Self Care Sunday – Empathy & Vulnerability

Brene Brown quote

I woke up Saturday morning ready to rumble 😂 Seriously, I was looking for someone to fight 😂 This week has been frustrating. I am embarrassed to admit my jaw has been clenched so much it was almost on locked down by Saturday Afternoon😂 So here’s what was driving me crazy this week.

I was diagnosed with Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO) with IBS-D and Pancreatic Enzyme Deficiency on October 24th. My doctor prescribed an antibiotic that has to be made at a compounding pharmacy. He wants me to take this particular antibiotic because it stays in the bowel and doesn’t have any systemic side affects. It’s not absorbed into the blood stream. Without insurance it would cost $2,100 for 14 days. I need it for 28 days. It needed to be approved by the Insurance company before it was filled. It took over a week and five phone calls to the specialty pharmacy, doctor and insurance to find out the prescription was denied by my insurance and is now in the appeals process. I still don’t know what’s going to happen with it. Meanwhile, I’m not paying $4k for a prescription and I am still symptomatic. I am in limbo. It frustrating and uncomfortable. I finally got an answer to what is wrong with my tummy but I may not be able to get the thing that could help fix it. I could get a surgery covered under insurance but not this drug. I am hoping my doctor can do something about it. 🤞I will say the Low FODMAP Diet is already helping but I am missing my Avocados and Apples 🍎 ☹️

Next, I need a special certification at work for one potential opportunity I’ve been exploring. To get the certification I need to take a training class that is not offered very often. I managed to find a virtual class for next week and I am 4th on the waitlist. I called to find out if they could squeeze me in. They said the course is capped and they won’t know until Monday if they can fit me in. I can’t understand why course administration can’t fit four more people into a virtual class that is offered company wide on such a limited basis. Sounds simple, right? It’s not! I have to wait until Monday to find out if I got into the class. If I do get into it, I have to cancel a work road trip with coworkers to Hampton University in Hampton Va that is scheduled for Wednesday & Thursday. I may not want to drive that far with my coworkers while having these tummy issue anyway; my boss is good with whatever I choose to do ☺️ The good news I found out on Friday they can get a “Training Waiver” for one year for me to complete the class. If I don’t get into the class this week, it won’t hold me back from the opportunity.

By far my biggest frustration this week is a heat valve in my bedroom that is broken. It won’t turn off! 🔥🔥It’s close to 90 degrees in my bedroom! I reported it last Sunday. I was on the list and got bumped twice this week which almost made me lose my mind when I found it out last night. I work all day and haven’t been able to go downstairs to complain every day like everyone else has done. The maintenance guy wanted to fix it today but the property manager would not let him do work on a Saturday. So, it won’t be done until Tuesday. Meanwhile, I have windows open, I am not sleeping and I’ve had a headache for a week. Yep, this one has my jaw good and locked up with tension 🤬

Remember I said I wanted to rumble with someone? Well, I planted myself in the lobby of my building on Saturday afternoon. I was stalking the Property Manager and waiting for her to come out of a Board Meeting. I waited 90 minutes while reading a book on my phone. The whole time I was stewing. I saw her and for a moment I almost felt sorry for her, I was about to destroy her for bumping me. She invited me into her office. I sat down and started to give her an earful. She was defensive and dismissive. The story I was telling myself was she didn’t care and my discomfort didn’t matter to her. My perception of her lack of empathy was totally ratcheting my crazy up. Just before my crazy reached DEFCON FIVE which would have involved me possibly jumping across the desk at her, Brene Brown flashed in my mind.

Rumble Definition by Brene Brown

I am reading “Dare to Lead” by Brene Brown. In her book, Brene talks a lot about “rumbling” and how use vulnerability and empath as tools during a rumble. That’s when I pulled back and decided to try another tactic. I then told the Property Manager I was expecting her to show some empathy for the situation and understand how it was impacting me instead it seemed like she immediately armored up and got defensive. I then apologize and said, “If it came across to you that I was attacking you or blaming you for my situation, I am sorry. It’s not your fault. I just haven’t been sleeping and I have a headache. It’s hard to sleep in 90 degrees even with the windows open….I can empathize with you and imagine people yell at you all day for their problems. That has to be hard and I don’t want to do that to you. I am sorry” As I was talking, her eyes started to swell up with tears and she said, “Everything in this building is my fault and people yell at me all day long.” This woman was now crying in front of me. Great job Linda. “You successfully made someone cry today” is all I thought. But, I had one redeeming thought… I didn’t make her cry because I yelled at her. I made her cry when I showed my vulnerability and expressed empathy towards her. She was crying because I understood how she was feeling. Then she explained to me in order to fix my heat valve they have to turn off the steam boiler for the whole complex. She told me it is not good for a steam boiler to be turned on and off every day. It has to be planned out so four or five of them can be done on the same day. She apologize I was bumped from this week but said they can do it on Tuesday; I will be first on the list. People keep asking me why I don’t want to buy in my building. Well, it’s an old building with issues and the Condo Association has had a reassessment every year. It might be cheap to buy but the maintenance isn’t cheap. My unit needs work. I am taking a pictures and sending to the landlord.

So, I walked away from my rumble today with mixed results. My heat valve still isn’t getting fixed until Tuesday but I am now officially the first on the list that morning. They promised me I would not be bumped again but I don’t trust that so I am planning to call them at 8:30am Tuesday to make sure they stick to plan 😂😂 I already set a calendar reminder on my phone 😂 In my rumble today someone cried…it wasn’t me 😂 She cried because I showed her compassion and empathy. She cried because I opened myself up to her. She cried because I was vulnerable and that made her comfortable enough to take off her amour. I am not sure I technically won today’s rumble — not at least how I envisioned winning. But I was a good human being who cared about another person’s feelings and had the self awareness to use a more compassionate tool during the rumble. Some would call that winning.

This is why I read books. If I wasn’t reading Brene Brown’s book right now and if I hadn’t decided to use one of the Rumble Tools in the book, how would that conversation (rumble) been different? I think we would have both walked away angry without understanding each other. I think she would have felt attacked and I would have eventually felt shitty self righteousness for taking her down without any regards to her feelings. But the question is, is that really the person I want to be in this world. Do I really want to be a bully or shitty and self righteous? Do I really want to “win” at all costs – no matter how people perceive me or how I perceive myself. No, I am grateful I was self aware enough that in that moment I pulled back and switch to a more wholehearted approach. It is possible to maintain boundaries, be assertive while also be vulnerable, empathetic and aware of how our actions and words affect others.

In the meantime, I am hoping for nice weather until Tuesday so I can keep the windows open otherwise it will be like the tropics in my condo 😂 I will end this post by trying to ground myself in gratitude. I am grateful for:

    I finally know what is wrong with my tummy and hopefully a treatment will be on it’s way soon
    I have a good job. I’ve had a great time in my temporary assignment this year and learned a lot. I am hopeful the irons I have in the fire will manifest another great growth opportunity in the coming weeks.
    My heart is overflowing with love this week.
    With my windows open, I can hear the ocean while I am in bed 😂😂
    I can see the beach from my window😂😂
    I took a migraine medicine today. It substantially reduced the TMJ pain and isn’t making me sleepy or tired. That’s when I know it was tension that had me jacked up 😂
    I am reading a few good books instead of wasting time on Social Media
    I am living wholeheartedly

Are you ready to rumble? How do you react when things aren’t going as smooth as you would like? Does your crazy get to DEFCON FIVE or do you have the self awareness to pull yourself back? Most importantly, are you living WHOLEHEARTEDLY? 💙

Guidepost for Wholehearted Living by Brene Brown

(C) 2018 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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The Light Of Love ~ Love, Sex And Poetry 


The Light Of Love ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

I will
Show you
The way
If you let me
I will
Show you
The way to love
I will shine
My light
Into your soul
And call
To the passionate
Masculine energy
That calls
My name
When you
Look at me
I will
Help you release
The restless passion
In your soul
Your restless
Passion hangs
In my cleavage
I will call
Your passion to your
Attention
And ask for
It to rise
And meet me
I will feed
Your passion
If you let me
Let me

I will
Show you
The way
If you
Let me
I will
Set your heart
Ablaze with
The fire
Of sexual desire
I will
Lick the tip
Of your masculinity
And bring you
To attention
I will
Set you
On fire
If you
Let me
Let me

I will
Show you
The way
If you
Let me
I will
Be the light
In your heart
Your heart light
Warming you
With love
From the inside
Inspire you
To stand tall
In love
Stand tall
In my love
I will
Reassure you
That the path
To love
Is always
For our highest good
I will show you
Love
Is the highest possible
Vibration
Love is
Is a powerful
Point of attraction
Love
Is greatest
Tool of creation
Vibrate love
With me
Vibrate love

I will
Show you
Pure love
Is the path
To profound
Joy
Any detour
Your path
Takes
Any roadblock
You face
Any
Disappointment
You encounter
On the path
To your highest good
Serves a purpose
In your growth
I will reassure you
Love is the key

I will
Shine
My love
Into your heart
I will
Take your hand
And show you
The way to
Joy
Love
I will walk
The path
Towards the
Highest good
With my hand
In yours
If you
Let me
If you
Let me
I will
Show you
Love
If you
Let me
Let me
(C) 2017 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

NOTE:
I had a wonderful day. I was happy and vibrating with love💙🦋My Blue Eyed muse was in my atompshere and inspired me with love 🙏💙🦋 I had a great first meeting with my new boss. I said farewell to my former boss as he leaves for a bigger opporttunity. He said he wanted to take me with him but didn’t think they would let him😂😂I laughed and said I would go and was up for a change of scene😂We both laughed it off but I think we were both a little serious😂😂

I starting to feel really good physically; I was told I was looking great today😂👍I walked four miles tonight. It was just beautiful. Heading to Philly for the day tomorrow for family time & I have a coaching call on Sunday with a potential client👍🙌All good things are happening in my life. I have been focusing on keeping my vibration high 👍I am vibrating LOVE💙🦋It’s powerful🙌✌️

How Are You? ~ The Story of A Warrior In Pearls 


I’m a walker. Although I live on the beach, I prefer to walk along the bay. I like walking bayside because I like the small town sense of community I feel as I walk through the neighborhoods along the water. I see many of the same people each time I walk. I know the local dogs; a few try to follow me home😂

Every weekend I see a well dressed older woman sitting on her steps drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. We always say “Good Morning” but this morning I found myself intuitively following up with “How are you?” Well, 20 minutes later I walked away knowing our paths crossed for a reason. I’m still not sure if I needed her or she needed me. I do know for sure there was something spiritual about our conversation.

She started off by telling me she enjoyed seeing me in the morning because I smile and I’m friendly. I complimented her jacket which had blue roses on it which matched her beautiful crystal blue eyes. Blue Roses are my favorite flower by the way. This delicate little woman was even wearing pearls and earrings while sitting on her steps outside at 9:00am drinking coffee and smoking her cigarette on a Wednesday morning 😄

As we chatted I mentioned that I quit smoking five years ago. She replied, “I quit drinking 34 years ago!” And that’s when it happened. That’s when I knew she had a story. In that moment of complete awareness I stopped and listened to her with focused attention realizing a truly beautiful spirit sat in front of me. She was my blessing today.

Over the next 20 minutes or so she told me she was a bad alcoholic 35/40 years ago and she ruined her life and marriage. She moved to her current residence because the community had a large AA network. In the early years of her sobriety, she went to meetings four times a day. She knew if she didn’t go to the meetings, she would never stay sober. She told me it was the scariest decision she ever made but she also knew she had no choice. She told me how she struggled early on until she gained traction. She also told me she never took her sobriety for granted. She knew it was a choice she would have to make every day. She then explained she doesn’t need meetings anymore because she knows her sobriety is solid. Then she smiled, looked at me and said, “July 16th is my day and it was 34 years!”

I could feel myself welling up. She was so quietly inspiring. A true beautiful warrior spirit. At this point I shared with her, that I had some health issues a few years ago and stopped drinking five years ago; November 25th is my day👍 I was not an alcoholic. My reasons for stopping were because it was bad for me. It was causing my stomach problems and it made me depressed. It was holding me back. It had to go. My new friend completely understood what I was saying. Many friends even my family don’t understand me making that kind of choice. It was holding me back and it had to go. That’s it…She got it!

As I said, I’m not sure who needed who today. But I know with absolute certainty this beautiful little woman, with crystal blue eyes, pearls and a blue rose jacket who was sitting on her front steps drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes was put on my path for a reason.  If nothing else she reminded me to wear my pearls on Wednesdays and also reminded me of the beauty of the human spirit.

I hope we can chat some more in the future. Just think, it all happened because I took off my headphones and said, “How are you?”

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Wordlessly ~ Love, Sex And Poetry

Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

Wordlessly
I knew
You
Wanted me
In the glint
Of your eyes
In the smile
As you past
In the spark
As we looked
Eye to eye
We communicated
Privately
Without words
A secret message
Passed from me
To you
As if
I whispered
My desire
In your ear
My heart
Encouraged
Your attentions
Without words
The flirtation
That started secretly
Was nourished
In the warm exchanges
Of our
Non verbal cues
And grew
As we played
Silently together
To fan
The flame
Of lust and desire
Without you here
With me
I reflect
And take note
It is our
Wordless
Exchanges
I miss the most
It is seeing
Your desire for me
I miss the most
It’s talking to you
Wordlessly
That I miss the most
I miss you
Wordlessly
(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

NOTE
It was while I was listening to Chapter 5 of “Feeling Loved” by Jeanne Segal that I had a revelation. The chapter is about Non-verbal comminucations. It hit me. What I miss the most in this time of separartion is our wordless conversations and exchanges. We talked without words and we can’t do that now. I really do miss that❤️❤️💋

Other news, I’ve been thinking a lot about life and my future. As a single, independent, self-sufficient woman who’s almost 50, I know I will be choosing a secure paycheck over living my passion right now. However, if I manage to manifest myself a Mega Millions lottery win, I would go back to school and finish a BS and a Master’s Degree Social Work or Psychology. Social Work and Psychology were my first majors (dual major)in college. I actually wanted to be a Psychologist. I allowed myself to be talked into changing to Business degree two years in because “my do gooding” didn’t pay well and required advanced degrees. If I was rich and had nothing but time, I would go back to school & do what I am passionate about. I am kicking around the idea of taking one class online to see how school feels at 49yo😂

Inconvenient Heart

 
“She had a very inconvenient heart. It always insisted on feeling things ever so deeply.” ॐ – John Mark Green

I have a lot to say this evening. I’m choking on everything I have to say this evening. It’s just that I can’t get the words out of my chest. They are shoved so far down my throat from me holding them back that they are stuck in my chest. Please bare with me as I write this therapeutic post to give myself some freedom and breath.

I’m “sensitive” and extremely empathetic. I am a good psychic too – when I allow myself to be. I spend a lot of time shutting down energies, voices, vibes and intuitions to have some peace in my life. The noise gets to be too much. I am trying to learn how to use my intuition without getting overwhelmed by all the messages I receive. I know this all may sound strange. Some of you won’t understand. But, this is my reality.

I mention this today because I’m picking up someone with a heart so heavy I want to hug her when I am near her. I picking up someone who is so anxious I have anxiety attacks when I’m near her. I’m picking up strong masculine beautiful energy telling me he needs me more than he can say right now. But mostly, I’m picking up the energy of my sister, Sandy, who passed away 16 years ago.

Sandy is whispering in my ear, “you’re not done yet. Nope, you are not done. Go on. Get up. Come on. Get ready.” She’s pushing at my back and saying, “go, go.” She’s telling me more – more is coming. More is waiting for me. Beautiful things lie ahead for me. It’s confusing. As much as I love her presence, I trying to interpret the message she is delivering to me. Is it about my health, my love life, my career, my family? For now I suppose I’ll just enjoy her being here with me. But for tonight I told her to shut up and go haunt my Mother👻 I need some peace. I’m tired of working and trying so hard. I just need to be….be nothing for a few hours.

I had a good bit of frustration this week. I pretty much reached a breaking point and had to just get stuff off my chest. I didn’t get many answers. But today someone did pull me into a conference room for a follow up conversation that made me feel a little bit better about a professional frustration. I was very grateful for heartfelt conversation we had and now I see the bigger picture. I get it. I also decided to take advantage of some free coaching sessions with a career counselor. I thought talking with an objective third party would be helpful for someone who is goal oriented like me. If for no other reason to affirm I’m in the right place, doing the right work for the right reason. I believe in looking at all areas of my life with a critical eye. It’s time for me to do it professionally. Let me be clear. I’m not unhappy. I like where I work. I like the people I work for. I’m very fortunate and lucky to work where I work. But, I also feel it’s time to stop floating along and set a plan for a destination. Unfortunately, my need for immediately clarity doesn’t align well in my work environment. I hoping I’m not writing about the same frustration a year from now😄

Just because I wasn’t miserable enough this week…I got a surprise visitor. I was rather enjoying not having a period. But, on the flip side maybe the cysts are gone now. I had blood work on Wednesday and almost passed out. They told me to go home and lie down. I had to drink some straight up Coke because my blood sugar crashed. But the good news is the blood tests confirmed I am not Diabetic or even Pre-Diabetic. My Fasting Sugar & a1c are absolutely normal. However, my Glucose crashes into the low 50s 3-5 hours after meals. Therefore, I was diagnosed with Reactive Hypoglycemia. This means: when I eat, my body over-produces Insulin which crashes my blood sugar. Simple Carbs & high Sugar meals cause a greater increase in Insulin resulting a blood sugar crash. Treatment plan: eat or have a snack every 4 to 5 hours & limit simple carbs & sugar. It’s manageable & can be controlled with dietary changes. Reactive hypoglycemia and an increase of Insulin in my body is causing me to struggle to lose weight and is causing gynecological issues too. It’s causing ovarian cysts & missed periods. Crazy when you think of it. My doctor told me three to six months of sticking to the sugar restrictions should be enough time to stabilize my blood sugar. I should notice lots of positive results.

And just because I can’t end this post without an attempt to get some erotic poetry mojo back, MBE looked really cute today. As I was standing next to him looking at him straight in the eye, I thought to myself we look good together and we’re good for each other😉❤️
(C) 2015 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved
Life is best when lived passionately
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Music: Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd for Sandy

Rescue me

  
People who are “sensitive” or are Empaths often have trouble being in places that are crowded, with bright lights and loud noises. The energy that is created in those environments can be overwhelming.

Last night I went to see Florida Georgia Line, Thomas Rhett & Frankie Ballard at Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City, NJ with two of my nieces who are 31 & 32 years old. The concert was sold out and it was crazy crowded. I could feel anxiety growing inside of me all afternoon. I was moving through it and refusing to take Xanax. I was trying to use breath control to release the mounting anxiety. As the music started pounding so did my chest. The screaming, hollering and flashing lights – well, it damn near made me past out from my heart pounding out of my chest. My hands were shaking as I reached into the pill case in my purse to find Xanax.

In my head I went through scenarios as my chest pounded and my head spun. I didn’t tell my nieces anything. But, I was thinking, “what if I pass out? I don’t want to ruin the show for the girls. Should I leave? They are not good in a crisis. Where is the fucking Xanax?.” I found the Xanax. I remember a little trick my doctor taught me about breaking off a piece and putting it under my tongue to get it into the blood stream quicker. I slowly felt everything calm down and within15 – 20 minutes I was absolutely fine.

As I was watching the show I was thinking about what happened. I realized it has happened at least three times in similar situations. It happened last night. It happened last summer when I saw Darius Rucker at the Borgata and that night it hit just as the lights started flashing, people started screaming and music started pounding. And, it happened when I went to see Joel Osteen in Harrisburg. He was in a sold out Stadium. It was much like a rock concert.

In my younger years, I had these feelings too in some situations. But I assumed it was because I didn’t like large crowds. But, I started realizing it is not anxiety in the traditional sense. It’s over stimulation anxiety. My senses were over stimulated.  A lot of “sensitive/Empathetic people experience this. The emotions of the people surrounding me. The pounding music. The screaming. The strobing lights and being stuck in the middle of a long row with no easy way out. It was all too much for my senses.

My choices are to stay home and not participate in these types of events or I can do so knowing I’ll need Xanax to do it. I had a wonderful time my nieces last night. We made memories and enjoyed a night together away from the rest of family. I was glad I went and glad I had Xanax to rescue me. That’s why Xanax is called a rescue medicine. I’m not too proud to allow myself to be rescued while enjoying life with people I love.

Below are videos from country artists I saw last night. But, “Somewhere With You” by Kenny Chesney is still one of my favs😄👍❤️
———
After finishing this post, I started thinking about how my heart was beating last night. I have a Congential Arrhythmia. It’s innocent but it can be triggered by lifestyle choices. It did feel like I was out of rhythm when it was happening. I googled it. There is some correlations to loud Bass to the electrial impulses of the heart. An arrhythmia is an electrical problem. It has nothing to do with structure, plaque, cholesterol or age. It electrical impulse issue. I have an appointment with my Cardiologist at Penn in Philly for an EKG & checkup on June 17th. I’ll ask him about loud bass sound at concerts and my arrhythmia. Because it makes sense to me. Xanax definitely leveled me out👍

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J

ean-Léon Gérôme 

http://www.tuttartpitturasculturapoesiamusica.com

I Love Coupons

  
I love coupons👍😄 One day in the future I shall nonchalantly slip this into MBE’s hand one day out of the blue while we are being very serious☺️ Just to have a little fun and see his reaction😉 ☺️ When he redeems it, I’ll keep it. I’ll use it during one of my orgasmic emergencies at a surprise time & location😄😉😈 It can be a little game we can play to keep things spicy😈🔥💋🙀😇  

I’m feeling very tired today. But, apparently I still have the energy to do some  planning – some wickedly delicious planning of sexual activities for the future with MBE😉 I’m a planner by nature; he knows that😉 He has some exciting times to look forward to. I guarantee that👍😄🔥

Photo Credit Google Search