Self Care Sunday ~ New Normal

Brene Brown new normal

As we all work towards acceptance that our normal is forever changed since Corona Virus, I am writing today about what’s changed in my life. How I am adapting. What I am choosing to let go and what I am embracing and enjoying.

What’s changed with me? I am on 100% maximum telework for the foreseeable future. In my current role, I can work from home without any impact to my responsibilities. I am allowed to go into the office to work occasionally, if I prefer, but I am not required. At first, I found this is bit stressful and isolating. I think that is because we were also under a Stay At Home Order. Since we have a little more freedom to move about, I’ve been enjoying working from home. I do MISS seeing folks in the building but not that much anymore🤣

I know a lot of folks who are teleworking are rolling out of bed and working in their pajamas – not me. I need a morning routine or I don’t feel settled. I still start work between 6:00am and 6:30am so I get out of bed around 5:30am and take a shower. If I have Zoom meetings, I pay a little more attention to hair and make-up. I put Morning Joe on @MSNBC on the TV, make coffee, water my plants and eat breakfast while I start reading/sending emails. It’s a routine. I need a routine to help manage anxiety.
morning routine

One thing that has changed with working from home is my work wardrobe. I wear sneakers most days now. Since my apartment is L shaped, I have plenty of space to pace 10,000 steps a day. So I wear sneakers with everything now. I have fashion sneakers, glitter sneaks, casual sneaks. I have sneaks I only wear indoors and sneaks I only wear when I am walking on the street. Sneakers are my new fashion statement. A blouse, ankle pixie khakis, capri jeans  or a casual skirt with sneakers is my new work outfit 😁 I love it ✌️I just bought these gems the other day. I can’t wait for them to arrive💙

Sketchers

Since I’ve been focusing on getting 10,000 steps in most days, I’ve changed my outside walk routine as well. My normal walks ranges between 2.5 and 4 miles. I will walk 6 to 8 miles if I am feeling good. Lately, I’ve been trying to increase the pace of my stride and get my heart rate up while walking outside. So, the first minute or two are a warm-up and then for next 30 minutes or so I power walk. After the 30 minutes of “exercise”, I slow down a bit and walk for enjoyment. The biggest new normal of my regular walks is — I always have a face mask with me now. I don’t wear it if no one is within 6FT of me but if I see folks coming near me on foot or on bike, I pull it up over my nose and mouth. It’s not hard. I consider it a sign of respect. It shows I care about them. I wish face masks were not politicized and I wish more folks thought about others more than being self indulgent😷Since it’s a holiday weekend and I live in a resort town, the social distance experiment will be interesting this week.  I will keeping my distance from the crowded spots.

social distance

I don’t know who needs to hear this but…Going to the beach, walking on the boardwalk, getting your hair cut, getting your nails done and going out to dinner are conveniences and luxuries of modern day living. They are not civil rights or liberties. When you are asked to wear a face mask, you are asked to do so to protect humanity. No one is violating your rights 🙄
civil rights civil liberties

There is a new normal in my job now too. I achieve two important milestone 4 months early because of a calculated risk I took when I met with a regulatory body.  They ended up giving  me approval to take a short cut on one milestone which to our surprise also eliminated the requirement of a second milestone too. BOOM 🤣 Everyone was excited and happy. So excited and happy that my GM called into a Zoom meeting without me and got herself committed to accelerating my schedule without talking to me first.  That’s when the fight broke out 🤣 She didn’t understand the concurrent activities 🙄 She’s new but I told YOU – I got zero fucks to give anymore…They put me in this role and gave me a seat at that table so they are gonna hear what I have to say 🤣I told her she should have left the schedule alone and just messaged that the team is hoping to complete the big milestone a month early unless we hit a snag.  It will gives a little wiggle room 🤣Well, my direct supervisor was the “referee” for most of this week 🤣 God bless him.  He works with mostly women who all have direct communication styles.  He calls himself the “token man” but actually he’s the referee🤣He probably deserves a combat medal 🤣 She admitted she should checked with me first before making the commitment but also worked her ass off this week to mitigate the impact. What she did will probably end up being a non-issue for me because something is held up in the approval cycle outside of our control.  If she would have talked to me, she would have known about that and not put everyone through the drama. She is new to this project. She’ll learn – eventually🤣

She and I are good now✌️We fought it out – with the help of our Referee 🤣So, this is the crazy part of our schedule which will continue until we release a public “Call for Proposals” at the end of the summer. I own every action until that happens but they now have been throwing bodies from organizations all over the “company” to help me in every possible way. The guy building the website says, “I have 20 emails from you before I even get in at 8:00am” 🤣 But the plus side is wear myself out by 3:30/4:00pm so no one ever gets a late day action from me.  I can’t even tell you how many new people I’ve met through Zoom meetings in the last few weeks.  So my new normal will be crazy for a while 🤣
crazy

The other good thing that happened this week in work is they confirmed a posting for someone to take over for me after my “start-up” actions are done should be going out soon. This means I will definitely move on to new role or project after my key milestones are done — sometime in Autumn. I am working with a local Director to identify opportunities but my current group said they already have something in mind for me when I finish this up. I just have buckle up and ride this crazy new normal out for a while.

Since my normal isn’t normal anymore, I am might as well tell you I haven’t been on a bike in years – I mean years.  It makes me a little nervous🤣The local bike rental shop in the next town over opened this weekend.  I am going to rent a bike one day to see if I want to buy one.  My building has a bike storage room so I won’t have too bring it up into my apartment.  I would like to ride the boardwalk end to end, AC to Ventnor, at sunrise one morning 😁🚴🏻‍♀️

What’s your new normal? Are you adjusting, changing your routine? If things are hard right now, remember:
0FCFD9AF-DCEE-4252-B3AD-FFC7E77576DF_1_201_a
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved
Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Destiny Rarely Misses

destiny

REMEMBER Transformations are never easy…To transform into new versions of ourselves, we often have to strip away everything we know about ourselves to become someone new.

I think this is problem I’ve been having in my job. I  started this job in August 2019. Since day one it has been demanding I become a new Linda and I’ve been in full resistance — I’ve been in resistance because I didn’t know that was what I was signing up for. They didn’t tell me how complicated the project would be.  They were not honest and did not tell me 95% of the burden would be on my shoulders. I never made a conscious choice to become this “work” version of myself. It wasn’t until I was already in the job and saw the full picture that I understood who I would need to become to successfully run this project.  

My truth is…I have an Anxiety Disorder and this job has been triggering it since day one. I’m back to taking Xanax at bedtime to stop clenching my jaw. Otherwise, I’ll worry all night. I MISS having a low pressure job 🤣
change

Most folks would call me a Project Manager but my actual role is the Pre Award Lead for two new programs. All that means is I identify and execute the steps needed to launch the new programs successfully and then turn them over to someone else to perform regular operations and maintenance.   In one regard, the project is the perfect fit for me. I like project work because there is a beginning, middle and end.  I also like project work because it’s diversified.  I like to move around and have new experiences so project management work is actually a good fit for me. The role is also a good fit because  my brain is hard-wired for strategic planning and I enjoy working on the front end of the development cycle.

In other ways, this is the  hardest job I ever had in my entire life… The HARDEST… At 53 years old, I just wasn’t intending on signing up for the hardest job of my career 🤣 YOU feel me?  🤣 Can you understand why I was so bitter and had so much resistance to it?  Also, I walked into a fucked up situation. They were already four to six months behind schedule on my very first day in the job.  A good bit of my early efforts were spent trying to find the most expeditious path forward without breaking any laws 🤣 The project has been understaffed and I’ve encountered one land mine after another. My leadership doesn’t understand the work and every “expert” I’ve needed guidance from to move this forward has been new in their role, and therefore, conservative with their guidance. Yawn, I am LIKE fucking over it already 🤣 It’s actually become A big FAT joke between my boss and I that so many folks are new in their jobs and afraid to make the wrong decision.  So we agreed I should just start doing my own research and sending it to them asking for written concurrence.  If it’s wrong, I’ll take the hit. I KID you not. …  It won’t be wrong…I am good at research and documentation. Can you understand why I ran out of fucks to give along the way in this crazy fucked up job? Seriously – I am straight out of fucks..fucks

To help mitigate risks to the program and for the company, I am focused on staying with the program until they “handoff” packages to our parent company targeted for Autumn 2020.  I am working to accelerate that 🤣They know I am not interested in working daily operations.  Once they bring on the full time person for daily operations, there will be wiggle room for me to transition into a new role.  Also I am pretty sure leaving at the critical point of the schedule on a highly visible project could be the kiss of death to my career and finding other projects to work on 🤣 If I stay until after the key milestones, I will have greater pool of opportunities. So, here I am… It’s funny because the early part of the week was really HARD but good news on Wednesday made the rest of the week rewarding. I’m becoming the Linda I never asked to be in a role I never intended to apply for; I was recruited (selected). I didn’t apply for it…

I don’t believe in coincidences. Destiny rarely MISSES.  Perhaps destiny found me while I was busy looking for it in other places 🤣

Transformations

Funny story… When I stepped out on my balcony to take the below photo this afternoon, the wind blew the door shut and broke the handle 😳 I was stuck on my balcony on the seventh floor of a high rise and the front door to my apartment has a deadbolt on it. 😲The building maintenance staff wouldn’t be able to come in without taking my door off 😳After freaking out at first, I remembered my balcony window doesn’t lock all of the way. I was able to pry it open and climb in through the window. However, now I have to figure how I am going to water my little plants on the balcony while I wait for the door to be fixed.  I will have to either climb out the window or reach all the way out and hope the water hits them 🤣 I think I deserve a slice of CHOCOLATE CAKE  tonight 💙

ALERT:  CODED MESSAGE IN THIS POST 💙😘balcony garden
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ A Coded Message

Love

My perspective on love has changed over the years.  The younger unhealed version of myself expressed love almost as a  desperation; it was a bit clingy. It was focused on holding on too tight. It was possessive in fear of losing it. Fear based love isn’t really love at all; it’s attachment.  IN  recent years, I’ve learned to love everyone without attachments.

In recent years, I’ve challenged myself to grow through self reflection and focusing on LOVING  myself first.  In stripping away all of the bullshit I told myself over the years, I started to really see myself. Without turning away or finding a distraction, I looked at myself. I sat with myself. I was then able to see things that happened to me in my past where not my fault but I let them become my story. I owned them. I wore them. I became the victim to the limitations of the pain and fear of emotional intimacy.

I started telling myself, “YOU  are strong enough to change this now. It’s not too late.”  I cried for the life I never had. I wept for the years I lived in fear. I mourned for the heartache and abandonment of my young soul. I grieved for everything I lost.  I stopped telling myself bullshit. I accepted accountability and responsibility for owning something that wasn’t mine and started showing myself compassion, empathy and grace. I broke the cycle. I broke the cycle of fear. By letting myself go to the very bottom of my pain, I  SET  myself free. I broke the cycle of fear and pain in my life.

I’ve learned to love in separation. “I love  YOU” is eternal and limitless when a true connection exists between two people. This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationship but also between friends and family. Think of the friend who calls or texts you at the exact moment you are thinking of them. Remember how it feels to talk to an old friend after a long separation yet you feel as if it was just yesterday you were near them.  Love is eternal, limitless and  FREE. It is our minds that try  TO  restrict love and put judgments on it.

Can you  FIND  a few moments to sit with  YOURSELF?  Can you find healing  IN  letting  go of the story you told yourself before you were healed?  Can you feel  LOVE’S  warmth on your face in your heart?  Can you shine with me in love’s  REFLECTION?

Love

I had the strangest dream last night or actually early this morning. I had a dream that someone was showing me how to write CODED messages in my blog posts. The voice was saying I would need to know how to deliver coded messages to people. It kind of freaked me out. I don’t know what that is about but the dream seemed VERY VERY real. I do consider myself as part of the “resistance” against current Administration. I am really hoping things don’t reach the point that I need to deliver coded messages to other members of the resistance 😳

I experimented with embedding a coded message for Blue Love in the first five paragraphs of this blog post. When arranged properly, the words form a Haiku.  It’s my Blue Love Haiku #15 💙

ACTIVITY:  

Find the BOLDED ITALICIZED WORDS  in the first five paragraphs of this post. Remember this code, I may use it again without providing any instructions 🤣

Hint:  There are 13 BOLDED ITALICIZED WORDS in this post.

Once you find all 13 words,  arrange them as a Haiku by putting them in sentences that are:

5 syllables in the first sentence
7 syllables in second sentence
5 syllables in the last sentence.

Have fun 💙 I’ll post Blue Love Haiku #15 later this week. Heres’ an example of how a Haiku is arranged for you to use as a guide:

Haiku

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Adapting

Adapt Darwin

I am a walker. I will sometimes walk six to eight miles if the weather is nice and I am feeling good but my normal walk is between three and four miles. Since the Corona Virus Pandemic hit my area walking in public has been challenging and stressful for me. Yes, I live on the boardwalk. You would think there would be plenty of room and fresh air. However, my area on the boardwalk is super crowded on nice days right now because it’s the only boardwalk open in my area and not everyone wears a mask. It stresses me out. I also like to walk along the bay side road because it’s normally quiet but folks have been back there too on nice days 🤣

I am an early riser. On the weekends I am normally up by 7:00am and would normally watch @MSNBC sipping coffee in my chemise (nighty) and Uggs. I wear the summer chemise and Ugg duo year-round because my body is hot, hot, hot but my feet are always COLD – it’s a sexy and practical look 😜Anyways, instead of watching news in my nighty and Uggs this morning, I did my three miles on the bay side road at 7:30am. It was great. It was peaceful. I could walk most of the time without the mask. I only pulled it up when I saw someone approaching. Overall, it was a great relaxing walk. I adapted to my new reality and found some peace and happiness this morning by doing it. The soundtrack for this morning’s walk was Bill Withers Essentials on iTunes:
Bill Withers Essentials

I love this Bill Withers collection💙If you like old R&B, I highly recommend it but I would suggest you try to listen to it when you can listen to the words. “I can’t write left handed” is about the Vietnam War; it’s one my favorites. However, the one that made me cry this morning was “Let me in your life”.  Bill’s narrative before the song and the lyrics really touched me because I recall having a similar conversation or two in the past with men but I just couldn’t let them in.  I was still carrying too much pain from the past.  I was still living in the “story” of what happened in the past.  Here’s the thing… at 53 years old, I think I would like to try. I would like to try and let someone in, if it’s not too late… If I didn’t miss the chance to let someone in my life. I would like to try...  I truly love Blue Love💙He knows that.  More importantly, he believes it and trust it too.  I am, however, loving him safely at a distance.  The real test would be for me to let him love me up close; let him, or someone else, all the way in my life…Let him or someone else really see me, help me forget the story from my past and just love me💙 I am healthier now. I’ve healed from the past. I don’t have to carry that story with me anymore.  I would like to try and let someone in, of course, I want it to be Blue Love. Even if it can’t be him anymore…Even if something has changed and he doesn’t feel the same way for me…I would still like to try to let myself be loved by someone, if it’s not too late… 😪

I am also trying to adapt at work. The situation I am in at work is unhealthy. It’s not going to get better. The best thing about this experience is that it taught me a lot and I will take all of this experience on to the next role I find myself in. After some reflection, I realized this was never supposed to be a forever job or even my “dream” job. It was a learning opportunity.  It was a job for me learn skills and abilities to take to another job. I also learned I like being a “project lead” and I like working on “start-ups” or the front end of a development schedule.  My #1 skill is strategic thinking so working on figuring out a path forward is a good fit for me.  I liked the work. Unfortunately, the organization is NOT a good fit for me.

Sooo,  I sent a “trial balloon” to a locally based Exec I know. I asked her if something was possible. She replied, “yes, just let me know. I will see what I can do to make the stars align.” It brought a tear to my eye. I slept on it over night and on Friday morning I sent her a followup message with an official request. I LET GO. It was time to call the game.

let go

The funny thing about this is… Three hours later a former coworker who has since moved on to new group as well texted me. She told me I was recommended for a job in her group working for one of her peers to help stand up a new “system”.  She wanted me to know she also gave them a positive recommendation 🤣 Wow, you gotta love when the Universe gets behind your decisions✌️💫 That’s when you know you are moving in the right direction😀 It’s still not clear to me if the opportunities are one in the same or if they are two separate unrelated jobs. Either way, I am happy and look forward to hearing more about them. Staying where I am would be me accepting less than I deserveand willfully allowing them to take advantage of me.  This choice isn’t about “getting out” of a situation. It’s about “aligning” with a positive healthier situation that will be better for my overall holistic wellness.  It’s also about enforcing boundaries✊ settling

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Means to an End

0EDEE1E3-92C6-47FA-BAD0-225EEA6EAA71_1_201_a

I took the above photo while walking this morning along the back bay in Ventnor City, NJ. I was thinking a lot about my work and life as I walked. The question I kept asking myself was…”How much do you trust yourself? How much do you trust God? How much do you have faith that God and Universe will guide you to the right choices?” After pondering these questions for most of the walk, I came to an mind blowing realization… I am currently at the stage of having such complete trust and faith in God and Universe that I literally no longer give a fuck🤣 It doesn’t matter anymore. I will be just fine… whatever happens.

don't give a fuck meme

I have complete faith in God and in the Universe to protect me and guide me. I guess my faith is so strong because I’ve survived a lot of shit in my life. I’ve live through grief, loss, financial ruin, physical harm, emotional abuse, unhealthy relationships, suicide attempts, multiple depressions, countless career moves and…guess what? I am still standing – stronger than ever!  Living through it helped me grow into a strong, beautiful woman with rock solid faith. There is a purpose to my suffering. Maybe, just maybe, God has been preparing me all along with now, this moment in mind, so I could help others get this through trying time.

Jeremiah 29:11

The biggest reality check about my job is that it is a means to an end for me. It’s not who I am. My identity and self worth are not tied to my occupation. Truthfully, I would prefer to be working for a non-profit such as a homeless shelter than doing the type of work I am doing right now but if I made that type of move right now, I would take a huge pay cut. While working in my current job, I have the means to help local organizations like the Atlantic City Rescue Mission out of my current salary. I would never be able to do this if I was working for a non-profit. I’ve been an active volunteer at the Mission for years but haven’t been in the facility recently. I can’t take the chances of getting sick. I am helping them in other ways. Long term, I plan to retire the day I am eligible and go to work for a non profit.

If you have the means, please consider making a donation to www.acrescuemission.org. The Mission serves three meals to over 400 people a day in the community, offers shelter and gives bags of food away to members of community out of their pantry. The lines at the Mission have been around the block for the last few weeks as many have not received Unemployment benefits or stimulus checks yet.
Atlantic City Rescue Mission

Work update: My new GM has really jumped into the fight with me and has been able to provide me cover so I can move things forward. I am thankful for that. The reality is… leadership recognized I was right. I was trying to tell them for eight months about risks. The explosion that happened a couple of weeks was inevitable. I told them months ago. I do not have the authority to do some of things they were tasking me to do – it’s the bottom line. I kept telling them it. I was documenting it in status updates and briefings since last August. I moved forward doing what I could do without crossing the line until I had to stop. We’ve reached the point I have to stop and someone with authority to negotiated contractual relationships has to take some of it over. They recognize that now – mostly because my new GM went through all of the documentation and saw I was right. I also wrote two 10 page technical documents that have been peer reviewed by some high level folks in the company and have passed with minimal edits. Most of the edits have been editorial in nature but haven’t changed or challenge my strategy✌️That’s a win ✌️ This is also giving me some leverage.

managing-up-relationships

They are hoping to keep me in place until we hand our “package” off to our parent company which is targeted for December or January unless we can accelerate it. I am not involved with what happens in the months after the “hand-off”.  If I can hang in there until after the hand-off, there will be a wider range of career opportunities open to me without causing any type of risk to the program…It comes down to how much stress, drama and anxiety can I take to move their objective along while also helping to move my own personal goals along too?

This job stuff has really been too much drama… And, I’m quite ready to say “Fuck it!” but I am reminded it is a means to end 🤣 In the meantime, I am trying to find Zen while doing some adult coloring with watercolor pencils.  The title of the coloring book spoke to me on a deep spiritual level…🤣

adult coloring

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ Selfie and Self Reflection

Selfie

Seemed like a good reason to do a Selfie Sunday and share my Club Quarantine Sweatshirt 💙Yep, I dance at Club Quarantine with DJ D-Nice and bought the sweatshirt made by Will Smith‘s Belair Athletics. Proceeds from the sale of sweatshirt go towards the CDC’s Corona Virus Foundation. The sweatshirts are high quality too✌️You can dance too by following DJ D-Nice on Instagram at www.instagram.com/dnice. DJ D-Nice usually goes LIVE on Instagram between 5pm and 8pm EDT.  You click his profile picture to enter the LIVE room.  Each night D-Nice changes up the flavor of music he plays. I personally like when he does a set of old school Motown, R&B and early dance music from the 70s and 80s; he loses me with the hip hop. I don’t hip hop 🤣

John Lennon quote

I love the above quote by John Lennon. He saw himself as a reflection of humanity. So what does that mean? He saw himself no better, no worse, no more privileged to anything than any other person. That’s been a point of reflection for me this week and here’s where I’ve ended up….There is no room in my life for anyone who does not have empathy and compassion for human suffering. There is no room in my life for anyone who isn’t humble and does not want to be a servant to the highest good of all not just self.  Our graves will all be the same size…If all you are worried about is your dyed hair, nails or home improvement projects, consider yourself privilege and offer someone who is suffering help. I just heard Elizabeth Warren say on AMJoy on @MSNBC that she supports Biden for President because he has a good heart. She said, “I want a man with a good heart!” Me too! I want a man with good heart for President and as my lover  🤣💙😘

Many folks like to claim they are “woke” – but no one is “woke” unless they see the problem in the juxtapose of people who can quarantine or social distance with a job, shelter and food vs. those who are in lines for food for the first time in their entire life, still waiting on unemployment and living in crowded refugee camps and urban tenements. I’ve always donated part of my salary to charity; I would have a much bigger bank account if I didn’t. At the end of the day, money is not a motivator for me personally or professionally. Supporting family, friends, helping local neighbors, supporting local restaurant employee relief funds and small local businesses motivates me.
humanity

So, now it’s time for a work update… Sigh…long exhausted – what the actual fuck… sigh… It’s a been rough few weeks in work. I’ve been telling management for months about my risks and concerns.  I’ve known all along the explosion that happened last week was coming. I warned leaders a while ago… I have documentation of me making multiple requests for someone to fill in my knowledge gaps and I actually requested “all hands on deck” about three months ago so we could get ahead of this explosion before it happened — Nope, nothing… I’ve been providing a bi-weekly status update to my leadership and their support staff since the day I started. That document has the whole history of my risks and concerns documented. So when someone acts like they didn’t know…
not today bitch

I have the receipts!  I reminded them I am STAFF; not a manager and they were supposed to hire someone to do “contractual stuff” over six months ago. That position was never filled and that is and has been the problem. I have been giving them bi-weekly status on that risk for six months.  If leadership was leaving a high level project like this on the back of only ONE staff member without management providing direction or buy-in, then it would appear there is a bigger problem in the organization.  I’ve learned over these months, I can’t trust any one of them so I keep receipts for moments like this.

ask the universe

Yep, I am praying and asking the Universe for PROTECTION from my own management and asking for direction in making this decision.  Honestly, I feel like it’s time for me to call it a wrap in this job…but I am worried if it will be a career limiting decision to walk away from a high profile project at such a crucial time. I’m also worried about where would I go in the “company”.

I often wonder what folks think when they read my writings. Do you think I am nuts? Do you think I am stark raving out of my mind or full of bullshit? I suppose you could think any of those things.  I can tell you for sure… I am passionate, romantic and there is a good bit of tragedy behind my brown eyes.  I am not everyone’s cup of tea for sure…Right now, I’m just trying to control this work stress in the middle of the pandemic, completely alone in my apartment while trying not to spiral into a depression.  My life definitely feels like a Mad Girl’s Love Song.

Mad Girl Love Songs

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ In It Together

In it together

Happy Easter 🐰 Easter is not especially important to me. As a non-practicing Catholic, it’s just another Sunday. My relationship with God doesn’t require me to go to church. My relationship with God only requires me to talk to him, to trust in him and to have faith during difficult times. Easter is, however, important to my Mother. She enjoys having the family together. Since she is 80 years old, she now wonders if every holiday is her last so not being able to be with the entire family for Easter this year is challenging for her. I can’t do anything to change that this year; all I can do is talk to her and support her through this difficult time. I encourage everyone to stay connected to your loved ones during this hard time.

I’ve been teleworking for a month now. I am grateful to still be working. I am thankful for my beautiful ocean view but I really can’t wait to get back to normalcy. I don’t like teleworking full time. Yes, my commute is only 60 seconds and I wear my yoga clothes every day. Well, everyday except days have Zoom Video Meetings. I get dressed up & put on makeup on those days. Yes, I’ve been enjoying my ocean view all day while working but but work-wise – I’ve never been busier or under more pressure at any time of my career. This week has been especially bad.

ocean view

I am a Project Lead on a high profile project. I’ve been trying to move important efforts forward but slow responses is impeding my efforts at crucial times. I actually have to work through 6 layers of management to get things done and every one of them tries to “manage” something they don’t understand completely. It’s a huge problem. I can’t really say anything without potentially making a career limiting decision. I am just doing what I can do and trying my best to stop giving myself anxiety over it.

I had a zoom meeting with company wide Execs (internal stakeholders) earlier this week and let me tell you… They were grilling me🔥No joke, grilling me with my managers on the Video call with us🤣…”What is the problem? We can help you? Why is it taking so long?” 🤣 So, I chose to carefully share that the documents they were asking about are ready – have been ready…And, then I carefully explained my organization’s management review/approval cycle. And, that’s when they knew… It wasn’t easy but I managed to give them enough information so they could see I was moving things forward but it’s all stuck outside of my control.   Well, that led to an urgent action to turn something around by close of business Friday.  No one in management could do it so,  yep, I  worked all Wednesday night… I was absolutely disgusted on Thursday morning during our telecom with them that I almost cried. My direct supervisor actually called me and apologized. He told me he informed folks above him he was not giving me any more actions until further notice – in other words… find someone else☺️For clarity, my direct supervisor and I area in complete alignment – it’s above him where things get squirrelly.  The company wide Execs (internal stakeholders) now want to meet with me directly bi-weekly.

This job has been nothing but drama this week… Honestly, it’s been nothing but pressure and drama since I started it in August. Let me say this with absolute sincerity, if the right opportunity came along and I could leave my current position to do something lower profile – I would be totally up for it.   I don’t hate this job – but it’s at the point of diminishing returns. I am not going to rush into anything but I am now going to open myself up to accepting a new opportunity.  I shouldn’t be crying during telecoms from stress and pressure created by my own leadership. At 3:30pm on Thursday, I put an Out Of Office Reply on my email until 6:00am on Monday. It’s funny because New Jersey is still under a Stay At Home Order. It’s not like I am going anywhere. I just wanted to be sure folks knew I am off of the clock – don’t call me.

out of office meme

Early Friday I masked up and went to a small local grocery store. I did laundry, worked on my balcony garden, cleaned, listened to music and actually had a rather nice and relaxing day. Below are some updated photos of the garden and micro greens I am growing. The greens are just about ready to eat 🤣

balcony garden
micro greens

The Corona Virus experience has really put things into perspective for me. Life is fragile.  If this is it, can I say I am fulfilled and happy in my life?  I can’t answer yes to either of those with complete honesty.  As far as my job goes, I am “hanging in there”.  That’s not happiness or fulfillment. God didn’t intend me to live a life the I am “hanging in there”. Working a job that that require me to take Xanax every night at bedtime is not the way God intended my life to be.  Thankfully, I had the courage to leave all unhealthy relationship behind a few years ago.  My relationships and connections are healthy, happy and balanced!  Do I wish I saw certain people more than I do? Yes!  But, overall, things are in balance.

Has the Corona experience changed your perspective?

These Chocolate Easter Bunnies are a reminder to wear a face mask when out in public; protect yourself and others 😷 No one is immune to Corona Virus – no one!

Happy Easter

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic HealthCoaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ The New Reality

introverts

How y’all doin? Are you extroverts hanging in there? In the words of my former boss and great mystic, “You’ll be fine”🤣✌️

All joking aside…I think the way we survive this much time in isolation, quarantine and social distancing is to find something productive and positive to focus on when we feel anxiety. I encourage you to lean into the new reality and find this stillness as a catalyst of change.  Unfortunately, folks who are used to keeping themselves in constant motion to avoid their reality or so they don’t have to think about stuff probably are having a hard time with this hard STOP and down time. My advice is…Lean into the uncomfortableness you are feeling and learn that you don’t have to be “happy” all the time. Sometimes it’s ok to just “be”. Sometimes it’s ok to be sad.  I encourage you to let this experience bring you out the other side with a new awareness of yourself and the world around you. My 80 year old Mom said to me today, “I truly believe something this bad had to happen for people to wake the fuck up and change  the world.  Half the shit those folks worry about all day (money, status) it’s all bullshit” RIGHT ON MOM ✌️✊ What really matters are our connections to other people 💙💫Empathy and compassion are the new superpowers 💙 Stay connected to those who matter to you. Perhaps say a prayer for their safety while you are apart 💙✌️💫

If you need to move and shake off some of the stagnate energy, join me in “Club Quarantine” for pop up DJ dance sessions on Instagram Live at DNICE Instagram and Quest Love (of The Roots) Instagram. Each do pop up DJ sessions on line. DNICE Club Quarantine on Friday night had 19K people from 8:00pm EDT to 9:30pm EDT during his tribute to Bill Withers and tonight he was live at 7:00pm EDT with 62.3K people in the room. DNICE & QuestLove  post when they are going live on their Instagram pages and then you just click their profile photo to enter the live feed. It’s AWESOME. I danced in my living all through both sessions! Such a great way to burn off the heavy energy around us and connect with the rest of world in Club Quarantine 💙

Club Quarantine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve had some sinus/ear issues this week. I believe it’s from allergies. It’s been super windy every single day.  My head does NOT like windy weather. It’s a migraine trigger for me.. I don’t have any other symptoms so I don’t think I have Corona Virus. The heat in my condo was fixed, it’s finally not 90 degree in my living room anymore. I think the heat has been part of the problem too. It’s been drying me out. I am, however, keeping a distance and wearing a face mask when I grocery shop. I bought these masks on Etsy. Learning how to wear a mask without steaming up my glasses has been a challenge 🤣
face masks
Updates from last week, I haven’t decided what I am going to do with my balcony yet. The only decision I’ve made so far was to buy two new “relaxer” chairs that I can use on my balcony or maybe take to the beach in the meantime while I think about making a larger investment. I would really love a small outdoor loveseat with an ottoman but I have to think about storage during winter and I can’t buy it right now anyway because I can’t get it delivered.  Anyway, I lucked out while looking online for chairs. I found these super comfy chairs were on sale at Ace Hardware. I was able to order and pay online and then pick them up curbside at a local store. I paid only $35.00 for each because they were on sale and I have Ace Hardware Rewards Account so they were an extra $15.00 off for each. That’s a STEAL👍I can definitely hangout and listen to the ocean in these chairs. They are super comfy and recline all the way back✌️ I can also fold them up and put them under my bed during the winter. When you live in a condo, you always have to think about storage when you buy something 😉

Relaxer chairs

 

Honestly, I believe some form of social distancing is going to be with us for many months until there is a vaccine for Corona Virus. Round two in fall and winter could be worse.  I want to make my space super comfy for myself and so I can have close friends over to hang out on my balcony this summer inside of going out in crowded places.  Friends can bring their wine/beer while I drink coffee or an Orange Pellegrino 🍊 I also put a bench together for my plants or it could be extra seating. My herb plants are under the new bench in the photo below for protection from today’s wind.  I don’t want them inside. The Oregano is too fragrant.

If someone would have told me my Isolation hobby would become a potted garden for veggies and fruit along with growing micro greens and having a blueberry bush hanging out on my dining room table, I would have thought they were insane 🤣But, here we are… You can see my Drawf Blueberry bush is sprouting some leaves and my Kale Microgreens are having mixed results. The one on the far right is doing great. I can cut some next week to eat 😀🌱 I am waiting for a day that is not windy to go out on the balcony with the rest of my gardening supplies to plant Spinach, Kale and Lettuce seeds in 12″ pots.  It’s worth a shot ✌️🌱.  While I could wear the mask outside in the wind, it’s still a migraine trigger so I am going to wait.

Take care of yourself and don’t forget to meet me in Club Quarantine by clicking DNICE his profile photo on Instagram to shake some stress off 💃🏻
plants
gardening supplies
bench
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday – Isolationship 💙

isolationship

There is finally a word for what I’ve been doing for the last few years… I was in an isolationship a long time before it was mandatory 💙✌️🤣

As a natural introvert, social distancing  is what I do on weekends when I need downtime. It’s not a hardship for me. Years ago I used to drink wine and beer as a social lubricator to socialize and be a bit extroverted. Drinking is no longer an option for me and I’ve settled into my introverted lifestyle.

My focus the last few years has been on healing myself on a deep emotional level, making peace with painful experiences from my past and focusing my energy on maintaining contact with people with whom I have genuine connections.  When people have genuine connections, physical distance is irrelevant.  In this time of social distancing, I am still maintaining some form of contact whether it be phone,  text or  spiritual contact with those I love. I also pray for their safety each day.

intimacy

Since focusing on myself the last few years, I’ve experienced profound growth and healing. I’ve also learned coping skills. I have an anxiety disorder and I am also in some weird auto-immune flare up right now. I have muscle and joint pain which I was hoping would resolve with getting my Iron levels up but it hasn’t yet helped. Teleworking is blessing. I am still working full time but it also keeps me in my condo all day long. Getting up, getting dressed, putting on makeup and going to work not only takes my mind off some of the weird shit going on in my body, it also gives me a social outlet in a safe space. This requires me to be diligent in managing my thoughts and emotions. I’ve been strategizing ways for me adapt and refocus myself on other things while being stuck at home alone. As someone who has anxiety on a regular basis, this has been critical in helping me get through this pandemic while living alone and being about 60 miles from my family without using Xanax every day.

self care

My main home project during this time is my balcony. I am lucky to live in a beachfront condo with a balcony. It’s March so I am not out there much this time of year. You can see the chairs stacked in the corner which I find very uncomfortable. I am getting rid of them and may see if the local homeless shelter wants them for their gazebo area.
balcony

I never really thought about redoing my balcony area because I usually spend most of time at our community pool, on the beach or walking around town. I am not really sure what this summer will bring so I’ve decided to make this space cozy so I can hang out there, maybe work out there on nice days and enjoy the sound of the ocean and moonlight on the water at night💙 I really like the below patio set and I measured it. It looks comfortable and looks like it will fit on the balcony… I am still looking and haven’t committed to this but I like dark wicker but maybe nested ottomans would be better in the small space and I would prefer red cushions.  My biggest issues that one will deliver and put it together during COVID🤣 I am pretty handy and have tools 💁🏻‍♀️I just put together a task chair and a fan but do I really want to put together a whole patio set by myself?  UGH!  There is no rush to order just yet. I’ll wait a few weeks to see if what happens. I would rather pay someone to do it or have someone help me, than do it myself ✌️
patio set

I bought some plants to grow in pots on the balcony. You can see the herb starter plants below (1st photo below). I am going to repot them. I am also growing Kale micro greens from a kit that I bought on Amazon (2nd photo below). A local garden store, Lang’s,Garden, is actually open during the pandemic. I guess gardening supplies are essential🤣💚I order a Drawf Blueberry bush that can grow in a pot and is hardy during cold weather (3rd photo below). I love blueberries so I am going see if I can grow it on my balcony. I am also planting Kale and Spinach in pots too 💚🌱 You can see all of my supplies (4th photo below). In coming weeks, I will be planting and building a potted garden on my balcony. This also gives me something focus on and nurture during this time of uncertainty. herb starter plants
kale mircogreens
drawf blueberry bush
gardening supplies

How are you coping during this time of uncertainty? I hope you are well and finding something to believe in and love during this challenging time. I think we will all look back on 2020 and have a bit of post traumatic stress disorder 🤣✌️
2020
(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday ~ What’s Your Silver Lining

alice and dorothy
This past week has been a little like falling down the Rabbit Hole? Like WTF?, Right? This Corona Virus stuff is just surreal…

The Media is not over-hyping this and I know it for one reason. My niece works for Jefferson Health Systems which is a large network of hospitals in the Philly area. On Wednesday they decided to move all non medical employees to telework. She didn’t have a computer at home and she couldn’t take the one at work with her. She only had a cell phone and tablet at home. I didn’t want her to get laid off so I bought her a laptop and few accessories on Thursday online at Best Buy and she picked them up in Philly that afternoon.  She helps my Mom and she is very responsible kid.  I was happy to help her.  She took the laptop into work on Friday to have the software installed and already started teleworking this morning (Saturday).  She called me this afternoon when she got done work. She told me she got a work email that said, “THE ENTIRE HOSPITAL SYSTEM THROUGHOUT THE CITY WAS AT CAPACITY!” That’s scary.

As for myself, last week was my first full week of telework. It looks like I could be teleworking for a while. I am glad I am teleworking. It will at least keep me busy while I stay at home. It’s funny though. I normally get dressed up for work and put my face on every day. I like to look polished when I am at work. Since I’ve been teleworking, it’s been more like this tho… 🤣 Text before Zoom, Skype or FaceTiming because I won’t pick up without cleaning myself up a bit 🤣
11C6193B-CCF3-47A1-94EA-E719E66EFC67_1_201_a
I ordered myself a desk two weeks ago. It arrived last week but it arrived in two boxes and in two different colors of wood 🤣 I sent it back and got a refund. A guy who works in my building was going to help me put it together but he has a large family and is around a lot of people. He shouldn’t be in my condo until this thing over – just in case.  I have tools and I am handy but I don’t know if I am up to putting a whole desk together myself 🤣So, I am going to wait to order another desk.  In the meantime, my dining room table has become my office. I ordered a few things on Amazon to make it more comfortable but all in all it’s a nice set up and you can’t beat my view.
35BB6765-E7F2-4A8D-8E06-304086E9609C_1_201_a

I am not even gonna lie… this thing has my anxiety running a bit high. Today, Saturday, is my birthday. It’s weird… I am social distancing while also celebrating another day of living…I may order a gluten free pizza and chocolate cake to celebrate but I am trying to very hard to not stress eat during this mess. I’m also pacing/walking every day inside and have closed my Stand, Move and Exercise Rings on my Apple Watch everyday.

ED7CFE74-A85C-4F84-A699-4A5B9175C51E_1_201_a

The silver lining in this for me is that it reconnected me to why I moved into this condo in the first place… The full ocean view makes me happy 💙 Every window in my condo has an Oceanview because I am on a corner of the high rise. That’s my silver lining and that brings me comfort every day. What’s your silver lining?

sliver lining

(C) 2020 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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