Self Care Sunday ~ Early Detection

5A812EB1-30DC-4C74-873D-82A20BAAAD65_1_201_a“Suck it up, spit it out and handle it”. That’s my Mother’s way of saying “You got this” or “Get over it” or “You’ll be fine” 🤣 I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard this in my life…My Mother was never a coddler nor was she sensitive to emotions and feelings. She’s softened after she turned 70 🤣 Now that she is 80, she is still a tough old lady but she also is more compassionate and loving. She says I helped her grow✌️

I shared the above story about my Mother’s favorite saying because she just said it to me Friday. However, Friday she followed it with “I love you and you have to give this one over to God.” The reason she said this to me is because my Dermatologist did a biopsy yesterday on a growth on my jawline. While doing the biopsy, the Dermatologist told me she was 95% sure the growth was Skin Cancer, Squamous Cell Carcinoma (SCC) to be exact. She told me, once the biopsy results were independently verified, she would refer me to Mohs Surgeon for removal. The whole thing was a bit surreal. I thought I was going to just get mole “looked at”. I figured they would just freeze it off and away I would go. Instead I found myself having a conversation about SCC being 99% curable when caught early and being told I need to make sure to get it taken care of because SCC can spread to Lymph Nodes and bones.

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Let me be clear I am not upset about this. I have enough friends who have had Skin Cancer and have had Mohs Surgery. I already two recommendations for surgeons in Philly. The reason it caught me off guard is because I really thought it was only a mole. I really only went to the doctor because I am vain and didn’t want to walk around with a mole on my jawline 🤣 And let me tell you, it grew quick. It wasn’t there at my last full body scan in June. I found it in mid November and it grew a good bit by the time it was biopsied. The doctor said I did everything right and catching it early is important. Seriously, I walked out of the Doctor’s office like “what the f**k just happened?” 🤣

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The conversation about SCC freaked me out a little because it’s exactly where I’ve been complaining about jaw pain for two years. After a MRI, Cat Scan and Ultrasound, they told me the pain in my jaw is Arthritis but a cancerous growth is there now too. Can you blame me for being a bit freaked out. Also, this is the second kind of Cancer I’ve caught early. I had pre-cancer in my colon removed and I have abnormal cells (that are not cancer but could become it) in my stomach that are being monitored. Is this just how getting old is? Is staying on top of stuff so you catch things early what we do after we turn 50? I still have a 5% chance it could not be SCC but it seems I just gotta “Suck it up, Spit it out and Handle it!” 🤣

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Switching topics…I had an appointment to test drive a new car (2020) after the biopsy yesterday. I loved the car but the numbers weren’t where I want them to be. It wasn’t financial advantageous for me leave my lease early so I left. I told them we can revisit it when I am closer to the end of my lease. They have already reached back out to me on Saturday morning saying they are still working on it 🤣Let them work it…I am not budging unless it’s where I want it to be…. Guess what? When I was in my 20s, I was an Assistant Buyer for a retail company. I spent all day in my cubicle negotiating cost, terms and lead times with vendors. The key to negotiating is to not show emotions or attachments. I can live without a new car and I can tell them “no thanks” all day long if they want to keep trying without meeting my terms…🤣

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My last topic today is work…this job has me so conflicted… Part of me loves it. Part of me hates it. I am doing a good job and they’ve told me it. I am capable of succeeding in this job but I find myself being routinely ethically challenged. Therefore, I am not attached to it. The opportunity to make a difference in the industry comes with a good bit of drama, pressure from political players and folks in industry who expect special consideration — which I won’t give them – period!  It’s gonna be a fight… I will be using scoring mechanisms that even the playing field – period!  Its up the primary applicants to partner with other entities and up to recipients to issue sub-awards and give contracts for services post award without pressure. My direct supervisor and I are completely in alignment with “no” being the answer. Fortunately, a scathing new audit of grant programs administered by our “parent” company gives me justification and the cover to say “no” but I do have legal looking for a way to help me give everyone a “win” so I don’t have to battle with leadership again. I will have to see how this plays out.…So, as much as I love the opportunity to make a difference in this job, I am still not attached to it. I am not sure I will stay in it for the long term if these types of issues continue to pop up. It’s exhausting and they have certainly found a way to f**k up my dream job. I am staying open to other opportunities that cause me less stress and conflicts. Again, the key is non-attachment or maybe it’s just a distraction to see if I am going to f**k up what I asked for???🤣 I am just not sure which way it’s going yet…

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Something that made me happy today…I gave every employee in the building I live in a $10 Dunkin’ Donuts Gift Card yesterday as a token of appreciation for their help throughout the year and I also contributed to their bonus fund. I’ve seen a bunch them walking around the building today with DD cups and they all had big smiles on their faces when they saw me. It made me happy🤣

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(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ How I See Things

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Art Credit: puppygai.deviantart.com

I see choices in life as Black and White. For me, it’s yes or no, right or wrong, good or bad, pass or fail. I don’t walk the fence. Mostly, I don’t hang out it limbo or in the grey because it’s too confusing and stressful for me. I make decisions based upon information, research, my personal values, gut instinct, intuition and ethics. I then move along.  Seeing life through his lens means I like rules. Rules are easy for me.  I like routine and structure. It creates less stress for me in life.

So, the interesting thing about the job I am in now is that every day it presents a different challenge – nothing is routine -ever! lol 🙂 It gives me a new problem to solve or a new puzzle to put together on a daily basis. This week’s problem skirted the edges of my ethics. Meaning that I received confirmation that my “worst case scenario” on a risk, which I’ve been briefing up for a month now, will be realized. It will result in a 9 to 15 month schedule delay. OUCH! Let me be clear! I knew it was going to play out this way all along. I was only going through the motions and looking for alternative paths to demonstrate that I explored all mitigations — but, I knew what the final decision was going to be. I knew because I started conversations with our legal counsel on the issue over a month ago to protect myself; they finally issued an official decision on Friday. They also advised me that I have their full support and they will participate in any needed conversations. This led to emergency telcons late Friday afternoon –  always a fun way to end a Friday 🤣

Here’s the thing…unless senior leadership has a mitigation at their level that isn’t available to me, I’ve done all I can do…That’s the way I see it…it’s time to adjust the schedule and move along. It doesn’t stop what I am doing. There are plenty of other tasks to work through while we also work through the regulatory requirements. It just means that we will have to level set our external stakeholders expectations which could be sticky but that is NOT my job. Remember – I just got here 3 months ago and this issue will cause a 9 to 15 months delay. In other words, it was a problem long before I got here – FULL STOP🛑

So, what happened?  How come it wasn’t found earlier? Well, they didn’t know what they didn’t know and never bothered to ask about regulatory requirements because they thought they knew them.  I happened to pull a thread one day and that’s when it all unraveled 😳Here’s where my ethics were challenged.  When the risk first came to my awareness and I started asking questions.  Folks started telling me to ignore it. They said it would delay the schedule. They told me it wasn’t enforced. They said no one would notice…About a month ago, I woke up at 3:00am with that on my mind and anxiety. I knew that was my intuition telling me it was a problem and I needed to dig deeper into it. That’s when I did my own research, found the penalties and heard other stories. That’s when I quietly reached out to our legal counsel for assistance and protection as I started messaging the risk and potential impact to leaders. That’s when I started formulating an alternate schedule (that I haven’t shared) that incorporates the additional actions. That’s when I knew I was “seeing” things clearly.  Sooo, we will see what happens next week when my leaders start telling folks legal’s decision on this issue but…I am good.  I know I did the right thing. My direct leadership knows I explored all options. They also clearly know my ethics now. They saw that I was trying to protect myself, the company, organization and program.

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The discussion about ethics brings me to our current President, his political party and Administration. Right is right, wrong is wrong…Facilitating Ethnic Cleansing, asking for foreign interference in our elections, siding with Dictators, engaging in cover-ups and giving yourself a billion dollar contract should be considered wrong by anyone’s standards regardless of political party…. Every day I wake up hoping he resigned or was ask to leave under the 25th Amendment. It’s embarrassing to have him as our President. FULL STOP🛑  Have your ethics been challenged lately? Do you see the world as Black and White, Right or Wrong? Are you decisive? What would you do if you were a new employee working on a highly visible program and discovered a gigantic risk with legal implications?
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Switching gears,  My brother has a heart problem.  He’s been sick for a while. He is currently in critical care on oxygen and it is suspected he’s in heart failure.  Normally, he tells me not drive up or come to the hospital. This time he straight up asked me to come see him. I will be driving up to Philly early tomorrow. This presents me with an internal conflict.  My brother and I have had a complicated relationship. He didn’t have a typical brother and sister relationship.  He is ten years older than I am.  He was a mean violent drunk in his younger years and he was abusive towards me in many ways.  I won’t go into the details but he is the reason I spent a good part of life in unhealthy relationships and still have trust issues.  It was only last year that I finally started to let myself see the damage that was done to me in those years.  It’s complicated to still love someone who caused me so much pain.  Especially because he never apologized. He never accepted accountability for what he did to me… For now, I would like to offer the below Loving Kindness Prayer for my brother and ask God to help me deal with all of these conflicting emotions I am having about him.

I have a very strong relationship with God. I pray to God, my angels and saints every day. I ask for guidance and direction. I ask for help during challenging times. Every day I ask the Holy Spirit to “use me” to help make the world a better place. I ask the Holy Spirit to put me in the right places at the right time to help people. That is my daily prayer. I ask the Holy Spirit and God to send me where I am needed most. Tonight I ask God to be with my family and help me compassion and empathy to my brother in spite of our complicated history.

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(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

DMCA.com Protection Status

Have You Mapped Your Mind Today?

Mind Mapping Outreach Plan

Have you tried Mind Mapping?

A Mind Map is a diagram you draw that connects your thoughts around a central idea. I learned about Mind Mapping in my Health Coach Training. I am a visual person;I find it to be a very effective tool when I am stuck on something or can’t figure something out. It also helps me think through things in a non-linear way. I then connect the dots afterwards.

The Mind Map I did today was a for an Outreach Plan I am developing for work. My brain was full of so much information and running in so many directions that I just could not get myself clear on what to do for the flow of my Outreach Plan. So, I started drawing. The photo on this post is my Mind Map from today and it is the third version of this map. The first two versions were more detailed and had proprietarily (work related) information on them. The photo on this post is a generalized stripped down version just to use as an example. While some folks get very creative and colorful with their Mind Maps, simple is ok too. You can see it helped me figure out the flow and I was able to map out my action steps by doing it.

Some folks get really creative with their Mind Maps. I do like to use color and images sometimes too but as I said, simple is ok too. If you never tried it, give it a shot. You can do it on a white board but I prefer in a notebook so I can get creative and keep it personal. I also do mine in notebooks so I can keep them with the rest of my project work. The below images give detailed information on how to Mind Map and here’s a link for your reference.

https://lifehacker.com/how-to-use-mind-maps-to-unleash-your-brains-creativity-1348869811

Mind Map

Mind Mapping

Mind Mapping is one technique you can use to manage you Holistic Wellness. Get creative – free up your brain with a Mind Map.

(C)2018 Linda A Long – Highest Good Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

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