Self Care Sunday – Honor Where You Are – Monday Update at bottom

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Go to the bottom for the Monday Update:

My friend and fellow Holistic Health Coach Stephanie at Find Your Brave writes a lot about honoring where you are in the present. Stephanie coaches women to honor their feelings and emotions as they are right in this very moment. I am honoring where I am emotionally in this Self Care Sunday post.

I am grateful. I am truly grateful for all of the people who love me now and loved me in the past. This includes my family, friends and men who have been in my life. I am grateful for every person who played a role in my growth, protected me along the way and helped me become the woman I am today. I am grateful for my job. My job provides me stable income and health care which allows me to live comfortably at the beach as well as help others with my abundance. I am grateful for my apartment on the beach. It is truly my sanctuary and is a beautiful place to rest and live in peace. I am grateful for my body. My body has been through a lot and it continues sustain me. I am grateful for my tenacious spirit. It helps me rally in tough times. I am grateful for my big heart; it gives me the capacity to love deeply and truly. I am grateful for my old soul. I have the soul of an old warrior. I’ve experienced many tragedies and suffered more than most but my soul used those experienced for growth. I am a very fortunate woman but…it’s not enough. It’s all just not enough.

It’s only been in recent weeks that I’ve allowed myself to see the true price I’ve paid in the name of self protection in my life. It’s only been in recent weeks that I’ve began to understand I lost so much more than people in my life, I lost love and my ability to choose without fear. I am only now starting to understand what was taken away from me by the actions of men. I am also starting to understand what my life could have been if I didn’t close myself off so long ago. I can now see how expensive suffering has been in my life.

I ask God, Angels and Guides, is this it? Is this all there is going to be in my life for the next 5, 10, 20 or 30 years of my life? I ask this question because it’s become clear to me that life, the way it is, simply is not enough to sustain me long term. You may ask me what does that mean. The truth is I am not sure what that means. I only recently admitted to myself that I felt this. I talked at length about this with my therapist this past week. She honored what I was saying. She didn’t try to put happy face on anything. Her closing words stuck with me, “It’s not your fault. None of it has been your fault but your heart is carrying all the burden(s). Everyone reaches a breaking point.” It’s not that I can’t handle stress and suffering. It’s that I’ve been handing it and dealing with it since I was seven years old. The sustained pressure is breaking me down on every level. I am worn out.

What does this mean for my future and my life. I am not sure. The only thing I know is I am no longer as strong as I was. I am weary. When I get knocked down, I don’t get up as quick as I used to. When I need to rally and fight, I am just not sure it’s worth it anymore. What the hell am I fighting for anyway? To live another 5, 10, 20, 30 years in a life like this? I am not sure I want that. In honoring where I am today I allow myself to write in complete authenticity and honesty. I am allowing those who are reading this blog to truly see me and understand the burden I am feeling.

On a work related topic, In this role I’ve learned to be a Program Manager in the “company”, you need to play office politics. I have the knowledge, skills and strategic abilities to be a fantastic game-play politician. However, being a politician lacks authenticity; that doesn’t vibe well with me and it actually stresses me out. I am good at this job. I have skills necessary to do this job. The whole point of taking this temporary assignment was to explore opportunities to see how they fit. For the most part, this role fits me. However, I still say the perfect role for me is something more along the lines of a Senior Advisor to leader. In that type of role, I could do program management, project management and also offer support services to a leader without being in the middle of the politics myself. I feel like I need to “take care” of someone. Doing that is rewarding to me. Actually, I am not fulfilling that need in any area of my life right now. Also, My body is not handling stress well anymore. Perhaps it never did it’s just more noticeable now that I am older. That has been on my mind a lot lately too. It reminded me that I used to have a boss that would tell me to “STOP” “BREATH” 😂 I don’t always know how/when to stop myself. It was helpful having someone who knew me well enough to see when I needed to be pulled back.  I don’t have that anymore.

Have you been honest with yourself lately? Is your life, the way it is now, enough for another 20 years? Can you live like this for another 20 years?

I encourage you to honor how you feel and where you are on this Self Care Sunday. Sit with yourself.  Feel whatever it is.  Stay soft in this unkind world💙🦋

MONDAY UPDATE
I spoke my truth this morning to my boss and another manager. I told them my temporary status and the project drama was starting to cause me anxiety. First, we spoke about my project; we have a resolution. It’s still moving forward 🙂 It’s in a Legal Review now. Fingers crossed everything goes well and I should be able to start meeting with vendor by next week. Next, we spoke about the anxiety I am starting to feel about my future and the temporary status I am still in. They understood what I was saying and allievated some concerns that came up last week. However, I won’t feel completely better until I am permanently sitting one place or another. I learned through this experience long term temporary assignments are not good for someone with an anxiety disorder. It creates too much uncertainity. It’s giving me too much room to worry. If I ever do something like this again, the maximum length I will agree to is six months.

The funny thing about our conversation today was what my boss said to me. He’s a Ph.D. He,of course, had to explain my anxiety in scientific terms and with a picture😂 He stood up and drew a graphic on the board and explained the “Anxiety and Performance(Arousal) Axis. He explained to me that there was a study done that proved that high performance requires a higher level of anxiety. People who are high performers tend to be more anxious. You actually need anxiety to push you to perform. The key is operate at the peak of curve abd manage the anxiety so you don’t slip down the slope. Below is a photo similiar to the graphic he drew; click the photo for the link to the article on “Anxiety and Arousal”. He told me to Google it. When I googled it, I also found a helpful article on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. After I read that article, I reached out to friend who lost her son in a car accident and we scheduled a call to catch up for tonight. Hoping we can help each other 🦋

Anxiety and Arousal Axis
ef=”https://www.gracepointwellness.org/1-anxiety-disorders/article/38465-anxiety-and-arousal”>Image depicts anxiety can positively affect performance. [/cap

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Threads – Blue Love Poetry

Threads – Blue Love Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

You are
Part of my story
Woven into
The pages
Of my life
You are
Sewn into the
Fabric of my soul
With threads
Of red and blue

The red thread
Is for my love
And passion for you
The love and passion
Connecting
My heart
To yours
The blue thread
Is for the color
Of your blue eyes
Blue eyes that pierce
My soul
Sparking my creativity
Igniting me
With desire

You are
Part of my story
Etched into
The deepest part
Of my soul
You are my soul’s
Lustful conspirator
Welcomed friend
And stabilizing energy
My soul
Is at home near yours
Our flame burns
Stronger when
We are together

You are
Part of my story
A story
That is still
Being written
Chapter by chapter
One chapter
Moves us
Apart to learn
And grow
Perhaps the next moves
Us together again
Maybe there
Is a plot twist
That brings
Your hand
Into my mine
Could an
Unexpected event
Kiss your lips to mine
Or maybe God
Aligns the Universe
To let our love rule

Our story
Isn’t over
Our threads
Are still entwined
Connecting
Your soul to mine
Holding you
With my red threads
Of passion and love
Holding me
With the blue threads
Of your beautiful eyes
Our story
Continues

It is written
Into my soul
With red and blue threads
You are
Part of my story
The story of
Red and blue love
The story of us
(C) 2018 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved – Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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NOTE:
A Poem for Blue Love on May 27th 💙 I hope he is part of my future.

While I was in DC overnight I visited the “Museum of the American Indian”. Something about it felt very spiritual. Like spirit was leading me there. I remembered my sister, Sandy, went to Montana to visit a Indian Reservation. I also remembered how much I love the Native American culture. Only recently I learned through 23andMe that I am 5% Native American. I am 70% Irish, 15% Spanish, 10% German and 5% Native American which they also had subtitled Mexico. I am not sure if that means my ancestor’s tribe was near Mexico. My grandfather was born in San Antionio and his mother was from Spain also known as Iberia in the 1800. Anyway, this all reminded me that the Blackfeet Indian Reservation in Montana hosts Volunteer vacations. Something about that feels right to me. So that is added to the list with Spain as possible destinations for 2019. Or at least do some work on investigation the Native American roots.

A Raven landed on my balcony yesterday afternoon. I was in the kitchen when I heard it calling me from the balcony. I could not take a photo of it because it landed a foot away from my phone and tablet. I was afraid to go close to it. I wasn’t sure if it would attack and I didn’t want to scare it off. It was gigantic, gorgeous, midnight black and majestic. It squawked for a solid ten minutes as if it was talking to me. I stood in awe as it talked. I said a prayer and made a wish. I then watched it fly off northwest. In Native American culture Ravens signify change and transformation. They are also sent to deliver messages from spirit. It certainly seemed like it was telling me something 😂

This has been an interesting weekend. I think Spirit has been around me a lot. A Midnight Black Raven landed on my balcony and talked to me for 10 minutes. I had a craving for a Coke and went to Wawa. The first one in the line had Blue Love’s last name on it and it was his birthday. That felt like synchonicity. Like I was meant to find that on that day. There is such a strong connection between us! 💙 I learned I do not need bioidentical hormone replacement YET because it appears the Idoine, Maca and Vitamin D protocol is balancing my hormones. The clock starts all over again and back to Peri-Menopause. I guess my Integrative Doc’s theory was right. I had a Iodine Deficiency and because I wasn’t getting enough Iodine my thyroid was storing it in a small goiter. My thyroid most likely was blocking my hormones. By fixing the Idoine deficiency we also started to rebalance my hormones. I feel better and my cycle started again. Lastly, I had a visitation dream from my best friend last night. I told her the last time we talked she was welcomed to visit me in my dreams. When she showed up last night, she apologized for talkng so long to get here. I heard her laugh again. I started crying and told her how much I missed her. Definitely felt like a lot of spiritual activity going on around me this weekend.

Here’s a link to poem I wrote about Seven Ravens..

https://writingholistically.com/2014/03/31/seven-ravens-love-sex-poetry-repost/

Catalyst Of Growth ~ Love, Sex And Poetry 

Catalyst Of Growth ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

Can you
Let go
And love
A little deeper
Can you
Crack your
Heart open
A little wider
To let
In the sun
Of my love
And use my love
As your catalyst
Of growth
Can you
Sit with
Your pain
Heartbreak and loss
Without trying
To hide it
From yourself
Can you
Shine love
Into the darkest
Part of your soul
And let
Someone brand new
Rise from
The ashes of destruction
Can you
Allow yourself
To feel the
Warmth of my love
And source
Your own growth
Through my light
Do you love me
Unconditionally
Without
Expectations or attachment
Can you
Use me
As mirror
Into your soul
And dig a
Little deeper
To find
The softest spot
That needs healing
Will you grow
And rise with me
In love
And
Claim the love
That is given
To you freely
You are
My catalyst
Of growth
And change
I’ve grown
Because I love you
Will you
Grow with me
Will you
Share this
Catalyst of growth
With me
I love you love
Unconditionally

(C) 2017 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

NOTE:
The below commentary goes along with this poem. One of the underpinnings of the Integrative Nutrition course I am studying is Primary Food. Primary Food is what nourishes and sustains a person in life such as: Exercise, Spirituality, Career and Relationships. Being balanced and nourished in the Primary aspects of life is essential for wellness. The actual food on the plate is considered a Secondary Source of nourishment in the Integrative Nutrition world.

Recently, our class was given an assignment to reflect on the health of our relationships and we were asked to identify opportunities for growth and development. Through this exercise I was able to see that I’ve grown and healed on a very deep level in the last year through my relationship and connection with a man I refer to as “Blue Love”.

It was clear to me from the first moments our eyes locked that our connection was about more than just a sexual connection. Intuitively I knew there was something spiritual simmering under the erotic undertones between us. It wasn’t until last year when he took a temporary assignment out of town and we were separated that I found myself coming face to face with my abandonment issues, fear of loss and pain that I buried deep in my soul.

The first few months he was gone were emotional chaos for me. Old hurts, painful memories of loss and buried heartaches came to surface. Something about the void I felt in his absence made everything feel more intense. I became anxious, clingy and eventually depressed. I was depressed because I couldn’t believe his absence was triggering this deep emotional response in me. I understood what was happening in me was a call to healing. I was being called to sit with my fear of loss and abandonment. I was being asked to let him go and focus what happening within myself so I could heal.

In that moment of complete depression and rawness, I realized I was attached to him. My “attachment” to him was spiritually unhealthy for me and him. Attachment isn’t love. Attachment comes with expectations, clinginess and possessiveness. For years I’ve spoken about unconditional love. Yet, it wasn’t until I clearly saw I was attached in an unhealthy way to “Blue Love” that I realized that I wasn’t loving him or myself unconditionally. I was trying to hold on to him and to the part of us that changed. I was making myself anxious worrying about what he would choose next and if I would be a part of his plans or if he even still cared about me. My “attachment” was blocking my ability to let go. My attachment was blocking my ability to truly love him or myself.

In the last year “Blue Love” has continued to explore his professional options. While we continue to be physically separated something changed in me over the last year. In allowing myself to feel the pain of my separation from him I brought other repressed pain to the surface for healing. By sitting in the middle of all of my shit, loss, pain and abandonment issues I awakened my inner Healer and mended pieces of my heart that were broken a long time ago. In learning to let go of my “attachment” to “Blue Love”, I found a new deeper truer love for him as well as myself.

By healing myself on such a deep emotional level, I also awakened spiritually and started embracing my soul’s true calling to be a “Healer”. I found the courage to face illness with strength and self love instead of fear and self pity. In choosing to love him and myself truly unconditionally, freely without expectations or attachments, I let go of all fear and broke myself open to profound growth in all areas of my life.

“Blue Love” is still in my life. I am very grateful for our relationship and our connection. It is clear to me now he was put into my life to help me grow spiritually. I was meant to learn how to truly love myself and others unconditionally through my relationship with him. He is truly a “soulmate” and maybe even a “Twin Flame.” For that I am forever grateful.

So, I ask you now to reflect on the quality of your relationships. Are there any opportunities to growth, self awareness? Can you let go and love a little deeper? Are you attached or in unconditional love? What is your opportunity for growth in the Relationship aspect of your Primary Food?

 

Our Truth Is Love ~ Love, Sex And Poetry

Our Truth Is Love ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

We are
In this
Together
It seems
We are
In this
Together
God
Intersected our
Paths
A few years ago
Allowing us
To form a bond
A strong bond
So we
Would be together
At this time
To help
Each other
Move through
Transitions and
Make choices
To ultimately
Know
Deep spiritual
Love
I can’t say
I honestly
Know what
The future holds
For us
While I’m intuitive
We both have
Free will
To choose a
Different path
Perhaps an
Easier path
Would be
More appealing
Than navigating
Through
The complex
Circumstances
We find ourselves
Perhaps
Fulfilling the expectations
Of those around us
Would be easier
Than living
Our truth
Our joint truth
Maybe letting go
Of each other
Would be less challenging
Than accepting
Our truth
Our joint truth
That we
Are in this love
Together
Honestly
I never liked
The easy path
And certainly
I am not letting go
Of you or our love
If you are still
Holding
Onto me and us
We are
In this together
Rest your
Weary mind
My love
Our love
Our connection
Is here
To stay
It’s our truth
Our truth
Is Love
(C) 2017 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life is best when lived passionately

Love Over Fear ~ Love, Sex And Poetry

Love Over Fear ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

I carry
The light
I carry it
In my soul
It shines
From my heart
I carry
The light
Of unconditional love
For myself
For my soulmate
For my soul tribe
For humanity
I follow
The light
Shown before me
By my
Angels
Guides
Ascended Masters
And God
I follow their light
And answer
Their call
To be love
In the darkness
To offer hope
To the desperate
To serve as a guide
To those around me
I carry
The light
And work to
Turn the darkness
To light
By choosing
Love over fear
In choosing
Love over fear
I help to create
A miracle
And shift
Us collectively
Into a higher
Vibration
Once you see
The light
Once you feel
True love
You will no longer
Be able to
Live in the darkness
I carry
The light
And illuminate
The path
For those
Who choose to awaken
To awareness
For those who
Choose love over fear
In awareness
You will see
The truth clearly
With intuition and
Through divine messages
You will be
Protected, guided and supported
In the light
The light of love
You will be love
I carry
The light
In my heart
And shine it
Into your
Beautiful eyes
Calling to you
Will you
Choose
Love over fear
Will you
Choose love
(C) 2017 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately 

Blue Love ~ Love, Sex Art And Poetry 

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Blue Love ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

Blue
Is the color
Of my love
It shimmers
In the darkness
And lights
My way
Home
Blue
Is color
In my
Mind’s eye
It springs forth
From my
Meditation
Calling
To me
My love
Is calling
To me
Create for me
He says
Blue
Is the color
In my heart
It beats
With a rhythm
Of truth
It stands in
Loyalty
It carries
My soul’s wisdom
From my
Intuitive spirit
To his waiting
Soul
Blue
Is the color
Of my inner voice
Whispering
To me
Pulling me
Into the
Fire of
Passion, love
And Creation
Asking me
To surrender
My body, mind
And soul
Into
Blue Love
Surrender
My soul
to love
Blue
Is the color
Of my love
Following
The call of
My heart’s
Divine wisdom
I place
My heart
Into his hands
And stand
In the center
Of his beautiful
Blue Eyes
Blue
Is the color
Of my
Love
Blue Love
(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately 

NOTE: This workshop is awesome. I will write more about the workshop activites after it is over. Right now I wanted to post this for New Year’s Eve as I created the artwork and wrote the poem during class this afternoon🙌💋🙏🔥🦄

I’m no painter but everyone kept telling me how “deep” it is🙌It represents what was on my mind during meditation. It’s a blue eye at the center of my heart with my heart on fire🔥🎨 Someone said it shows my inituition and that I see with my heart – very true🙌🙏

This is a first for me. I am posting an original poem I wrote and original art I created🦄🙌

Happy New Year! I’m looking forward to 2017 and all the magic it will bring🦄🙌🙏🔥❤

Awakening ~ Love, Sex And Poetry

Awakening ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

To awaken
Is to
See and feel
Things differently
It’s to
See things
You couldn’t
See before
It’s to
Feel things
You may
Have not felt
Before
It’s to know
You’ve changed
And nothing
In your life
Can remain
The same
The challenge is
To honor
Your awakening
As a call to action
In your life
It’s your Spirit
Pushing from
The inside
For you
To follow
The path
It is laying out
Trust
Your wisdom
Accept
You’ve changed
Relationships
Will suddenly
Be awkward
With your new awareness
Not everyone
In your life
Will accept
The new you
In fact
They will want
The old you back
But
If you are awakened
You know
You can’t
Continue
To be
Who you were
Strength
Can only be found
In the surrender
Your surrender
To the new truth
In your life
Take very good care
Of yourself
As you wake up
Slow down
And listen
To inner wisdom
Instead of
Relying upon
Outside approval
Or validation
Rely on your
Own internal teacher
To led your way
Do not trust
False Gurus
Do not follow the advice
Of your
Well meaning but
Unaware friends
They are not
In your shoes
Do not seek
Counsel
From the same
People
Who aimed to
Hold you back
Slow down
Turn off the noise
Temporarily give up
Numbing yourself
And feel
The shift
Inside of you
Feel the shift
Who does your
Internal wisdom
Call you
To be
To awaken
Is to wake up
To yourself
And finally see
Your truth
It’s not easy
But once you accept it
You can start
Living more
Authentically
Wake up
Awaken
(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately