new gardening friends have been coaching on my balcony gardening since March. As it turns out, it’s pretty easy. Since I am really enjoying getting my hands dirty, I offered to volunteer at the Community Gardens.
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There are four Community Gardens in Atlantic City; each is in a socio-economical disadvantage section of the city.  I am currently volunteering at two of them by weeding and watering the garden. In the next few weeks, I will be planting as well. Below are photos of the two gardens. The first photo is a garden that was maintained by a local resident who passed away from COVID a few weeks ago. By the time the team got to it, it needed a lot of attention. You can see yellowing from sun.  This garden needed lots of weeding.  I worked here on Friday and Saturday this week.  The first two beds are Squash.  The second photo is another garden a few blocks away and it is in great shape.  You can see the Purple Cabbage, Kale and Swiss chard are growing nicely.  I’m am enjoying working in soil. It’s very grounding for me and it’s great for managing anxiety.
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What I enjoy most is that I am helping to grow food for people who do not have the means to purchase Organic produce. The group also teaches folks how to plant and care for their own food. For me, this is a great way to be part of the community. It’s a way for me to “walk my talk” and show solidarity for my community.

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(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good

💙🦋 Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ I Can’t Breathe

George Floyd
TRIGGER WARNING – You may not like this post. If this post makes you angry, you can feel free to stop reading my blog because we obviously do not resonate with each other. If this post makes you uncomfortable, I encourage you to sit with discomfort explore those feelings.

It’s not easy to see oneself. It’s not easy to see things in ourselves we do not like, be open and willing to change. I do, however, think it’s important to admit when we are wrong. I think it’s important to say we didn’t fully understand and state it out loud. As Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, you do better.”

A few years back, I was critical of Colin Kapernick taking a knee at NFL games during the National Anthem. I was critical because I felt it wasn’t the right venue for him to make a political statement. I remember saying, “Playing football is his job. Most employers would not tolerate protests while on the job.” I see now I just didn’t understand why he was doing it because I grew up with White Privilege.
Colin Kapernick

I grew up in a largely Irish Catholic neighborhood in Philadelphia. All of my childhood friends were white. I attended an all girl catholic prep school for high school which also all white. Honestly, I think I was born a Liberal so I always had an open mind. I also had a social conscious since I was young. So, when I got to La Salle University, I was an activitist for Amnesty International, Green Peace and various other organizations. I’ve donated part of my salary to charities since I was teenager. I guess I am trying to say I was more open minded than most in my family and my community. But I realize now that I must have carried some of their bias with me because I just couldn’t see why Colin Kapernick taking knee was so important to his community and the world.
MLK

In the last four years, racial tensions have been stoked by POTUS. As I’ve been opening my eyes to division he is creating, I am becoming enraged by the suffering he is creating for the black community. His actions are creating an environment where privileged white people, in and out of law enforcement, think it’s ok to murder black people openly without consequences. As I watch this happen, I walk around with tears in my eyes most days. It has to stop. Four police officers held down George Floyd for 8 minutes with one having a knee in his neck. Regardless of whether he committed a so called crime he was telling them he couldn’t breathe. For the last 2:43 minutes he held him down, he was unconscious. It was murder… How else would you explain it? One officer committed murder the other three were accomplices. All should be charged. Losing their jobs isn’t enough.

Watching this explode in the last few days, I feel for my black friends and coworkers who have sons and daughters. I empathize with them because I imagine they worry every day their child leaves the house. I reached out this morning to a coworker/friend. She is black and she has a son in his 20s who is a musician. I reached out to her this morning because I wanted her to know I see and understand now. I said I know she must worry every day about him and I am here to use my white privilege voice to stand in solidarity with her.

I empathize because it is morally wrong for any nation who calls themselves a democracy to allow this to continue. However, you must refrain from violence when protesting. You must be smart to win this racial war. You must be strategic and calculating with your words. You must peacefully protest or you no better than your oppressor.
peaceful protest

 

To my black fellow Americans, I AM IN this fight with you. I am on your side. I will use my White Privilege to be your voice and if given the opportunity, I would stand in a line like the line in the below photo to protect you. I am sorry I didn’t wake up to your suffering sooner.
White Privileged

I was listening to my favorite group from the 70s, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, today. OHIO and Wooden Ships The below songs especially seem to revelant to what’s going on in our world today.

Won’t you join me in using our White Privilege to help our fellow black Americans change the world with non-violence?

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved
Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ New Normal

Brene Brown new normal

As we all work towards acceptance that our normal is forever changed since Corona Virus, I am writing today about what’s changed in my life. How I am adapting. What I am choosing to let go and what I am embracing and enjoying.

What’s changed with me? I am on 100% maximum telework for the foreseeable future. In my current role, I can work from home without any impact to my responsibilities. I am allowed to go into the office to work occasionally, if I prefer, but I am not required. At first, I found this is bit stressful and isolating. I think that is because we were also under a Stay At Home Order. Since we have a little more freedom to move about, I’ve been enjoying working from home. I do MISS seeing folks in the building but not that much anymore🤣

I know a lot of folks who are teleworking are rolling out of bed and working in their pajamas – not me. I need a morning routine or I don’t feel settled. I still start work between 6:00am and 6:30am so I get out of bed around 5:30am and take a shower. If I have Zoom meetings, I pay a little more attention to hair and make-up. I put Morning Joe on @MSNBC on the TV, make coffee, water my plants and eat breakfast while I start reading/sending emails. It’s a routine. I need a routine to help manage anxiety.
morning routine

One thing that has changed with working from home is my work wardrobe. I wear sneakers most days now. Since my apartment is L shaped, I have plenty of space to pace 10,000 steps a day. So I wear sneakers with everything now. I have fashion sneakers, glitter sneaks, casual sneaks. I have sneaks I only wear indoors and sneaks I only wear when I am walking on the street. Sneakers are my new fashion statement. A blouse, ankle pixie khakis, capri jeans  or a casual skirt with sneakers is my new work outfit 😁 I love it ✌️I just bought these gems the other day. I can’t wait for them to arrive💙

Sketchers

Since I’ve been focusing on getting 10,000 steps in most days, I’ve changed my outside walk routine as well. My normal walks ranges between 2.5 and 4 miles. I will walk 6 to 8 miles if I am feeling good. Lately, I’ve been trying to increase the pace of my stride and get my heart rate up while walking outside. So, the first minute or two are a warm-up and then for next 30 minutes or so I power walk. After the 30 minutes of “exercise”, I slow down a bit and walk for enjoyment. The biggest new normal of my regular walks is — I always have a face mask with me now. I don’t wear it if no one is within 6FT of me but if I see folks coming near me on foot or on bike, I pull it up over my nose and mouth. It’s not hard. I consider it a sign of respect. It shows I care about them. I wish face masks were not politicized and I wish more folks thought about others more than being self indulgent😷Since it’s a holiday weekend and I live in a resort town, the social distance experiment will be interesting this week.  I will keeping my distance from the crowded spots.

social distance

I don’t know who needs to hear this but…Going to the beach, walking on the boardwalk, getting your hair cut, getting your nails done and going out to dinner are conveniences and luxuries of modern day living. They are not civil rights or liberties. When you are asked to wear a face mask, you are asked to do so to protect humanity. No one is violating your rights 🙄
civil rights civil liberties

There is a new normal in my job now too. I achieve two important milestone 4 months early because of a calculated risk I took when I met with a regulatory body.  They ended up giving  me approval to take a short cut on one milestone which to our surprise also eliminated the requirement of a second milestone too. BOOM 🤣 Everyone was excited and happy. So excited and happy that my GM called into a Zoom meeting without me and got herself committed to accelerating my schedule without talking to me first.  That’s when the fight broke out 🤣 She didn’t understand the concurrent activities 🙄 She’s new but I told YOU – I got zero fucks to give anymore…They put me in this role and gave me a seat at that table so they are gonna hear what I have to say 🤣I told her she should have left the schedule alone and just messaged that the team is hoping to complete the big milestone a month early unless we hit a snag.  It will gives a little wiggle room 🤣Well, my direct supervisor was the “referee” for most of this week 🤣 God bless him.  He works with mostly women who all have direct communication styles.  He calls himself the “token man” but actually he’s the referee🤣He probably deserves a combat medal 🤣 She admitted she should checked with me first before making the commitment but also worked her ass off this week to mitigate the impact. What she did will probably end up being a non-issue for me because something is held up in the approval cycle outside of our control.  If she would have talked to me, she would have known about that and not put everyone through the drama. She is new to this project. She’ll learn – eventually🤣

She and I are good now✌️We fought it out – with the help of our Referee 🤣So, this is the crazy part of our schedule which will continue until we release a public “Call for Proposals” at the end of the summer. I own every action until that happens but they now have been throwing bodies from organizations all over the “company” to help me in every possible way. The guy building the website says, “I have 20 emails from you before I even get in at 8:00am” 🤣 But the plus side is wear myself out by 3:30/4:00pm so no one ever gets a late day action from me.  I can’t even tell you how many new people I’ve met through Zoom meetings in the last few weeks.  So my new normal will be crazy for a while 🤣
crazy

The other good thing that happened this week in work is they confirmed a posting for someone to take over for me after my “start-up” actions are done should be going out soon. This means I will definitely move on to new role or project after my key milestones are done — sometime in Autumn. I am working with a local Director to identify opportunities but my current group said they already have something in mind for me when I finish this up. I just have buckle up and ride this crazy new normal out for a while.

Since my normal isn’t normal anymore, I am might as well tell you I haven’t been on a bike in years – I mean years.  It makes me a little nervous🤣The local bike rental shop in the next town over opened this weekend.  I am going to rent a bike one day to see if I want to buy one.  My building has a bike storage room so I won’t have too bring it up into my apartment.  I would like to ride the boardwalk end to end, AC to Ventnor, at sunrise one morning 😁🚴🏻‍♀️

What’s your new normal? Are you adjusting, changing your routine? If things are hard right now, remember:
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(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved
Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Destiny Rarely Misses

destiny

REMEMBER Transformations are never easy…To transform into new versions of ourselves, we often have to strip away everything we know about ourselves to become someone new.

I think this is problem I’ve been having in my job. I  started this job in August 2019. Since day one it has been demanding I become a new Linda and I’ve been in full resistance — I’ve been in resistance because I didn’t know that was what I was signing up for. They didn’t tell me how complicated the project would be.  They were not honest and did not tell me 95% of the burden would be on my shoulders. I never made a conscious choice to become this “work” version of myself. It wasn’t until I was already in the job and saw the full picture that I understood who I would need to become to successfully run this project.  

My truth is…I have an Anxiety Disorder and this job has been triggering it since day one. I’m back to taking Xanax at bedtime to stop clenching my jaw. Otherwise, I’ll worry all night. I MISS having a low pressure job 🤣
change

Most folks would call me a Project Manager but my actual role is the Pre Award Lead for two new programs. All that means is I identify and execute the steps needed to launch the new programs successfully and then turn them over to someone else to perform regular operations and maintenance.   In one regard, the project is the perfect fit for me. I like project work because there is a beginning, middle and end.  I also like project work because it’s diversified.  I like to move around and have new experiences so project management work is actually a good fit for me. The role is also a good fit because  my brain is hard-wired for strategic planning and I enjoy working on the front end of the development cycle.

In other ways, this is the  hardest job I ever had in my entire life… The HARDEST… At 53 years old, I just wasn’t intending on signing up for the hardest job of my career 🤣 YOU feel me?  🤣 Can you understand why I was so bitter and had so much resistance to it?  Also, I walked into a fucked up situation. They were already four to six months behind schedule on my very first day in the job.  A good bit of my early efforts were spent trying to find the most expeditious path forward without breaking any laws 🤣 The project has been understaffed and I’ve encountered one land mine after another. My leadership doesn’t understand the work and every “expert” I’ve needed guidance from to move this forward has been new in their role, and therefore, conservative with their guidance. Yawn, I am LIKE fucking over it already 🤣 It’s actually become A big FAT joke between my boss and I that so many folks are new in their jobs and afraid to make the wrong decision.  So we agreed I should just start doing my own research and sending it to them asking for written concurrence.  If it’s wrong, I’ll take the hit. I KID you not. …  It won’t be wrong…I am good at research and documentation. Can you understand why I ran out of fucks to give along the way in this crazy fucked up job? Seriously – I am straight out of fucks..fucks

To help mitigate risks to the program and for the company, I am focused on staying with the program until they “handoff” packages to our parent company targeted for Autumn 2020.  I am working to accelerate that 🤣They know I am not interested in working daily operations.  Once they bring on the full time person for daily operations, there will be wiggle room for me to transition into a new role.  Also I am pretty sure leaving at the critical point of the schedule on a highly visible project could be the kiss of death to my career and finding other projects to work on 🤣 If I stay until after the key milestones, I will have greater pool of opportunities. So, here I am… It’s funny because the early part of the week was really HARD but good news on Wednesday made the rest of the week rewarding. I’m becoming the Linda I never asked to be in a role I never intended to apply for; I was recruited (selected). I didn’t apply for it…

I don’t believe in coincidences. Destiny rarely MISSES.  Perhaps destiny found me while I was busy looking for it in other places 🤣

Transformations

Funny story… When I stepped out on my balcony to take the below photo this afternoon, the wind blew the door shut and broke the handle 😳 I was stuck on my balcony on the seventh floor of a high rise and the front door to my apartment has a deadbolt on it. 😲The building maintenance staff wouldn’t be able to come in without taking my door off 😳After freaking out at first, I remembered my balcony window doesn’t lock all of the way. I was able to pry it open and climb in through the window. However, now I have to figure how I am going to water my little plants on the balcony while I wait for the door to be fixed.  I will have to either climb out the window or reach all the way out and hope the water hits them 🤣 I think I deserve a slice of CHOCOLATE CAKE  tonight 💙

ALERT:  CODED MESSAGE IN THIS POST 💙😘balcony garden
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ A Coded Message

Love

My perspective on love has changed over the years.  The younger unhealed version of myself expressed love almost as a  desperation; it was a bit clingy. It was focused on holding on too tight. It was possessive in fear of losing it. Fear based love isn’t really love at all; it’s attachment.  IN  recent years, I’ve learned to love everyone without attachments.

In recent years, I’ve challenged myself to grow through self reflection and focusing on LOVING  myself first.  In stripping away all of the bullshit I told myself over the years, I started to really see myself. Without turning away or finding a distraction, I looked at myself. I sat with myself. I was then able to see things that happened to me in my past where not my fault but I let them become my story. I owned them. I wore them. I became the victim to the limitations of the pain and fear of emotional intimacy.

I started telling myself, “YOU  are strong enough to change this now. It’s not too late.”  I cried for the life I never had. I wept for the years I lived in fear. I mourned for the heartache and abandonment of my young soul. I grieved for everything I lost.  I stopped telling myself bullshit. I accepted accountability and responsibility for owning something that wasn’t mine and started showing myself compassion, empathy and grace. I broke the cycle. I broke the cycle of fear. By letting myself go to the very bottom of my pain, I  SET  myself free. I broke the cycle of fear and pain in my life.

I’ve learned to love in separation. “I love  YOU” is eternal and limitless when a true connection exists between two people. This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationship but also between friends and family. Think of the friend who calls or texts you at the exact moment you are thinking of them. Remember how it feels to talk to an old friend after a long separation yet you feel as if it was just yesterday you were near them.  Love is eternal, limitless and  FREE. It is our minds that try  TO  restrict love and put judgments on it.

Can you  FIND  a few moments to sit with  YOURSELF?  Can you find healing  IN  letting  go of the story you told yourself before you were healed?  Can you feel  LOVE’S  warmth on your face in your heart?  Can you shine with me in love’s  REFLECTION?

Love

I had the strangest dream last night or actually early this morning. I had a dream that someone was showing me how to write CODED messages in my blog posts. The voice was saying I would need to know how to deliver coded messages to people. It kind of freaked me out. I don’t know what that is about but the dream seemed VERY VERY real. I do consider myself as part of the “resistance” against current Administration. I am really hoping things don’t reach the point that I need to deliver coded messages to other members of the resistance 😳

I experimented with embedding a coded message for Blue Love in the first five paragraphs of this blog post. When arranged properly, the words form a Haiku.  It’s my Blue Love Haiku #15 💙

ACTIVITY:  

Find the BOLDED ITALICIZED WORDS  in the first five paragraphs of this post. Remember this code, I may use it again without providing any instructions 🤣

Hint:  There are 13 BOLDED ITALICIZED WORDS in this post.

Once you find all 13 words,  arrange them as a Haiku by putting them in sentences that are:

5 syllables in the first sentence
7 syllables in second sentence
5 syllables in the last sentence.

Have fun 💙 I’ll post Blue Love Haiku #15 later this week. Heres’ an example of how a Haiku is arranged for you to use as a guide:

Haiku

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Adapting

Adapt Darwin

I am a walker. I will sometimes walk six to eight miles if the weather is nice and I am feeling good but my normal walk is between three and four miles. Since the Corona Virus Pandemic hit my area walking in public has been challenging and stressful for me. Yes, I live on the boardwalk. You would think there would be plenty of room and fresh air. However, my area on the boardwalk is super crowded on nice days right now because it’s the only boardwalk open in my area and not everyone wears a mask. It stresses me out. I also like to walk along the bay side road because it’s normally quiet but folks have been back there too on nice days 🤣

I am an early riser. On the weekends I am normally up by 7:00am and would normally watch @MSNBC sipping coffee in my chemise (nighty) and Uggs. I wear the summer chemise and Ugg duo year-round because my body is hot, hot, hot but my feet are always COLD – it’s a sexy and practical look 😜Anyways, instead of watching news in my nighty and Uggs this morning, I did my three miles on the bay side road at 7:30am. It was great. It was peaceful. I could walk most of the time without the mask. I only pulled it up when I saw someone approaching. Overall, it was a great relaxing walk. I adapted to my new reality and found some peace and happiness this morning by doing it. The soundtrack for this morning’s walk was Bill Withers Essentials on iTunes:
Bill Withers Essentials

I love this Bill Withers collection💙If you like old R&B, I highly recommend it but I would suggest you try to listen to it when you can listen to the words. “I can’t write left handed” is about the Vietnam War; it’s one my favorites. However, the one that made me cry this morning was “Let me in your life”.  Bill’s narrative before the song and the lyrics really touched me because I recall having a similar conversation or two in the past with men but I just couldn’t let them in.  I was still carrying too much pain from the past.  I was still living in the “story” of what happened in the past.  Here’s the thing… at 53 years old, I think I would like to try. I would like to try and let someone in, if it’s not too late… If I didn’t miss the chance to let someone in my life. I would like to try...  I truly love Blue Love💙He knows that.  More importantly, he believes it and trust it too.  I am, however, loving him safely at a distance.  The real test would be for me to let him love me up close; let him, or someone else, all the way in my life…Let him or someone else really see me, help me forget the story from my past and just love me💙 I am healthier now. I’ve healed from the past. I don’t have to carry that story with me anymore.  I would like to try and let someone in, of course, I want it to be Blue Love. Even if it can’t be him anymore…Even if something has changed and he doesn’t feel the same way for me…I would still like to try to let myself be loved by someone, if it’s not too late… 😪

I am also trying to adapt at work. The situation I am in at work is unhealthy. It’s not going to get better. The best thing about this experience is that it taught me a lot and I will take all of this experience on to the next role I find myself in. After some reflection, I realized this was never supposed to be a forever job or even my “dream” job. It was a learning opportunity.  It was a job for me learn skills and abilities to take to another job. I also learned I like being a “project lead” and I like working on “start-ups” or the front end of a development schedule.  My #1 skill is strategic thinking so working on figuring out a path forward is a good fit for me.  I liked the work. Unfortunately, the organization is NOT a good fit for me.

Sooo,  I sent a “trial balloon” to a locally based Exec I know. I asked her if something was possible. She replied, “yes, just let me know. I will see what I can do to make the stars align.” It brought a tear to my eye. I slept on it over night and on Friday morning I sent her a followup message with an official request. I LET GO. It was time to call the game.

let go

The funny thing about this is… Three hours later a former coworker who has since moved on to new group as well texted me. She told me I was recommended for a job in her group working for one of her peers to help stand up a new “system”.  She wanted me to know she also gave them a positive recommendation 🤣 Wow, you gotta love when the Universe gets behind your decisions✌️💫 That’s when you know you are moving in the right direction😀 It’s still not clear to me if the opportunities are one in the same or if they are two separate unrelated jobs. Either way, I am happy and look forward to hearing more about them. Staying where I am would be me accepting less than I deserveand willfully allowing them to take advantage of me.  This choice isn’t about “getting out” of a situation. It’s about “aligning” with a positive healthier situation that will be better for my overall holistic wellness.  It’s also about enforcing boundaries✊ settling

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Selfie and Self Reflection

Selfie

Seemed like a good reason to do a Selfie Sunday and share my Club Quarantine Sweatshirt 💙Yep, I dance at Club Quarantine with DJ D-Nice and bought the sweatshirt made by Will Smith‘s Belair Athletics. Proceeds from the sale of sweatshirt go towards the CDC’s Corona Virus Foundation. The sweatshirts are high quality too✌️You can dance too by following DJ D-Nice on Instagram at www.instagram.com/dnice. DJ D-Nice usually goes LIVE on Instagram between 5pm and 8pm EDT.  You click his profile picture to enter the LIVE room.  Each night D-Nice changes up the flavor of music he plays. I personally like when he does a set of old school Motown, R&B and early dance music from the 70s and 80s; he loses me with the hip hop. I don’t hip hop 🤣

John Lennon quote

I love the above quote by John Lennon. He saw himself as a reflection of humanity. So what does that mean? He saw himself no better, no worse, no more privileged to anything than any other person. That’s been a point of reflection for me this week and here’s where I’ve ended up….There is no room in my life for anyone who does not have empathy and compassion for human suffering. There is no room in my life for anyone who isn’t humble and does not want to be a servant to the highest good of all not just self.  Our graves will all be the same size…If all you are worried about is your dyed hair, nails or home improvement projects, consider yourself privilege and offer someone who is suffering help. I just heard Elizabeth Warren say on AMJoy on @MSNBC that she supports Biden for President because he has a good heart. She said, “I want a man with a good heart!” Me too! I want a man with good heart for President and as my lover  🤣💙😘

Many folks like to claim they are “woke” – but no one is “woke” unless they see the problem in the juxtapose of people who can quarantine or social distance with a job, shelter and food vs. those who are in lines for food for the first time in their entire life, still waiting on unemployment and living in crowded refugee camps and urban tenements. I’ve always donated part of my salary to charity; I would have a much bigger bank account if I didn’t. At the end of the day, money is not a motivator for me personally or professionally. Supporting family, friends, helping local neighbors, supporting local restaurant employee relief funds and small local businesses motivates me.
humanity

So, now it’s time for a work update… Sigh…long exhausted – what the actual fuck… sigh… It’s a been rough few weeks in work. I’ve been telling management for months about my risks and concerns.  I’ve known all along the explosion that happened last week was coming. I warned leaders a while ago… I have documentation of me making multiple requests for someone to fill in my knowledge gaps and I actually requested “all hands on deck” about three months ago so we could get ahead of this explosion before it happened — Nope, nothing… I’ve been providing a bi-weekly status update to my leadership and their support staff since the day I started. That document has the whole history of my risks and concerns documented. So when someone acts like they didn’t know…
not today bitch

I have the receipts!  I reminded them I am STAFF; not a manager and they were supposed to hire someone to do “contractual stuff” over six months ago. That position was never filled and that is and has been the problem. I have been giving them bi-weekly status on that risk for six months.  If leadership was leaving a high level project like this on the back of only ONE staff member without management providing direction or buy-in, then it would appear there is a bigger problem in the organization.  I’ve learned over these months, I can’t trust any one of them so I keep receipts for moments like this.

ask the universe

Yep, I am praying and asking the Universe for PROTECTION from my own management and asking for direction in making this decision.  Honestly, I feel like it’s time for me to call it a wrap in this job…but I am worried if it will be a career limiting decision to walk away from a high profile project at such a crucial time. I’m also worried about where would I go in the “company”.

I often wonder what folks think when they read my writings. Do you think I am nuts? Do you think I am stark raving out of my mind or full of bullshit? I suppose you could think any of those things.  I can tell you for sure… I am passionate, romantic and there is a good bit of tragedy behind my brown eyes.  I am not everyone’s cup of tea for sure…Right now, I’m just trying to control this work stress in the middle of the pandemic, completely alone in my apartment while trying not to spiral into a depression.  My life definitely feels like a Mad Girl’s Love Song.

Mad Girl Love Songs

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ In It Together

In it together

Happy Easter 🐰 Easter is not especially important to me. As a non-practicing Catholic, it’s just another Sunday. My relationship with God doesn’t require me to go to church. My relationship with God only requires me to talk to him, to trust in him and to have faith during difficult times. Easter is, however, important to my Mother. She enjoys having the family together. Since she is 80 years old, she now wonders if every holiday is her last so not being able to be with the entire family for Easter this year is challenging for her. I can’t do anything to change that this year; all I can do is talk to her and support her through this difficult time. I encourage everyone to stay connected to your loved ones during this hard time.

I’ve been teleworking for a month now. I am grateful to still be working. I am thankful for my beautiful ocean view but I really can’t wait to get back to normalcy. I don’t like teleworking full time. Yes, my commute is only 60 seconds and I wear my yoga clothes every day. Well, everyday except days have Zoom Video Meetings. I get dressed up & put on makeup on those days. Yes, I’ve been enjoying my ocean view all day while working but but work-wise – I’ve never been busier or under more pressure at any time of my career. This week has been especially bad.

ocean view

I am a Project Lead on a high profile project. I’ve been trying to move important efforts forward but slow responses is impeding my efforts at crucial times. I actually have to work through 6 layers of management to get things done and every one of them tries to “manage” something they don’t understand completely. It’s a huge problem. I can’t really say anything without potentially making a career limiting decision. I am just doing what I can do and trying my best to stop giving myself anxiety over it.

I had a zoom meeting with company wide Execs (internal stakeholders) earlier this week and let me tell you… They were grilling me🔥No joke, grilling me with my managers on the Video call with us🤣…”What is the problem? We can help you? Why is it taking so long?” 🤣 So, I chose to carefully share that the documents they were asking about are ready – have been ready…And, then I carefully explained my organization’s management review/approval cycle. And, that’s when they knew… It wasn’t easy but I managed to give them enough information so they could see I was moving things forward but it’s all stuck outside of my control.   Well, that led to an urgent action to turn something around by close of business Friday.  No one in management could do it so,  yep, I  worked all Wednesday night… I was absolutely disgusted on Thursday morning during our telecom with them that I almost cried. My direct supervisor actually called me and apologized. He told me he informed folks above him he was not giving me any more actions until further notice – in other words… find someone else☺️For clarity, my direct supervisor and I area in complete alignment – it’s above him where things get squirrelly.  The company wide Execs (internal stakeholders) now want to meet with me directly bi-weekly.

This job has been nothing but drama this week… Honestly, it’s been nothing but pressure and drama since I started it in August. Let me say this with absolute sincerity, if the right opportunity came along and I could leave my current position to do something lower profile – I would be totally up for it.   I don’t hate this job – but it’s at the point of diminishing returns. I am not going to rush into anything but I am now going to open myself up to accepting a new opportunity.  I shouldn’t be crying during telecoms from stress and pressure created by my own leadership. At 3:30pm on Thursday, I put an Out Of Office Reply on my email until 6:00am on Monday. It’s funny because New Jersey is still under a Stay At Home Order. It’s not like I am going anywhere. I just wanted to be sure folks knew I am off of the clock – don’t call me.

out of office meme

Early Friday I masked up and went to a small local grocery store. I did laundry, worked on my balcony garden, cleaned, listened to music and actually had a rather nice and relaxing day. Below are some updated photos of the garden and micro greens I am growing. The greens are just about ready to eat 🤣

balcony garden
micro greens

The Corona Virus experience has really put things into perspective for me. Life is fragile.  If this is it, can I say I am fulfilled and happy in my life?  I can’t answer yes to either of those with complete honesty.  As far as my job goes, I am “hanging in there”.  That’s not happiness or fulfillment. God didn’t intend me to live a life the I am “hanging in there”. Working a job that that require me to take Xanax every night at bedtime is not the way God intended my life to be.  Thankfully, I had the courage to leave all unhealthy relationship behind a few years ago.  My relationships and connections are healthy, happy and balanced!  Do I wish I saw certain people more than I do? Yes!  But, overall, things are in balance.

Has the Corona experience changed your perspective?

These Chocolate Easter Bunnies are a reminder to wear a face mask when out in public; protect yourself and others 😷 No one is immune to Corona Virus – no one!

Happy Easter

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

DMCA.com Protection Status