Self Care Sunday – Willingness & Ability

Art

One of my spiritual mentors recently taught me that for someone to grow, spiritually or otherwise, they need to have – Willingness and Ability. Willingness and ability also are needed for any relationship to be successful. I’ve been thinking about willingness and ability in recent weeks. So what does willingness and ability mean?

Willingness – means being willing to do the hard work. To grow we must be willing to expand our consciousness and allow room for change. Being willing means showing up; it means opening our awareness and at times seeing things in ourselves we don’t always like. Being willing to grow and change harkens back to our “free will”. God/Spirit will never violate free will. We must choose to grow and change freely. Once we say yes, God/Spirit will direct us to growth opportunities.

So how do you say yes to growth and change? How do you let spirit know you are willing to grow and show up spiritually? It’s very simple. Establish a one on one direct connection with your higher power through daily conversation and prayer. It doesn’t have to be anything formal or complicated. You don’t have to go to church to talk to God or Spirit. Just talk to God throughout the day. You just need to trust your prayers are being heard; let your faith support you as you move through the challenges of every day life.

Willingness means we are ready to do the work in life and show up for the hard stuff. To grow you have to be willing to change and grow. We also have to be willing to let go of who we thought we were going to be so we can be who we are NOW called to be. As our consciousness expands, our needs will change and our relationships may change as well. As for myself, I ended relationships that were no longer aligned with my highest good and I distanced myself from folks who were disingenuous towards me. As I became more rooted in authenticity and became more self aware, my intuition became clearer. It was easier to see the folks in my life (including coworkers) who were using me. I am better and stronger for making the hard choices and protecting my energy.

The other part of the spiritual growth equation is — Ability. Does someone have the ability to grow? This one is a bit stickier. To grow spiritually, you have to be able to live in faith. Living in faith means you do not always have concrete proof. Do we have the ability to offer compassion and empathy to others? Is our mind open enough to allow for exploration of higher consciousness. Is our mind and heart open to love and differing opinions? Can we accept our failures? Do we hold ourselves accountable for our wrong doings? Can we apologize when we hurt others? The ability to grow spiritually means having emotional maturity and keeping an open mind and heart.

I demonstrate willingness and ability by praying and talking to God throughout the day. More often than not, my conversations with God are just off the cuff as I go through my day. I talk to God while I drive, as I walk, while work, etc… Talking to God/Spirit is just part of my every day life. I also use a few other spiritual practices to ground me:

I use mantras. Remember Seinfeld “Serenity Now”? Serenity Now was actually a mantra. Mantras are words, sounds or phrases that are used to calm the mind and bring peace. It can be anything that brings you peace. My go-to mantra is “Everything is always working out for my highest good!” Another manta I use is Aad Guray Nameh (see below). Aad Gurey Nameh is a Sanskrit Mantra and it is especially effective in opening the Heart Chakra and balancing Heart energies. It’s known to protect and project Heart Chakra Energy. This is my go-to Heart Opener. I say it three times in a row whenever I need to soothe myself or need to open/balance my heart. It’s also good to say this three times just before going into a big meeting, driving in traffic or just when you need a little extra protection. If this mantra does not work for you, find your own word or mantra that you can recite during times of stress and discomfort.

Aad Gurey Nameh

I use Affirmations. I usually start all of my affirmations with “I am so happy and grateful now that I _____”. You fill in the blank with your wish or desire. When you use this affirmation, speak as if it already happened. For example, I wanted to move into a condo on the beach in the fall of 2013. I started saying this affirmation everyday in October 2013, “I am happy and grateful now that I live in a condo on the beach”. I moved into my condo on the beach in January 2014. Make your affirmation personal and say it throughout the day.

Affirmation

I use numbers. I believe in Numerology. I believe numbers have meanings. I am especially mindful of 11:11 and any other repetitive number sequence. When I see 111 or 11:11, I set an intention or say my affirmations. When I see 222, I say “everything is always working out for my highest good. The love I give is returned.” 2s are symbolic of LOVE for me. I often see 333s and 444s after I pray. That’s may sign that my prayers were heard.

We don’t always get what we pray for. If we believe everything is always working out for our highest good, then we should take comfort in knowing that what is meant to be will be. Sometimes life sucks. I’ve trained myself to focus on “Everything is always working out for my highest good”. This gives me comfort through challenging times.

Repeating Numbers

Numerology

As for myself, I choose to believe in “The Spirit in the Sky”. Having faith in a higher power, praying to angels, saints and spirit guides and maintaining a spiritual practice gives me strength. Leaning into the uncomfortableness with the support of my faith makes me stronger.

My question today is do you have willingness and ability for spiritual growth? If the answer is YES, open your heart and God will bring you opportunities to grow. Lean into those around you who are grounded spiritually. Remember – just because someone goes to church every Sunday doesn’t mean they are spiritually awakened. There’s a difference. Spiritual awakening is more about keeping your heart and mind open so that you can hear your intuition guide you than it is about showing up at Mass on time and confessing your sins.

A note about Soul Mates, Soul Mates are deep spiritual connections. They can be romantic but can also be with friends, family, parents. If you have a Soul Mate who is in your life, take comfort in your connection. It’s a special connection sent to you by God to support your growth. Lean into your Soul Mate for support, friendship and unconditional love 💙

The new spiritual book I am reading is “Deep and Simple; A Spiritual Path for Modern Times” by Lozoff. This book is meant to be a simple guide to changing your life by having a daily spiritual practice, living simply and dedicating yourself to being of service. I heard about the book while watching the documentary about Mr. Rogers “Mr. Rogers :& Me: A Deep & Simple Documentary). “Deep & Simple” was one of his favorite books. I think I watched the documentary on Amazon Prime.

Deep & Simple Lozoff

—————

As an update on my a previous post, my doc couldn’t get the super expensive RX for SIBO covered under my insurance. Instead we are using a low dose of a systemic antibiotic (Doxycycline) for 14 to 28 days that has been shown to be effective plus Digestive Enzymes. The good news is, it was covered under my insurance and will probably help my Rosacea too. The bad news it is a systemic antibiotic. This means it’s giving me a headache, making me tired and my stomach is VERY upset. My doctor said that should all pass in a couple of days. I hope it passes by Tuesday. I have to fly on a little puddle jumper plane on Tuesday. That plane can make my stomach turn even on a good day 😂😂 I am keeping my eye on the weather. There’s a chance we won’t fly if the weather is too windy anyway. That would be a bummer since I have been looking forward to my one to one with my organizational administrator. The affirmation I am currently using for my career is…I am happy and grateful now that I am a permanent employee of ______ 😊😊💙

I chose this song because I love Ol’ Blue Eyes & this song was actually playing in my dreams. i😊I woke up singing it 😂😂 I think Spirit was trying to tell me something 😉

(C) 2018 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

DMCA.com Protection Status

Your Rhetoric Matters; Choose Wisely

Marianne Williamson Quote

“People hear you on the level you speak to them from; speak from your heart, and they will hear with theirs.” I’ve been taking a free online course, “Teaching the Teachers” with Marianne Williamson. The course is based on “A Course In Miracles” text. She used the above quote on the first night and it’s been rolling around in my head every since.

This quote resonants especially with me today since there has been terrorist attacks on Democrat’s and CNN that appear to be linked to the divisive hateful rhetoric the President and GOP has been using against Democrats and the Press. When he speaks at rallies his followers are hearing him from the level from which he speaks and responding to his call to arms the same way Russia responded to his message to hack Hilary Clinton.

The polarization in our nation makes me sad. I pray for good to triumph over evil. I also pray our DJT rises to the reputation of the his office and speaks like a POTUS instead of a mob boss. I was in the car a lot today.  As I drove, I was listening to CNN and praying. I am praying for healing in our Nation. I am praying for the return of our Democracy. I am praying POTUS finally sees how his words are polarizing our nation and leading to hate and now terrorist attacks. I expect better from our leader.

If you are not “woke”, now it the time to wake up! Hate brings more hate. So if you are a leader, take heed. People will hear you from the level from which you speak. Try speaking from you heart and think twice about your rhetoric. The below song from John Legend and Roots seemed fitting for today.

I am also extremely grateful today for getting good news at my appointment with Gastro specialist at Jeff. It’s highly unlikely my suspicious biopsy is Cancer. My problem is definitely in the Small Intestine. It appears to be Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO) which can cause all of my symptoms as well cause swelling in the bowel that is pushing everything out of place. He ordered me a special antibiotic that has been made at compounding pharmacy and shipped to me. He said it will reset my bowel and bring it back into balance with minimal side affects. I have to take it for a month along with following a low FODMAP diet as best I can. He gave me the guidelines. I have to read more on it. And, I have two other problems 😂 From looking at my blood he’s pretty sure I have Pancreatic Enzyme Deficiency which is blocking my body’s ability to break down and digest foods which also leads to bloating and distention. After I am done the antibiotic, I’ll start taking Pancreatic Enzymes. Lastly, he said he thinks I have Splenic Flexure Syndrome.  When I do get gas it gets stuck just under my left breast in my upper left abdomen. SOOO, the key to all of this is managing the bloating, gas and distention by eliminating the bacterial overgrowth and increasing my body’s ability to break down food with Pancreatic Enzymes. Doing both of these will reduce the pressure on the Splenic Flexure issue. He told me to email him in two weeks to let him know how the meds are working and plan to see him again in two months. All in all good news today and I am very grateful. He was worth the wait 🙂

Since I drove into Philly through South Philly, I stopped at the Italian Market on 9th Street on my way home.  I bought some yummy Grass-Fed hard cheeses like Gouda and Gureye. I hit the Gluten Free Bakery and bought some produce. However, when I got home I saw all the produce I bought today is on the “AVOID Food List ” for the FODMAP Diet😂😂😂  That’s why I am not starting it for a couple of days 😉 Thank God hard cheese is allowed; it was expensive 😊

img_0519.jpg

(C) 2018 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

DMCA.com Protection Status

Self Care Sunday – Are you being called to “wake up”?

Healing

This Self Care Sunday I offer some thoughts on how I practiced restraint in my communications and I offer some food for thought on “waking up” or higher consciousness.

I’ve needed to practice restraint in how I am handling conversations regarding politics lately. I really have no tolerance for folks who don’t do their own research, propagate divisive rhetoric and are contributing to the crisis our nation is encountering. I wish folks would take a moment before sharing inflammatory posts and I especially wish politician would stop using inflammatory rhetoric. I think it’s important for folks on both sides to realize the power of words, images and even memes. I believe demonizing people only adds to the polarity and it’s just mean.

If you read this blog, it’s not a secret I am a Democrat. I consider myself moderate and I have at times voted Republican but I will be honest. The events of the last few weeks have pushed me a little further to the left. Rather than arguing with my Red friends, I am choosing to peacefully coexist or disengage. Getting into debates and arguments is not worth my time or energy; it will only further divide us and possibly damage our friendships permanently. It doesn’t have be that way. Neither one of us are going to change our views but it is starting to feel like we no longer have anything in common – maybe we never did and I am only now accepting that truth.

Perhaps it’s idealist – but I believe people should always come before money and power. I am firmly Pro Choice. Abortion is not nor has ever been an option for me personally. I do, however, believe in a woman’s right to choose what’s best for her body. I believe men should stand together with women against sexual assault and for women’s rights. I believe in the separation of power. I believe the Senate has Constitutional responsibility to keep the President in check but our current Senate seems to be more concerned with obtaining power and control. Lastly, I believe the Supreme Court of the United States should been held in the highest esteem and only have the most reputable Judges holding the seats. This doesn’t seems like a lot to ask. Sorry, but there are other well qualified conservative judges with less baggage, who are less controversial and who could have made it through the confirmation process with Democratic support just like Neil Gorsuch. Gorsuch is conservative, got democratic support and didn’t divide our nation. So why Kavanaugh – especially with all of his baggage that is going to follow him onto the Court? Why do the Republicans want him on the Court is my question… I have my own conspiracy theories about Presidential Pardon Power being expanded to the States in an upcoming case in front of the Court. Hopefully, one of the other judges pulls to left to offset this guy….So, yes! I’ve been practicing restraint and holding my words. Just because I am silent doesn’t mean I didn’t notice something; I am just taking care of myself by not wasting my time or energy acknowledging it.

I’ve been practicing restraint in my use of social media to protect myself as well. This includes ensuring that I do not like, share, tweet, retweet or engage on social media while at work or during official work hours. That’s just a good self care for anyone…period. Protecting your livelihood should come first; advocating smartly for causes that speak to your soul should come second. While I may scroll through my Twitter feed during the day, I do not engage until I am off and away from work. Generally, I consider all of my Tweets to be temporary. I eventually delete them all. I clean them up every month, if not sooner. It’s been four days since I deactivated Facebook. I don’t miss it. I realize now that checking Facebook was just a habit. I didn’t enjoy it; I used it as a distraction or when I wanted a break from what I was doing. I did it out of habit. I like having less noise in my life. I haven’t been posting to Instagram lately. The account only has one post on it. I still like to scroll and get inspiration from other posts but I am not interested in posting there for now. A smaller social media footprint feels like better self care for me. I am in touch with the folks I want to be in touch with. I don’t need to be “Fakebook” friends just to be connected to folks. While I am enjoying less social media, I do also enjoy writing this blog. I’ll continue with at least two posts per week – every Sunday and at least one mid week.

I spent the better part of three months deleting all of my activity from Facebook. I still felt a bit creeped out and decided to finally deactivated it. I don’t need Facebook owning my data since we now know they can’t be trusted. I also don’t use Google anymore. I use DuckDuckGo or FireFox Focus Privacy Browsers for web searches; neither retains your information and both block tracking. You can add DuckDuckGo to Safari on Apple devices or add the DuckDuckGo app to your dock. I wish I could disable the new Presidential alerts. I’ve managed without them so far just fine. Getting them just tells me they can hack into our phones whenever they want. Something about that seems like a violation of privacy and is creepy! I feel bad for the younger generations. They won’t have any privacy and will be tracked and monitored their entire lives.

Well, on to my next topic – food for thought about higher consciousness…

I would like to offer some food for thought for those who may be struggling with spiritual awakenings and higher consciousness issues. It’s is said the family member who “wakes up” first is the one in isolation. In other words, when someone is removed from the noise that surrounds their regular daily life, they are able to hear the truth in the Universe and within themselves. That happened to me when I distanced myself from a group of friends and moved to my condo five years ago. Once I started to spend more time alone and focused on self growth and development, my awareness opened and I started changing. I am stronger and back into alignment with my true self.

Some folks never wake up. They don’t want to wake up. While others of us, have no choice.
Once awakening starts, it is hard to stop but the choice is always yours. Often God will make you uncomfortable until you have the courage to see it’s time to let go and change. Sometimes letting go becomes your only choice. A “spiritual” awakening is far from pretty. It’s messy, stressful and often turns your life upside down. The worst part is you start seeing your own bullshit and the darkness comes to light to be healed. That’s not alway fun. For me, I ended relationships and friendships. Changed jobs. Started letting myself deal with repressed anger and feelings from sexual assaults, loss and grief. But I am honesty happier and better off for going through it and having the courage to sit in self awareness.

If you let yourself go for the ride and surrender into it, if you let your eyes and awareness open, it’s a truly a beautiful experience. While I will say I had a lot of fun in the past, it’s today that I feel the most at peace and the most authentic. It’s in the peacefulness of my condo as I write this blog that I find my own voice. It’s without comparing my life to others on Facebook that I find acceptance and peace. It’s in helping others step into their power and find their voice, I find my strength. Make no mistake, I am here to change the world in some way. I am here to be a force to be reckoned with. I am here to be a warrior, lover and an inspiration. I am here to change the world even if it’s just my little corner of it. Will you awaken and help me? Will you help me make the world a better place with your light? Will you put people before money and power? Will you bring light into world and instead of selfishness and darkness? Will you “wake up” with me?

Does this resonant with you? Are you feeling a shift or does it feel more like an earthquake? If so, take some time in silence to hear what your soul is trying to tell you. Are you willing to surrender? Does it make you sad to see things change? Have you reached acceptance yet? These defining moments in our lives are extremely stressful but also are the moments where we grow into the powerful beings God always intended us to be.

To harness your own power and manage your thoughts in times of uncertainly, I would suggest using affirmations. If you start seeing repetitive number sequences please know you are being called to “wake” up. It usually starts with 11:11. That was the first one I noticed a few years ago. Now I see all of them all day long. 222 and 2222 are my favorite repetitive number sequence. When you see a repetitive number sequence, say an affirmation to direct your thoughts or create an intention. When I see 222 or 2222, I say my favorite affirmation.

EVERYTHING IS ALWAY WORKING OUT FOR MY HIGHEST GOOD. THE LOVE I GIVE IS RETURNED

If you need an affirmation to keep your thoughts positive, try using this one or create one for yourself. If you need support, reach out to someone who has been through this type of change. Also, there are lots of Instagram accounts with some really great info on awareness, consciousness, spiritual awakening, 11:11and the Universe. Starting following some of them. If you know me personally, please feel free to call or text me for support or just to chat about things. As far as my personal coaching business, I am not taking new clients for a while. I have to take care of some health stuff. I should also note too that I only take clients who are personally referred to me by family or friends. I can gladly give referrals to other great coaches. Feel free to reach out to me through the “Contact Me” page for a referral.

Well, after the new judge was confirmed I was nauseated. I practiced good self care by turning off the TV and staying off of Twitter all night. Instead I watched “A Wrinkle In Time” on Netflix. I decompressed by writing this blog and listening to my favorite music which is on the mellow side and is 70s folk/rock. 70s music speaks to my soul. If I had to name my top favorite songs of all time, in no particular order it would be these:

Taxi – Harry Chapin
Come in from the cold – Joni Mitchell
Landslide – Fleetwood Mac
You’re my home – Billy Joel
Love Ballad – LTD
Me & Bobby McGee – Janis Joplin
Sound of Silence – Simon and Garfunkel
What’s going on – Marvin Gaye
Leaving on a jet plane – Peter, Paul and Mary
Wooden Ships, Carry On, Woodstock and Ohio by Crosby, Still & Nash
River, Help Me, Both Sides Now, Woodstock – Joni Mitchell
Can’t find my way home – Blind Faith
Simple Man – Lynyrd Skynyrd
Shooting Star – Bad Company
If loving you is wrong – Luther Ingram

(C) 2018 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

DMCA.com Protection Status

Taxi from Harry Chapin brings a tear to my eye every time I hear it. I was in grade school the first time I heard it. The woman I babysat for was drinking a glass a wine and listening to it when I walked in the door of her home. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “just a beautifully sad song; listen to the story.” She was right. It’s a beautifully sad song… I will never forget that.

#BelieveSurvivors

#ibelievesurvivors

I am wearing black today in support of all survivors of sexual assault!

Believe Survivors ✊💪🦋

Twitter is my favorite social media platform. I can live without Facebook and Instagram but Twitter is a great source of news, activism, community and social change.

Follow Twitter hashtag

#believesurvivors

For more stories from sexual assault survivors have a tissue box ready and read

#whyididntreport

(C) 2018 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

DMCA.com Protection Status

Self Care Sunday – September 23, 2018

Self Care Sunday art

This Self Care Sunday is complicated for me for a few reasons. I am just not sure what to do next. I am getting a bit overwhelmed and decided to give into a bit on Saturday. I slept most of the day and watched a few episodes of “The Tunnel: Season 3 – Vengeance” on Amazon Prime which took my mind off of most stuff 🙂

My self care this week has actually been pretty good – all things considered. Being in DC Sunday to Tuesday kept my mind off of the health issues and I felt pretty good while I was there. It was actually the best trip to DC I’ve had so far. I LOVED the Museum of the Bible. The Conference I attended on Monday was extremely beneficial. I declined the group dinner invitation and opted for a solo meal (Salmon Cobb Salad=delicious) at my hotel’s bar where I ran into a coworker also in town. We chatted one on one quietly for a bit which was nice. I was in my room by 6:45pm exhausted, talked out and over peopling for the day. The below meme is a true accurate depiction of how I felt Monday night in my hotel room.

Empaths

I felt some mental junk creeping up on me on Wednesday so I focused myself on writing sexy poetry for Blue Love. That made me happy. Writing poetry always makes me happy and raises my vibration. I especially enjoy writing Blue Love Poetry. It’s been a long time since I wrote a spicy poem and it was nice to feel that energy in me again. I need those blue eyes and that erotic stimulation my life.

By Thursday, I started to feel some uneasiness creep up into my soul. The Brett Kavanaugh confirmation stuff and sexual assault allegation started to trigger PTSD from my own assaults. My therapist told me when things come up I need to sit with it, feel it and not stuff the emotions down anymore. The only way to heal is to let it come up into the light. The next few paragraphs are emotionally heavy. I hope by writing this it helps me heal and maybe inspires others to start their healing journey as well…so here it goes…

First, please take some time and read the Twitter #whyididntreport stories. There are hundreds of thousands stories of unreported sexual assaults, painful stories, from both women and men. Feel their pain and then you may understand what it is like to be in our shoes. So here’s some of my story. It happened twice. I told family. The first time no one believed me. They said I must have been confused. He was drunk and he didn’t mean. Since I wasn’t hurt and was able to fight him off nothing bad really happened to me. So — How do you think that made me feel? How do you think I felt knowing they basically thought I was a liar and continued to allow him to live in our house.

Telling me I was confused and defending him made them feel better until it happened a second time. By the grace of God, there were witnesses the second time. It couldn’t be ignored. I was injured. People knew, I confronted him both times. It’s our family’s little secret. I never contacted the police or the FBI because my family didn’t want anyone to know. Believe me EVERYONE wanted to push it aside, act as if it didn’t happen and move on. It’s a little more complicated when it’s relative. It’s a little more complicated when everyone assumed I overreacted the first time and even said I was confused. They basically blew it off until the second time it happened. The second time I was injured physically, mentally and spiritually. I was lucky that witnesses heard the noise, saved me and had him removed from the house forever the second time. However, that night was the end of the conversation. That was the end of any acknowledgement of what happened to me. No one wanted to talk about it after that night. They thought removing him was enough and that I wasn’t scarred. I was expected to let it go, move on and make holidays nice for the rest of family for the rest of my life and pretend for everyone that everything was forgiven.

I pretended to forgive. I stuffed it down as far as I could. I’ve been in therapy at least four times since I was 21 years old. I attempted suicide once in my 20s and a second time in my 30s. I must not have been meant to die because I was found both times. I acted out sexually in my 20s and early 30s. I accepted poor treatment from men my entire life because I felt I was damaged and didn’t believe I deserved any better. I carried the burden and paid for his actions my entire life. He’s moved on just fine. I am the one with PTSD and lost any opportunity to have a normal life with a man. I am the one who lost it all while he walks around like king.

It was only a few months ago that I allowed myself to really start to feel this pain and allow this darkness to come up and out of me for healing. I’ve been working through it with my therapist. We agreed it is not worth addressing anything with him again. He will never own is actions nor take responsibility for what he did to me. I did, however, need to re-address it with my Mother which I did about a year ago. I spent over two hours walking her through the events and how it affected my life and my relationships with men my entire life. She always was disappointed I never married and never had children. It was in this conversation she started to understand why. It was in this conversation she could feel my pain. She started to understand how those events impacted my life and what it is like to live with those memories. My mother is significantly more compassionate and empathetic towards me since this conversation. We are closer than we have ever been. I do not blame her but I still needed to be sure she understood me. As she sobbed and said “I’m sorry” over and over again, I didn’t feel validated. I felt sad for everything that was lost because of those events.

My therapist and I were talking about my relationships with men in my last appointment. She looked at me and said, “any man you allow into your life now will need to be REALLY special. You deserve someone special who you can trust enough to let him help you through the anxieties and flashbacks.” Then she said, “Linda, you deserve someone special who can be a friend and a lover; who will treat you with compassion, respect and tenderness.”

Yes, the allegation made by Dr. Ford against Brett Kavanaugh triggered me because I can related to stuffing it down. I can relate to not being able to acknowledge your truth. Mostly, I can relate to how Dr. Ford must have felt when Kavanaugh was nominated; seeing him become the judge on the highest court in our country knowing what he did to her as a woman. Knowing he would vote on cases that involve women. I can relate to a dam breaking inside of her.

The truth is we do not know with absolute certainty the truth between Dr. Ford and Brett Kavanaugh. That’s why an investigation and interviewing witnesses would be helpful. It shouldn’t be rushed. The GOP is pushing a vote through even though they don’t know the whole truth just means they don’t care; getting him in position on SCOTUS to overturn Roe vs. Wade is the top thing on their agenda to appease their hardliners and their base just before mid-terms. That is the truth. It’s all about politics and abortion.

Grey haired old men ramming a judge onto SCOTUS to make decisions about the bodies of women should outrage all women. Honestly, GOP women and men who are supporting him without even knowing if he is guilty means they care more about winning and politics than the well-being of women. I also think they probably never have been a victim of a sexual assault. I believe anyone who has been a victim of sexual assault would want to know the truth. A real man stands with women against sexual assault.

Let me say, I do not condone nor support extreme politics or the “win at all costs” energy coming from either side in Washington. I am more moderate. If these allegation are proven to be false, that would be huge step back. Brett Kavanaugh deserves to be treated fairly as does his accuser. Investigate it! Let’s also remember Gov background checks only go back to 18 years old. This supposedly happened when he was 17 years old and it would have been out of scope of his six earlier background checks. Also, new revelations about his high school year book have his references to “Devil’s triangle”. I’ll let you guys Google that as I don’t want to define it here. His college Frat had a motto, “no means yes and yes mean anal.” He also has a history of gambling debt and alcoholism. If you want to be SCOTUS, you are and should be held to a higher standard. Even if the allegations aren’t true, he is still unfit for SCOTUS. Do women really want this guy making decision about their bodies???? I DO NOT.

Believe me, I knew boys like Kavanaugh and his friends. I went to a catholic college. I went to a frat party one night as a freshman. I didn’t understand why none of the boys were talking to me then one of the guys told me it was “Ugliest girl night”. That meant the boys each put $10 into a pot and whoever had sex with the ugliest girl at the party won the pot. My friend told me I was too pretty and that’s why the boys were not talking to me. I then noticed boys talking to two of my friends. I told my friends I was sick and asked them to leave with me so I could get them out of there. Later that semester that same Frat was put on suspension because members were caught carrying a girl wrapped in a blanket across the quad in the early morning. She had been drugged and raped. I also personally know someone who was raped at a party by those same frat boys. She left school that semester and didn’t come back. She still can’t talk about it.

As mentioned above, take a few minutes and visit Twitter; search on #whyididntreport. Perhaps open a dialogue with the women in your life, especially your daughters. Find out if it happened to them. If it did, give them a safe place to release the pain. Empathy, compassion and being a good human comes before politics. Just because someone was good to you doesn’t mean they weren’t bad to someone else.

Whyididntreport twitter#whyididntreport – http://www.twitter.com
Twitter – #whyididntreport

Self care is not just about taking care of your physical body. For true healing, sometimes we have to be willing to feel, confront and live with our darkest pain to finally be free. I started Self Care Sunday with breakfast with my neighbors and other locals at the cafe up the street from me. I wrote this blog post to let it all out today. I will watch the Eagles Game because I enjoy football and I am a lifelong Eagles fan and I will try to stay off of news and Twitter for day to give myself some space.

(C) 2018 All Rights Reserved – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

DMCA.com Protection Status

Growing Up Sexy

Blue Love Art

I have a pretty face and a sexy body.  My breasts are full, my hips are wide; I have the traditional hourglass type of body.  My body is not skinny nor is it fat.  It is womanly, voluptuous.  I grew up turning men’s heads. I grew up sexy.

Growing up sexy has not always been easy.  When I was a teenager, a man I loved and trusted in my family attempted to rape me twice while he was high on Cocaine and alcohol.  I was able to fight off the first attack because he was so drunk. The second attack was more violent & aggressive. I was thrown against a wall and hurt. By the grace of God the noise woke my eldest sister, Sandy, who saved me; she also protected me from him and ensured my mother removed him from our home immediately. This is the first time I am writing about this on this blog.  I am writing about it in the context of my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) diagnosis and writing to show how traumatic events can have a long-term impact on people’s lives.

I have been seeing a therapist for over five years.  My official diagnosis is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is multi-faceted for me, including but not limited to: anxiety, depression and flashbacks. I’ve been struggling lately. My therapist and I believe grief from my best friend’s death in April is triggering PTSD flashbacks causing depression and anxiety.

As my therapist and I started to follow the threads of traumatic events in my life, we could clearly see it started with my father dying when I was seven; the two attempted rape attacks were the next traumas I encountered.  Other traumas I’ve experienced along the way include my sister dying from a long-term terminal illness, my brother-in-law dying of a heart attack at an Eagles vs. Dallas game in the Lincoln Financial Stadium in Philadelphia and most recently my best friend dying from Cancer. There have been other tragedies and traumas in my life but the events listed above are the major events that left the biggest scars.  Since I have been allowing myself to live in the truth of my past, it is now time for me to openly express my feelings about them so I can perhaps stop the flashbacks, calm the anxiety, live with memories and open one day to a healthy loving relationship with a man.

Without a father figure in my life and being victimized by a man I loved and trusted as a teenager, I never really knew how to be loved, truly loved, by a man.  When I was in my 20s, I can remember hearing my boyfriend(at the time) say to his friends one night that I was the kind of girl who was good for fucking but not the kind you marry.  Low self-esteem, never truly loving myself and not knowing how to allow a man to love me set me up for casual relationships and unhealthy sexual behaviors through most of my 20s and into my early 30s.

Through my 40s and 50s I’ve healed and grown spiritually. I know understand the energy that is exchanged in sex. I also respect my body and learned to care for my emotional and spiritual well-being.  I will say that honestly I will not give my body away to any man who does not love me or hold pure intentions towards me. Friends tell me I should date more, “Have fun”, “get mine” and “live a little”.  Given my history, it is healthier for me to wait for a man who values and cares for my emotional well-being as well as desires my body. It is better to wait to give my body to man who understands who I am, how I got here and why it matters so much to me that he understands my anxiety.

Since I want to heal, lose my fear and make room for the love in my heart and life, I need to dance with my demons for a bit and understand how I got here. I want to see and understand how I ended up 51 years old single, never married and without children still choosing subconsciously to love men at a distance.  How did I end up standing in the same skin I had when I was seven not allowing anyone to truly love me? I need to understand how this happened so I can work to heal. This isn’t an easy journey but I feel it’s necessary for me to get a better handle on the flashbacks and mitigate the affects of any future traumatic events.

In recent years, there has been a man in my life that I love deeply and truly. I call him Blue love. I’ve enjoyed our sexual attraction. I love our flirtation. I love to write erotic poetry for him. He’s a fun playmate but I also know he cares about me.  However, it is not lost on me that I am in love with a man who can’t be available for me to hold, touch and feel. We can only love each other at a distance. The word that comes to mind is “safe”. It’s safe for both of us to love each other.

I do believe Blue Love and I are soul mates. I believe we share a deep meaningful connection.  We were meant to be in each other’s lives. My connection to Blue Love has been very healthy for me. It’s perhaps the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with a man. Blue Love showed me a man who cares for me will respect and treat me well. Blue Love showed me a man who cares for me expresses his love and respect for me by not taking advantage of me physically. Through Blue Love I allowed myself to trust again. I would put my life and heart in his hands because I know he would also protect me.

While I would love for Blue Love to be my happily ever after, I understand he may not be. I am, however, thankful he’s been in my life the last few years because now I know what a man caring for me feels like. Only time will tell what happens between us in the future.  I guess all I am trying to say about Blue Love is I trust him enough to allow him to see me – all of me – even the wounded parts. That says a lot coming from me and understanding my history. I hope he can see the depth of meaning it has for me that I allow him to see me. I have not let any other man see me in this way.

This is not a #metoo post.  This is not a statement about the sexual objectification of women.   I enjoyed being sexy all of my life.  I still enjoy being sexy.  I like that men look at me.  I absolutely love the look in Blue Love’s eyes when he looks at my body.  I will not hide my body nor down play my breasts so they are less noticeable.  I like getting dressed, putting make-up on and being sexy.  It makes me feel womanly and feminine. I will continue to flirt shamelessly with Blue Love and write him erotic poetry. I like growing up sexy.

This post is about how traumas leave scars and burdens that change us.  It is a post about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with depression, anxiety and flashbacks. It is post about self-love.  It is a post about finally living in truth, honesty and authenticity. What happened in my past was NOT my fault but it is still my burden.   A burden I carry every day. A burden that held me back from love. A burden that welled up in my heart a few weeks ago and came to my consciousness for a reason – it wants to be healed.  A burden I am ready to hopefully release.

In sharing this information so openly I hope that people reading this do not judge me. Believe me; I spent a long time judging myself.  I hope only to share this information as a way to start releasing the heaviness in my heart and free up some room for a man to love me.  At the same time, I will not judge any man in my life for the person he was in the past or for “extra-curricular” relationships he may have had in the past. Perhaps he didn’t feel truly loved either. The only thing I care about is today. I only care about who we are choosing to be today and being kind to each other now.

With my history written in this blog, I clearly need the man in my life who is patient and understanding with my anxieties. I need to be his only women. My love needs to be enough for him. Any man who touches my body needs to be mine and only mine. I am allowing myself to feel pain so I can heal and be loved. I am not sure I would survive another heartbreak.

If you believe you may suffer from PTSD, anxiety and flashbacks related to traumatic events, please consider seeking help. Allow yourself to heal. We will never be cured but it can be managed and we can be healed.

Here’s an article I found helpful on PTSD
https://www.gracepointwellness.org/109-post-traumatic-stress-disorder

😘

(C) 2018 All Rights Reserved – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

DMCA.com Protection Status

Inconvenient Heart

 
“She had a very inconvenient heart. It always insisted on feeling things ever so deeply.” ॐ – John Mark Green

I have a lot to say this evening. I’m choking on everything I have to say this evening. It’s just that I can’t get the words out of my chest. They are shoved so far down my throat from me holding them back that they are stuck in my chest. Please bare with me as I write this therapeutic post to give myself some freedom and breath.

I’m “sensitive” and extremely empathetic. I am a good psychic too – when I allow myself to be. I spend a lot of time shutting down energies, voices, vibes and intuitions to have some peace in my life. The noise gets to be too much. I am trying to learn how to use my intuition without getting overwhelmed by all the messages I receive. I know this all may sound strange. Some of you won’t understand. But, this is my reality.

I mention this today because I’m picking up someone with a heart so heavy I want to hug her when I am near her. I picking up someone who is so anxious I have anxiety attacks when I’m near her. I’m picking up strong masculine beautiful energy telling me he needs me more than he can say right now. But mostly, I’m picking up the energy of my sister, Sandy, who passed away 16 years ago.

Sandy is whispering in my ear, “you’re not done yet. Nope, you are not done. Go on. Get up. Come on. Get ready.” She’s pushing at my back and saying, “go, go.” She’s telling me more – more is coming. More is waiting for me. Beautiful things lie ahead for me. It’s confusing. As much as I love her presence, I trying to interpret the message she is delivering to me. Is it about my health, my love life, my career, my family? For now I suppose I’ll just enjoy her being here with me. But for tonight I told her to shut up and go haunt my Mother👻 I need some peace. I’m tired of working and trying so hard. I just need to be….be nothing for a few hours.

I had a good bit of frustration this week. I pretty much reached a breaking point and had to just get stuff off my chest. I didn’t get many answers. But today someone did pull me into a conference room for a follow up conversation that made me feel a little bit better about a professional frustration. I was very grateful for heartfelt conversation we had and now I see the bigger picture. I get it. I also decided to take advantage of some free coaching sessions with a career counselor. I thought talking with an objective third party would be helpful for someone who is goal oriented like me. If for no other reason to affirm I’m in the right place, doing the right work for the right reason. I believe in looking at all areas of my life with a critical eye. It’s time for me to do it professionally. Let me be clear. I’m not unhappy. I like where I work. I like the people I work for. I’m very fortunate and lucky to work where I work. But, I also feel it’s time to stop floating along and set a plan for a destination. Unfortunately, my need for immediately clarity doesn’t align well in my work environment. I hoping I’m not writing about the same frustration a year from now😄

Just because I wasn’t miserable enough this week…I got a surprise visitor. I was rather enjoying not having a period. But, on the flip side maybe the cysts are gone now. I had blood work on Wednesday and almost passed out. They told me to go home and lie down. I had to drink some straight up Coke because my blood sugar crashed. But the good news is the blood tests confirmed I am not Diabetic or even Pre-Diabetic. My Fasting Sugar & a1c are absolutely normal. However, my Glucose crashes into the low 50s 3-5 hours after meals. Therefore, I was diagnosed with Reactive Hypoglycemia. This means: when I eat, my body over-produces Insulin which crashes my blood sugar. Simple Carbs & high Sugar meals cause a greater increase in Insulin resulting a blood sugar crash. Treatment plan: eat or have a snack every 4 to 5 hours & limit simple carbs & sugar. It’s manageable & can be controlled with dietary changes. Reactive hypoglycemia and an increase of Insulin in my body is causing me to struggle to lose weight and is causing gynecological issues too. It’s causing ovarian cysts & missed periods. Crazy when you think of it. My doctor told me three to six months of sticking to the sugar restrictions should be enough time to stabilize my blood sugar. I should notice lots of positive results.

And just because I can’t end this post without an attempt to get some erotic poetry mojo back, MBE looked really cute today. As I was standing next to him looking at him straight in the eye, I thought to myself we look good together and we’re good for each other😉❤️
(C) 2015 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved
Life is best when lived passionately
Protected by Copyscape Original Content Check
Photo Credit:
Sageword Facebook Page

Music: Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd for Sandy