Old Soul Eyes

0_24e59_cb7704fb_XLI am a Brown Eyed Girl. In my family, my father and I are the only two out of seven with brown eyes. Everyone else in the family has either Blue or Hazel eyes. I suppose that is why growing up I was always attracted to people with Blue eyes. I always thought Blue eyes were beautiful. You always want what you don’t have and I couldn’t figure out how I got eyes as dark as mine when everyone else in the family has fair eyes.

Then one day a mentor/friend said something to me that changed my perspective and made me truly appreciate the eyes I have. She said “You can see your soul in the depths and beauty of your eyes. You are an old soul. You can see it in your eyes. Old souls give comfort to the younger ones. And, that’s what you do.” I reflected upon this statement for a long time. I wondered “What’s an old soul?” At that time, I was only in my twenties and didn’t really get what she meant. I was still too emotionally immature to really understand or accept the depth of what she spoke. Nor was I willing to accept the responsibility that comes with being an old soul. You see old souls have been around the block a few times. If you believe in reincarnation, an old soul is someone who has lived many lifetimes before this one. If you believe in Buddism, an old soul is here again to achieve Nirvana and live their last lifetime. They are here in this lifetime to get it right.

As I reflect on this lifetime I am living and think of it in terms of being an old soul, I now understand and accept the many tragedies I’ve witnessed. I now know that God has me here on this earth at this time for a purpose. And, that purpose is to LOVE. It’s to offer compassion and comfort to the lost traveler. It’s to give guidance to person who left their soul in the lost and found. It’s to show empathy to the person who no one understands. And, I’ve made a commitment to myself that I am getting it right in this lifetime.

My sister passed away 14 years ago after a long tragic illness. I was one of her caretakers and it was the greatest privilege of my life.  Her death broke me for a long time. I couldn’t figure out how to live my life without her. But, her memory and her legacy now sets me free and has helped me put my heart back together again. By listening to my heart and following my very own instincts instead of listening to the advice or direction of others I was able to rebuild my life. I was able to reclaim my soul.

So, yes. I am an old soul. I’ve witnessed and experienced a great deal of heartache in my life. But, those heartaches have been a wonderful teacher. It was only recently that I finally figured out that my heartaches and disappointments didn’t have to be shields that protect me.  They needed to be the rock that I stand on so I can help someone else up. They were lessons God wanted me to learn so I can help others. They were lessons in love. Through the heartaches and disappointments I’ve learned just how much love my heart can hold. I’ve learned to express my love. I’ve learned how to love unconditionally without expectation.

I have old soul eyes and for that I am grateful.

Protected by Copyscape Online Plagiarism Test

Photo Credit:

Bec Winnel

Retrieved From:
http://www.tuttartpitturasculturapoesiamusica.com/2011/02/bec-winnel.html
 

A Promise To Keep – Poem For My Sister Sandy

 A Promise To Keep
By: Linda A. Long

As you laid
Dying
I held your hand
And made
You
A promise
A promise
To live
A life you
Would be proud of
To live
Life through
Your eyes
To experience
The things
You would miss
I promised
To carry
Your spirit
Forward
With me
In my soul
Wrapped around
My heart
As you laid
Dying
I held your hand
And made you
A promise
A promise
To believe
In myself
To find the best
Within myself
To hold my
Head high
In defeat
As well as in
Victory
I held your hand
And promised
You
I would take care
Of our Mother
I promised
You
I would
Never forget you
As if I could
You were
A sister
A mother
A friend
As you laid
Dying
I held your hand
And promised you
I would always strive
For my best
I promised
I wouldn’t
Give up
I promised
I wouldn’t back down
I promised
I would
Be confident
In my strengths
As you always
Told me to be
I promised you
I would believe
In myself
As much as
You believed
In me
As you laid
Dying
I held your hand
And made you
A promise
A promise
I am only
Now keeping
Fourteen years later
I am finally
The person
I promised you
I would be
I am finally
Finding my best
I am living
An authentic life
Because of you
Everything I am
Is because
You loved me
My dear sweet
Sister
Because you
Believed in me
I believe in myself
As one year rolls
Into the next
My heart still
Aches for the
Comfort
Of your company
The pain
Of losing you
Will never go away
I just learned to
Live with it
As you laid
Dying
I held your hand
And made you
The most important
Promise
A promise
To live life wholely
Love deeply
And believe
Still believe
In Others
In spite
Of my
Broken heart
I held your hand
And made a promise
Of love
A promise
I will keep
© 2013 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved
Protected by Copyscape Web Plagiarism Scanner

This poem is dedicate to my sister, Sandy.

Sandy passed away on March 9, 1999 after a long illness. Sandy was on life support for two weeks before she died. During those two weeks I sat and talked to her hoping to see some sign that she was still with us; it came early on a rainy cold March morning three days before she died when she raised her eyebrows as I was telling her about a fire that happened behind my mother’s house the night before. I was shocked, surprised and full of hope. I was in the room alone with Sandy that morning. I asked her if she could hear me and she raised her eyebrows again. I knew she was with me. The Doctors told me to keep talking to her and tell her where she was, what happened to her and explain to her she was on a ventilator. After that I read the newspaper to her and read a short mystery story. She loved mysteries. I knew the rest of my family were on their way back the hospital so I took the opportunity to speak my peace to her and also tell her it was ok for her to let go. If she couldn’t do it anymore, it was ok to let go. She was suffering for too long. I refused to push her to hold on out of my own selfishness and fear of loss. I held her hand and set her free. I held her hand and thanked her for being a wonderful sister. And, I made her a promise that I would live the best life possible and make her proud. It was then I broke into tears and my Mom told me to go catch my breathe. The rest of my family arrived and took turns talking to her. I bet she was exhausted that day because we Longs can sure talk. 🙂 Sandy died three days later. The Doctors told us its a common phenomenom for people on life support to improve slightly right before they die.

Just until this passed year I would say honestly I wasn’t honoring the promise I made to Sandy as she laid dying. I didn’t take very good care of myself until last year. I focused more on others than myself and lost myself in the process. But, today in a moment of bittersweet reflection I am reminded of my sister’s last days of life and how those promises I made her fourteen years ago now are the driving force behind my new life now. Those promises are the reason I survived the last two years. They are the reason I didn’t give up. I made my dying Sister a promise and I intended to keep it.

I would gladly take care of anyone I love. That is what love is all about. I would gladly go back to those days of driving her to Doctor’s appointments, helping her with her cane and then eventually her walker. I would gladly go back and sit with her on her bed talking. She really enjoyed our conversations after I had been drinking:-) Sober people always enjoy long talks with drunks at 2:00am in the morning.  hahahahhahaa. 🙂  The point is I would gladly do all that I did for her for anyone I love. It’s my choice.

Thank you Sandra Marie Long for loving me and being a spectacular big sister.

Photo Credit:
Fairie Princess Sisters – James Yale
http://www.jamesyale.com/fairie.htm

Christmas Day 1970 – Photo

Linda Christmas Day 1970

Linda Christmas Day 1970

I just found this photo over the weekend. This photo has “Christmas Day 1970” written on the back. It was taken the same year as the Santa photo I posted last week. So, looks like Santa brought me the dolly and stroller I asked for:-) Everyone says I look exactly the same only a few years older:-)

The photos of I’ve been posting of me when I was little are very special to me.  They remind of the Christmas Days when my father was alive.  He died when I was seven.  He was only 41 years old.  He had a massive heart attack while food shopping.  

I am the youngest of five children and I am much younger than my siblings. While they all joke I was a “mistake”, my Mother still insists I was the only one that was actually planned because my Dad wanted another baby.  And, I was his baby. He took me everywhere with him. I was most definitely “Daddy’s” little girl. 

Everyone in my family remembers how much my Dad loved Christmas. I remember he loved everything about it.  He loved decorating. He loved shopping.  He loved shopping for the tree. He loved it all. My parents had a Christmas Eve party every year. Green and Red drinks were served(Green Creme De Mint and Blood Marys).  I fondly remember those early Christmas Days before everything changed forever.  I say thanks to my parents for being good loving caring parents.  I am truly blessed to be your child.