Growing Up Sexy

Blue Love Art

I have a pretty face and a sexy body.  My breasts are full, my hips are wide; I have the traditional hourglass type of body.  My body is not skinny nor is it fat.  It is womanly, voluptuous.  I grew up turning men’s heads. I grew up sexy.

Growing up sexy has not always been easy.  When I was a teenager, a man I loved and trusted in my family attempted to rape me twice while he was high on Cocaine and alcohol.  I was able to fight off the first attack because he was so drunk. The second attack was more violent & aggressive. I was thrown against a wall and hurt. By the grace of God the noise woke my eldest sister, Sandy, who saved me; she also protected me from him and ensured my mother removed him from our home immediately. This is the first time I am writing about this on this blog.  I am writing about it in the context of my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) diagnosis and writing to show how traumatic events can have a long-term impact on people’s lives.

I have been seeing a therapist for over five years.  My official diagnosis is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is multi-faceted for me, including but not limited to: anxiety, depression and flashbacks. I’ve been struggling lately. My therapist and I believe grief from my best friend’s death in April is triggering PTSD flashbacks causing depression and anxiety.

As my therapist and I started to follow the threads of traumatic events in my life, we could clearly see it started with my father dying when I was seven; the two attempted rape attacks were the next traumas I encountered.  Other traumas I’ve experienced along the way include my sister dying from a long-term terminal illness, my brother-in-law dying of a heart attack at an Eagles vs. Dallas game in the Lincoln Financial Stadium in Philadelphia and most recently my best friend dying from Cancer. There have been other tragedies and traumas in my life but the events listed above are the major events that left the biggest scars.  Since I have been allowing myself to live in the truth of my past, it is now time for me to openly express my feelings about them so I can perhaps stop the flashbacks, calm the anxiety, live with memories and open one day to a healthy loving relationship with a man.

Without a father figure in my life and being victimized by a man I loved and trusted as a teenager, I never really knew how to be loved, truly loved, by a man.  When I was in my 20s, I can remember hearing my boyfriend(at the time) say to his friends one night that I was the kind of girl who was good for fucking but not the kind you marry.  Low self-esteem, never truly loving myself and not knowing how to allow a man to love me set me up for casual relationships and unhealthy sexual behaviors through most of my 20s and into my early 30s.

Through my 40s and 50s I’ve healed and grown spiritually. I know understand the energy that is exchanged in sex. I also respect my body and learned to care for my emotional and spiritual well-being.  I will say that honestly I will not give my body away to any man who does not love me or hold pure intentions towards me. Friends tell me I should date more, “Have fun”, “get mine” and “live a little”.  Given my history, it is healthier for me to wait for a man who values and cares for my emotional well-being as well as desires my body. It is better to wait to give my body to man who understands who I am, how I got here and why it matters so much to me that he understands my anxiety.

Since I want to heal, lose my fear and make room for the love in my heart and life, I need to dance with my demons for a bit and understand how I got here. I want to see and understand how I ended up 51 years old single, never married and without children still choosing subconsciously to love men at a distance.  How did I end up standing in the same skin I had when I was seven not allowing anyone to truly love me? I need to understand how this happened so I can work to heal. This isn’t an easy journey but I feel it’s necessary for me to get a better handle on the flashbacks and mitigate the affects of any future traumatic events.

In recent years, there has been a man in my life that I love deeply and truly. I call him Blue love. I’ve enjoyed our sexual attraction. I love our flirtation. I love to write erotic poetry for him. He’s a fun playmate but I also know he cares about me.  However, it is not lost on me that I am in love with a man who can’t be available for me to hold, touch and feel. We can only love each other at a distance. The word that comes to mind is “safe”. It’s safe for both of us to love each other.

I do believe Blue Love and I are soul mates. I believe we share a deep meaningful connection.  We were meant to be in each other’s lives. My connection to Blue Love has been very healthy for me. It’s perhaps the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with a man. Blue Love showed me a man who cares for me will respect and treat me well. Blue Love showed me a man who cares for me expresses his love and respect for me by not taking advantage of me physically. Through Blue Love I allowed myself to trust again. I would put my life and heart in his hands because I know he would also protect me.

While I would love for Blue Love to be my happily ever after, I understand he may not be. I am, however, thankful he’s been in my life the last few years because now I know what a man caring for me feels like. Only time will tell what happens between us in the future.  I guess all I am trying to say about Blue Love is I trust him enough to allow him to see me – all of me – even the wounded parts. That says a lot coming from me and understanding my history. I hope he can see the depth of meaning it has for me that I allow him to see me. I have not let any other man see me in this way.

This is not a #metoo post.  This is not a statement about the sexual objectification of women.   I enjoyed being sexy all of my life.  I still enjoy being sexy.  I like that men look at me.  I absolutely love the look in Blue Love’s eyes when he looks at my body.  I will not hide my body nor down play my breasts so they are less noticeable.  I like getting dressed, putting make-up on and being sexy.  It makes me feel womanly and feminine. I will continue to flirt shamelessly with Blue Love and write him erotic poetry. I like growing up sexy.

This post is about how traumas leave scars and burdens that change us.  It is a post about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with depression, anxiety and flashbacks. It is post about self-love.  It is a post about finally living in truth, honesty and authenticity. What happened in my past was NOT my fault but it is still my burden.   A burden I carry every day. A burden that held me back from love. A burden that welled up in my heart a few weeks ago and came to my consciousness for a reason – it wants to be healed.  A burden I am ready to hopefully release.

In sharing this information so openly I hope that people reading this do not judge me. Believe me; I spent a long time judging myself.  I hope only to share this information as a way to start releasing the heaviness in my heart and free up some room for a man to love me.  At the same time, I will not judge any man in my life for the person he was in the past or for “extra-curricular” relationships he may have had in the past. Perhaps he didn’t feel truly loved either. The only thing I care about is today. I only care about who we are choosing to be today and being kind to each other now.

With my history written in this blog, I clearly need the man in my life who is patient and understanding with my anxieties. I need to be his only women. My love needs to be enough for him. Any man who touches my body needs to be mine and only mine. I am allowing myself to feel pain so I can heal and be loved. I am not sure I would survive another heartbreak.

If you believe you may suffer from PTSD, anxiety and flashbacks related to traumatic events, please consider seeking help. Allow yourself to heal. We will never be cured but it can be managed and we can be healed.

Here’s an article I found helpful on PTSD
https://www.gracepointwellness.org/109-post-traumatic-stress-disorder

😘

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Self Care Sunday – Honor Where You Are – Monday Update at bottom

http://www.jpreece.deviantart.comhttp://www.jpreece.deviantart.com

Go to the bottom for the Monday Update:

My friend and fellow Holistic Health Coach Stephanie at Find Your Brave writes a lot about honoring where you are in the present. Stephanie coaches women to honor their feelings and emotions as they are right in this very moment. I am honoring where I am emotionally in this Self Care Sunday post.

I am grateful. I am truly grateful for all of the people who love me now and loved me in the past. This includes my family, friends and men who have been in my life. I am grateful for every person who played a role in my growth, protected me along the way and helped me become the woman I am today. I am grateful for my job. My job provides me stable income and health care which allows me to live comfortably at the beach as well as help others with my abundance. I am grateful for my apartment on the beach. It is truly my sanctuary and is a beautiful place to rest and live in peace. I am grateful for my body. My body has been through a lot and it continues sustain me. I am grateful for my tenacious spirit. It helps me rally in tough times. I am grateful for my big heart; it gives me the capacity to love deeply and truly. I am grateful for my old soul. I have the soul of an old warrior. I’ve experienced many tragedies and suffered more than most but my soul used those experienced for growth. I am a very fortunate woman but…it’s not enough. It’s all just not enough.

It’s only been in recent weeks that I’ve allowed myself to see the true price I’ve paid in the name of self protection in my life. It’s only been in recent weeks that I’ve began to understand I lost so much more than people in my life, I lost love and my ability to choose without fear. I am only now starting to understand what was taken away from me by the actions of men. I am also starting to understand what my life could have been if I didn’t close myself off so long ago. I can now see how expensive suffering has been in my life.

I ask God, Angels and Guides, is this it? Is this all there is going to be in my life for the next 5, 10, 20 or 30 years of my life? I ask this question because it’s become clear to me that life, the way it is, simply is not enough to sustain me long term. You may ask me what does that mean. The truth is I am not sure what that means. I only recently admitted to myself that I felt this. I talked at length about this with my therapist this past week. She honored what I was saying. She didn’t try to put happy face on anything. Her closing words stuck with me, “It’s not your fault. None of it has been your fault but your heart is carrying all the burden(s). Everyone reaches a breaking point.” It’s not that I can’t handle stress and suffering. It’s that I’ve been handing it and dealing with it since I was seven years old. The sustained pressure is breaking me down on every level. I am worn out.

What does this mean for my future and my life. I am not sure. The only thing I know is I am no longer as strong as I was. I am weary. When I get knocked down, I don’t get up as quick as I used to. When I need to rally and fight, I am just not sure it’s worth it anymore. What the hell am I fighting for anyway? To live another 5, 10, 20, 30 years in a life like this? I am not sure I want that. In honoring where I am today I allow myself to write in complete authenticity and honesty. I am allowing those who are reading this blog to truly see me and understand the burden I am feeling.

On a work related topic, In this role I’ve learned to be a Program Manager in the “company”, you need to play office politics. I have the knowledge, skills and strategic abilities to be a fantastic game-play politician. However, being a politician lacks authenticity; that doesn’t vibe well with me and it actually stresses me out. I am good at this job. I have skills necessary to do this job. The whole point of taking this temporary assignment was to explore opportunities to see how they fit. For the most part, this role fits me. However, I still say the perfect role for me is something more along the lines of a Senior Advisor to leader. In that type of role, I could do program management, project management and also offer support services to a leader without being in the middle of the politics myself. I feel like I need to “take care” of someone. Doing that is rewarding to me. Actually, I am not fulfilling that need in any area of my life right now. Also, My body is not handling stress well anymore. Perhaps it never did it’s just more noticeable now that I am older. That has been on my mind a lot lately too. It reminded me that I used to have a boss that would tell me to “STOP” “BREATH” 😂 I don’t always know how/when to stop myself. It was helpful having someone who knew me well enough to see when I needed to be pulled back.  I don’t have that anymore.

Have you been honest with yourself lately? Is your life, the way it is now, enough for another 20 years? Can you live like this for another 20 years?

I encourage you to honor how you feel and where you are on this Self Care Sunday. Sit with yourself.  Feel whatever it is.  Stay soft in this unkind world💙🦋

MONDAY UPDATE
I spoke my truth this morning to my boss and another manager. I told them my temporary status and the project drama was starting to cause me anxiety. First, we spoke about my project; we have a resolution. It’s still moving forward 🙂 It’s in a Legal Review now. Fingers crossed everything goes well and I should be able to start meeting with vendor by next week. Next, we spoke about the anxiety I am starting to feel about my future and the temporary status I am still in. They understood what I was saying and allievated some concerns that came up last week. However, I won’t feel completely better until I am permanently sitting one place or another. I learned through this experience long term temporary assignments are not good for someone with an anxiety disorder. It creates too much uncertainity. It’s giving me too much room to worry. If I ever do something like this again, the maximum length I will agree to is six months.

The funny thing about our conversation today was what my boss said to me. He’s a Ph.D. He,of course, had to explain my anxiety in scientific terms and with a picture😂 He stood up and drew a graphic on the board and explained the “Anxiety and Performance(Arousal) Axis. He explained to me that there was a study done that proved that high performance requires a higher level of anxiety. People who are high performers tend to be more anxious. You actually need anxiety to push you to perform. The key is operate at the peak of curve abd manage the anxiety so you don’t slip down the slope. Below is a photo similiar to the graphic he drew; click the photo for the link to the article on “Anxiety and Arousal”. He told me to Google it. When I googled it, I also found a helpful article on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. After I read that article, I reached out to friend who lost her son in a car accident and we scheduled a call to catch up for tonight. Hoping we can help each other 🦋

Anxiety and Arousal Axis
ef=”https://www.gracepointwellness.org/1-anxiety-disorders/article/38465-anxiety-and-arousal”>Image depicts anxiety can positively affect performance. [/cap

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Threads – Blue Love Poetry

Threads – Blue Love Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

You are
Part of my story
Woven into
The pages
Of my life
You are
Sewn into the
Fabric of my soul
With threads
Of red and blue

The red thread
Is for my love
And passion for you
The love and passion
Connecting
My heart
To yours
The blue thread
Is for the color
Of your blue eyes
Blue eyes that pierce
My soul
Sparking my creativity
Igniting me
With desire

You are
Part of my story
Etched into
The deepest part
Of my soul
You are my soul’s
Lustful conspirator
Welcomed friend
And stabilizing energy
My soul
Is at home near yours
Our flame burns
Stronger when
We are together

You are
Part of my story
A story
That is still
Being written
Chapter by chapter
One chapter
Moves us
Apart to learn
And grow
Perhaps the next moves
Us together again
Maybe there
Is a plot twist
That brings
Your hand
Into my mine
Could an
Unexpected event
Kiss your lips to mine
Or maybe God
Aligns the Universe
To let our love rule

Our story
Isn’t over
Our threads
Are still entwined
Connecting
Your soul to mine
Holding you
With my red threads
Of passion and love
Holding me
With the blue threads
Of your beautiful eyes
Our story
Continues

It is written
Into my soul
With red and blue threads
You are
Part of my story
The story of
Red and blue love
The story of us
(C) 2018 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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NOTE:
A Poem for Blue Love on May 27th 💙 I hope he is part of my future.

While I was in DC overnight I visited the “Museum of the American Indian”. Something about it felt very spiritual. Like spirit was leading me there. I remembered my sister, Sandy, went to Montana to visit a Indian Reservation. I also remembered how much I love the Native American culture. Only recently I learned through 23andMe that I am 5% Native American. I am 70% Irish, 15% Spanish, 10% German and 5% Native American which they also had subtitled Mexico. I am not sure if that means my ancestor’s tribe was near Mexico. My grandfather was born in San Antionio and his mother was from Spain also known as Iberia in the 1800. Anyway, this all reminded me that the Blackfeet Indian Reservation in Montana hosts Volunteer vacations. Something about that feels right to me. So that is added to the list with Spain as possible destinations for 2019. Or at least do some work on investigation the Native American roots.

A Raven landed on my balcony yesterday afternoon. I was in the kitchen when I heard it calling me from the balcony. I could not take a photo of it because it landed a foot away from my phone and tablet. I was afraid to go close to it. I wasn’t sure if it would attack and I didn’t want to scare it off. It was gigantic, gorgeous, midnight black and majestic. It squawked for a solid ten minutes as if it was talking to me. I stood in awe as it talked. I said a prayer and made a wish. I then watched it fly off northwest. In Native American culture Ravens signify change and transformation. They are also sent to deliver messages from spirit. It certainly seemed like it was telling me something 😂

This has been an interesting weekend. I think Spirit has been around me a lot. A Midnight Black Raven landed on my balcony and talked to me for 10 minutes. I had a craving for a Coke and went to Wawa. The first one in the line had Blue Love’s last name on it and it was his birthday. That felt like synchonicity. Like I was meant to find that on that day. There is such a strong connection between us! 💙 I learned I do not need bioidentical hormone replacement YET because it appears the Idoine, Maca and Vitamin D protocol is balancing my hormones. The clock starts all over again and back to Peri-Menopause. I guess my Integrative Doc’s theory was right. I had a Iodine Deficiency and because I wasn’t getting enough Iodine my thyroid was storing it in a small goiter. My thyroid most likely was blocking my hormones. By fixing the Idoine deficiency we also started to rebalance my hormones. I feel better and my cycle started again. Lastly, I had a visitation dream from my best friend last night. I told her the last time we talked she was welcomed to visit me in my dreams. When she showed up last night, she apologized for talkng so long to get here. I heard her laugh again. I started crying and told her how much I missed her. Definitely felt like a lot of spiritual activity going on around me this weekend.

Here’s a link to poem I wrote about Seven Ravens..

https://writingholistically.com/2014/03/31/seven-ravens-love-sex-poetry-repost/

Ruby Red Lips – Blue Love Poetry

Red Lips Art

Ruby Red Lips – Blue Love Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

Ruby Red
The ruby red
Impression
Of my lips
Stains your body
As a reminder
Of where
The heat of my lips
Met the warmth
Of your skin
Branding you
With my lipstick
Coloring you
With my
Lust and desire
Painting you
Red with Love
Red
Passionate love
As I kneel
Before you
I look up
Into the
Crystal blue eyes
That speak
To my soul
See me
See me
As if
I stand naked
Before you
Your eyes
See me
Opening my
Heart
To the heat
Of erotic desire
That wets
My center
I kneel
At your feet
On this Valentine’s Day
As your gift
I give you
This gift
Of my words
Written for you
In the Ruby Red
Stain of my
Lipstick
Across your chest
As a trail
Down to
Your manhood
I leave my mark
I mark you
With my love
Brand you
With my
Desire
Our souls
Are connected
With a red thread
Without end
I revolve with you
In my thoughts
As your
Fire burns
In my soul
And ignites
The passion
Of creative expression
From my being
Intuitively
My heart
Hears yours
I answer the call
With these words
As your
Valentine’s gift
That I will
Write with
My lips
I will write
I love you in
Ruby Red Lipstick
Across your body
Ending on
The tip of your
Manhood
I sign my name
In my
Ruby Red
Lipstick
(C) 2018 Linda A. Long, Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

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NOTE:
I ask you… On this Valentine’s Day who lights up your soul? Express yourself; let them know they stoke your fire. If you can’t see or talk to them today, use the power of your intuition to spiritually connect the Red Thread from your heart to theirs. Nourish each other with the food of the soul through the power of your intention and intuition. Physical proximity does not indict the strength of a connection or a bond. Intuition and Spirit connects us telepathically to those we love. Trust your intuition. Feed your spiritual connections today and tug on the red thread between you and those you love.

Having a practice the nourishes your spirit can help improve your holistic wellness and even improve your health.

If you would like to learn more about holistic wellness or would like to schedule a 30 minutes consultation to explore if my health coaching services would be of benefit to you, I invite you to either visit the Coaching Services page of this website and or contact me directly at:

linda@writingholistically.com

Please visit my Coaching Services Page:

https://writingholistically.com/certified-health-coaching/

What is does holistic health mean? Please visit the below site for a basic definition

http://www.healthy-holistic-living.com/definition-of-holistic-health.html

Red Thread Chinese Proverb

Writing Poetry Is My Soul Food – Health Coaching

Mermaid Ocean Heart Love Bluelove Are you in touch with your soul? Can you hear it when it tries to talk to you? Do you recognize the voice within you urging to care for yourself on a deeper level?

For me, the voice of my soul often expresses itself through the written word. I write… I write because my soul needs me to write. My soul especially loves to express itself through poetry. I have been writing poetry since I was 15 years old. It is very soothing me to write my thoughts and feelings out in free verse.

Love poetry, especially, is my passion. Nothing inspires me to write more than feeling a deep connection to a man. Over the course of the last 35 years of my life, I have written poetry for a few men but none have compared to the depth and breadth of my Bluelove collection. In writing poetry for Bluelove, I truly found my voice as poet and as a woman. By writing poetry for Bluelove, I learned about myself and deepen my ability to love without conditions or expectation. By writing for him I have deepen my connection to my own soul and honed my craft of the written word.

Writing poetry is a spiritual practice for me. It provides me nourishment on a soul level. To connect this post back to Holistic Health Coaching, writing poetry for me is a mind, body, spiritual practice that balances and nourishes me holistically. According to Integrative Nutrition’s principles writing poetry nourishes me in my Primary Food area of Spirituality.

Writing poetry is only one of the ways I connect with my spirit. I also meditate, pray, practice yoga, chant mantras and paint watercolors.

How do you feed your and nourish your spirituality?

Below is a new a poem I wrote for the Bluelove Collection:

My Blessing – Love, Sex & Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

As we
Move through
This world
In different directions
Each walking
Different paths
Towards our
Highest good
I call on God
And our Guides
To strengthen us
By reassuring
That the depth
Of our spiritual bond
Will keep us connected
I have faith
That our connection
Is not defined
By the closeness
Of our proximity
Instead
It is defined
By bond of our souls
As much I
Want to look
Into your beautiful
Blue eyes
Every day
For the rest of my life
I am also aware
There is something
Happening now
Right now for
Both of us
We are both
Refining ourselves
Stretching into new skin
Transforming our souls
Striving for our best
And highest good
Perhaps
During this time
Of self-expression and growth
We need to
Walk the path
Physical alone
While still
Knowing our
Soul Connection
Our spiritual connection
Is unbreakable
It was today
I felt
I needed to
Remind you
My Bluelove
You are never far
From me
Our connection
Does not require
Your presence
For me to feel you
Our souls
Recognized each other
Before our eyes
Ever saw
The depth of
Sexual lust and desire
We have shared
Over the last five years
As we move
With the wind
Of change
Carry me close to your heart
I am not looking
To leave you
I am only
Looking to
Find a part of myself
I lost a long time
Ago when I settled
For contentment
And played smaller
Than my capabilities
In these years
Of living a life
Less than the one
I am capable
Of Living
I lost the person
I was born to be
The natural risk taker
The girl with moxie
The unhappiness
Of living without
Authenticity pushed
So hard against my spirit
It almost broke me
But it most certainly
Was never about you
You are
One of my blessings
Our connection
Nurtured and fed
My Soul
Until love
Bluelove
Blossomed in my heart
You spark my sexuality
And
Inspire my poetry
You helped me
Grow into a
A stronger braver woman
Who had the courage to
Pursue the call
Of her soul
While my body
Misses the
Energy of lust
You being near
To me stirs
Between my legs
I take comfort
In the knowledge
That our connection
Is strong and
Resilent
It’s capable of
Withstanding change
And distance
It can grow and evolve
With us
And make us stronger
Together instead
Of break us apart
Take comfort
My love
You are still my
Bluelove
And I still
Carry you
In my heart
(C) 2018 Linda A. Long, Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

If you would like to learn more about Primary Foods or would like to schedule a 30 minutes consultation to explore if my health coaching services would be of benefit to you, I invite you to either visit the Coaching Services page of this website and or contact me directly at:

linda@writingholistically.com

Please visit my Coaching Services Page:

https://writingholistically.com/certified-health-coaching/

For more information about IIN’s Primary Foods:
https://www.integrativenutrition.com/blog/2016/08/why-primary-food-is-integrative-nutrition-s-key-to-health-and-happiness

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Act Of Love ~ Love, Sex And Poetry

Act Of Love ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

Standing in
Naked vulnerability
Before you
You see me
The real me
You see
The woman
I hide from others
You see
The woman
Who loves you
You see
The woman
Who touches
Your heart
The deepest
The woman
Who you share
Words and feelings
In a glance of an eye
But you also see
Our love & affection
For each other
Needs to be
Protected and
Shielded from the
View of those
Around us
In naked vulnerability
I stand before you
And allow you
To see and know
The depths
Of love
I hold
For you
It breaks open
My heart
In exposed
Awareness
To our joint
Spiritual energy
That is
Always below
The surface
But I ensure
It's viewable
To you
So you know
The truth
I tell you
How I feel
So you
Always know that
What I hide
From others
Will not be
Hidden from you
I will always
Show you
Truth
I will always
Stand in love
And honesty
Before you
So you trust
My words
And believe
In me
You must know
I only pretend
To not care
To protect us
Protect you
Protect myself
From the
Negative judgmental
Energies that
Surrounds us
I will never
Allow them
To stand between
The love I have
In my heart
For you
And the love
You deserve
Regardless of
Our circumstance
And commitments
I will not allow
The people around you
To block
The love
I offer you
Freely
Unconditionally
Without expectations
In naked vulnerability
You will always
Know my truth
I show you
Truth and vulnerability
As an act of love
I said I miss you
Because
It is my truth
And telling you it
Was my
Act of love
(C) 2017 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

ART BY: Tony Salerno ~ "Aradia"

NOTE:

The below commentary goes with this poem and served as the inspiration. It was written first as just my journal entry and a way for me to collect my thoughts. I later pulled it into a prose. As Mercury is in Retrograde, I was unsure I wanted to post this as I know this can be a time of miscommunication. I was worried what I wrote below would be misinterpreted so I was hestitant. So instead I rewrote it to be clear that an act of love was to maintain truth and clarity.
—————-

In recent months I've experienced heightened intuition and self awareness. This not only gives me insights into the motives of those who surround me but also has been showing me how my words and actions can be used or interpreted by others. I guess I would say I've had more “situational awareness”.

In this new awareness, I've become more cautious and careful with whom I expose myself to not only personally and professionally. I've dealt with busybodies taking shots at me or gossiping about me for a long time. Instead of confronting it and acknowledging it, I've learned to just completely disengage from anyone harboring those lower spiritual energies towards me. That is what gossip, negative talk, judgment is; It's lower spiritual energy. I have no need or desire to prove myself right, win them over or help them to see the negative karma attached to their actions/judgments. I also decided to just stand back allow them take their shots. I just completely ignore it and love authentically.

As I tune into my intuition for guidance, their actions and gossip feel like jealousy to me. It feels like certain folks are jealous of me and any closeness I may share with someone so they run interference between us. With this new awareness,I decided it was best that I do not put any bullets in their hands. With that said, I make every effort to ensure the folks who truly care about me know the truth of my feelings for them.

I find it necessary to practice self awareness as well as situational awareness in the workplace as well as in life. I've maintain a distance from lower, sometimes immature, energies to set myself free and give myself space to grow. No hard feelings. I just see those folks don't hold the best intentions for me and are more concerns about taking shots at me than befriending me. That's 100% the truth. It's ok. Even though they often hurt my feelings, I no longer let them affect me. They walk their path; I walk my own. I send them love and light but I also learned to keep my distance.

There's a reason why I remain distant publicly. There is also a reason why I make an effort to ensure those I trust, and even love, know the truth. I am honoring my truth while also trying to protect myself and those I love from the lower negative energies that often surround us. It's not always easy to be on my guard all the time but I do it because I won't feed them information. It's a practice of self protection. Hopefully, those who care about me do not feed them bullets to use against me either.

Some say they don't understand why I keep to myself and stay completely disengaged. I guess it's hard to see the consequences associated with one's own negativity towards me. I am very sesnsitive and intuitive. I read people well and understand their unspoken motives. I see through lies. That is not paranoia. It is fact and I am merely trying to protect myself and someone I love from lower negative spiritual energy. I choose to focus on honoring my truth, being honest with those I trust and love and on growing personally and spiritually. That is what's important to me.

Put yourself in my shoes, see what I see and feel what I feel. You'll know it's the truth…

Catalyst Of Growth ~ Love, Sex And Poetry 

Catalyst Of Growth ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

Can you
Let go
And love
A little deeper
Can you
Crack your
Heart open
A little wider
To let
In the sun
Of my love
And use my love
As your catalyst
Of growth
Can you
Sit with
Your pain
Heartbreak and loss
Without trying
To hide it
From yourself
Can you
Shine love
Into the darkest
Part of your soul
And let
Someone brand new
Rise from
The ashes of destruction
Can you
Allow yourself
To feel the
Warmth of my love
And source
Your own growth
Through my light
Do you love me
Unconditionally
Without
Expectations or attachment
Can you
Use me
As mirror
Into your soul
And dig a
Little deeper
To find
The softest spot
That needs healing
Will you grow
And rise with me
In love
And
Claim the love
That is given
To you freely
You are
My catalyst
Of growth
And change
I’ve grown
Because I love you
Will you
Grow with me
Will you
Share this
Catalyst of growth
With me
I love you love
Unconditionally

(C) 2017 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

NOTE:
The below commentary goes along with this poem. One of the underpinnings of the Integrative Nutrition course I am studying is Primary Food. Primary Food is what nourishes and sustains a person in life such as: Exercise, Spirituality, Career and Relationships. Being balanced and nourished in the Primary aspects of life is essential for wellness. The actual food on the plate is considered a Secondary Source of nourishment in the Integrative Nutrition world.

Recently, our class was given an assignment to reflect on the health of our relationships and we were asked to identify opportunities for growth and development. Through this exercise I was able to see that I’ve grown and healed on a very deep level in the last year through my relationship and connection with a man I refer to as “Blue Love”.

It was clear to me from the first moments our eyes locked that our connection was about more than just a sexual connection. Intuitively I knew there was something spiritual simmering under the erotic undertones between us. It wasn’t until last year when he took a temporary assignment out of town and we were separated that I found myself coming face to face with my abandonment issues, fear of loss and pain that I buried deep in my soul.

The first few months he was gone were emotional chaos for me. Old hurts, painful memories of loss and buried heartaches came to surface. Something about the void I felt in his absence made everything feel more intense. I became anxious, clingy and eventually depressed. I was depressed because I couldn’t believe his absence was triggering this deep emotional response in me. I understood what was happening in me was a call to healing. I was being called to sit with my fear of loss and abandonment. I was being asked to let him go and focus what happening within myself so I could heal.

In that moment of complete depression and rawness, I realized I was attached to him. My “attachment” to him was spiritually unhealthy for me and him. Attachment isn’t love. Attachment comes with expectations, clinginess and possessiveness. For years I’ve spoken about unconditional love. Yet, it wasn’t until I clearly saw I was attached in an unhealthy way to “Blue Love” that I realized that I wasn’t loving him or myself unconditionally. I was trying to hold on to him and to the part of us that changed. I was making myself anxious worrying about what he would choose next and if I would be a part of his plans or if he even still cared about me. My “attachment” was blocking my ability to let go. My attachment was blocking my ability to truly love him or myself.

In the last year “Blue Love” has continued to explore his professional options. While we continue to be physically separated something changed in me over the last year. In allowing myself to feel the pain of my separation from him I brought other repressed pain to the surface for healing. By sitting in the middle of all of my shit, loss, pain and abandonment issues I awakened my inner Healer and mended pieces of my heart that were broken a long time ago. In learning to let go of my “attachment” to “Blue Love”, I found a new deeper truer love for him as well as myself.

By healing myself on such a deep emotional level, I also awakened spiritually and started embracing my soul’s true calling to be a “Healer”. I found the courage to face illness with strength and self love instead of fear and self pity. In choosing to love him and myself truly unconditionally, freely without expectations or attachments, I let go of all fear and broke myself open to profound growth in all areas of my life.

“Blue Love” is still in my life. I am very grateful for our relationship and our connection. It is clear to me now he was put into my life to help me grow spiritually. I was meant to learn how to truly love myself and others unconditionally through my relationship with him. He is truly a “soulmate” and maybe even a “Twin Flame.” For that I am forever grateful.

So, I ask you now to reflect on the quality of your relationships. Are there any opportunities to growth, self awareness? Can you let go and love a little deeper? Are you attached or in unconditional love? What is your opportunity for growth in the Relationship aspect of your Primary Food?