Flash Back Friday – My First Blue Love Poem

Spark Of A New Desire ~ Blue Love Poetry
Two minds
One fantasy
Connected
In lust
But
Remaining
Silent
As if
Testing
The waters
Of chemistry
Unsure
If we
Should we
Act out our
Desires
Should we
Open
The door
To mutual
Attraction
And invite
Flirtation
To bring
Our bodies
Together
Should we
Allow our
Eyes to meet
And linger
In this moment of
Conflicted self awareness
Logic speaks
To obstacles
Energy passing
Between us
Begs to entwine
Our arms
Our lips
Our bodies
Connect our minds
And
Take this ride
Of romance
Lust
Without knowing
If it is prudent
Because it
Lacks convenience
Yet
Lives in
My mind
And stirs
My body
By your mere
Glance at my breasts
You set me on fire
With just your eyes
The spark
Of new desire
Ignites me
Juices Flow and
Brings life
To my creativity
You are invited to
Create with me
(C)2013 Highest Good Holistic Heath Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 🦋💙

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NOTE As promised, I will be sharing poetry from my Blue Love Poetry Collection throughout the whole month of June as special gift for someone I care about. Instead of writing all new poetry this month, I will share poetry I wrote in over years. I will also sprinkle in some new stuff as we go along.

In honor of Flash Back Friday, today’s poem is the very first poem I wrote for Blue Love. It was written on March 19, 2013. Blue Love and I knew each other. However, one day something changed. We started looking at each other differently. This poem was an acknowledgement of the unexpected spark of desire that he ignited within me. It was a way for me to express what I felt when he looked at me. It was a way for me to say he aroused me.

As we approach an ending of sorts, I find my peace in knowing I love him unconditionally. I find peace in our “connection”. I have no idea what the future holds for us. Perhaps this is an actual ending or maybe it’s a beginning of sorts. Who knows… All I know is I want to do right by both of us. I want to protect and honor him as well as take care of myself. The best way for me to honor myself as well as take care of him was for me to be vulnerable and show him my authentic truth directly. Honestly, it was quite liberating to just to let it out.

My next post will be on Self Care Sunday. Those posts are always scheduled to release at 11:00pm on Saturday nights. Then I will post a couple poems during the week.

I offer the Loving Kindness Prayer for Blue Love…

The Loving Kindness Prayer

May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Art Credit:
http://www.victorbauer.com/

Misty Eyed ~ Blue Love Poetry

Soul mate quote

Misty-Eyed ~ Blue Love Poetry

It was today
As I was going
About my day
I felt
The swell of emotions
That I have
For you
I got misty
Thinking of you
My heart swelled
As I quietly said
Your name
And remembered
Nervously standing
Before you
Looking into
Your beautiful eyes
Knowing you could see me
You could see
How I felt
For you
You could see
My desire, affection and lust
For you

My feelings
For you
Have matured with time
They’ve deepened
In our separation
And have become
More authentic
As I’ve healed
Emotionally from past traumas,
I’ve grown up,
It’s in this new space
Within my heart and soul
I feel the most alive
Alive with love

I am not really sure
Where the road
Takes us next
I don’t know
If this is where
Our paths separate forever
God, I hope
You stay in my life
I love you
I know that my love
For you is
Deep enough
To lovingly hold you
In my arms
Without any words
Yet it is mature enough
To set you free
If this is your time
To find yourself
In a new world
I now love myself
Enough to let you go
With grace
But please
Let me hold you
To feel your
Energy touch mine

I got a little
Misty-eyed
Thinking of you today
And I am not afraid
For you to know
Because I am grounded
In my vulnerability
It’s out of my
Self love
That I can
Show you
Unconditional love
Yes,
I am ready to go
On this ride
With you where ever
It takes me
Even if
It takes us down
Different paths and
You choose to
Let go of us forever
I love you enough
To be a good friend
To you as well as
Take care of myself
I am proud of myself
For opening
My heart to loving you
Unconditionally loving you

Please know, my friend,
The path we’ve shared
In recent years
Contributed to me
Becoming the woman
I am today
Loving you
Helped me learn
How to love myself
Opening my heart
To you
Showed me how
To open to my truth
Yes,
I became misty eyed today
Because
Today
I knew I truly
Loved you unconditionally
I knew I’ve grown
It was today
I quietly said
A prayer
I thanked God
For showing me
How to love
Through you
It was today
I thanked God
For you and
It made me
Misty Eyed
(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

NOTE: I have a feeling this is just the beginning of Blue Love poems this month. I will make an effort to write some raunchy sex poems too to keep thing spicy 🔥♥️ #nogoodbyes

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday – Reflection On Growth

Holistic Wellness quotesI enjoy writing these Self Care Sunday posts about Holistic wellness. I like exploring the balance of body, mind & spirit including personal and spiritual growth. I also enjoy writing these post because I’ve been through some shit in my life. If what I’ve learned and experienced is beneficial to others, than my suffering was for a higher purpose. I hope you, the reader, can reflect on how I manage my holistic wellness and look for ways to find that balance in your own life. My intention is to offer points of reflection for you. To be clear, I do not intend my posts to be “advice”. The ultimate goal of every Self Care Sunday post I write is to encourage you to find your own truth. My truth is not your truth. I hope to inspire you to fearlessly dive into your own soul and find your authentic truth and power. I hope to encourage you to trust their own intuition. No one knows you better than you know yourself. I don’t have your answers. All the answers you need are within you. I am just here writing these posts to help shine the light towards the path of self discovery for you. Take what resonants with you from my posts; leave what doesn’t.

Intuition quote

I’ve had a few experiences this week that gave me an opportunity to pause to be proud of myself and my growth in recent years. First, I had a check-up with my Cardiologist. I have a congenital arrhythmia that is monitored because every once in while it goes haywire. The last time I was completely out of rhythm was 2010. I ended up at the hospital soaking wet with sweat and a heart rate circling from 150bpm down to under 40bpm all day long. I also found out then I had a Fatty Liver. I walked out of the hospital with two heart medicines, a 21 day heart monitor and an appointment with a Liver Specialist. Well, the Liver Specialist really kept things real – brutal almost 😂 He told me that unless I made some hard choices, that I would not live to be 50 years old. It took me another year to surrender but I eventually let go and made a choice to change my life.

On Monday, my Cardiologist told me I’ve officially kept off 45 pounds for 7 years. I don’t smoke or drink. My blood work is perfect. My liver is completely healed. (I can tolerate a glass of red wine once in while 😉). My Cardiac Risk Assessment went from HIGHLY likely to have a heart attack or stroke to almost NO RISK. It is now under 2%. My Cardiologist told me he can’t even see my arrhythmia on my EKG anymore. Let that sink in… the arrhythmia I was born with is no longer visible on my EKG ✨♥️ It’s completely gone. My heart rhythm is completely normal. He congratulated me on being a rare patient whose risk has gone down instead of up as I aged into my 50s. It’s all because I took control of my habits, my life and my health. I am very proud of myself 😊💙 ✨If you want to do your own Cardiac Risk Assessment, follow the link to American College of Cardiologist Risk Assessment Site.

ACC Cardiac Risk Tool

http://tools.acc.org/ASCVD-Risk-Estimator-Plus/#!/calculate/estimate/

The second reason I am proud of myself is that I found out last week I made the selection “lists” for both of the promotions I applied for earlier in the month. I already had one unofficial conversation; it looks pretty promising that I could be staying in my current organization with a promotion. I have an interesting spiritual take on this. If I get the promotion in my current organization, I will be working for the same manager I felt held me back from promotions a few years ago. Spiritually it’s like going back to that group and working for her again will close that Karmic loop. It will make things right spiritually between us – a growth cycle will be completed for both of us. That feels like the right choice for me. I am also really happy and proud of myself that I chose the do the 14 month temporary assignment I did last year. People doubted my intentions for doing it. People kept asking if I was sure and wondering if I was making the right choice leaving the organization for that long. I always knew in my heart it was the right choice for me AT THAT TIME. I am proud of myself for listening to my own wisdom and trusting my own intuition. That experience was very beneficial to my personal and professional growth.

As I’ve grow personally and spiritually, I’ve become more open to seeing things differently. Having this new awareness and clarity in life is both wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Seeing truth that is in direct contradiction to what I’ve been trying to tell myself for years is stressful but is also the most transformative experience I’ve ever had. Often the truth of what we’ve accepted and settled in our lives hurts but it is also sitting with that pain and living in that truth that gives us the ability to break paradigms in our life. It gives us the ability to become limitless in our ability to grow into better versions of ourself. When our awareness is opened and we start living in truth, our whole life changes; it has to change because the foundation of who we are internally shifted.

I’ve learned the longer we “hang in there” and resist the signs of change in our lives, the more stressful transitions will be. We may even miss opportunities the Universe has been laying before us because we are resisting instead of surrendering to change. I’ve learned it’s good to reflect on the past to glean wisdom and learn lessons but it’s not good to dwell too long on mistakes or missed opportunities. Ultimately, every experience we have contributes to making us into who we are today. Instead of being filled with regret from the past, focus that energy on creating something new today. You are always exactly where you are meant to be.

Divine Timing quote

I have had to let go of a lot in my life. I’ve said a lot of goodbyes to people I’ve loved. It has been on my mind a lot this week because Blue Love is transitioning to a new chapter of his life in the next month. I am extremely happy and excited for him. In my mind, I am hoping it’s not “good-bye” for us, I hope it’s “see you down road!” This is how I know I’ve grown in the last two years… Instead of holding on too tight to him out of attachment, I want him to be free out of love. I hope he takes time to rest, enjoy life and find his own truth. I want this for him because I truly love him. I love him unconditionally. I want him to be the fullest expression of God’s perfect love that he was intended to be.

Blue Love Haiku #1

My wish for Blue Love is that he is safe, happy, health and, most importantly, loved. I want him to be LOVED.
Blue Love Haiku #9

If you all learn one thing from me, it is – you are always exactly where you are meant to be. Every experience you have, every choice and mistake, made you who you are today. You are a reflection of God’s love created to shine – shine like the sun. If you didn’t have all of those experiences, you may not be the person you are today. If you didn’t make those choices, you may not have awakened to your authentic truth. Everything happens in divine timing and every experience we have is all part of God’s plan for us to be our authentic selves. But, only if you allow it. Only if you let go and just go for the ride the Universe is offering you. Trust it will always be just fine – just fine.

I hope you choose to stand in your own power by knowing who you are and by finding what lights your soul up. Take time to honor your needs. Take time to heal and rest. Most importantly, honor your truth and enjoy the ride!

Change quotes

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved
img_0819

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Fire Starter ~ Blue Love Poetry Repost

Art fire

It seemed like a good time to repost this poem. It was originally written for Blue Love on February 22, 2019. Notice the 222 in the date. Today is May 22, 2019. Also 222 in today’s date. 222s are divine timing, partnership, love & everything is always working out for your highest good. Everything will be just fine ✨💙🔥✌️
Let me start your fire 🔥

Fire Starter ~ Blue Love Poetry
May I
Light your fire
May I
Strike the match
To inspire you
With love, support and encouragement
To grow, expand and create

Won’t you come with me
On this journey
Of growth and
Self-discovery
Will you join me in
Exploring the depths
Of our souls
Will you create
Magic
Through the fire
Of my love for you
Will you
Excavate your truth
Through the warmth
Of my empathetic compassion
Can you reach and stretch
Stretch yourself
Beyond all of your
Imagined limits
To find
The highest good
Through your
Connection to me
Your soul
Was called to
Use my love
As a light
Use my fire
As your energetic force
Use me to inspire you
To break through
The comfortable limits
That restrict you
Use me to inspire you
To find out
How far you can reach

What if you
Were just now
Getting started

What if today
Was a new beginning
For us

What if today
We made a new Soul Contract
To love and help each
As we reach
For our
Highest Good Lives

What if
Today was the time
You were supposed
To breakout
Of darkness into
The brightest expression
Of God’s perfect love
For you
Through me

What if
My soul
Was sent
By your Guides to
Shine the light for you
And help you
Set your vision
On something bigger
Than you could ever image

I ask you
To opened yourself up
To all possibilities
And consider
What could you achieve
If you were limitless

May I
Light your fire
May I
Strike the match
To inspire you
To imagine a life without limits
Can you see it
Can you feel it

May I strike
The match
Of Creation
And Spark the
Fire of our desire
In you

May I be your
Fire Starter
Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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————————————

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

 

Just Your Lover – Blue Love Poetry

Art Blue Love

As I find myself with more free time than I would like lately, I took the opportunity to clean up my blog a bit. As I was looking through old posts, the below poem I wrote a couple of years ago tugged at my heart💙 The poem resonants because it is true even though Blue Love and I have grown, changed and pursued different paths.

Along the way our flirtation lead to a friendship and an unbreakable bond. There truly are people who are meant to be in our lives. There are connections we are destined to make. Lessons we are supposed to learn from each other, with each other and through each other.

It’s a stressful time in both of our lives and I’ve been reflecting upon what’s really important in my life. My connection to him still rings true in my heart. I want to be so much more than just his lover…I hope he finds comfort in knowing that 💙

I Don’t Want To Be Just Your Lover
By: Linda A. Long

I don’t want to be
Just your lover
I want so much more for us
I want to be your
Best friend
The reassuring voice
After a tough day
The soft smile
When you are feeling down
The shoulder you
Rest your head on at night

I don’t want to be
Just your lover
I want to be your conspirator
Your partner in crime
I want share secrets
Join forces
I want you to know
In the glance of my eye
What I’m thinking
And then smile because
You know that I trust you
I trust you enough
To allow you to see me

I don’t want to be
Just your lover
I want to be the person
You place your complete trust
I want to guard your secrets
And lock the key to your heart
In mine
I want your peace and joy
To be found
In my eyes
With your hand
In mine
I want to be
Your safe harbor from the storm
And your comfort
As we grow older

I don’t want to be
Just your lover
I want to be your home
I want you to
Kick your shoes off
And relax in my love
I want you to
Rest in my arms and refresh yourself
I want you to
Nourish your soul with my affection
I want you to
Feed your body with mine

I want to be more than just your lover
I want to be your partner
I want to be your conspirator
I want to be your best friend
I want to be your home
I want to be so much more
Than just your lover

(C) 2018 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday – Love is the answer

Love is the answer Einstein

Shine Your Love
Dear God
I ask
For the light
Of your love
To shine down
On the Universe
And fill
The hearts of men
With goodwill
And kindness
Shine your love

I ask
For common ground
Between adversaries
To be found
To end conflict
I ask for
Protection of
Our Nation
From our aggressors
I ask for you
To help us find peace
Shine your love

Holy Spirit
Use me
Use me
To spread your light
Fill me
With your love
And I will
Shine it
From my
Soul into the world
I ask you
To heal
The world
Shine your love
through me
Shine your love

Dear God
Shine your love
Into the world
And provide
Comfort to those
Who are suffering
Shelter and food to those
Who are in need
Consciousness
To those
Who are still spiritually asleep
And humility
To those who
Are driven by their egos
Shine your love
God
Shine your love

Only love
Can heal the world
Shine your love God
And
Heal the world

Other than normal Holiday stress, the government shutdown and politics in general are weighing heavy on my mind this weekend. With so much heartache and stress in the world, I wrote this poem for love and healing to counterpunch the negative energy with loving energy. I believe it is only love that can heal the world. Love is the answer. I even hit POTUS with the Loving Kindness Prayer today hoping to put a little love in the Grinch’s heart 😂

So I searched on “Love is the answer” to use for a graphic for this post. I found hundreds of variations of the above image of Albert Einstein. It looked cool so I chose it but I am still not sure if it’s actual artwork or he actually said it 😉

I’ve said a special prayer for my family this year. My family has had long standing family feud going on. It’s made the holidays especially stressful the last few years. I walked out of Christmas dinner in tears last year after only one hour and drove 90 minutes back home because it was just absolute chaos. I made it clear to everyone that I wasn’t putting myself through it again. My sister volunteered to have an alcohol-free Christmas Brunch for everyone at her house. Her house is neutral territory. So far everyone is attending. I am hoping things go well. My mom has been a bit fragile lately; I am not sure either one of us could handle the stress this year.

My vacation was scheduled for December 21st to January 2nd. Well, it’s turning into a last minute unpaid forced “vacation”. I am lucky though. I got a call today letting me know the way I am funded was changed so my furlough doesnt start until Thursday. I asked them to double check that to be sure it’s right. Optimistically, it could end December 27th when Congress comes back into Session but I actually think it will go until at least January 3rd when Democrats take the House & Trump has an “Out” to cave. While it stresses me out, I should be able to manage as long as it doesn’t go on for too far into January. There are others who are worst off and I hope for everyone’s sake this resolved sooner than later. I am honestly against any “wall” along our southern border; I view a “wall” as a racist expression to keep brown people out. Also, there are technological ways they can secure the border (Drones, etc.) that would be more efficient than an medieval wall. My boss said to me the other day, “If you build an 11 foot wall, they will build a 12 foot ladder!” With that said, I could see Democrats digging in and waiting it out until January 3rd.

As for me personally, I believe in putting human beings and kindness above politics. I would like to see a compromise to resolve this next week so folks who live paycheck to paycheck and those who are collateral damage in this standoff aren’t completely stressed out the entire holiday season. Many just spent money for Christmas presents and some folks in contractor positions won’t get back pay. While there’s no guarantee I will either, I strongly suspect I will. I believe people should come first; politics second.

I just finished my Christmas shopping yesterday. I used my credit card so I could conserve the cash I have just in case I miss a paycheck. I also told my mom her annual Christmas bonus ($$$) 😂 will be a little late this year. I need to hold onto to cash until I know for sure when I am going back to work. I am leaving for Philly on Monday. I am baking and cooking with my mom on Christmas Eve. My sister is having Christmas Brunch and then I am bringing my three nieces (14, 13 and 9) down to my house overnight Wednesday to Thursday. We are going to a movie matinee and dinner. Then they will open their presents at my house and I am taking them to Cereal Town in the Ocean Casino for breakfast on Thursday before driving them home. I am scaling back on all of my other plans to conserve cash since I don’t know how long I’ll be out of work. I am playing everything else by ear. I’ll need to adjust plans according to finances and my energy levels.

ACTION: This week’s action is to put a little love in the world 💙 Say the below Loving Kindness prayer for healing in our world. Do something good for another human being. Send loving kindness to a friend. Do something good for a stranger. Help me turn the tide in the Universe. Let’s help good triumph over evil.

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Love is my vibration

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

(C) 2018 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday – Love is the highest vibration

Instagrams meme

Yep, this Self Care Sunday my soul is shinin’ like a MF! 🌟☀️😂😂😂

I’ve been reflecting on love lately. This Self Care Sunday is about Love. Love of self. Love of others. Unconditional love vs. conditional love. BIG LOVE! LOVE over Fear! Love 💙

It’s really only been in the last year or so of my life that I’ve learned to truly love and accept myself. It was also this year that I allowed myself to see the high price I paid in my life for not valuing myself and loving myself; I could not open myself up to receive of love. It was easier for me to be the giver than it ever was to receive.

To receive love, we must open our hearts, expose our souls and be vulnerable to another. Life experiences fractured my trust in others. Without trust there can be no vulnerability. To receive love we must allow another to see the shame we carry from past, feel the anxiety the weighs in our hearts and stand with us in our fear of loss and heartbreak.

I learned to love myself self by sitting with my pain and feeling it. I grieved for what I lost. I cried for what might have been. I mourned for what was taken away from me and I forgave the person I was in the past for not being strong enough to heal. I gave myself with the same loving kindness I give others. In doing that, I released a burden that really wasn’t completely mine to carry and made space in my heart and my life to receive love.

Unconditional love, to love without conditions… It is conceptually beautiful but not always easy in practice. Unconditional love doesn’t mean you accept whatever someone offers you and it certainly doesn’t mean you should be a doormat. For me, unconditional love is loving without expectations (strings) of reciprocation or demonstrative proof that I am loved in return. Unconditional love is BIG LOVE.

Over the last year, I’ve leaned heavy into prayer to help transmute any negative feelings. I’ve been using the Loving Kindness Prayer to pull myself back when I am feeling a bit challenged by love. I find it to be especially effective in helping me send love from a distance to loved ones. By sending loving kindness to a friend, a coworker, a sick relative or even someone who I’ve been at odds with at times helps me to raise my spirits and light my heart with the healing light of love.

Try using the Loving Kindness prayer by first sending loving kindness to your soulmate or twin flame or anyone who holds special place in your heart and in your life. The exchange of loving kindness through prayer will create synergy and good energy between you. Once you get into the habit of saying this prayer on a daily basis, then start using it for everyone you want to hit with some good energy 🌟 It will lift your spirits when you are down and give you peace when you start to feel anxiety creep up. Sending loving thoughts will also raise your spirit vibration and make your spiritual energy radiant. Love is the highest vibrational force in the Universe.

Love is the highest vibration

ACTION: This week’s action is to consider incorporating the Loving Kindness Prayer into your daily activities. Make it a habit.

Here’s an example of how it works:

When a strong flash of Blue Love comes into my mind, I often take a moment to send him love 💙😘🔥I visualized him in my mind’s eye, I quietly say his name to myself and then say this prayer:

May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

It’s a beautiful way to send good energy to someone 💙 Do it for 30 days straight and see how you change. Your vibraiton will automatically be lifted by the love you sending out into the Universe.

Yoga update
I’ve been doing a 30 minute slow gentle yoga practice at home each night this week. I am going to do this for the next month and build up to getting back into a studio. I am not pushing to my edge; I am taking it slow and using modifications. I am just slowly moving through a practice of Sun Salutations with Chaturanga & Cobra, Warrior I & II, Tree, a twist, wide leg Child’s Pose and Savasana. My foot is sore but is steady in the balance pose, Tree 👍It feels good to get back to yoga. I really do love yoga. I have a gigantic playlist of yoga and mantra music; AyKanna is my FAVORITE 💙 “Longtime Sunshine” is the closing prayer/song/mantra in Kundalini yoga practices. AyKanna’s version is in the YouTube video at the bottom of the post.

Music Yoga Mantas

Career Update
Remember that prayer I posted about my career a few days ago? Remember I asked for a SIGN? Well, it worked quick 😂😂 I received Sign #1 when my boss dropped by my cube early Friday to relay Execs asked him to do whatever he could KEEP ME 😊🦋😂 He asked what I was thinking. We talked for a while about what that would look like; what I wanted and needed. Just for the record, a raise and promotion weren’t at the top of the list. I will certainly negotiate for them as we start to close on this next month but it’s more about doing work I enjoy and working were there are opportunities for someone like me. If I am doing work I enjoy, raises and promotions will flow naturally as a result of me doing my best work. It would be short-sighted to make this about money when it’s actually about fulfillment.

I spent almost nine years working in an organization doing work I didn’t enjoy. I was able to deal with the lack of career satisfaction for a few years because I worked closely with someone I care about; I enjoyed the years I worked closely with him. I enjoyed taking care of him, helping and supporting him. Once I knew he advanced to the next level permanently, I felt it was time for me to find career satisfaction for myself. I am in a better position to do that where I am. I am now working to the full extent of my skills and abilities and I am fulfilled in the work I am doing. That’s what this is all about.

Not long after chatting with my boss I bumped in a former coworker in the hallway. As he past me, he stopped me and said, “Linda, Do you have a minute?” He said, “You are in another group now…Is it as chaotic, insane and TOXIC there as it is here?” Yep, he said TOXIC! My answer was, “No, IT IS NOT.” We had an interesting conversation. I don’t know this guy well. We never had a real conversation before. So him stopping me, asking this question and sharing information with me that I didn’t know was my SIGN that nothing has changed. They would use me up and burn me out all over again. This was sign #2. I told him he was my sign from God and an answer to a prayer. He almost cried. Seriously, his eyes welled up 😊He told me he was a Christian and believes in signs from God too 😇 Yep, that career prayer was answered in two days, with two signs within two hours. 222 Prayers work 🙂

222

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

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Love Over Fear

For those who follow planetary activity, Mercury Retrograde ends on December 6th. Mercury Retrograde is usually time of miscommunications, technology snafus, missed connections and sticky contract issues. Many feel you shouldn’t sign contracts or make major purchases during the Retrograde. This can also be a time that the past comes back for reflections when we are presented a choice to go back or go move forward.

I look at the past differently now that I look at it through a lens of self care and self love. When I reflect on the past these days, I can see when not taking care of myself and not loving myself enough led me to make poor choices or perhaps put me in a position to accept less than I wanted or deserved.

Relationships with men have always been a complicated and sticky area of my life. Mostly because every relationship I’ve been in has been clouded by unresolved pain, grief and loss from the death of my father at the age of seven. I never really allowed myself to grieve properly for that loss for many years. My relationships were also clouded by a lack of trust that stayed with me after sex assaults by a family member when I was older which led to a fear of intimacy from constant heartbreaks and disappointments.

For a long time, I blamed the men who were in my life. I was the victim and our unsuccessful relationships were their fault and responsibility. In fairness, it is true that a few of them hurt me so deeply that they deserved the blame but as I’ve healed from my past traumas I can see there were a couple of good ones. As I stand here now, I can see I pushed away the good ones because I was too damaged, at that time, to be able to accept their love and attention. I never felt worthy. That’s a powerful awareness to have about oneself. The depth of self-sabotage I’ve done in my relationships is hard to look now that I am “healed” but it’s also something I can no longer turn away from or repress. I must look at that ugly truth. I must look at it to heal it.

Something has changed in me in the last year. Perhaps it’s finally having the courage to touch the pain of sexual assault by someone who was supposed to protect me that opened me up to healing. Maybe it’s finally learning how to take care of myself that brought about the new me. Maybe it was falling in love with myself that finally allowed me to let go of my past that changed me. It’s been quite roller coaster of emotions for me the last year but one I feel I needed to ride. In going on this emotional ride, I’ve gained some freedom and let go of burdens that really were not mine to carry.

I once again almost ran into a old flame last night in the grocery store. This time was different. I saw him looking at produce; he had his head down. I backed away and walked on by. I didn’t avoid him because I hate him. I didn’t avoid him because I blame him. I didn’t avoid him because he hurt me. I avoided him because we just were not good for each other and there is no reason to open old wounds for either one of us. I walked on by because it was best for my well-being to maintain a distance. There’s no anger in my heart towards him but there is love in my heart now… Self Love. I loved myself enough to choose to not engage with him.

I am more concerned about my relationship with myself these days than anyone else so no one should interpret this post to mean I am “looking”. I am not “looking”. I am just saying it’s nice to feel unburdened and hopeful after so many years of living with repressed trauma. I am lighter, better, healthier and happier now than ever before. Looking at my past traumas and being willing to sit with the pain was an act of self love that I am grateful I finally allowed myself accept and honor. A “Course In Miracles” says, “A Miracle is choosing LOVE over fear!” I guess you can say I’ve been blessed by a Miracle.

How have you loved yourself lately? Can you truly love yourself with enough openness to accept the love you deserve and are worthy of receiving? Are you willing to touch your deepest pain to feel deep true love again? Can you choose LOVE over fear and be blessed by a Miracle?

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Love over fear

Thanks & Giving Prayer

Art woman praying Dorina CostrasArt by: Dorina Costras at http://www.saatchiart.com

Thanks and Giving Prayer

Dear God
On this Thanksgiving Eve
I say thank you for
Saving my life
Thank you for
Helping my body to heal
Thank you for
Helping me find peace
Through adversity and hardship
Thank you for
Teaching me the value of
Authenticity
Thank you for
Helping me to
Lean into compassion and empathy

Thank you for
The people who love me
Their support nourishes me
Through hard times
Thank you for
My haters and critics
They have made me stronger
And more resilient
Thank you for the
Love
Deep, Profound
Unconditional love
For all beings
That fills my heart and
Illuminates my soul
Thank you for
The abundance and blessings
You’ve given me
I have more than enough and
I’ve answered your call
To share and serve
It is from this place
Gratitude
I humbly say thank you
On this very special day
Of Thanks and Giving

I ask for your continued
Blessings to help me
Spread the light
And Shine love
Into the hearts
Of every soul
I touch in this world
Use me
Holy Spirit
Use me
To be a vessel of your peace
Use me
To spread love instead of fear
Fortify me with
Courage to stand my ground
Against negative forces
Strengthen me to
Move beyond
My own personal
Heartaches and challenges
To be a light in this dark world

I ask you
Holy Spirit
To Illuminate
Blue Love’s heart
With the light of love
From my soul
And inspire him
To believe in love
And trust in
Our friendship and connection
Dear God
It is in your light
I shine the brightest
On this day of
Thanks and Giving
I offer my thanks
And I commit
To giving my love
Light to the world
Amen

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NOTE:

On this Thanksgiving Eve, I wanted to say thanks to God, Holy Spirit and the Universe for blessing me in so many ways. Poetry is how I express what is in my heart so it seemed natural for me say thanks with a poem.

Here’s an update on my treatment for Small Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth. As you may recall, I had four biopsies done on my stomach. They came back a suspicious and my local doctor was concerned that precancer reoccurred. Thankfully, it was not precancerous. While I will have to be monitored by my doc at Jeff going forward because I am now high risk for Stomach and Colon Cancer, I am grateful this time around it was just Small Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth and Pancreatic Enzyme Deficiency. I just finished 14 days of Doxycycline antibiotic to kill of the bacteria in my gut. It appears to have worked. I no longer have diarrhea, stomach cramps and intense bloating. My doc at Jeff has an App and told me to message him when I finished the first 14 day of antibotic. He messaged me back yesterday. I love it’s so easy to communicate with one of Philly’s Top Docs and an instructor at Jeff Medical School:-) He told me to not to refill the antibiotic but to switch to a probiotic every day and digestive enzymes with larger meals until I see him again in mid January. He suggested I use Align Probiotic available at CVS. He recommends it to everyone who has IBS. He said it’s very effective and He wants me to take one daily going forward. While I am not feeling fantastic yet because we had to use a cheaper systemic antibiotic that came with side effects which are still bothering me, I am so very thankful for this opportunity to heal, learn, share information with others and serve the world with my story.

As I’ve dialed back the noise in my life in recent months, I’ve enjoyed more peace in my mind and body. I’ve learned that I am truly very sensitive to over-stimulation. I need quiet time. I need soft lighting and I need to limit my screen time. Praying, using mantras and affirmations bring me peace. Dialing back my use of Social Media has been good too. While part of me misses Facebook a little, for the connectivity, I just feel less toxic and triggered without it. I am better off without it. Facebook now creeps me out. I am off until they make it a safer less toxic envirnoment. I am still on Instagram and Twitter mostly becauses neither asks for much personal information and I’ve greatly reduced my usage and engagement. Social media is definitely over-stimulating.

If you would have told me ten years ago that I would live in a condo the beach, have a great job, be an Holistic Wellness Coach, be an active supporter of the local Homeless shelter and soon be celebrating seven years alcohol and cigarette free, I would have laughed out loud for sure. I never would have thought this is where I would end or this is what God had planned for me. But, I believe God has plans for us that are bigger than our own. I’ve learned my job isn’t to make it happen. My job is listen to my intuition, follow my inner wisdom and go where I am called. I am living a life I was called to live and for that I say thanks and give back in return.

For Thanksgiving this year, I made Gluten Free Crock Pot Mac & Cheese with a new recipe I found online. O-M-G! It is so damn good 🙌 I put some aside for myself for when I get back home. (Mac & Cheese is my comfort food) 🥘 I am also taking couple desserts. I am looking forward to staying over night with my Mom. I wish you all a lovely Thanksgiving.

Your Rhetoric Matters; Choose Wisely

Marianne Williamson Quote

“People hear you on the level you speak to them from; speak from your heart, and they will hear with theirs.” I’ve been taking a free online course, “Teaching the Teachers” with Marianne Williamson. The course is based on “A Course In Miracles” text. She used the above quote on the first night and it’s been rolling around in my head every since.

This quote resonants especially with me today since there has been terrorist attacks on Democrat’s and CNN that appear to be linked to the divisive hateful rhetoric the President and GOP has been using against Democrats and the Press. When he speaks at rallies his followers are hearing him from the level from which he speaks and responding to his call to arms the same way Russia responded to his message to hack Hilary Clinton.

The polarization in our nation makes me sad. I pray for good to triumph over evil. I also pray our DJT rises to the reputation of the his office and speaks like a POTUS instead of a mob boss. I was in the car a lot today.  As I drove, I was listening to CNN and praying. I am praying for healing in our Nation. I am praying for the return of our Democracy. I am praying POTUS finally sees how his words are polarizing our nation and leading to hate and now terrorist attacks. I expect better from our leader.

If you are not “woke”, now it the time to wake up! Hate brings more hate. So if you are a leader, take heed. People will hear you from the level from which you speak. Try speaking from you heart and think twice about your rhetoric. The below song from John Legend and Roots seemed fitting for today.

I am also extremely grateful today for getting good news at my appointment with Gastro specialist at Jeff. It’s highly unlikely my suspicious biopsy is Cancer. My problem is definitely in the Small Intestine. It appears to be Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO) which can cause all of my symptoms as well cause swelling in the bowel that is pushing everything out of place. He ordered me a special antibiotic that has been made at compounding pharmacy and shipped to me. He said it will reset my bowel and bring it back into balance with minimal side affects. I have to take it for a month along with following a low FODMAP diet as best I can. He gave me the guidelines. I have to read more on it. And, I have two other problems 😂 From looking at my blood he’s pretty sure I have Pancreatic Enzyme Deficiency which is blocking my body’s ability to break down and digest foods which also leads to bloating and distention. After I am done the antibiotic, I’ll start taking Pancreatic Enzymes. Lastly, he said he thinks I have Splenic Flexure Syndrome.  When I do get gas it gets stuck just under my left breast in my upper left abdomen. SOOO, the key to all of this is managing the bloating, gas and distention by eliminating the bacterial overgrowth and increasing my body’s ability to break down food with Pancreatic Enzymes. Doing both of these will reduce the pressure on the Splenic Flexure issue. He told me to email him in two weeks to let him know how the meds are working and plan to see him again in two months. All in all good news today and I am very grateful. He was worth the wait 🙂

Since I drove into Philly through South Philly, I stopped at the Italian Market on 9th Street on my way home.  I bought some yummy Grass-Fed hard cheeses like Gouda and Gureye. I hit the Gluten Free Bakery and bought some produce. However, when I got home I saw all the produce I bought today is on the “AVOID Food List ” for the FODMAP Diet😂😂😂  That’s why I am not starting it for a couple of days 😉 Thank God hard cheese is allowed; it was expensive 😊

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