Self Care Sunday ~ My WHY

Screen Shot 2019-10-11 at 7.21.20 PM

I had a super crazy busy stressful intense work week. By Wednesday, I could feel it taking a toll. In the afternoon walked out into the hallway break room to get a bottle of water before a meeting. When I got back to my desk, I realized I lost my phone. Since I have an Apple Watch, I can tell when my phone is within range of my watch. When I got to the break room, I could see it was near by. So I pinged it. There was a guy I didn’t know standing on the other side of room. We were both confused because we could both hear it but not see it. Then he leaned over and put his ear close to the trash can and said, “OMG, it’s in here! You threw out your iPhone!”🤣As I pulled it out of the trash he said, “Man, I don’t think I even want to know what’s going on in your world today. You threw out your iPhone and didn’t even know it! ” 🤣 Yep, I threw out a $600 iPhone and didn’t even realize it; that is how preoccupied I was with this damn job.

i-am-wonder-woman-i-wonder-where-i-left-my-16014034
After spending a whole week working very closely with my Director to give presentations to her bosses and external stakeholders, she said to me on Thursday, “Every aspect of this is hard and complicated. We just have to remember the good you are doing for the industry in the long run!”😄 It was in that moment I remembered my professional “WHY”. The reason I took the job in the first place is that ten years down the road I will be able to look back at this time and say I played a role in changing the workforce in my industry. The new programs I am working to establish will develop and change workforce in my industry for the future. I am starting it. I’ve said since day one, I only want to make a meaningful contribution. I want to make a difference. God gave me what I asked for but he never said it would be easy 🤣 He also didn’t tell me I would throw away a $600 iPhone because I was so preoccupied by the damn job but he certainly gave me what I asked for. He gave me a way to make real difference not only in my organization, not just in my “company” but in the whole damn industry. God is good.

While the situation with the phone was funny and my coworkers were cracking up, the truth is…it worried me that I did it. It’s not the first time I’ve been so preoccupied that I did something stupid since starting this job. It was a wake up call for me. I need find a new way to manage the pressure and responsibilities of this job with some self awareness. I realized by late Thursday afternoon I needed a full and complete STOP. My schedule worked out that it gave me a four day weekend. After going through my emails and tasks, guess what, everything can wait four days. I am taking a break and completely disconnecting. Friday is my errand, shopping day. I spent today, Saturday, in Philly with my Mom and family.  My niece brought her pitbull over for a visit.  He’s ‘s 65lbs and sitting on my lap. I was covered in dog hair when I left.  I will most likely sleep in on Sunday and not sure after that. I would like to go hiking if the weather is cooperative and Monday I am hoping to have lunch with friends. If I am going to thrive in the next crazy year and maintain holistic wellness and balance, I am going to need to find chunks of time like this weekend to completely disconnect from work and focus on the other aspects of my life.  My job isn’t going to love and care for my body and my soul; that’s my job.

love job

One part of me wants to surrender and go back to an easy job.  That is my ego…My ego is being stripped down in this job because every day I have to swim a little harder, learn a little faster, make decisions without a lot of information and then go defend them 🤣 I am way outside of the comfort zone and operating on level higher than I ever imagined I would be operating when I accepted this job.  Thank God my brain is hardwired to be strategic and thank God I strengthened my intuition in recent years because so far, I’ve made good decisions. I also know my limit. I know when a decision is above me.  I am good about building relationships and I am inclusive. I look for the right folks to include or give counsel along the way. Seriously, I talk more in this job than I ever talked in any job. It’s exhausting🤣

One thing is for sure…the ego and emotions have no place in making strategic decisions that will affect my career in the long term. My ego wants to protect me. It wants me to keep doing what I am good at and what is easy with no room for failure but my soul knows I am where I am meant to be – success or failure – it will be my lesson. The key is for me to practice non-attachment to how I think it will play out and just do my best and let it unfold organically.  Whatever happens is for my highest good. Everything is always working out for my highest good even if it works out differently than I expected.

I also reconnected with personal WHY – GROWTH! I wanted potential for long term diversified growth opportunities in my future. I am in the right place for this now. Getting back to my WHY cleared up all the confusion and uncertainity I was having.

What’s your why

Every choice, every decision has a lesson in it. This one is teaching me patience. It’s also teaching me to TRUST to my intuition and use strategic thinking to evaluate choices instead of my ego. I can’t be reactive and emotional with this decision.

What’s You’re Why?  Have you reconnected with it recently?  Sit with yourself long enough to observe if your ego or emotions are driving your decisions. Can you practice non-attachment? Can you consider strategically aligning your choice with what you want in the future rather than reacting to the demands of your ego or attachments of your emotions? Seems to be working for me 😊✨  Ripped-paper-with-written-on-it-Whats-your-why--1024x683

I offer the below Loving Kindness Prayer for the Kurdish people in Syria and all American Armed Forces affected by the actions of POTUS.  He’s golfing while massacres are occurring.  He’s golfing while ISIS is being let free. He’s golfing while US forces are getting hit.  This scares me.  What will the retaliation be?  What demon has he unleashed into the world.  I hope he not only goes down but I hope every Republican supporting him and protecting him goes down with him.  Money and power should never come before human life.

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

DMCA.com Protection Status

Self Care Sunday ~ Rearview Mirror

rear view mirror
A few years ago, I started opening my awareness to see and accept that often we do not know why we had to have some experiences until years down the road. It’s often those experiences, those jobs, those people, those uncomfortable times of our lives that gave us key knowledge or insights that ultimately helped us grow.

I will say honestly my awareness started opening to the truth in my personal life in 2009. It wasn’t until a few years later that I truly embraced it and finally moving to my quiet apartment on the beach and separating myself from the noise in my personal life that finally gave me the space and room to embrace that I changed.

The same thing happened in my professional life but the key pivotal point in my career when Blue Love left for a new job. We were in the comfort zone and his decision took us both out of it. While the transition was difficult for me, I see now without that happening neither one of us would have grown into who we are today. For me, I used that time as an opportunity to look within myself. I used it to reevaluate my needs. I used the time to look at myself and I woke up spiritually. In doing so, I realized I was unfilled in just about every area of my life.

In addition to working full-time, I went back to school for a year to become a Board Certified Holistic Health Practitioner from May 2017 to May 2018. The weekly exercises and classes taught me skills to manage my holistic wellness and I learned how to take care of my holistic needs. Let me be clear. This course was for personal enrichment but doing it had a profound affect on my professional career too. It helped me see that I was professionally unfilled and I only enjoyed working where I was because Blue Love was there. Without him there, the environment wasn’t enriching and it eventually became toxic. The people, the talking, the cliques and drama. It was all too much. I couldn’t handle being in the middle of it anymore. That insight inspired me to pursue a temporary assignment which changed my whole career.
risk quote

While I was working in my temporary assignment for 15 months, I was removed from the drama, noise, cliques, gossip of the organization I worked for 10 years. In that silence, in that distance, I was able to find my own voice. I was able to embrace my strengths. I was able to let go of any previous versions of myself and be seen differently. When my temporary assignment ended, I did end up going back to my former organization briefly – but on different terms. I was protected by two managers and that gave me the freedom to give those managers my best contribution. They agreed to keep me buried, out of the limelight, and protected from the noise, and I helped them problem solve by using my innate strategic abilities. In the end, I chose to leave the organization permanently. I am still happy and grateful I had the opportunity to go back to that organization temporarily and help two friends. It was a rewarding experience and I made a meaningful contribution.

So, now I am in a new job. It’s the most challenging job I ever had. Stretching me until I almost break but I’ve learned in recent weeks – it is completely within my skillset. It was stressful for the first few weeks for a few reasons but mainly because they were already behind schedule; nothing was done before I got there. I had to start at zero. I walked into a fire. Also, I went from sitting in my cubicle in a peaceful corner of the building on telecoms all day to giving regular meetings briefings to VP and Director level folks. It’s like going from being a lower level project manager with little visibility to being on VP and Director level radar every day in one step…

I actually have two briefings to leadership this coming week. What the actually f**k? 🤣I am working on them this weekend to save myself from Monday chaos. All of these briefings are exhausting. I am thankful the manager who recruited me taught me how to do them. Since I am always slotted for 30 minutes – I prepare 6-10 slides max with no backup slides. My senior exec is a data driven engineer so I give her data on each slide to chew on. She likes it. And the part I am good at – I tell a good story – I prepare the narrative (messaging) that goes with the slide packet in advance; no free-styling in the room 🤣 Lastly, give my GM & Director an opportunity to comment in advance to obtain support before going in – which means think & plan ahead. 🙄Blue Love says these leadership briefings will keep me charged 🤣 Maybe…it does seem like it’s preparing me for something in the future. I guess I will be able to see that clearly in the rearview mirror. But, jeez, couldn’t they let me ramp up and catch my breathe before being thrown into the Shark Tank right from my 9th day? 🤣

Something kicked in the last few weeks. I realized this job is really going to be about risk management, communications and managing stakeholders. If I can be disciplined to assess risks and impacts early and often, work with leadership to figure out mitigations, I will be able to manage the chaos without getting completely overwhelmed by stress. I am utilizing the risk management experience I gained a few years every day. I’ll be riding this roller coaster job for at least for another ten months until I can potential bid out at my current level. Hopefully, everything starts falling into place and I’ll stay until I am eligible to retire in eight years but only time will tell with job. The problem with this job is…since starting it, I am exhausted on the weekends from the level of effort that is required of me all week. I’m not enjoying my life. I am out of balance because I am so darn tired by the time the weekend comes…And, I’ve had a migraine since Thursday night most likely from clenching my jaw. I am not comfortable with how this is affecting my holistic health.

I will confess part of me wishes I was never recruited for this job. I really don’t need nor really enjoy being in the limelight. I am actually quite ok playing a support role to a leader rather than being the star. That’s why I so enjoyed Blue Love. I would still enjoy doing that for him. Being this visible is uncomfortable… I am adapting but it’s taking a lot of energy and interfering with the rest of my life. Other folks see the level of effort that is needed…A GM involved said to me yesterday, “You are the right person for this job because someone will tell you NO ten times yet somewhere in there you hear YES. You figure out a way to get it done and get to YES when most would give up. The job is challenging and complicated; it needs your strategic abilities and tenacity!” I suspect he’s right but is he saying I am pushy? Because I’ve been trying to not be so pushy. Lol 🙂
1104184623-quote-Henry-Wadsworth-Longfellow-perseverance-is-a-great-element-of-success-51580

This brings me back to Blue Love. He put the ball into motion for both of us back in 2016 when he accepted a new job which took him away from me. Because he did that, we both had an opportunity to grow and stretch. It gave us both freedom to find our own authentic voice. It gave me a whole new career path and it lead him to another new job as a Senior Executive for another company. I could not be more proud of him or grateful to him. There is no doubt in my mind that he and I were always meant to find each other, help other grow, learn from each other and love each other. Our connection is truly unbreakable and for our highest good 💙✨

Often times we can’t see how everything always works out for our highest good until we have an opportunity to look at it in the rearview mirror. With reflection, we can see how things fell into the place perfectly or how things falling apart led to growth and change. Courage is needed to look at ourselves. Fortitude is needed during difficult times and a good bit of guts is needed to take a risk on love, on your future and on yourself.

On the another related topic, I got a call this week about a family member being emotionally unstable again. In the past, I would jump into action and try to help them through it emotionally. I would help them work through their problems to find a solution. This time, I am choosing to not engage. It’s not because I don’t love them or care about them. It’s because they have to learn to adapt and save themselves. They have to learn how to navigate through problems and stand on their own. I won’t be here forever. They have to wrestle their demons on their own and gain strength by doing it. Honestly, I’ve been through a lot in my life. I am a survivor. Loss has broken my heart. People have disappointment and hurt me emotionally and physically. And somehow, today, at 52 year old, I still believe in people and still believe in love. I saved my own soul. My salvation was in the strength that I gained by struggling and overcoming adversity. I learned coping skills to get through tough times. I will not take that type of growth opportunity away from anyone else by making things easy for them anymore. They have to learn to fight for their own soul and I will have to learn to live their choice – if they don’t.

On a musical note, if you don’t already have Lenny Kravitz “Essentials” or “Greatest Hits” in your collection, you can download it with this link in Apple Music. I’ve loved Lenny for a long time 💙He’s cool 😂And I love his soulful rock.

Let love rule 💙


(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search
DMCA.com Protection Status

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Self Care Sunday ~ Wait, What?

img_2217It’s Saturday morning and I am tired – actually, I am mentally and physically exhausted from this week. It wasn’t a bad week. It was just hectic and I’ve been using maximum brain power in this new job. It’s exhausting 🤣 I am learning to bend with the wind instead of letting myself feel the pressure.  I am focusing this weekend on rest and my physical self care. I am listening to my body’s need to slow down. I am honoring my brain’s need for a little break from thinking so much 😄

I spent the first half of my work week leading a work group tasked with coming up with two different schedule scenarios for execs. My work group developed an aggressive schedule (high risk and shorter) and we developed a realistic schedule (average risk and longer). We also crafted a narrative around both approaches. Since I used to be a Risk Manager, I messaged both schedules to my senior exec in terms of managing risk. I offered her decision points along the way in each schedule so she and her leadership team can make decisions on how much risk they want to assume organizationally over the next 15 months. Guess what? She liked the approach but something unexpected happened…Since my program is high profile internally and has many high profile external stakeholders, she thought the best way to manage the risk in the schedule was for me to meet with her and her leadership team bi-weekly for 30 minutes over the next 15 months! Wait, what? LOL 🤣Crap! 🤣 It’s also preferred I meet with them in person at least one time each month; the other time can be a telecom which if fine but, in general, I was like — 🤣
resized_grandma-finds-the-internet-meme-generator-wait-wtf-did-you-just-say-cad194

On another note, I did get a bit of a reprieve because I also found out my funding, while it is now cut in half, is coming in categorized as “development” which offers more flexibility and time. We also can’t kick anything off until after November 21st too. So, yes! I have some breathing room which is another reason I am taking the weekend to rest my brain a bit and not think about anything hard. LOL 🙂 Another surprise – they offered to pay for me to get a Grants Management Certificate with the intention of me possibly becoming a Grants Officer as one mitigation for some down stream schedule risk. The good thing about this is that I can take the classes during work hours, but again. Wait, what? LOL 🙂 This is why my brain hurts and needs rest this weekend. Jeez, this job has been one crazy trip! It’s not a four alarm fire anymore. It’s more like a roller coaster ride now… Do you remember how much I hate roller coasters? Lol 🙂 CRAP! Well, at least, it’s not boring…

will-be-fun-rollercoaster-meme-e1550995143154
Two weeks ago, I was so stressed out by this job, I was ready to walk away. It really was too much. It seems like my former boss was right, I needed to give it more time. I needed to wait it out and see if things calm down. It has settled down a bit and I have adjusted to this new level of responsibility. I am thankful today for my former bosses who mentored me instead of offering a job. I do truly believe I am where I am meant to be. I just got scared for a while because it was a fire when I first got here. I was coming home everyday crying. Now, I see my leadership is trying to put structure in place around me so I am supported. I am thankful for that.

screen-shot-2019-09-24-at-6.34.55-pm.png

Switching gears, I’ve been watching the Impeachment Inquiry unfold. Holy smokes! After two years waiting for Mueller, it is amazing one whistleblower was capable for shaking this much loose. It’s been interesting to watch. Well, we will see who drops next. Rudy Colludy is a gem. He’s so outrageous that he’s giving everyone up the more he talks. Keep showing those text messages on national TV, Rudy! Wait, is the Rudy the Whistleblower outing Trump? Lol 🙂

Yep, so that’s it for this weekend. I am sleeping, resting, watching Impeachment stuff on TV, enjoying the short respite and that’s about it.

ICYMI: I posted a poem on Friday, The Unarmed Truth. It’s about love, living in truth, soul mates.

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search
DMCA.com Protection Status

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Self Care Sunday ~ Listen to Bob

The craziness of the my first seven weeks in a new job are starting to settle down. I gave a presentation to a senior executive earlier in the week. She was out of the office but still wanted to talk to me so I had to do it over the phone instead of in person. It went very well and it seems to have gotten the fire I walked into under control. I was getting IMs from manager saying that “I was KILLING IT” as I was speaking. I am sure they were all glad I was “KILLING IT” because it’s been their butts our leader has been lighting up for the seven weeks – not mine🔥 I am too new 🤣  It feels like I passed a stress test this week and things will temporarily level out for a bit… Folks told me it was a good sign she didn’t ask me to brief her weekly. Apparently, if she asks you to brief her weekly for 15 or 30 minutes, you are in hot water 🤣🔥I know how she rolls. She won’t let the pressure off for very long but I will certainly enjoy this temporary release.

On another work topic, I am thinking about proposing another student competition. This time geared towards engineering and coding – A Coding Competition. We give a hypothetical scenario & they compete to fix it or build it. The winner gets an mentoring, internship, job, etc…😊By doing it we get to see their skills & engage them in the industry & gives them street cred with coders. My problems are…the red tape at my work will make getting this approved complicated – doable but complicated. Also, my current program is running two high profile stand-up initiatives simultaneously that need to come in close to “on schedule” – I doubt I’ll get approval to host this kind of challenge now.  We are in the process of hiring dedicated staff but I don’t have them yet. It is Workforce Development but not technically in my scope or my current area of focus – maybe I’ll hand the idea off to someone🤔

I would like to change gears… I’ve been writing a lot of career stuff in the last few Self Care Sunday posts. Today, I want to focus my energies on relationships. I am a relationship builder. I prefer one to one connections. I am not really comfortable engaging in large groups. I like to connect with people personally with eye contact. I like to understand who they are, what motivates them, how they tick. I like talking one to one people because I like to take the time look into their eyes to see their soul and hear what they can’t or aren’t saying in words.

fullsizeoutput_5c0

Well, I guess a dam broke in my relationships this week too because I found myself expressing my feelings of “missing” instead of holding back. It was so strange. I felt the words and emotions ready to burst out of my chest into the air all last weekend into Monday morning. I couldn’t focus because I was so called to express my feelings. I wanted to give my feelings life, energy and a voice. My Throat and Heart Chakras we’re getting jammed up holding it back. It had to be released so I could align my Chakras⭐️ All I am going to say is…I am so thankful I did it. It was such a wonderful release to express it to him and to feel the genuineness of our connection light up my heart 💙🔥 I felt aligned after doing it 😊

fullsizeoutput_5be

I drove my 80 year old Mother all over Northeast Philly doing her errands today. She was wearing five shades of bright hot pink with grey sneakers – nothing matched😂I said, “What’s with the get-up? Why not white sneaks with clashing pinks?”😂She said, “I am old. I can wear whatever I want and sneakers don’t have to match the outfit…Let’s go!” 😂 It reminded me of “Warning” by Jenny Joseph. I first read “Warning” when I was in my 20s. My Mother has apparently embraced the philosophy😂 I’d like to think I’m to stylish to do it but who knows what will happen when I am old and wear five shades of hot pink with grey sneakers 😂

Warning by Jenny Joseph

Warning by Jenny Joseph

Have any dams broke in your life recently or did you finally say IDGAF? Did you get over a hurdle? Remember that – Some things are meant to be. Some things are meant to be yours. Some people are meant to be in your life. Love is meant to be yours. And, yes, sometimes we need to trust our intuition and follow the call of the voice within rather than using the logic of the mind. Trust me when I tell you, our minds will f**k us over every chance it gets with over thinking simple shit. Our minds will tie us into knots of expectation and guilt.

Our spirit and our heart, on the other hand, will always try to set us free – we just have to answer the call. Have you answered the call of your spirit or listened to your heart recently? As for me, I’m listening to Bob. I am loving someone – I got my eye on sexy ass Blue Love – GRRR! 🤣💙🦋✌️😘🔥

Joey Tribbiani Flirt GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search
DMCA.com Protection Status

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Self Care Sunday – Don’t Give Up

change-is-painful-verse
Did you ever get exactly what you wanted and realized that it’s not what you thought it would be? Did you ever make a big decision and take a leap only to find yourself in more uncertainty than you were before you made the decision?
img_1145
I think I am beginning to see this discomfort is part of the process of changing to into a new version of myself. Major shifts in our lives require us to change, grow, surrender and perhaps let go of who we think we are and discover who we are meant to be in the future.

I transitioned into a new job six weeks ago. Truly it could be my dream job. It could be the job the Universe has been grooming me to step into for the last 15 years of my life. I can see everything I’ve done over these years being steps needed for this job today. As great and idealist as that sounds, it hasn’t been without drama. Seriously, these folks somehow managed to f**k up my dream job by making it so complicated. It’s been a really rough start; so rough – I considered walking away because I just can’t be this stressed out and anxious every day.

Frustration, fear, uncertainty and woman inside of me that likes to tell people to f**k off rose up in me in the last week. I reached out to my former bosses to explore returning to my old organization. I met with two of my former bosses on Thursday afternoon. Instead of getting a new job offer, they tagged team mentored me. They also offered to continue mentoring me. By the end of the meeting we agreed, I am not done with my dream job yet. I need to keep trying. They told me if I am still stressed out and if my health starts to be affected after two more months, they will offer me a job but for now they will not let me walk away from my dream job. They think I will regret walking away; it’s too soon.
Screen Shot 2019-09-14 at 8.16.11 AM

Concurrently to meeting with my former bosses, I decided I just didn’t give a f**k and sent a note to a leader about the challenges/roadblocks I am hitting standing up the program. I found out Friday morning she interceded on my behalf. Soooo, I here I go again. I am briefing directors on Monday morning on the challenges and asking them for help. I am then having a meeting with the senior leader on Thursday to update her on the plan to move forward. It’s really exhausting but if I can get some roadblocks lifted, I may actually be able to move this forward and have some breathing room. Somehow I managed to professionally throw folks under the bus — but let me tell you this. This program would not move forward if I didn’t do it. Period! Gotta do what you gotta do! It’s my responsibility and I am not going down on this ship.

Let’s also remember, I now have a level of responsibility and accountability I’ve never had before. Being this exposed is new to me. Standing up a program this “BIG” is a huge task and I AM the leader. HOLY CRAP! Yep, I woke up to find myself getting exactly what I asked the Universe for yet was unprepared to get it. I am not really sure how I thought it was going to be but it’s definitely different than I thought it would be. That’s ok. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s not what I am meant to do. I created a false narrative and glorified it my head. How could it ever live up that expectation?

The reality is I could have a huge impact on the future of our company and industry in this position. I could give folks opportunities to do work they would not receive otherwise. I could change lives. It’s everything I asked for and wanted. Yes, I found my purpose and a passion but it came wrapped in drama and fear. Most importantly, I have to change for this next chapter of my career. As I wrap my head around this, I am starting to settle into this new me. I have no idea what’s going to happen as I move forward with this but I am not giving up on my dream job just yet.

I woke up with a headache right between my eyes which I am thinking is allergies – it’s ragweed season or it could be that my jaw has been clenched for a week. I have my own health issues, an 80 year old mother who lived an hour and half away from me who needs more help and my family who think I should be up there more on the weekends. But everything is fine – really 😂

Have you made a big change in your life recently and found yourself saying “Dear Universe, What the f**k now?” Believe me, I know the feeling. Take an opportunity to tune into your inner wisdom. Perhaps talk to a trust friend or mentor. Don’t be afraid to explore different paths. Let go of expectations because nothing ever lives up to our high expectations and illusions. Work towards adjusting to your new reality and find a new path forward. Most of all, have the courage to let go of what no longer serves you. You were brought to this very moment in your life for a reason so trust that everything is always working out for your highest good.

This seems like a good song for today!

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search
DMCA.com Protection Status

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Self Care Sunday ~ Uncertain Times

fullsizeoutput_571
It’s 10:00am on Saturday morning. I am still in my nighty, robe & fuzzy slippers. I am sipping my second cup of coffee in deep thought about life and this crazy job I’ve been in for five weeks now.

During challenging or uncertain times I find it comforting to remember what is meant for me will never miss me and what misses me was not meant for me. It’s comforting to me because it reminds that every experience, good or bad, has a purpose in our lives. It’s up to us to dig within ourselves through introspection to find the meaning or purpose and then use that knowledge to change, grow and adjust.

I’ve been in this new job for five weeks. As far as jobs go, it’s a four alarm fire and I am not even joking when I say that. It has wide political implications and it’s on our industry’s radar. I got my first “inquiry” from the folks who give us money this week 😳 I heard I should expect a lot of them. The external pressure is going to grow as the year goes on. Fortunately for me I’ve only been here five weeks so none of the heat is hitting me right now. My leaders know I am the one trying to put out the fire while navigating political landmines. The reality is the strategic planning and stakeholder engagement work that is needed to stand up this type of program with this type of reach should have been done three to six months ago. They should have secured support and buy-in from their high level counterparts long before I got here. They should have already done a Market Survey or a Public Meeting around the early part of the summer to collect the data I am trying to collect now. Someone dropped this ball on this and they dropped it hard…Now, the problem is valuable time was lost in the schedule so leaders are trying to execute without a solid foundation or stakeholder buy-ins. It’s a hot mess.  I’ve been saying this since the day I got here. They haven’t wanted to hear it and thought I didn’t know what I was doing at first🤣  The good news is legal, contracts and the experts all agree with my assessment and legal in conjunction with contracts has put a stop to things while it’s sorted out which gives me breathing room. I think someone could seriously take a hit on this.  That’s not me being dramatic; it’s me knowing who the external stakeholders are.  It won’t be me who takes the hit.  Staff members at my level rarely bare the burden but trust me the big wigs are strategizing to not catch the blame or own the risk. Some have called it “dog eat dog”; I think it is more like the “Hunger Games” 🤣Seriously, the drama in my last job had nothing on this…🤣🤣

So, how does one work in a situation this volatile? It hasn’t been easy. It’s been one fire drill after another. In a sense, I am a firefighter without water.  Believe me when I tell you, the biggest explosion could still come from external stakeholders unless someone is really good at playing the game. Right now, I am observing how leaders work the politics around this and hoping to learn something from them.

odds

The good news for me is that I’ve received excellent feedback from everyone I’ve work with and they respect my ability to be professional and level headed in difficult situations. That’s the “Relator – or Relationship Builder” in me. But I don’t trust any of them… Not one! It’s just words and bullshit to get me stay. My protection is that I only started five weeks ago and I’ve intentionally demonstrated in multiple briefings that the schedule was blown three months ago. Remember, according to strengthfinders.com, strategic is my #1 strength 🤣 For now, I am just putting my head down and staying focus on my strategic planning and start up action items. It’s the only way to get through the day and stay out of the drama. I’ve also been in contact with my former bosses to pursue other career options just in case it becomes too uncomfortable. I do find comfort in knowing the experts back me up and I’ve already earned the complete support of the my team in just these five short weeks. That either demonstrates that my assessment from day one was right all along or that I have strong leadership abilities. Perhaps it’s both. I would say the style of leadership I try to emulate is “Servant Leadership”.

SERVANT_LEADERSHIP

What I’ve learned about myself in these five weeks is interesting. I’ve learned that I can lead a diverse team on a complicated task. I’ve learned that I can effectively control meetings to stay on topic and keep the meeting productive. I’ve learned I am good at delivering unpleasant information to leaders 🤣This is truly a skill…No joke ✌️ I’ve learned I am intellectually capable of this job. I’ve learned I have the skills and ability to operate at this level. Honestly, I still say the role of a “Senior Advisor” to a leader or leadership team is the right type of role for me and I would be totally up for that type of role instead of this hot mess 🤣 Hmm, wonder if my former GM needs a Senior Advisor with my unique skill set? The most enlightening thing I’ve learned about myself in these five weeks is that I am now better at managing my holistic wellness than I used to be💙I’ve learned that I really don’t give a f**k if I stay in this job. Most importantly, I’ve learned this decision will really come down to me listening to my body and honoring my body’s needs. I am not the same person I used to be. My body is not as strong as it used to be. I need to be focused on protecting my long term health rather than meeting a milestone for someone who doesn’t give a f**k if I get sick in the process. They will replace me with someone who is willing to sacrifice themselves for the mission in short order.  Trust me, they won’t visit me in the hospital if I am down for the count as a result of pushing myself beyond my body’s limits. So, that is where I am right now. Stuck in uncertain times for sure!

uncertainity-1.jpg

The reason I took this job in the first place is because I could see ten years down the road in it. Ten years down the road I can say I was part of the team who stood this up and I was part of the team that had an impact on the workforce of our industry for years to come. If I can ride out this rough start up and if my leadership can find a way to protect me from the drama, we may be able to work it out. As of today, I just don’t know how to read the situation. I will say – I welcome the Universe to deliver a new opportunity to me that meets my holistic needs. To complicate the situation even more, my GM, who recruited me for this job and who is a personal friend, accepted a job in another organization. She will be leaving in a few weeks. I’ve known this is coming… It’s a good choice for her. The truth is if she didn’t find an exit ramp, she could catch the blame even though it’s really the Exec who dropped the ball by not making a timely decision…By her making the move now, she will be protected if the shit really hits the fan. It does, however, complicate the situation for me. I’m telling you – it’s been non-stop drama everyday and that’s why I am not sure if I have the energy to ride this out even though the long term goal is something I believe in 🤣

success

I am heading to the White House Initiative on Historically Black Colleges & Universities conference in DC this Sunday to Tuesday afternoon.  I am staying at the hotel I like so I can give myself some space from the conference activities. That’s self care. I plan to visit Newseum when I get there tomorrow and then grab dinner somewhere. The President will be at the conference on Tuesday. I am not sure I will still be there when he arrives or speaks 😉

Self Care this week has complicated. I’ve learned a lot about myself and whatever happens with this crazy work situation is fine by me. I am not the same person I used to be.  I now know my holistic wellness and my long term health are more important than a lofty goal or making a name for myself in my career. When I look at the situation this way, perhaps, this all I was supposed to get from his experience…

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search
DMCA.com Protection Status

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

How Many F&*&S Do I Give? NONE

c307da5469974315fde530eaa1adb960

WARNING: If the word F**K offends you, you might not want to read this post. I’m in a f**k it mood; there’s gonna be a lot of F**ks in this post… Buckle Up!

So to be clear, I am living by the words of Erika Jayne’s song “How many F**ks” where she has these insightful lyrics… “How many f**ks do I give? How many f**ks do I give? None! Zero! Not One!” And let me add, not even a little one do I give as of today or actually as of last night to be exact…
Screen Shot 2019-08-31 at 12.18.24 PM

If you read my blog regularly, you read my last Self Care Sunday post where I discussed the four alarm fire I ended up jumping into with the new job I started on August 5th. Since stepping into the role, I’ve found nothing but f**cked up shit all over the place as I’ve tried to avoid one political landmine after another. Let’s be clear. I worked ten days in a row, through the weekend with putting 12 hours days in this last week. In just this week alone, I spent two whole days locked in a conference room with a team of experts crafting a schedule, plan and a implementation strategy. I did four briefings to executives in three days. They all know what I was saying was true and fact but it wasn’t exactly what everyone wanted to hear.  However, the experts completely backed up my assessment – 💯!

Here’s some truth – I can only deliver the facts with my best and worst case scenario, that doesn’t mean any of them have to like it. Truth is truth… They didn’t believe me because I am new in this role. I may be new in this role, but I am not new to project management! Well, they eventually got behind me because they knew it was fact. However…here’s where the explosion happened…our senior leader lost her mind in the schedule because it was clear that they took too long to make a decision and lost time that can’t be made up. Again, I can only deliver truth based upon historical experience, lesson learned and contracting legal requirements and timelines. I can’t make her like it or make the timeline fit what she already committed to before she understood the process to set up a new grant program. And, this is where I started to lose my f**ks with this situation…
Screen Shot 2019-08-31 at 12.39.45 PM

I was instructed to march towards the most aggressive highest risk schedule and “to make it happen”. In other words, own the risk…Um, girfriend – we got a problem because I am not owning your risk! For me to make it happen, I will be working seven day a week for the next year and many of the milestones on the critical path require actions from others that will be out of my control. Yep, we got a problem and it’s not me. I’ve been in the job four weeks. They needed to be working the early actions on this stand up activity three months ago to complete it by September 30, 2020. I get that her butt is on the line, but so is my mental and physical health. I will not put my holistic wellness on the line for this. Nope – not giving one f**k!

Screen Shot 2019-08-31 at 12.21.50 PM.png

Funny how God and Universe looks out for me. Just as I finished my third brief to directors in three days, I bumped into my former boss in the hallway. I was tired and you could see it. He asked me how I was making out. I told him the truth. His exact words were, “Linda, you don’t have to do that. I care about your health and this isn’t going to be good for you. You should not own that pressure. Give it some thought and reach out to me if you want explore options to come back. Come home.”😢

I was supposed to be off on Friday but ended up working three hours. After having a really open conversation with one of my current managers, she said she understood this is not what I signed out for and then she added, “Linda, I don’t think I am going to be able to offer you any protection from “her” on this. I’m not sure what’s going on. Think about that over the weekend and we will talk again on Tuesday.”  She was trying to tell me something without officially telling me it.  After spending an hour crying because I was so f**king stressed out and overwhelmed, I reached out to my former boss and told him I was ready to explore options to “come home”. He is going to put something together for me to consider. It was the first moment I felt like I could catch my breath in ten days.

The interesting thing about this is… I think my gut instinct has been telling me to get out of this for weeks. I talked with my Mom and my sister and both reminded me that my IBS flare up didn’t start until week I accepted the new job. They invited me to a meeting the day after I signed the paperwork and that’s when I got my first glance that there could be a problem with the schedule. Guess what, after I sent my former boss that text message on Friday morning, it’s weird, but I am no longer nauseous and the diarrhea stopped. My gut was sounding the red alert and I just thought it was an IBS flare up😜 So, you know what that means, I am out. One way or another, I am out and I DON’T GIVE A FUCK… Not one!  The sad thing is… this could have been my dream job. There is so much I love about this job but not under these circumstances. I can’t do it. I have some gut health issues and I see a specialist at Jeff in Philly every two months because I am high risk for stomach cancer. That’s my reality…That’s my priority…Living a whole year stressed out, would not be good for me.  I know this happened for some reason, I am just not sure what it is yet 🤣

Screen Shot 2019-08-31 at 12.19.08 PM

I will honor my obligation, be professional and work to best of abilities as long as I am in this role. However, it’s time to let go because it is no longer serving my highest good. Maturity happens when you reach a point of knowing a money, a promotion or a fancy title, isn’t worth your being stressed out and physically unhealthy. That’s when you know you woke the f**k up.

let go

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search
DMCA.com Protection Status

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Self Care Sunday – I am Proud Of My Mexican Roots

Frida Kahlo Art

Roots by Mexican Artist, Frida Kahlo. I love Frida’s work.

I am a descendant of an Mexican Immigrant. This post is Immigration story, my heritage. I am proud of it and I don’t really give a crap if I lose readers who have aligned themselves with hate by posting this story.

Margaurita Villa Reale was my great grandmother. She was Native American Mexican with her roots starting as Castillian Spanish from Iberia in the 1800s. John Long, my great grandfather, was Irish and a career Army Texas Ranger. John grew up Louisiana but was stationed in San Antonio, Texas on the boarder of Mexico. Marguarita and John married. When they married, they changed Marguarita’s name so she sounded American instead of Mexican. She is known as Maggie on all the Census records. My grandfather, their first child, was born in San Antonio. My grandfather’s name was Napolean, known as Nap by friends. John was later transferred to an Army base in Georgia; he and Margaurita had six more children after my grandfather.

Navy photos

My grandfather, in the middle, with his Navy buddies.

Nap ran away and tried to join the Army when he was 13 years old. His mother had to go pick him up. Nap later ran away again when he was 16 years old and joined the Navy. They kept him. Nap traveled the world on ships. I have posts and photos from his journey preserved in a photo album. Nap was stationed at the Philadelphia Navy Yard in the 1920s where he met my Grandmother, Anna, at the USO. They married and Anna moved with him to Norfolk, VA where my Father was born.

post card from Navy in 1920

Nap retired from the Navy with 30 years of service. He and Anna moved back to Philadelphia with their five children to be near Anna’s family. Nap’s second career was as a prison guard at Eastern State Penitentiary in the Fairmount Section of Philadelphia. Eastern State has been closed for years. It’s a museum and historic site now. Most famous for housing Al Capone. Since my family is considered Alumni at ESP, we were given a private tour a few years ago. It totally creeped all of us out. It’s tourist destination and during Halloween they do a hell of a haunted house in the prison. If you never been there, check it out if you are in Philly.

Nap passed away suddenly in his early 50s with a massive heart attack. My father died suddenly with a massive heart attack 20 years later when he was 41 years old. The first photo is an older Nap and the second photo is my dad when he was in early 20s.

n8gtPRyqRmiofSub1Qh5zQ

7EPNKVu%Sj+u85U7vPpx4Q.jpg

Margaurita and Nap had seven children. I do not know anyone from the extended family. However, my grandfather, their eldest child, had five children with 17 grandchildren and one son who died in the battle for Normandy Beach in France during WWII. My Aunt told me my grandfather wasn’t the same man after his son died in battle.

fullsizeoutput_5

I am the youngest of five children and the only one with dark features. My Aunt always told me I favored Margaurita. I am proud of that. Look at this photo, while not the best quality, I am sure you can see a little hispanic/latina in me. I am proud of my heritage ✊

d8bUmksvQ7CX0H6eT8N3rg

Yes, the current climate in the United States towards hispanic and latinos hurts my heart because of my heritage – distant but still in my roots. In the United States, we are all immigrants. We all have roots in other nations. Why are Western European White immigrants better than those from brown countries. It’s breaks my heart. While I don’t believe in open borders and do not Condon illegal immigration, I also do not support the hate speech rhetoric and policies of the GOP.

On another self care topic, I heard friends (Barbara & Ray) who moved to Florida were going to be at the Laguna Beach Bar in Brigantine this afternoon. My tummy hasn’t been feeling great lately but it does seem to be settling down so I went over to Laguna and surprised them 😄It was fun. I sat outside with them for a few hours and listened to music and drinking a Ginger Ale.  Here why it was so special.  Barbara and were extremely close friends.  We were Thelma and Louise for long time. Believe me, we got into A LOT of mischief together – usually with alcohol 🤣 We had falling out a few years back. Our lives were just going different directions. Barb and her husband moved to Florida two years ago.  Barbara and I never got a chance to reconnect before they left.  I work with a mutual friend who told me earlier this week they were home and would be at Laguna this afternoon if I wanted to see her.  I decided it was time to put the past behind us.  I drove over around 2pm and surprised them.  Well, it was a wonderful reunion. Barb and I could not stop hugging each other. We decided to just move on and not even talk about what happened in the past. We decided to leave the past in the past and just start a new phase of our relationship.  I cried at least once.  She was hugging me so tight while telling everyone “My Linda Love Me Long Time” is back in my life 🤣💙 It was a great afternoon 🥰 By the way, I haven’t been in Brigantine in a long time. I like it over them.  I could see myself living in a little house over there with a rescued pitbull 😉

Please help me shift the energy in our Nation from hate to love but joining me in the Loving Kindness prayer for all beings to end this hate speech and violence that has taken over the nation. If you feel you need to stop reading this blog because you disagree with me, go in peace ✌️I understand.

Metta Prayer
(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

NOTE ICYMI – My last post was a Blue Love Letter. Scroll down to read it 💙

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search
DMCA.com Protection Status

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Self Care Sunday ~ Fresh Start

fresh start

I have a fresh start on Monday. I start a new job. I finally close the door on one chapter of my life and move on to the next. While I’ve enjoyed my time working on my current team, it is beyond time for me to move on.

The new job has possibilities. I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen. Yes, it is a promotion. More than the money, I am excited about the possibilities of where it could take me and the growth opportunities it will offer me. It’s a fresh start.  Am I nervous? Heck yes. Anything new can be scary. It’s definitely going to stretch me and require a different version of Linda than I’ve been in recent months. I am good with that.

I am in an active flare-up of some chronic tummy issues. Most of the bloating and gas have passed and right now I am having some trouble getting the acid reflux symptoms to calm down. It’s going to take a few more days. It’s a flare. Flares come and then fade away. This one will fade away. But it has been a good reminder for me as I go into this new job that self care comes first; I must create and enforce proper boundaries for self care. Let the chips fall where they may. I am not really worried about continued career advancement as the next step would be management. I am not really interested in being a manager. Too much responsibility; dealing with other peoples problems all day and getting caught up in office politics really isn’t my thing. I am not interested in taking that on in my 50s. But, I do want to be the best Lead for my team that I can be. I want to practice good self care and also encourage the folks around me to do the same. This will affect positive change.

fullsizeoutput_4a1

It’s interesting. Whenever my tummy trouble flares up, I always retreat. Heck, I am introvert. I retreat most weekend but when I am sick I retreat into my bed. I withdrawal from interaction. I go within. I withdrew from my social life for a month to recharge and heal my body. It’s eight years later and I still haven’t completely reengaged 🤣

fullsizeoutput_48c

Some of the greatest opportunities of growth I’ve experienced have come during or after a flare up of health issues. This time I spend quiet and alone gives me space to process and think through new ideas around growth and spirituality. I also know how to take care of myself when a flare hits now…Up the medicine. Lite exercise to move things along in my bowel. Restrict the diet. Look through my food diary for triggers. Pray and mediate to keep myself calm and peaceful while I ride out the worst parts of it. Focus my attention on good things like writing this blog and reading inspiration posts on Instagram. Lol 🙂 Flares are temporary. As my best friend used to say to me whenever she had a bad day during her battle with Cancer, “this too shall pass”.

fullsizeoutput_4a2

Unfortunately, I canceled dinner with friends this week because I didn’t feel well. I can’t wait to reschedule it. They normally let me pick since I have the food issues. We always end up at Steve & Cookies which is a local upscale restaurant. I also like upscale steakhouses or any place I can get Salmon. My belly likes expensive restaurants and frowns on bar food. 🙂 I also cancelled a massage this week. It’s never good to get a massage when you are already sick. Massages can trigger a detox. I didn’t need to add any more population or toxic waste into my body 🙂

Today is Sunday. I woke up to a second mass shooting in less than 24 hours. Putting politics aside, I offer the Metta Prayer to all beings in the Universe. I hope the dark psychic force that has taken hold in the United States is over powered by love and peace.

Metta Prayer

ICYMI – I’ve been posting every day this week since I haven’t been working; scroll down to see all of my posts from this week. I am not sure I will have time to write the next few days so have a safe Sunday and great week.

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search
DMCA.com Protection Status

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Self Care is an act of surrender

surrenderToday is Friday and I’ve been off from work most of the week. I started an antibiotic for my Sinuses and Ears yesterday. I had to wait a couple of days for my tummy to settle down a bit before starting it. I think it’s already working because I am starting to cough stuff up. My plan for today is to just take it easy and let my body heal. I can’t do any more than I am doing. So, I just have to take care of myself and go for the ride.

The Engineers working on the brick outside of my unit are doing a water test this morning to see if any water gets in. They will be in my unit and on my balcony for a few hours this morning. I am glad they are doing it. My unit will be the first done and I will know for sure they are fixing the leak properly because we only get one shot at this. It’s a big expensive job. The Condo Association did an assessment to pay for it. My building currently has two assessment on top of regular condo fees and I heard there may be a third. This is why I would never buy in this building. It’s an old building that needs a lot of repairs.

A note about my Social Media presence. Self Care in the digital era has to include good hygiene and self care on Social Media. I deleted my Facebook account last year. I do not even miss it. Guess what? I could care less what my old grade school classmates are up to. I don’t give a crap what girls I went to high school with are doing now. Most of the stuff on Facebook is bullshit anyway. No one really posts truth. Facebook lacks authenticity and they are manipulating people, basically doing mind control with algorithms. If you don’t believe me, there are plenty of documentaries on PBS, Amazon, You Tube and Netflix to back me up. Here’s one:

I have an Instagram account because I like the pictures and I do find some inspirational stuff on there that I use for this blog. I recently made the account private/locked as I do not want to grow the account any further but if you’d like to follow it, the handle is @HighestGoodLife222

I like Twitter. I have a small Twitter account for writing and holistic wellness that is attached to this blog in the right side bar. I try to keep that account Vanilla and on topic. I am not actively trying to grow the account. I do have a larger political Twitter account under a fake name. It’s my rage against the Administration account. I am not trying to grow but it seems to be happening organically. The handle is @highestgoodlife

As I work my way through this flare up of physical issues, I will admit it’s given me an opportunity to reflect. I looked at my food diary and I must admit I was cheating ALOT. I’ve been physically active and doing good with my spiritual work but my food choices have not been good lately. The Low FODMAP Diet is the best lifestyle for my gut. I feel my best when I stick to it. It’s restrictive but I do normally feel good and avoid IBS flare-ups (bloating) when I stick to it. It’s funny because folks always tell people to eat raw veggies to be healthy but in my situation large quantities of raw veggies are undigestible and rot in my gut.

lowfodapposter_full

The truth is I was out of balance. This hard stop was going to happen eventually. It’s good it happened now before I start the new job when I had a week to surrender. I had a conversation this morning with my new team/boss. I already know what my focus will be next week and I am scheduled to go to DC on Thursday for my face to face 1:1 meetings. For now – I am resting and focusing on self care.

ICYMI – I’ve been posting every day this week since I haven’t been working; scroll down to see all of my posts from this week. I will post again on Saturday and my regular Self Care Sunday post.

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search
DMCA.com Protection Status

Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved