Self Care Sunday ~ Destiny Rarely Misses

destiny

REMEMBER Transformations are never easy…To transform into new versions of ourselves, we often have to strip away everything we know about ourselves to become someone new.

I think this is problem I’ve been having in my job. I  started this job in August 2019. Since day one it has been demanding I become a new Linda and I’ve been in full resistance — I’ve been in resistance because I didn’t know that was what I was signing up for. They didn’t tell me how complicated the project would be.  They were not honest and did not tell me 95% of the burden would be on my shoulders. I never made a conscious choice to become this “work” version of myself. It wasn’t until I was already in the job and saw the full picture that I understood who I would need to become to successfully run this project.  

My truth is…I have an Anxiety Disorder and this job has been triggering it since day one. I’m back to taking Xanax at bedtime to stop clenching my jaw. Otherwise, I’ll worry all night. I MISS having a low pressure job 不
change

Most folks would call me a Project Manager but my actual role is the Pre Award Lead for two new programs. All that means is I identify and execute the steps needed to launch the new programs successfully and then turn them over to someone else to perform regular operations and maintenance.   In one regard, the project is the perfect fit for me. I like project work because there is a beginning, middle and end.  I also like project work because it’s diversified.  I like to move around and have new experiences so project management work is actually a good fit for me. The role is also a good fit because  my brain is hard-wired for strategic planning and I enjoy working on the front end of the development cycle.

In other ways, this is the  hardest job I ever had in my entire life… The HARDEST… At 53 years old, I just wasn’t intending on signing up for the hardest job of my career 不 YOU feel me?  不 Can you understand why I was so bitter and had so much resistance to it?  Also, I walked into a fucked up situation. They were already four to six months behind schedule on my very first day in the job.  A good bit of my early efforts were spent trying to find the most expeditious path forward without breaking any laws 不 The project has been understaffed and I’ve encountered one land mine after another. My leadership doesn’t understand the work and every “expert” I’ve needed guidance from to move this forward has been new in their role, and therefore, conservative with their guidance. Yawn, I am LIKE fucking over it already 不 It’s actually become A big FAT joke between my boss and I that so many folks are new in their jobs and afraid to make the wrong decision.  So we agreed I should just start doing my own research and sending it to them asking for written concurrence.  If it’s wrong, I’ll take the hit. I KID you not. …  It won’t be wrong…I am good at research and documentation. Can you understand why I ran out of fucks to give along the way in this crazy fucked up job? Seriously – I am straight out of fucks..fucks

To help mitigate risks to the program and for the company, I am focused on staying with the program until they “handoff” packages to our parent company targeted for Autumn 2020.  I am working to accelerate that 不They know I am not interested in working daily operations.  Once they bring on the full time person for daily operations, there will be wiggle room for me to transition into a new role.  Also I am pretty sure leaving at the critical point of the schedule on a highly visible project could be the kiss of death to my career and finding other projects to work on 不 If I stay until after the key milestones, I will have greater pool of opportunities. So, here I am… It’s funny because the early part of the week was really HARD but good news on Wednesday made the rest of the week rewarding. I’m becoming the Linda I never asked to be in a role I never intended to apply for; I was recruited (selected). I didn’t apply for it…

I don’t believe in coincidences. Destiny rarely MISSES.  Perhaps destiny found me while I was busy looking for it in other places 不

Transformations

Funny story… When I stepped out on my balcony to take the below photo this afternoon, the wind blew the door shut and broke the handle I was stuck on my balcony on the seventh floor of a high rise and the front door to my apartment has a deadbolt on it. 淹he building maintenance staff wouldn’t be able to come in without taking my door off 莧fter freaking out at first, I remembered my balcony window doesn’t lock all of the way. I was able to pry it open and climb in through the window. However, now I have to figure how I am going to water my little plants on the balcony while I wait for the door to be fixed.  I will have to either climb out the window or reach all the way out and hope the water hits them 不 I think I deserve a slice of CHOCOLATE CAKE  tonight

ALERT:  CODED MESSAGE IN THIS POST balcony garden
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Seeing 888 – All Day Long!

888

It’s interesting 888 has been chasing me for the last two days. It’s interesting because I woke up yesterday morning and felt like this problem I having in work will keep surfacing. It’s happened before and it will happen again.

I decided to at least poke my nose out and see what else is round. I finally updated my resume. I sent it to a few managers in my building including the GM of our local HR Office. I’ve been chatting with her about it. There is no reason for make a hasty decision. There is no reason for me take a step back to “get out”… but for the first time since I landed what I thought was my “dream job”, I’ve acknowledged I’ve reached my limit with it.

888

I choose me! There is no other way to explain it. When I tune into my intuition, I know this hasn’t been a good fit from the start. I feel like it’s done; I’ve learned whatever I needed to learn from this. With this self awareness and knowledge, it completely changes how I feel about it. It also means I can’t be manipulated with false promises.

So what do you do when you reach this type of crossroad in your life? I pray. The prayer I said was, “I have complete trust and faith in God and Universe to protect me, show me the path and lead me through this!”. Again, the Universe laid 888s on me almost like it was saying, “I am proud of you for letting go; now keep going.”
888

My new GM did call me early this morning to find how I was doing. She also told me managers have taken responsibility for not listening to me about the risks I was calling out for eight months. They also have all jumped in to help mitigate them now. She actually said, “I’m the type of girl that is gonna jump into a fight with you if someone comes for you. You are the same way. I can tell. Just so you know… I’m all in now!” 不 She’s is relatively new in her role and I like her. I respect her. That’s why I am saying there’s no reason to rush out of this job. I just don’t “need” the dream anymore. I want something different. Something in me has changed.

The manager who attempted to push me under the bus instead of her reached out to me later in the day. She gets anxiety attacks and knows I am holistic wellness coach. She actually reached out for an impromptu session because she was about to go into a meeting that could be an explosive. Meanwhile, I was like “Bitch, you just pushed me in front of bus to save yourself and now you want me to help you?” 不 Like either she completely lacks self awareness or is just a “user”. I am inclined to think the later. Yes, I gave her a “free” impromptu session and sent her on her way as I sat there shaking my head thinking

dear universe
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ The New Reality

introverts

How y’all doin? Are you extroverts hanging in there? In the words of my former boss and great mystic, “You’ll be fine”不儭

All joking aside…I think the way we survive this much time in isolation, quarantine and social distancing is to find something productive and positive to focus on when we feel anxiety. I encourage you to lean into the new reality and find this stillness as a catalyst of change. Unfortunately, folks who are used to keeping themselves in constant motion to avoid their reality or so they don’t have to think about stuff probably are having a hard time with this hard STOP and down time. My advice is…Lean into the uncomfortableness you are feeling and learn that you don’t have to be “happy” all the time. Sometimes it’s ok to just “be”. Sometimes it’s ok to be sad. I encourage you to let this experience bring you out the other side with a new awareness of yourself and the world around you. My 80 year old Mom said to me today, “I truly believe something this bad had to happen for people to wake the fuck up and change the world. Half the shit those folks worry about all day (money, status) it’s all bullshit” RIGHT ON MOM 儭 What really matters are our connections to other people 亟mpathy and compassion are the new superpowers Stay connected to those who matter to you. Perhaps say a prayer for their safety while you are apart 儭

If you need to move and shake off some of the stagnate energy, join me in “Club Quarantine” for pop up DJ dance sessions on Instagram Live at DNICE Instagram and Quest Love (of The Roots) Instagram. Each do pop up DJ sessions on line. DNICE Club Quarantine on Friday night had 19K people from 8:00pm EDT to 9:30pm EDT during his tribute to Bill Withers and tonight he was live at 7:00pm EDT with 62.3K people in the room. DNICE & QuestLove post when they are going live on their Instagram pages and then you just click their profile photo to enter the live feed. It’s AWESOME. I danced in my living all through both sessions! Such a great way to burn off the heavy energy around us and connect with the rest of world in Club Quarantine

Club Quarantine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve had some sinus/ear issues this week. I believe it’s from allergies. It’s been super windy every single day. My head does NOT like windy weather. It’s a migraine trigger for me.. I don’t have any other symptoms so I don’t think I have Corona Virus. The heat in my condo was fixed, it’s finally not 90 degree in my living room anymore. I think the heat has been part of the problem too. It’s been drying me out. I am, however, keeping a distance and wearing a face mask when I grocery shop. I bought these masks on Etsy. Learning how to wear a mask without steaming up my glasses has been a challenge 不
face masks
Updates from last week, I haven’t decided what I am going to do with my balcony yet. The only decision I’ve made so far was to buy two new “relaxer” chairs that I can use on my balcony or maybe take to the beach in the meantime while I think about making a larger investment. I would really love a small outdoor loveseat with an ottoman but I have to think about storage during winter and I can’t buy it right now anyway because I can’t get it delivered. Anyway, I lucked out while looking online for chairs. I found these super comfy chairs were on sale at Ace Hardware. I was able to order and pay online and then pick them up curbside at a local store. I paid only $35.00 for each because they were on sale and I have Ace Hardware Rewards Account so they were an extra $15.00 off for each. That’s a STEALI can definitely hangout and listen to the ocean in these chairs. They are super comfy and recline all the way back儭 I can also fold them up and put them under my bed during the winter. When you live in a condo, you always have to think about storage when you buy something

Relaxer chairs

 

Honestly, I believe some form of social distancing is going to be with us for many months until there is a vaccine for Corona Virus. Round two in fall and winter could be worse. I want to make my space super comfy for myself and so I can have close friends over to hang out on my balcony this summer inside of going out in crowded places. Friends can bring their wine/beer while I drink coffee or an Orange Pellegrino I also put a bench together for my plants or it could be extra seating. My herb plants are under the new bench in the photo below for protection from today’s wind. I don’t want them inside. The Oregano is too fragrant.

If someone would have told me my Isolation hobby would become a potted garden for veggies and fruit along with growing micro greens and having a blueberry bush hanging out on my dining room table, I would have thought they were insane 不But, here we are… You can see my Drawf Blueberry bush is sprouting some leaves and my Kale Microgreens are having mixed results. The one on the far right is doing great. I can cut some next week to eat I am waiting for a day that is not windy to go out on the balcony with the rest of my gardening supplies to plantSpinach, Kale and Lettuce seeds in 12″ pots. It’s worth a shot 儭. While I could wear the mask outside in the wind, it’s still a migraine trigger so I am going to wait.

Take care of yourself and don’t forget to meet me in Club Quarantineby clicking DNICE his profile photo on Instagram to shake some stress off
plants
gardening supplies
bench
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday – Isolationship 

isolationship

There is finally a word for what I’ve been doing for the last few years… I was in an isolationship a long time before it was mandatory 儭不

As a natural introvert, social distancing is what I do on weekends when I need downtime. It’s not a hardship for me. Years ago I used to drink wine and beer as a social lubricator to socialize and be a bit extroverted. Drinking is no longer an option for me and I’ve settled into my introverted lifestyle.

My focus the last few years has been on healing myself on a deep emotional level, making peace with painful experiences from my past and focusing my energy on maintaining contact with people with whom I have genuine connections. When people have genuine connections, physical distance is irrelevant. In this time of social distancing, I am still maintaining some form of contact whether it be phone, text or spiritual contact with those I love. I also pray for their safety each day.

intimacy

Since focusing on myself the last few years, I’ve experienced profound growth and healing. I’ve also learned coping skills. I have an anxiety disorder and I am also in some weird auto-immune flare up right now. I have muscle and joint pain which I was hoping would resolve with getting my Iron levels up but it hasn’t yet helped. Teleworking is blessing. I am still working full time but it also keeps me in my condo all day long. Getting up, getting dressed, putting on makeup and going to work not only takes my mind off some of the weird shit going on in my body, it also gives me a social outlet in a safe space. This requires me to be diligent in managing my thoughts and emotions. I’ve been strategizing ways for me adapt and refocus myself on other things while being stuck at home alone. As someone who has anxiety on a regular basis, this has been critical in helping me get through this pandemic while living alone and being about 60 miles from my family without using Xanax every day.

self care

My main home project during this time is my balcony. I am lucky to live in a beachfront condo with a balcony. It’s March so I am not out there much this time of year. You can see the chairs stacked in the corner which I find very uncomfortable. I am getting rid of them and may see if the local homeless shelter wants them for their gazebo area.
balcony

I never really thought about redoing my balcony area because I usually spend most of time at our community pool, on the beach or walking around town. I am not really sure what this summer will bring so I’ve decided to make this space cozy so I can hang out there, maybe work out there on nice days and enjoy the sound of the ocean and moonlight on the water at night I really like the below patio set and I measured it. It looks comfortable and looks like it will fit on the balcony… I am still looking and haven’t committed to this but I like dark wicker but maybe nested ottomans would be better in the small space and I would prefer red cushions. My biggest issues that one will deliver and put it together during COVID不 I am pretty handy and have tools 領儭I just put together a task chair and a fan but do I really want to put together a whole patio set by myself? UGH! There is no rush to order just yet. I’ll wait a few weeks to see if what happens. I would rather pay someone to do it or have someone help me, than do it myself 儭
patio set

I bought some plants to grow in pots on the balcony. You can see the herb starter plants below (1st photo below). I am going to repot them. I am also growing Kale micro greens from a kit that I bought on Amazon (2nd photo below). A local garden store, Lang’s,Garden, is actually open during the pandemic. I guess gardening supplies are essential不I order a Drawf Blueberry bush that can grow in a pot and is hardy during cold weather (3rd photo below). I love blueberries so I am going see if I can grow it on my balcony. I am also planting Kale and Spinach in pots too You can see all of my supplies (4th photo below). In coming weeks, I will be planting and building a potted garden on my balcony. This also gives me something focus on and nurture during this time of uncertainty.herb starter plants
kale mircogreens
drawf blueberry bush
gardening supplies

How are you coping during this time of uncertainty? I hope you are well and finding something to believe in and love during this challenging time. I think we will all look back on 2020 and have a bit of post traumatic stress disorder 不儭
2020
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ What’s Your Silver Lining

alice and dorothy
This past week has been a little like falling down the Rabbit Hole? Like WTF?, Right? This Corona Virus stuff is just surreal…

The Media is not over-hyping this and I know it for one reason. My niece works for Jefferson Health Systems which is a large network of hospitals in the Philly area. On Wednesday they decided to move all non medical employees to telework. She didn’t have a computer at home and she couldn’t take the one at work with her. She only had a cell phone and tablet at home. I didn’t want her to get laid off so I bought her a laptop and few accessories on Thursday online at Best Buy and she picked them up in Philly that afternoon. She helps my Mom and she is very responsible kid. I was happy to help her. She took the laptop into work on Friday to have the software installed and already started teleworking this morning (Saturday). She called me this afternoon when she got done work. She told me she got a work email that said, “THE ENTIRE HOSPITAL SYSTEM THROUGHOUT THE CITY WAS AT CAPACITY!” That’s scary.

As for myself, last week was my first full week of telework. It looks like I could be teleworking for a while. I am glad I am teleworking. It will at least keep me busy while I stay at home. It’s funny though. I normally get dressed up for work and put my face on every day. I like to look polished when I am at work. Since I’ve been teleworking, it’s been more like this tho… 不Text before Zoom, Skype or FaceTiming because I won’t pick up without cleaning myself up a bit 不
11C6193B-CCF3-47A1-94EA-E719E66EFC67_1_201_a
I ordered myself a desk two weeks ago. It arrived last week but it arrived in two boxes and in two different colors of wood 不 I sent it back and got a refund. A guy who works in my building was going to help me put it together but he has a large family and is around a lot of people. He shouldn’t be in my condo until this thing over – just in case. I have tools and I am handy but I don’t know if I am up to putting a whole desk together myself 不So, I am going to wait to order another desk. In the meantime, my dining room table has become my office. I ordered a few things on Amazon to make it more comfortable but all in all it’s a nice set up and you can’t beat my view.
35BB6765-E7F2-4A8D-8E06-304086E9609C_1_201_a

I am not even gonna lie… this thing has my anxiety running a bit high. Today, Saturday, is my birthday. It’s weird… I am social distancing while also celebrating another day of living…I may order a gluten free pizza and chocolate cake to celebrate but I am trying to very hard to not stress eat during this mess. I’m also pacing/walking every day inside and have closed my Stand, Move and Exercise Rings on my Apple Watch everyday.

ED7CFE74-A85C-4F84-A699-4A5B9175C51E_1_201_a

The silver lining in this for me is that it reconnected me to why I moved into this condo in the first place… The full ocean view makes me happyEvery window in my condo has an Oceanview because I am on a corner of the high rise. That’s my silver lining and that brings me comfort every day. What’s your silver lining?

sliver lining

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Self Love

selflove_heart

This past week I decided to make my health and wellbeing to be my first priority. I took me being slowed down by Iron Deficient Anemia to finally give in and give my body the rest it needed. Why is it so hard to slow down and take care of ourselves? Why is it so hard to show ourselves the same love we show others?

For me it was expectations. It was about me not wanting to disappoint anyone and not let anyone in my family or in work down. My ego was in charge and it was driving me into exhaustion; pushing past all of the warning signs my body was sending me. I was blocking it all out.

I had blood work done about ten days ago. I knew about a week ago I had Iron Deficiency Anemia. On my Monday morning I went into work because I had to a briefing to Execs. I told my boss before hand I was not well and may need to leave early but by noon my head was killing me, I could barely keep my eyes open and my stomach was on fire…I came home and went right to bed. I woke up on Tuesday morning so tired I could barely get the energy to get out of bed so I called in sick. I stayed in bed all day. I went to the doctor Wednesday morning; she offered me a note to stay out of work until Monday. I took the note but was thinking about working from home instead綽 I stopped by the office to pick up my laptop. While I was there my coworker said to me, “Linda, you are crazy. You have a doctor’s note in your hand and you look exhausted. Do you think if you end up in the hospital any of those Execs are going to really care that you went above and beyond when you were sick? I’m telling ya… They won’t! Your priority is you not them. You can’t help anyone in bed. Go home and take care yourself!” 不 Yep, she fucked me with the truth 不And, that’s when I surrendered.

surrender

Maybe it was my coworker giving me permission to let go. Maybe it was that I was truly exhausted. I’m not sure what it was but I sent my doctor’s note, put on an out of office reply and advised my boss I would not be checking emails until Monday morning. I surrender my ego and I let go into exhaustion. Today, Saturday, is the first day I actually woke up and felt rested. I got my hair colored. Stopped in Staples to pick up a couple of things I need for my new desk and even went for a 30 minute walk in the beautiful sunshine. I’m not completely better. It’s going to take a while to get Iron up but at least I am rested. I am eating iron rich foods and taking a vitamin with iron in in to help bring my levels up. My doctor will retest in six weeks.

It’s concerning my Iron dropped as much as it did because I haven’t had a period in ten months so I am losing Iron or medication (anti-acids) for my stomach may be blocking it. Here’s some information on Iron Deficiency. My main symptoms were mouth ulcers, exhaustion, muscle pain, headaches, reoccurring infections and paleness.
iron deficiency

Keep in mind Heme Iron is absorbed easily. Non-Heme Iron (plant based) doesn’t absorb well and needs to be combined with Vitamin C for maximum absorption.  I started eating an Iron enriched cereal with fat free fortified skim milk and blueberries for breakfast which is a combo of non-heme iron and vitamin C. This combo worked for me the last time I had an Iron Deficiency. iron-physiology-2-638

One other nutrition note:  I’ve had a nodule on my Thyroid for seven or eight years.  About a year ago, I read an article that Thyroid Nodules are often caused by Iodine Deficiencies.  I switched to using Pink Himalayan Sea Salt several years ago because it has a lot of nutrients but I discovered it did not have Iodine in it.  So I switched to using regular Morton’s Iodized Table Salt.  I only use a sprinkle – probably nothing more than 1/2 a teaspoon per day.  I just had my annual Thyroid ultrasound to check on the nodule.  Guess what, it is completely gone The report said the nodule can no longer be detected.  So it was an Iodine Deficiency. Lesson learned.

Work update:  I had to check in with my boss late Friday afternoon to find out if I should/could telework on Monday. He told they were allowing liberal telework for folks with health issues.   Iron Deficiency makes me vulnerable to viruses and infections so I am teleworking for the foreseeable future  or until corona virus passes. I am safer at home.   Actually, my work is doing a company wide telework test on Wednesday, March 18th. They want anyone who can telework, employees and contractors, to work from home so they can see if the system can handle it.  My Dining Room table is my desk until the desk and task chair I ordered arrive on Wednesday I have a great view

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Discontentment

Did you ever want to throw a grenade into your life, like burn the whole thing down, and then rebuild? Thats how Ive been feeling in recent months. I havent shared much about it because its heavy and complicated.

For those just tuning into my blog, Im 52 years old. I have a decent full time job and I am also a Board Certified Holistic Health Practitioner (AADP). I have chronic health issues that require medical care so I wont be doing anything reckless like quitting my job…but the discontentment is the elephant in every room of my holistic being. I just cant figure out why I feel this way…

The last time I felt this type discontentment was in Spring of 2016, I went on Kundalini Yoga worshop retreat at Kripalu in the Berkshires. After that spiritual retreat, I started praying and meditation daily and by Spring 2017 I enrolled in the Institute of Integrative Nutrition to pursue my passion of holistic wellness. I graduated in May 2018 and started Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC. Im currently not taking clients because my real full time job is eating my lunch everyday leaving me too drained to work my personal business. I also switched my full time job in recent months…

So, how did I get here? Why am I so discontented? I live on the beach and have a decent job…but why do I still want to blow up my life and start over? Dont worry…as I said I am not reckless…well, not anymore anywayTen years ago I would have lite the match and burned it all down Since I am 52 with no desire to be a destitute Senior, Ill be cautious with how I proceed.

Since I cant figure this out and its been going on too long…I think its time for me to go on another retreat…Im booking the Kundalini Yoga program at Kripalu in March. In the meantime, I will try to give myself some space to live and find happiness in this uncertainty.

Thank you to www.oliviasubmits.blog for commenting on my last Self Care Sunday post and sharing the quote at the top of this post. It has been a point of reflection for me this week as I try to find peace in the space between my unhappiness and discontentment.

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Exhaustion

exhaustion
Its Saturday morning. I am drinking coffee, watching AMJOY on @MSNBC and feeling totally exhausted. I find myself mentally and physically exhausted. I am mentally tired because of my damn job. I am physically tired because I had a busy week. I was in the office for 10 hour days Monday through Wednesday. I was in DC on Thursday and I drove up to Philly early on Friday to spend the day with my Mom. Friday was a nice day but I drove a lot. Today is Saturday and I have absolutely no desire to go anywhere. I especially do not feel like driving.

I am emotionally exhausted today because I care about our Nation and what is happening in our Nation upsets me. I believe POTUS should be penalized for abusing his power but let me be clear I would feel this way about any elected official whether Republican or Democrat who abused their office or power. Unchecked power is dangerous and is a slippery slope. What will he do next now that he knows he can do whatever he wants? This isnt a Red or Blue issue for me. Its a Right or Wrong issue for me. Do you really want a leader with unchecked power? I DO NOT – period! It worries me…

power

I dont know what the future holds but I am not sure I would even want to be an official manager. While I have the knowledge, skills and abilities to work at that level, I am not sure I have drive, desire or even the stamina for it. I enjoy strategic work. I enjoy outreach work. This will be better for me…Lastly, Management had an extra seat for a leadership workshop that was already paid for so they asked me if I wanted to use the extra seat. Since it’s for an Emotional Intelligence leadership workshop, I accepted it and I am looking forward to it. It’s on 2/27儭

emotional intelligence

Personally, I am still trying to figure out the best time to go back to the Berkshire Mountains. Its either going to be for a Kundalini Yoga workshop March 16-19th or later in April or May. The only reason I am debating. Its still can be really cold and snowy in the Berkshires in March. I am really hoping to get outside in the Mountains this time and do the guided hikes so warmer weather would be better for me. Heres another photo of the Berkshires which is one of my happy places.

Berkshires

My plan for the rest of Saturday? I am fairly certain I will not be leaving the house today. I may not even leave the sofa and quite possibly will be heading back to bed this afternoon for a long nap. Sunday is still to be determined but I know for sure I’m teleworking on Monday 儭

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Happy Places


Its taken a village to keep me sane this week 綽 Honestly, Im not used to asking for help or asking for support. When I do reach out, its because Ive hit the limit of what I am able to handle on my own.

First, I reached out to tell my leadership that Im at my breaking point. I straight up told them I would be looking for the exit if we didnt find some way to lessen my burden. As a result, they invited me to few meetings so I could see what management has been up to in hopes that I see why things have been so crazy and why I need to stay with them. To my surprise they are actually standing up a whole new group around me; I was only the first hire. They intend to pull other similar programs into the new group with me. They also recognized that part of my problem is that Ive had three Divisional Managers in five months and the temporary folks didnt want to make any hard decisions. Lol Thats why its been so crazy. They asked me to participate on the team that is planning the new group too. Its seems to me someone is Empire Building. But, I was happy to finally knowstructure is coming.

I am not easily impressed by managers. They are a dime a dozen where I work. My experience the last five months helped me to see how much I really do respect and trust the group of managers I used to work with in my former group. With that said, I am already impressed by my new permanent Divisional Manager; that’s saying something. Shes been in the job for two weeks and made more decisions in the last four days than the other two did in five months. For example, I had creative ideas on how I could mitigate a couple risks & tighten up the schedule. I couldnt get any traction with the temporary actors. However, the new permanent manager gave me the go ahead to move forward and present them later this week when I am in Headquarters. She also took one for team by getting a meeting with the senior exec to ask for support positions. She came back with four positions – not too shabby! Two of the four will support my programs because —as of4:00pm yesterday — they confirmed I am now going to be managing THREE new programs and my budget just grew by 50%. Lol OMG OMFG不

I will try to remember to breathe I promise 綽Thank God I can telework one or two days per week and I only have to go to HQ every other week. I go this Thursday and then every week going forward. They said I can take the train and stay overnight if I prefer to do that instead of flying down. They said I have a budget for travel and should feel free to use it Thats a relief. I may actually switch and go Wednesday to Thursday this week – thats if I can get a room匈 suppose to get through the next year I am really going to have to focus on the LONG GAME and not get caught up in the daily bullshit. Perhaps I should try to get the bullshit sucked out of my head each day

While in the middle of a full on anxiety attack Tuesday, I reached out to my “Blue Love He has a rock solidstability about him that comforts me He must have realized I was about to totally spin out…I definitely was… 綽 I am thankful he was a good friend to me He does have a way of diffusing my crazy and helps to bring my anxiety level down So when he asked me to go to my happy place for a minute, I went to three place I enjoy in my mind:
(1) Berkshire Mountains in Mass (photo at top and first photo below)
(2) Beach view from my living room window (second photo below)
(3) Blue Love’s beautiful blue eyes Yes, his dreamy blue eyes are one of my happy places 儭

I want to go to the Berkshires for a weekend this Spring. I was thinking of going in late April or early May but there is a good program at Kripalu in March I would like to attend. hmm…


my viewNext topic I cant make myself feel good about going on SSRI Effexor for anxiety and hot flashes. I just cant do it. Im trying to deal with hot flashes and anxiety naturally. I am now using Red Maca Powder. Red Maca is good for hot flashes and is also an adaptogenic herb which can help with stress. It has to be cycled – meaning that you take it for four days and then take two days off. I am also eating more Avocados because they are loaded with B vitamins. When we are under stress, our bodies tend to burn through the B Vitamins. Adding a B-Complex or multi that has high potency B Vitamins can help. Since Im not eating meat or fish, my doctor recommended I start taking B-12 with Folate every day. Its a chewable. Ive also gone back to taking the Magnesium with dinner and 1/2 a Xanax at bedtime the doctor recommended a few years ago so I don’t clench my jaw from anxiety in my sleep. So why yes to a 1/2 of a Xanax at bedtime but no to a low does of Effexor? Because I can skip Xanax when I don’t have anxiety. I can’t skip the Effexor. Guess what? No hot flashes or night sweats this week. That may be temporary or coincidental but Ill take it!

How was your week? Where do you go in your mind when you need to find happiness for a minute? Wheres your happy place? How are you managing stress? How do you manage your crazy?

meme

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ It’s Been A Week

its-been-a-rough-week-but-i-made-it-through-12562224

My coworker who sits in the cubicle next to mine has a saying. At the end of a challenging day she says, Its been a day! When I was leaving work for the weekend on Thursday evening, I said to her, Its been a week! It was a challenging week for sure.

I traveled for work in a small plane on Wednesday. It was a one day trip. I dont normally have trouble on those flights and actually the flights were ok that day. There was a little turbulence but that is normal on that plane. The problem was I wasnt feeling great. The antibiotic I am on is really upsetting my stomach. However, I felt like I needed to talk to leadership in person so I traveled. The first flight was actually ok but the flight home was stressful. My stomach was upset all day. I started getting anxiety about getting sick on the plane. Ended up chewing on a half of Xanax on the way to plane. While my stomach never really settled down until after I got home, the anxiety went away about 10 minutes into the 45 minute flight. Ive never been happier for a plane to land. Lol By the time the plane landed I believe I looked something like this…不

hot-mess

My meeting with leadership overall went well. It was clear in the meeting my leadership wants to do whatever needs to be done to support me. It was clear they are committed to helping me in whatever way they can including resources. However, it was also clear to me many of the folks lack a basic understanding of the work. Many of the folks are new or temporary in their roles which means I am constantly bringing someone up to speed. Its exhausting…The bottomline is the organization was not prepared to take on this type of program and lacks the infrastructure to provide the proper support. So now everyone is scrambling to figure things out. It sucks The other reason I was having some anxiety that afternoon was because they dropped a bomb on me at the end of the meeting. They told me we are getting a third program which is similar to mine and they want to put it in my portfolio. I will have a portfolio of three new programs to stand up in one year without any staff but myself as of right now. Do you see why I had anxiety that afternoon? know they want the money and shinny new high profile programs but like, what the fuck?

I had two fires to put out on Thursday. One was the new program. We just don’t have enough information for me even to give a good assessment but they aren’t going to like the time it’s going to take to launch. My boss pushed it back up to ask for more information. All we really did was push this fire back a week probably不The next fire was more complicated. I opposed a potential candidate they wanted to hire. I knew it was coming. I was given 4-1-1 in the hallway a few months ago by someone who wanted to protect me不 I can’t say much more but they did understand why I opposed the selection, I had documentation. They understood once I explained the potential conflicts it could present for the program. I will most likely be successful in blocking the potential hire but come on吋hey should have known what I knew…Doesn’t anyone check references anymore?

On a positive note, I bumped into my former GM in the hallway earlier in the week. We chatted for a few minutes. It was nice to see her but she caught me at a vulnerable moment. As I was telling her everything that was going in this job, I almost cried朮As I was saying it all out loud it became clear to me that it is really becoming too much吋he gravity of that awareness makes me sad but there can also be freedom in finally accepting it.

I had a doctors appointment on Friday morning. I mentioned to her that not only am I in the most stressful job of my career right now but I am also having night sweat and hot flashes from Menopause. We decided to try a small dose of Effexor(SSRI) for the next 30 days. Its recommended to help hot flashes and night sweats for women who are not candidates for hormone replacement. Its also an anti-anxiety medication that may help me cope with job better. I have to call my doctor towards the end of the 30 days to let her know if it helps. If it does, I will stay on it at least for the next 6 to 12 months and then ween off. If it doesnt help me, I will stop it. I will start it when I am done the antibiotic. I am hoping the Effexor helps me. The worst part of these dang hot flashes is that I generally like it cool. I keep my condo around 70 degrees or under. I often have my bedroom window cracked open at night – even in winter. I don’t like to be hot

Lastly, committing to being a vegetarian is the easiest lifestyle change Ive ever made. Technically, I am a lacto-ovo-vegetarian who occasionally eats fish. The main reason I will never be a Vegan is because I have long standing Vitamin D and Vitamin B-12 deficiency issues. I need to get as much nutrition through food as I can because my stomach doesnt tolerate supplements well. I also started ordering a few Vegetarian and Vegan dishes each week fromEat Clean Organization, a local food prep company. I pick my order up on Mondays after work at a local Health Food Store. Their Thai Sweet Chili Cauliflower, Madras Lentils & Chana Marsala are awesome! They make quick lunches or dinners. January is Veganuary. Maybe give Meatless Monday a try this coming week

Below are some new items Ive added into my diet to diversify my nutrition profile. I started eating a 1/2 of an Avocado every day. Avocados are packed with good fats and nutrients. It’s truly a superfood Imagine Organic Soups are DA BOMB. They are Green and Clean products too! I incorporated more Hemp products into my diet because Hemp is a natural source of Omega 3 Fatty Acids. Fatty Acids are good for the belly, the skin and the heart. Eating foods with Hemp in it is better than taking a Fish Oil pill for me:-) The Oatmeal tastes just like traditional Oatmeal minus the belly bloat for me. I also included some of my snacks below. I will share more new products in my future posts. I’ve also started sharing photos of new recipes I’ve tried or doctored up in my twitter feed in the right sidebar

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

DMCA.com Protection Status