Just Your Lover – Blue Love Poetry

Art Blue Love

As I find myself with more free time than I would like lately, I took the opportunity to clean up my blog a bit. As I was looking through old posts, the below poem I wrote a couple of years ago tugged at my heart💙 The poem resonants because it is true even though Blue Love and I have grown, changed and pursued different paths.

Along the way our flirtation lead to a friendship and an unbreakable bond. There truly are people who are meant to be in our lives. There are connections we are destined to make. Lessons we are supposed to learn from each other, with each other and through each other.

It’s a stressful time in both of our lives and I’ve been reflecting upon what’s really important in my life. My connection to him still rings true in my heart. I want to be so much more than just his lover…I hope he finds comfort in knowing that 💙

I Don’t Want To Be Just Your Lover
By: Linda A. Long

I don’t want to be
Just your lover
I want so much more for us
I want to be your
Best friend
The reassuring voice
After a tough day
The soft smile
When you are feeling down
The shoulder you
Rest your head on at night

I don’t want to be
Just your lover
I want to be your conspirator
Your partner in crime
I want share secrets
Join forces
I want you to know
In the glance of my eye
What I’m thinking
And then smile because
You know that I trust you
I trust you enough
To allow you to see me

I don’t want to be
Just your lover
I want to be the person
You place your complete trust
I want to guard your secrets
And lock the key to your heart
In mine
I want your peace and joy
To be found
In my eyes
With your hand
In mine
I want to be
Your safe harbor from the storm
And your comfort
As we grow older

I don’t want to be
Just your lover
I want to be your home
I want you to
Kick your shoes off
And relax in my love
I want you to
Rest in my arms and refresh yourself
I want you to
Nourish your soul with my affection
I want you to
Feed your body with mine

I want to be more than just your lover
I want to be your partner
I want to be your conspirator
I want to be your best friend
I want to be your home
I want to be so much more
Than just your lover

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DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday – Love is the answer

Love is the answer Einstein

Shine Your Love
Dear God
I ask
For the light
Of your love
To shine down
On the Universe
And fill
The hearts of men
With goodwill
And kindness
Shine your love

I ask
For common ground
Between adversaries
To be found
To end conflict
I ask for
Protection of
Our Nation
From our aggressors
I ask for you
To help us find peace
Shine your love

Holy Spirit
Use me
Use me
To spread your light
Fill me
With your love
And I will
Shine it
From my
Soul into the world
I ask you
To heal
The world
Shine your love
through me
Shine your love

Dear God
Shine your love
Into the world
And provide
Comfort to those
Who are suffering
Shelter and food to those
Who are in need
Consciousness
To those
Who are still spiritually asleep
And humility
To those who
Are driven by their egos
Shine your love
God
Shine your love

Only love
Can heal the world
Shine your love God
And
Heal the world

Other than normal Holiday stress, the government shutdown and politics in general are weighing heavy on my mind this weekend. With so much heartache and stress in the world, I wrote this poem for love and healing to counterpunch the negative energy with loving energy. I believe it is only love that can heal the world. Love is the answer. I even hit POTUS with the Loving Kindness Prayer today hoping to put a little love in the Grinch’s heart 😂

So I searched on “Love is the answer” to use for a graphic for this post. I found hundreds of variations of the above image of Albert Einstein. It looked cool so I chose it but I am still not sure if it’s actual artwork or he actually said it 😉

I’ve said a special prayer for my family this year. My family has had long standing family feud going on. It’s made the holidays especially stressful the last few years. I walked out of Christmas dinner in tears last year after only one hour and drove 90 minutes back home because it was just absolute chaos. I made it clear to everyone that I wasn’t putting myself through it again. My sister volunteered to have an alcohol-free Christmas Brunch for everyone at her house. Her house is neutral territory. So far everyone is attending. I am hoping things go well. My mom has been a bit fragile lately; I am not sure either one of us could handle the stress this year.

My vacation was scheduled for December 21st to January 2nd. Well, it’s turning into a last minute unpaid forced “vacation”. I am lucky though. I got a call today letting me know the way I am funded was changed so my furlough doesnt start until Thursday. I asked them to double check that to be sure it’s right. Optimistically, it could end December 27th when Congress comes back into Session but I actually think it will go until at least January 3rd when Democrats take the House & Trump has an “Out” to cave. While it stresses me out, I should be able to manage as long as it doesn’t go on for too far into January. There are others who are worst off and I hope for everyone’s sake this resolved sooner than later. I am honestly against any “wall” along our southern border; I view a “wall” as a racist expression to keep brown people out. Also, there are technological ways they can secure the border (Drones, etc.) that would be more efficient than an medieval wall. My boss said to me the other day, “If you build an 11 foot wall, they will build a 12 foot ladder!” With that said, I could see Democrats digging in and waiting it out until January 3rd.

As for me personally, I believe in putting human beings and kindness above politics. I would like to see a compromise to resolve this next week so folks who live paycheck to paycheck and those who are collateral damage in this standoff aren’t completely stressed out the entire holiday season. Many just spent money for Christmas presents and some folks in contractor positions won’t get back pay. While there’s no guarantee I will either, I strongly suspect I will. I believe people should come first; politics second.

I just finished my Christmas shopping yesterday. I used my credit card so I could conserve the cash I have just in case I miss a paycheck. I also told my mom her annual Christmas bonus ($$$) 😂 will be a little late this year. I need to hold onto to cash until I know for sure when I am going back to work. I am leaving for Philly on Monday. I am baking and cooking with my mom on Christmas Eve. My sister is having Christmas Brunch and then I am bringing my three nieces (14, 13 and 9) down to my house overnight Wednesday to Thursday. We are going to a movie matinee and dinner. Then they will open their presents at my house and I am taking them to Cereal Town in the Ocean Casino for breakfast on Thursday before driving them home. I am scaling back on all of my other plans to conserve cash since I don’t know how long I’ll be out of work. I am playing everything else by ear. I’ll need to adjust plans according to finances and my energy levels.

ACTION: This week’s action is to put a little love in the world 💙 Say the below Loving Kindness prayer for healing in our world. Do something good for another human being. Send loving kindness to a friend. Do something good for a stranger. Help me turn the tide in the Universe. Let’s help good triumph over evil.

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Love is my vibration

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

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Self Care Sunday – Love is the highest vibration

Instagrams meme

Yep, this Self Care Sunday my soul is shinin’ like a MF! 🌟☀️😂😂😂

I’ve been reflecting on love lately. This Self Care Sunday is about Love. Love of self. Love of others. Unconditional love vs. conditional love. BIG LOVE! LOVE over Fear! Love 💙

It’s really only been in the last year or so of my life that I’ve learned to truly love and accept myself. It was also this year that I allowed myself to see the high price I paid in my life for not valuing myself and loving myself; I could not open myself up to receive of love. It was easier for me to be the giver than it ever was to receive.

To receive love, we must open our hearts, expose our souls and be vulnerable to another. Life experiences fractured my trust in others. Without trust there can be no vulnerability. To receive love we must allow another to see the shame we carry from past, feel the anxiety the weighs in our hearts and stand with us in our fear of loss and heartbreak.

I learned to love myself self by sitting with my pain and feeling it. I grieved for what I lost. I cried for what might have been. I mourned for what was taken away from me and I forgave the person I was in the past for not being strong enough to heal. I gave myself with the same loving kindness I give others. In doing that, I released a burden that really wasn’t completely mine to carry and made space in my heart and my life to receive love.

Unconditional love, to love without conditions… It is conceptually beautiful but not always easy in practice. Unconditional love doesn’t mean you accept whatever someone offers you and it certainly doesn’t mean you should be a doormat. For me, unconditional love is loving without expectations (strings) of reciprocation or demonstrative proof that I am loved in return. Unconditional love is BIG LOVE.

Over the last year, I’ve leaned heavy into prayer to help transmute any negative feelings. I’ve been using the Loving Kindness Prayer to pull myself back when I am feeling a bit challenged by love. I find it to be especially effective in helping me send love from a distance to loved ones. By sending loving kindness to a friend, a coworker, a sick relative or even someone who I’ve been at odds with at times helps me to raise my spirits and light my heart with the healing light of love.

Try using the Loving Kindness prayer by first sending loving kindness to your soulmate or twin flame or anyone who holds special place in your heart and in your life. The exchange of loving kindness through prayer will create synergy and good energy between you. Once you get into the habit of saying this prayer on a daily basis, then start using it for everyone you want to hit with some good energy 🌟 It will lift your spirits when you are down and give you peace when you start to feel anxiety creep up. Sending loving thoughts will also raise your spirit vibration and make your spiritual energy radiant. Love is the highest vibrational force in the Universe.

Love is the highest vibration

ACTION: This week’s action is to consider incorporating the Loving Kindness Prayer into your daily activities. Make it a habit.

Here’s an example of how it works:

When a strong flash of Blue Love comes into my mind, I often take a moment to send him love 💙😘🔥I visualized him in my mind’s eye, I quietly say his name to myself and then say this prayer:

May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

It’s a beautiful way to send good energy to someone 💙 Do it for 30 days straight and see how you change. Your vibraiton will automatically be lifted by the love you sending out into the Universe.

Yoga update
I’ve been doing a 30 minute slow gentle yoga practice at home each night this week. I am going to do this for the next month and build up to getting back into a studio. I am not pushing to my edge; I am taking it slow and using modifications. I am just slowly moving through a practice of Sun Salutations with Chaturanga & Cobra, Warrior I & II, Tree, a twist, wide leg Child’s Pose and Savasana. My foot is sore but is steady in the balance pose, Tree 👍It feels good to get back to yoga. I really do love yoga. I have a gigantic playlist of yoga and mantra music; AyKanna is my FAVORITE 💙 “Longtime Sunshine” is the closing prayer/song/mantra in Kundalini yoga practices. AyKanna’s version is in the YouTube video at the bottom of the post.

Music Yoga Mantas

Career Update
Remember that prayer I posted about my career a few days ago? Remember I asked for a SIGN? Well, it worked quick 😂😂 I received Sign #1 when my boss dropped by my cube early Friday to relay Execs asked him to do whatever he could KEEP ME 😊🦋😂 He asked what I was thinking. We talked for a while about what that would look like; what I wanted and needed. Just for the record, a raise and promotion weren’t at the top of the list. I will certainly negotiate for them as we start to close on this next month but it’s more about doing work I enjoy and working were there are opportunities for someone like me. If I am doing work I enjoy, raises and promotions will flow naturally as a result of me doing my best work. It would be short-sighted to make this about money when it’s actually about fulfillment.

I spent almost nine years working in an organization doing work I didn’t enjoy. I was able to deal with the lack of career satisfaction for a few years because I worked closely with someone I care about; I enjoyed the years I worked closely with him. I enjoyed taking care of him, helping and supporting him. Once I knew he advanced to the next level permanently, I felt it was time for me to find career satisfaction for myself. I am in a better position to do that where I am. I am now working to the full extent of my skills and abilities and I am fulfilled in the work I am doing. That’s what this is all about.

Not long after chatting with my boss I bumped in a former coworker in the hallway. As he past me, he stopped me and said, “Linda, Do you have a minute?” He said, “You are in another group now…Is it as chaotic, insane and TOXIC there as it is here?” Yep, he said TOXIC! My answer was, “No, IT IS NOT.” We had an interesting conversation. I don’t know this guy well. We never had a real conversation before. So him stopping me, asking this question and sharing information with me that I didn’t know was my SIGN that nothing has changed. They would use me up and burn me out all over again. This was sign #2. I told him he was my sign from God and an answer to a prayer. He almost cried. Seriously, his eyes welled up 😊He told me he was a Christian and believes in signs from God too 😇 Yep, that career prayer was answered in two days, with two signs within two hours. 222 Prayers work 🙂

222

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

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Love Over Fear

For those who follow planetary activity, Mercury Retrograde ends on December 6th. Mercury Retrograde is usually time of miscommunications, technology snafus, missed connections and sticky contract issues. Many feel you shouldn’t sign contracts or make major purchases during the Retrograde. This can also be a time that the past comes back for reflections when we are presented a choice to go back or go move forward.

I look at the past differently now that I look at it through a lens of self care and self love. When I reflect on the past these days, I can see when not taking care of myself and not loving myself enough led me to make poor choices or perhaps put me in a position to accept less than I wanted or deserved.

Relationships with men have always been a complicated and sticky area of my life. Mostly because every relationship I’ve been in has been clouded by unresolved pain, grief and loss from the death of my father at the age of seven. I never really allowed myself to grieve properly for that loss for many years. My relationships were also clouded by a lack of trust that stayed with me after sex assaults by a family member when I was older which led to a fear of intimacy from constant heartbreaks and disappointments.

For a long time, I blamed the men who were in my life. I was the victim and our unsuccessful relationships were their fault and responsibility. In fairness, it is true that a few of them hurt me so deeply that they deserved the blame but as I’ve healed from my past traumas I can see there were a couple of good ones. As I stand here now, I can see I pushed away the good ones because I was too damaged, at that time, to be able to accept their love and attention. I never felt worthy. That’s a powerful awareness to have about oneself. The depth of self-sabotage I’ve done in my relationships is hard to look now that I am “healed” but it’s also something I can no longer turn away from or repress. I must look at that ugly truth. I must look at it to heal it.

Something has changed in me in the last year. Perhaps it’s finally having the courage to touch the pain of sexual assault by someone who was supposed to protect me that opened me up to healing. Maybe it’s finally learning how to take care of myself that brought about the new me. Maybe it was falling in love with myself that finally allowed me to let go of my past that changed me. It’s been quite roller coaster of emotions for me the last year but one I feel I needed to ride. In going on this emotional ride, I’ve gained some freedom and let go of burdens that really were not mine to carry.

I once again almost ran into a old flame last night in the grocery store. This time was different. I saw him looking at produce; he had his head down. I backed away and walked on by. I didn’t avoid him because I hate him. I didn’t avoid him because I blame him. I didn’t avoid him because he hurt me. I avoided him because we just were not good for each other and there is no reason to open old wounds for either one of us. I walked on by because it was best for my well-being to maintain a distance. There’s no anger in my heart towards him but there is love in my heart now… Self Love. I loved myself enough to choose to not engage with him.

I am more concerned about my relationship with myself these days than anyone else so no one should interpret this post to mean I am “looking”. I am not “looking”. I am just saying it’s nice to feel unburdened and hopeful after so many years of living with repressed trauma. I am lighter, better, healthier and happier now than ever before. Looking at my past traumas and being willing to sit with the pain was an act of self love that I am grateful I finally allowed myself accept and honor. A “Course In Miracles” says, “A Miracle is choosing LOVE over fear!” I guess you can say I’ve been blessed by a Miracle.

How have you loved yourself lately? Can you truly love yourself with enough openness to accept the love you deserve and are worthy of receiving? Are you willing to touch your deepest pain to feel deep true love again? Can you choose LOVE over fear and be blessed by a Miracle?

(C) 2018 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Love over fear