Self Care Sunday – Being A Balanced Introvert

Archangel Raphael

I’ve had a busy week. I had commitments every night after work which means no time to write. Today, which is Saturday, was the first day I was able to relax and daydream a bit.

day dream

I walked five miles this morning because my body always feels better when I move. I also enjoy walking around town and seeing what’s going on in the neighborhood. I love to walk because I feel lighter after I shake off the old stagnant stressful energy I often absorb from others during the week. Walking is cleansing for me.

After I walked five miles, I went my local coffee shop for an iced coffee. A group of multi-cultural kids around ten years old were at the table next to me playing Chess♟ It was really cool to watch young kids mixed nationalities, girls and boys, taking turns playing the winner at Chess. I don’t even know how to play Chess🤣 That’s why I love Ventnor Coffee in Ventnor, NJ. It’s a local coffee shop with eclectic people. It has a very warm small town vibe. Check it out if you are in town. After my iced coffee watching the Chess game, I spent most of the afternoon at pool reading magazines and listen to music.

I tend to lean towards being an Introvert. I could go days – seriously DAYS – without needing or wanting to speak to anyone. However, I do try to remember to call my 80 year old mother even when I am in hermit mode so I can be sure she is ok. But, I am completely comfortable in my own company. I enjoy solitude. Silence is beautiful…Shhh

INFJ

One of reasons I’ve become more introverted in recent years is that I hate small talk. Small talk feels like poking myself in the eye 🤣In recent years, I started honoring my need for authentic interactions instead of engaging in small talk. The truth is I would rather talk to fewer people and truly connect with someone on a deeper level than interact with more people on a surface level. Another reason I’ve become more introverted is that my intuition (my internal bullshit detector) has strengthened. I’ve learned to protect myself a bit from being to too empathetic with people. I am sensitive to the emotional well-being of others and sometimes it can be draining for me.  But the biggest reason I am more introverted these days is because I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I no longer need to fill the quiet moments with noise. I no longer need acceptance or validation from anyone. I am completely and authentically comfortable with who I am now. I don’t need noise to distract me anymore.

Yes, I am enjoy my alone time but too much alone time isn’t healthy for anyone. As part of my self care, I’ve been opening myself up to more social activities in recent weeks. I’ve been working to find the right balance of activities that afford me opportunities to socialize comfortably while also maintaining proper boundaries.

Speaking of socializing…I attended a friend’s husband’s funeral on Thursday. I went to the services and spent three hours with friends at the luncheon but I opted to come home after the luncheon instead of going back to my friend’s house. When she asked me why I wasn’t coming back to the house, I said, “Are you kidding? I’ve talked more today that I have in a week. My jaw hurts.” The other reason I left is…that group of friends are hard core Fox News Watching Republicans😳 Well, folks who read my blog know I am an immigrant loving liberal democrat✌️My great grandmother was an immigrant from Mexico; what’s happening at the USA/Mexico border to migrants is stressing me out and making me sick to my stomach. While most folks were well behaved on Thursday, I wanted to leave before they all got too drunk and started picking fights with me. I am trying to open myself up a bit and socialize more but it is also essential I take care of myself by honoring my need to withdraw once I’ve reached my social limit.

empaths

Other news from this week is…I am still waiting on the paperwork for my new job to finalize. While it’s all approved by Management, Human Resources had to revisit my Security Clearance for the new gig. That takes time. Hopefully, it should be done soon. On another note, I am looking forward to reconnecting with Blue Love in the future🥰 He is always in my thoughts. I 💙 his pretty blue eyes😍🔥

If you need Angelic Support this week, Archangel Raphael is a great healer 😇

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

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Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Self Care Sunday ~ Spontaneous Movement

swimmer

I wanted this Self Care Sunday post to be about movement and importance of exercise to the body, mind and spirit but I am having trouble writing. Some days the words just don’t flow smoothly. Today is one of those days.

I will start with it’s Saturday and I’ve been off from work for three days. I’ve been up early each day. I am active so I’ve walked four or five miles each day and swam each day too. While I’ve been invited to barbecues off-shore, I’ve had no interest in leaving the island for parties. I’ve socialized enough. As an introvert, I don’t really need a lot of social activity. It’s been a really nice weekend. While I’ve had a lot of exercise this weekend, I’ve also enjoyed just going with the flow and not having any obligations. It’s been nice not having a plan and just making spontaneous decisions.

spontaneous living

I will say I am now tired and have a bit of a sinus headache. I was up doing laundry at 5:00am. That’s an early start for a weekend. I was in the cafe up the street eating breakfast with a neighbor by 7:30am. I walked three miles before 9:00am and finished a 60 minutes water aerobics class by 11:30am. After water aerobics, I rested poolside for an hour but eventually ended up in my favorite local coffee shop, #ventnorcoffee, with my MacBook for Iced Coffee by 1:00pm. I got home around 3:00pm and a storm is rolling by as I type this blog. See the below photos from my living room window. The thunder and lightening just started on the beach. The first photo was taken just before the storm started.  The second photo was taken during the storm.

storm in ACNJ

during storm Acnj

I am tired but it’s a good kind of tired. It’s the kind of tired you feel after you worked out. It’s the kind of tired you feel after you had a busy day. It’s the kind of tired you feel after a whole day on the beach. It’s the kind of tired you feel after swimming all day. It’s the kind of tired you feel after moving your body. My body feels better when I move – so I move. I’ve had a lot of sun the last three days and I already have a great tan.

As of right now, I am planning Sunday to be a complete and total rest day. I am not planning to walk, swim or work out. I may end up lounging in my Chemise Set (nighty & robe) and fuzzy slippers all day if that is what my body calls me do. I guess I will see how I feel when I wake up.  Maybe check  back later on Sunday.  There’s a good chance I may write more tomorrow afternoon.

Midnight Red - C.M. Cooper

Midnight Red – C.M. Cooper

How are you taking care of yourself today? Does your body need movement or rest today? Do you like not having a plan and living spontaneous?

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good💙🦋

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Loving Kindness Prayer
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

Self Care Sunday ~ Break The Routine

break the routine

Trying new things is good. It’s good to break the routine and change things up.

I broke my routine this week by taking a couple of days off from work to just enjoy life. I am changing jobs in a few weeks and my current job has been a little chaotic. I needed a little time to relax before things change so I planned a four day weekend this weekend and next weekend. It gives me time to destress. A break from the work routine is always good for the mind and spirit. Living at the beach, I often forget to take time off and just enjoy where I live so I did that this weekend. That is good self care.

I broke my routine this week by jumping on a Greyhound to New York on Thursday. My original plan was to stay over but I decided I’d rather come back to the beach so it was only a day trip. I walked about 14K steps before getting in the bus line home. It was a nice break from reality. I enjoyed walking in different places and I liked being in the city. I also enjoyed the double decker Uptown Bus tour. It was all places I’ve been before but I love Central Park so it was nice to ride around town and enjoy the sites.

I broke my exercise routine this week.  I am a walker. I will walk miles and miles and sometimes even over do it and then my hip hurts. The building I live in has a gigantic pool. It’s the largest on the strip of islands I live on. The building offers a free Aquasize class every day at 10am. I started taking the Aquasize class this weekend and I really enjoyed it.It’s good because it’s a total body workout. I think I may have gotten too much sun and my muscles are a little sore from the workouts but overall I am enjoying it. I am also making friends with new people who live in the building and started playing Maj Jong with some of the women. I like Maj Jong it’s a very strategic game. I like the competition.

pool photo

My Saturday went like this…I slept in until 8:00am 😄I took a 1 hour aquasize class 🏊‍♀️ I walked four miles 🏃‍♀️I took a one hour break in the middle of the walk at my favorite local independently owned coffee shop and had an iced coffee #ventnorcoffee ☕️ I went food shopping 🍪 I wrote this blog ✏️By 5:00pm, it was time for a shower, a spaghetti strap nightie, robe and slippers with a movie and ice cream 🍨🤪This is why I can’t seem to stay up past 9:00pm on Saturdays😴 I often sleep through the Tropicana fireworks at 10:00pm on Saturday nights.I still can’t figure out why they had fireworks on Thursday night this week. It was weird.

———————–

When was the last time you broke your routine and tried something new? Consider trying something new this week. Explore a new place, eat a new food, try a new exercise, take some time off of work or perhaps just do absolute nothing instead of being chronically busy.

Break the routine! I breaking routine on this post by sneaking in a Blue Love Haiku at the bottom 🔥💙

break the routine

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Blue Love Haiku # 7

Self Care Sunday – Transformations

transformations

I was feeling called to write about transitions and transformations today and remembered the Butterfly Story (below).  I heard it for the first time almost 20 years ago. I remember I was going through a particularly rough transition and a friend thought the story would help me find some comfort. It was through this story I learned the value of the “struggle” during the transformation process. Please take a moment and read this beautiful story:

Butterfly StoryThe transformation process can straight up suck at times. It’s hard to go through the sticky and uncomfortable transitions that move us from one chapter of life to another. I remember years ago I would get stressed out and depressed during these difficult times. As I’ve matured and gained wisdom, I grown to understand sometimes the struggle, the sticky uncomfortableness, is just part of the transformation process. The struggle doesn’t last forever. At least, it’s not suppose to last forever.  From my experience, we can sometimes prolong our struggle when we are resisting the change, holding on too tight or too long or refusing to see the truth in some way.

Transformations

Transitions are exciting and scary. It’s exciting to think of a new beginning.  It’s scary to think of how life will change, what will be different and what we will let go as part of the process. I found the only way to get through the difficult transitions is to stay grounded in the awareness that I was brought to this moment for a reason. I’ve learned to keep myself grounded in knowing everything will work for my highest good and sometimes things aren’t going to work out quite the way I’ve been envisioning them.  I guess what I am trying to say is I’ve learned to let go and just trust that I will be ok in the end.

If you are going through a transition or a transformation process, please know you will be just fine. Everything will work out for your highest good, you will once again be happy but you may need to go through some crap before you get the other side. Ground yourself in knowing everything is always working out for your highest good and you will be just fine in the end.

As for myself, I remind myself to keep my hand open so I don’t hold on too tight; reminding myself that it is only by having open hands can I receive goodness and let love flow through me to others. The open hand is also an open heart. It symbolizes that I am open to receiving; I am open to all things that are good for me.

Are your hands open and ready receive all the goods things you deserve? If not, what can you let go so your hands are open and ready to grab hold of something good when it comes your way?

Since I am sharing some of my older poetry during the month of June, I am going to sneak one in on this  Self Care Sunday post. I wrote the below poem in 2013 during a difficult transition after I finally realized that letting go was the only way to move forward.

I Opened My Hand And Let Go
In opening
My hand
I let go
Of everything
I tried
To hold on to
Too tightly
Reminding myself
Where
I was
What
I overcame
Who
I am now
Changed
Forever
By the wave
That swept
Through my life
Innocently
It started
As a ripple
As one
Decision
Lead to another
And pulled
Me down
To the very
Bottom
Of my soul
To find
Authenticity
For the first time
Traveling down this
Rocky road
To peace
“Stop”
My mind
Shouted
“Go back”
My heart pounded
“This is too hard”
My body wept
“I can’t”
A small little voice
Deep within
Proclaimed
“I must”
Asserted
My soul
Not knowing
Exactly what
I was choosing
Only knowing
Life was forcing
Me to start over
I can’t remember
Consciously
Making the choice
I don’t remember
Saying
“Yes”
I can’t reflect
On the exact
Moment
It happened
It happened
Every day
With every
Choice
Letting go
One day
Holding on
The next
Having faith
Meaningful things
In my life
Will remain
Trusting what is
Rightfully mine
Will return
I opened
My hand
And let go
Finally
I see
The very best
Of me
For the
First time
I accept
I am powerful
Confidently
I stand
With tears
In my eyes
Because I
Finally
Set myself
Free
In knowing myself
I let go
By Trusting
Myself more
Than listening
To the advice
Of others
I finally found
My peace
Because
I let go
Of who
I was
And who
They wanted
Me to be
I timidly
Courageously
Started walking
My road
To peace
Through
The valley of
Of self-love
And
To the mountaintop
Of self-acceptance
I found
Happiness
Within
No longer
Needing
Validation or approval
From others
I pinned my
Happiness
To the beat of
My very own
Heart
Simply
Because
I opened
My hand
And let go

© 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC ~ All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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transformation quote

Self Care Sunday ~ The Long Game

images about change

This past week has somewhat been about repositioning myself for the Long Game.  

I started my book writing course on Monday.  This will be a huge project. I am not completely sure I am ready for it. That’s why this six month course is good because it gradually builds each week and is opening my awareness to different ways to approach it.  It helps to take one bite at a time and build up momentum.  I am a little ahead of some folks because I’ve been writing regularly for ten years.  For me, it will be more about focusing on having the discipline to write on specific topics and setting a schedule rather than being free form.  I think there is good a shot I will be going thorough old blogs to pull text and content as I move forward.  

Have you taken on any big projects lately? How are you managing it?  

To move forward with my book writing project, I had to change some stuff.  First, books are normally turned into publishers in Word Documents.  I’ve been using an Apple iPad Pro tablet with wireless keyboard for the last two years. It does not have Word. It is also difficult to update my website with the touch screen and the wireless keyboard constantly switches modes as I type.  I came to acceptance that I need an actual laptop with Microsoft Office but I am also an Apply Loyalist.  On Friday, I traded in my Apple iPad Pro for this pretty Rose Gold Apple MacBook Air 13″ with Microsoft Office. It’s an adjustment but it has a lot more functionality than I had with the iPad Pro. I was recently able to reduce my cell phone bill by $100/month so I felt comfortable financing the balance for 12 months rather than using my cash. Also, I need to conserve cash in case there is a government shutdown in October 🤣

MacBook Air Rose Gold

I will eventually start using my this website to discuss my book.  With this in mind, I decided I need to remove my personal politics from this website. If you read my blog regularly, you know I am Democrat. The current Administration is pushing me further left.  You also know I have my Twitter feed in the right side bar.  Since 2017, my Twitter account has been taken over by my rage at the current Administration and it doesn’t belong on this blog anymore. Removing it from this site will also protect me professionally – in my day job – just in case someone finds this site. I want this site to be focused on writing, leadership and holistic wellness. With that in mind, I set up another Twitter account to go with this blog; it will feature topics such as holistic wellness, leadership, self care, personal growth and spiritual awakening.  That twitter account is now in the right side bar.  If you want to follow my rage against the Administration Twitter account, you will need to do so on Twitter by following @HighestGoodLife.  

How are you positioning yourself for future?

On the Career front, I am in the running for three different promotions. One of them really interests me – dare I say, excites me.  I am not used to saying the word “excited” when talking about my career with this “company” but this particular opportunity is EXCITING.  I can’t really say the details yet but I did have a couple of meetings this week.  It’s looking highly likely it will happen but nothing is buttoned up yet. The hiring manager had to work on some logistics. Here a truth about me not everyone knows – I am all about the LONG GAME – meaning I am strategic. I am willing to take a set back, a loss and make sacrifices along the way to ultimately win in the long run. It seems taking a step back and letting things play out a bit worked out for my benefit in this situation.  Sometimes to win the BIG game, you have take small loses and setbacks as well as have the patience to let things play out in Divine Timing.   

Do you play the Long Game?  Can you be patient and trust that things will bloom in the future?

Long Game QUOTE

This week I had the opportunity to be brave and vulnerable with someone I care about.  I almost chickened out but after giving it a lot of thought and listening to my intuition, I knew it was the right thing to do – for both of us.  In the past, I would internalize my feelings and make myself sick. Even worse, I would do things that put me in potentially awkward/uncomfortable situations and I often ended up regretting it.  I won’t do it anymore – not even for him.  That’s not good self care. However, I care very much for him and it was important to me that he understood my “why”.  To ensure I was authentic with him, I had to be vulnerable and show him my truth.  There was no other way. If nothing else, he saw I will also be honest and truthful with him. That is authenticity.  It felt good be vulnerable with him and I do trust him with my vulnerability. I was proud of myself for having the courage to do it. I was also thankful for his understanding response.  I really am just trying to practice good self care and also honor him by protecting him and our wonderful “connection”. 

When was the last time you were vulnerable and showed your authentic self to someone you love?


memes about changes

Physically, I am having some challenges this week.  I’ve been so dang tired all week long.  My ears are constantly filled up – probably by allergies. I did go to the doc and he told me it’s not infection but told me to take Mucinex, Flonase and Sudafed until to breaks up.  It’s wearing me out.  I also have been cold and have had some muscle pains this week and I found out I still have a Vitamin D deficiency so I had to increase my daily intake to 5,000 for three months and get retested.  I am writing this on Saturday morning and will be planning to stay home all day in warm slippers, comfy clothes, a blanket, movies and with my new laptop all day.  I am not going anywhere today – even if it is a beach day. I just can’t do it today.  It’s all about rest and physical self care.  Sometime we have to adjust our lifestyle to take care of ourselves.

Are you willing adjust your lifestyle to be healthy and practice Self Care?

health meme

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved
img_0819

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Self Care Sunday – Finding Yourself is Remembering Yourself

Finding yourself quote

The intention of my Self Care Sunday posts is to shine a light on a path of self-discovery for the readers. I hope readers are inspired to reflect on the topics I discuss and use those reflections for self-exploration.

I believe self-exploration, self-knowledge, is the key to finding true inner peace, contentment and happiness.  I believe living in authenticity (truth) and being honest about your needs, wants and desires is a powerful change agent and can spark personal and spiritual growth. Self-Knowledge grounds us in our authentic personal power.

But how does anyone really understand their self and explore their own path to inner peace, contentment and happiness if they are always surrounded by “noise”? How can we tune into our inner wisdom if we are blinded by external expectations, duties, obligations and perhaps even a little afraid to change? So many of us walk around unfulfilled because we are living someone else’s truth or we are living in our past glory instead of embracing reality as it is today. Things change, people change, relationships change and so must we surrender to the truth and change. It’s been my experience, we keep ourselves busy, we stay in constant motion, so we don’t have time to look or feel the sticky uncomfortableness of our discontentment. Believe me I’ve been there. The below meme accurately depicts me trying to block out the truth in my life 😂 #NotTodayBitch

Not today bitch quote

In my experience, I only started to hear my own inner voice when I separated myself from the noise that surrounded me. It was in the quiet moments my intuition spoke to me. My inner voice started speaking so loud that I could no longer ignore it. I knew I had to change my life no matter how much it cost me. I was choosing to walk the path to happiness even it meant I lost everything or everyone in my life. I just couldn’t live like that anymore. I just didn’t give a crap anymore. I was going to be happy!

Once I let go, I could see I was walking around half alive but mostly unfulfilled everywhere; that was no way to go through life. Once I broke free I could clearly see that I was unfulfilled and unhappy because I let my duty and obligations to family, jobs and other relationships override my relationship with myself. I didn’t honor our own needs, wants and desires. Heck, I didn’t know what my needs, wants and desires were at that time. I had to give myself time and space to sit with the sticky discontentment in my life and listen to my soul’s guidance to figure it all out. I finally saw that I was living out of alignment with my truth most of life. I can tell you for sure no one has ever found fulfillment living out of alignment of their truth.

I since learned how to honor my needs, wants and desires. I’ve learned how to take care of myself holistically. I’ve learned I am a powerful creator but mostly I’ve learned who I truly am after I wipe off the mask I wear every day. I can honestly say I love and accept myself now. I am authentically Linda now and that level of self-awareness is true authentic personal power.

Authenticity quote

At this time, I encourage you to take some time to focus only on yourself. Not matter what anyone tells you, honoring your needs is not selfish. Folks my judge you; they may say you’ve changed. They won’t be able to manipulate you anymore once you see the truth. That’s good. You are allowed to change. I encourage you to fill your cup up first, then pour from your full cup to help others.

I give you permission to rest, heal, try new things and disconnect from the world if you need to for a while. I encourage you to set boundaries, distance yourself from unhealthy relationships, embrace new beginnings and ground yourself in self-knowledge. I say to you LOVE yourself as much as you love others. LOVE yourself unconditionally. Instead of finding yourself, I encourage you to remember who you were before duties, obligations and expectations told who to be.

Over the next few days, I’d like you to reflect upon these questions:

How can I love myself today? How can I honor my needs, wants and desires TODAY?

Then allow yourself the space to hear the answers from within. Let your authentic self speak to you in the quiet moments.  Tune into your inner wisdom.

All of your answers are within you!

I honor those of you who are brave enough to live authentically and allow yourself to see the truth in your life. I honor those of you who are courageously letting go of all you’ve known for most of your life to explore new paths to happiness.  I honor those, like me, who chose to answer the call to “wake up” to the truth in your life. I honor, celebrate and wish all of you brave individuals the ride of a lifetime as you reach for your highest good.

——-

As for what’s going on with me, I start a Book Writing course on Monday and I am still working through interview process for two different promotions at work. I will share that a potential 3rd option was presented to me on Thursday 😂👏👏It is so gigantic and exciting that I shouted “SHUT UP! O-M-G!” while talking to a GM on the phone. She was cracking up! Folks down the hall heard me and laughed. They had no idea why I was so excited – I can’t tell anyone the details yet – but trust me – if the 3rd option happens, it will be a dream come true for me. It will mean the seeds of a vision I planted last year while on a temporary assignment bloomed. Wish me luck because this would not only blow the other two opportunities out of the water but it will also make the decision process a heck of a lot easier for me. I should know for sure next week🤞The Universe is AMAZING! #Grateful

One last note about embracing change – I walked into the hair salon on Friday to get my greys and dark chocolate roots touched up but I unexpectedly walked out a GINGER 😂 I was told it suits my firey and passionate personality 🔥😂 I may delete the photo in a week or two to protect my privacy but I did want to share that somehow I became a redhead without really planning to do so and it’s all good 😂🔥✌️#GingersDoItBetter 🔥😂💙

Ginger hair color

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved
img_0819

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday May 19, 2019 – Part 2

Love is the answer quote

This is my May 19, 2019 Self Care Sunday Part 2. When I wrote Part I, I was not feeling inspired to write about any particular Self Care topic. After taking a long walk this morning and thinking about relationships a lot while I walked, I decided to write this Part II. So, when you get done reading this post about relationships, please scroll down and read Part I too 🙂

Having healthy relationships is considered to be a key component in practicing good Self Care. Honestly, I was bad at maintaining healthy relationships in years past. In years past, did not maintain or enforce proper boundaries. I was a giver to my own detriment. I allowed folks to take advantage of my loyalties. I assumed everyone would respect me and I naively believed love was the answer for all problems.

Massive changes swept though my life a few years ago. While I was spiraling through them, I was trying to keep all of my relationships status quo. Until the day I realized, my relationships were contributing to the problem. It wasn’t easy to step back and see what I accepted in life. It wasn’t easy to distance myself from unfulfilling relationships in my life. It wasn’t easy to choose me instead of them. It wasn’t easy but that critical act of self care, completely changed me and my life. I became stronger once I saw the truth in my life. The quality of all of my relationships greatly improved once I started exercising good self care in all interactions.

I can’t write about relationships without writing about my relationships with men in my life. At this time, I will give a warning that I am about to be really vulnerable and reveal the truth of who I am. I do so without fear or shame. I do so because it’s essential for me to live in authenticity.

Relationship with self

I am 100% heterosexual. I like men. I enjoy men. I am wildly attracted to Blue Love because of his boy next door down to earth demeanor. I also seem to be wildly drawn to the bright blue eyes and grey hair combo. But, the truth is I haven’t been very good in my relationships with men throughout my life mostly because I never learned how to do it.

My father died when I was seven. My mother was widowed at 36 years old with five kids and never remarried because she was so heartbroken. A male member of family abused me. I didn’t date in high school. I was pretty and popular in high school but I was also very reserved. I didn’t really let many people into my world. While many of my friends were losing their virginity, I waited until I was 21. I lost it to a narcissist. It took me years to break free from him. He attempted to make amends with me and rekindle our relationship 20 years ago but that day was the last day I spoke to him. I asked him to not contact me again and he’s respected that request.

My sister’s death in 1999 broke me in a way I can’t really explain. I spiraled through depression and reckless behaviors. I was in one casual relationship after another until about 2007. There was a man who was 17 years older than I am. I knew him socially. I will call him “Tom” but that’s not his real name. Well, “Tom” and I were wildly attracted to each other. I am still attracted to him. I truly believe we were soul mates. We were not the kind of soul mates that end up spending their lives together. We were the kind of soul mates that came into each other’s lives to help each other grow. The below quote from Elizabeth Gilbert explains how “Tom” and I were soul mates.
Elizabeth Gilbert Soul Mates

All I can really say is what happened between “Tom” and I wasn’t pretty. It was painful for both of us. I truly believe “Tom” loves me even today but he understood something that I wasn’t ready to see or accept until 2011…He knew we were on different speeds in life and love just wasn’t enough for our relationship to be successful. We wanted different things. And, well, I am a strong willed female and he’s an old school guy who likes to call the shots. That’s a recipe for dynamite between a man and women. We are both stubborn. It became a battle of the wills and both of us lost. We ended UGLY! It ended in a very pubic explosion between us. I haven’t spoke to him since I walked out that day on September 15, 2011.

I last saw “Tom” at my best friend’s funeral last year but I chose to maintain a distance. I didn’t speak to him or even go anywhere near him mostly because I don’t need to relive that drama. When it’s done, it’s done! But here’s the thing about “Tom”. It was because of “Tom” that I let go of the life I used to have. It’s because of “Tom” that I learned to see myself, love myself and accept myself. It’s because of “Tom” that I have the life I have today. While I have no desire to talk to “Tom” or have him in my life today, I will always love him and be grateful to him for helping me grow. Perhaps that was his purpose in my life. He was sent to me to help me grow. That’s why I think he was a soul mate.

In recent years, I’ve take a time out from relationships mostly because I needed to work on myself. I wanted to look at my life. I wanted to decided what I want. I wanted to ground myself in authenticity as Linda without anyone else to worry about.

Relationship self care

As I reflect on relationships, I know one thing to be true now. I am growth oriented. I will always need to grow in all aspects of my life. I may be 52 but that certainly doesn’t mean that I will be slowing down. I fully plan to take risks, try new things, learn new stuff and grow personally, professionally and spiritually until I take my last breath. Any man who chooses to be in my life as my partner now must be willing to approach life this way. And, in return, I will support and help him achieve his wildest aspirations. I will help him reach for the next level. I will help him strategize his next move. I will be his motivation when he is feeling uninspired. I will be the voice in his ear saying “I love you. You got this!”

There is one thing I know now for sure about relationships. “Tom” taught me that in a relationship both individuals must want to live life on the same speeds. One person can’t be growing while the other is standing still. It won’t work and it will be unfulfilling for both. I also need a guy who knows I am his equal. I am his match. While I like to be a submissive and uninhibited in the bedroom, outside of the bedroom I expect respect and to be treated as an equal. I also tend to be a direct communicator. I need to be able to respectfully say what I need to say. I don’t mind fighting. I am #DTF – that could mean Down To Fight or Down To F$*K depending on the situation. 😂🔥💙 I don’t mind going a few rounds just to air something out as long as we respect each other’s boundaries. If you act like an ass, you shall be called out for acting like an ass. But neither should hit below the belt and no fighting in public – PERIOD! I will not walk on rice paper for anyone anymore.

I really don’t need much to make me happy in a relationship. I need someone who is willing to grow, who treats me with respect as an equal, who enjoys sparing; doesn’t mind a woman who challenges him by keeping things real with honesty and truth. Most importantly, I need and want love in my relationships. I am not interested in companionship. I am perfectly fine being single. I enjoy my own company. I am not lonely. I do not need company just for the sake of not being alone. So, any man who wants to be in my life better be prepared to give and share affection – LOVE. He will be loved, hugged and adored and must love me in return. At the end of the day, I do still believe love is the answer for all problems.

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved
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DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday – Burnout and Boundaries

Burnout quoteHave you ever experienced professional burn out? I experienced it in the Fall of 2017. It crept up over time as coworkes and leadership kept crossing my boundaries. I was over-tasked while others were under tasked. I started calling out sick more. I started having health issues and ended up taking almost two weeks off from work too. I eventually made the decision that I needed a full completed stop. I needed a break from the Organization I was working in and I took a one-year temporary assignment to give myself some distance. But it wasn’t the first time I burned out. It’s happened numerous times in my past. I seem to go 100mph. I don’t often see the wall before crashing into it.

Crashing into a wall meme

Here’a little background information on me… I have a wide skill set. I am high performer and a high energy girl. When I am performing optimally, I am a dynamo.  I’m not boasting; just stating facts.  I can take a lot on. I can get a lot done but I also had no boundaries in the past.  Whatever I was asked to do, I did. I often did more than I was asked to do. I did more than anyone was asked to do. The problem with operating like this in the workplace is that you condition managers and colleagues to expect this level of performance from you all the time. It’s hard to break that pattern once you established it and made it your norm.

I recall a few years ago, I had a boss who would often remind me when something wasn’t mine to worry about. He would caution me to stay in my lane.  But I continued to take on too much and worry about things that really weren’t mine to worry about.  He saw what I could not see myself. He often told me to knock it off even though his subordinates were encouraging it. When he was promoted, I lost that external checkpoint and I also did not know how to do it for myself at that time.

Perhaps I didn’t want to admit that I wanted to be a superstar. Maybe I got some sort of validation and approval in being a super woman. Perhaps my ego got a trophy by being a superstar employee who could do anything – all while risking my physical, emotional and spiritual health. Maybe I was a martyr or perhaps felt I was important and indispensable. My self-awareness back then wasn’t evolved to the point that I understood my motives for that behavior.

Self awareness quote

After spending a year studying to be a Board Certified Holistic Health Practitioner, I can now see the danger of my habit. It’s taken some self-awareness to see this in myself and commit to changing it for my long term wellness. I finally learned how to set boundaries and take care of myself. I finally learned to set limits on how much I am willing to give. But let’s remember – boundaries are meaningless unless you enforce them.

I started a new job on April 1st in the same group that burned me out in the past. It was hard choice to return there. But ultimately I knew I changed. I am not the same employee who left 15 months ago. I now know how to take care of myself. Trust me, there’s lots opportunity for me to go above and beyond on this high profile yet struggling team. Just the perfect situation for me to drive 100mph into the wall 😂😂 The only difference now is – I see the danger this time. I see the wall this time. I know the danger of being everyone’s “go to” for everything. It’s not happening this time around! Nope! Not again! Earlier this week I caught myself dropping into my old habit and I stopped myself. I reminded myself to “STAY IN MY LANE”. I logically brought myself back to center and remembered the task wasn’t my responsibility. So I did what I could do to help and then backed off. If it dropped, it dropped. “Let it happen” was in my head. Yes, this time around – it was clear to all involved – I am staying in my lane and everyone will need to adjust. I will need to check-in with myself on a daily basis to ensure I am enforcing my boundaries. In the three weeks I’ve been back, six people have said the same thing to me, “That team needs someone like you!” 😂 I take that as a compliment but it is also my challenge to be sure I exercise self care and maintain my boundaries.

Boundaries

On Thursday, I had a long conversation with a frustrated team member who was considering other options. My observation was he’s close to burnout so I offered to listen to him. Once I popped the top off, he really opened up. He told me his daughter was born a year ago. He was working from the hospital room 10 minutes after she was born. Well, you know I pulled on that thread. I asked him, “Why did you feel you needed to do that? Knowing your managers I do not think they would have expected that of you. So, what’s your why?” Well, the conversation went on for over an hour. By the end of it, I found out he really doesn’t want to leave but he is getting drained. He feels the bar is higher for him, also a high performer, than it is for other employees. He wants a performance plan that has a path to career progression instead of him being stuck in a position as a “go to” just because he’s good at it. When will folks realize smart people are good at many types of work but it doesn’t mean they enjoy it 😉 Wow, talking to him was like talking to myself 😂 We are very much a like😂 By the end of the meeting my new teammate and I decided to have regular check-in meetings with each other. We are more or less going to be accountability partners to ensure we are both staying in our lanes and not taking on too much. I never told him that I am certified coach. Maybe I should start coaching the whole team – Um, stay in your lane, Linda!😂

My coworker did share with me that he felt UNDERVALUED by managers. He was supposed to meet with three managers to discuss his concerns and only one showed up. (That has since been corrected; He’s had conversations this week). He’s had four bosses in two years because of the managerial shuffles; it doesn’t give him confidence in the strategic planning abilities of leadership. I said, “I bet it doesn’t” 😂 This group of managers especially are really good at talking without ever following up with action. #TRUTH! I especially don’t resonate with the energy around the senior management team. I like and respect my team’s senior manager and our front line manager but I am going to keep my distance from the larger group as much as possible. I am staying in my lane! I will only interact with them, when required.

Listening

Here’s my observation about leadership… Human Relations events, ice cream socials and award ceremonies, are just perceived as photo-ops for management unless they are followed up with real authentic conversations with employees. Managers haven’t realized giving an employee 30 minutes of their time and listening attentively is just as important as any management meeting. Employees are stakeholders too! Stakeholder Engagement should include having real authentic conversations with employees; not just posing in fake (staged) photo-ops with them. I can’t seem to get the point across to them that authentic listening is a learned skills that managers should cultivate if they want to truly connect with their employees. Genuinely caring and showing you value the employee as a person is leading from the heart…People resonant with authenticity.

Lead from the heart

Three weeks into a new job on a high profile yet struggling team and so far I like it. I am enjoying the work. All in all this is a good opportunity for me. I can really do some good on this team but, yes, I do still have another offer hanging out there indefinitely. All I have to do it make a phone call. As of right now, I am not pursuing it. It’s still nice to know I have an exit ramp if I need it 😉 😂As I am observing how this team interacts, I am seeing strategic opportunities to improve processes and communications on the team. But honestly, one of the biggest problems the team has is internal communications between team members with different styles and personalities. One key employee has a communication style and responsive issue that is challenging for the rest of the team. However, I am keeping that observation to myself for now. I don’t need to put anyone under the bus in my first month 😂 I think they need more strategic team building exercises and “coaching” along with technical telecoms…Like start a telcon with “Tell me the biggest challenge you are having on this task? What’s keeping you up this week? Can I help?”

ACTION – Reflect on boundaries and leading from the heart 💙

Boundaries are an essential tool in managing holistic wellness. Learning how to set them and enforce them is a skill that will make you strong and resilient. Folks who were used to taking advantage of you, might get pissed off at first. They will adjust. What boundaries have you set for yourself personally and professionally? Have you been enforcing them?

If you are a leader, can you choose to lead from your heart? Perhaps consider starting your next telecom with heartfelt questions instead of diving into your tactical agenda. Give folks an opportunity to speak and be heard FIRST. Giving folks a forum to express their biggest worry or fear and asking if there’s anything you can do to help shows them you are putting them first. Head’s up – the first time you do this, folks may be hesitant to share. You have to make sure they understand it’s a safe room. As for me, I would be suspicious of folks whitewashing and saying everything is “great” all the time. Well, if it’s all so great, what are you doing all day? 😂

If you want to keep employees, you need to show them authentically they are valued and you care about more than just their productivity as a resources. I would rather have an authentic leader who has true authentic human interactions with employees than receive awards or eat ice cream that only give managers photo-ops to show their bosses.

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved
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DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday – Decisions and Adjustments

My self care is my responsibility. With this in mind, I decided to do a formal check-in on my own holistic wellness this week. In other words, I did few exercises to look at my overall holistic health. I identifed two areas I need to refocus myself and make decisions and adjustments.

First, the work/career area of my life needed to be reset. After taking a step back, I realized the professional limbo and uncertainty I’ve been in my career has been bleeding negativity and inaction into other areas of my life. It all started when I got myself stuck in limbo about six weeks ago after I made a decision but was asked to give them a little bit of time to fix things or work things out. Well, six weeks later there still isn’t clarity and it is now a political hot potato going between managers. I took the opportunity to pull the escape hatch this week. I put an end to my involvement in it. I also noticed I am starting to lose my patience with the situation so I needed to find an exit ramp so I don’t lose my temper inappropriately. I also feel like I have received everything I need from this experience and that is why things have become sticky and frustrating for me. In other words…It’s time to open to other opportunities and let go. It’s scary but it’s time to take a deep breathe and jump 🙏🤞😂

Decisions

Staying in professional limbo was killing my motivation. I am a do-er. Being paralyze hasn’t been good for my emotional well-being the last month and the anxiety was starting to make me depressed and sick. When given the opportunity to step out, I took it. I am returning to old group on April 1st. I have a meeting set up at the end of the week to discuss my new responsibilities. It felt good to take my power back and let go of a situation that was stressing me out. While I am a bit sad, it became clear to me that it was costing me too much to try and working things out. It was time to choose again. I chose again. The bottom line is it was starting to be too hard…it should not be this hard.

Law of attraction

When I get stressed out, sad or anxious, my diet is always the first to suffer😌I hit the sugar and carbs hard ☺️ 😂I start to rely on my comfort foods. Since the beginning of the year, sugar, dairy and carbs have sneaked back into daily meals and have edged out the protein and veggies.

Cheat day meme

I was suspecting that not getting enough protein was actually the source of my muscle and joint pains recently so I used a food diary, www.myfitnesspal.com, to track my food for a month. I realized that I am getting about 20 to 30 grams below the amount of protein I need every day and most of my calories were coming from carbs and dairy. Instead of making any big sweeping dietary changes, I am just going to focus on eating more protein such as Chicken Breasts, Hard Boiled Eggs, Jerky, Protein Shakes, etc. (see below for examples of good sources of protein). Eating more protein will automatically crowd out the calories from the carbs and dairy. Spiritually, Protein is a grounding food and helps to root us energetically. I’ve been feeling like maybe my Root Chakra was a little unstable lately so grounding will help that too.

Protein quotes

ACTION
The action this week is to check-in with your diet. Our dietary needs change as we age. Are you getting the nutrients your body needs?

A quick way to figure out how much protein you should be eating is to multiply your weight by .36. If you would like to see how much of each nutrient you need each day, you can use a food tracker app like www.myfitnesspal.com. It automatically tells you how much you need based upon your height and weight. Another resource is the USDA DRI Calculator for Healthcare Professionals located at https://fnic.nal.usda.gov/fnic/dri-calculator/index.php. The below screen shot is also linked to the site. You just put your information in the form and it will tell you what you need.

DRI Calculator

Sources of protein

Meatless sources of protein

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved
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DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

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Self Care Sunday – Equanimity

Equanimity

This Self Care Sunday I’ve taken a step back to evaluate why I have been feeling extremely fatigued in recent weeks. This brought me straight to a lesson about Equanimity.

Equanimity is defined as being calm and even tempered. Spiritually it translates into having both mental calmness and clarity and being able to find happiness regardless of circumstance or situation.

Equanimity

I’ve surrendered to my body’s need for rest. I’ve been extremely fatigued lately. It seems like when I am not working, I am resting and sleeping 😴 😂It’s getting old! 😂I’ve always needed a lot of sleep but I am feeling a bit more fatigued than usual in recent weeks.

Well, one reason I am feeling fatigue is due to stress. I’ve been in a stressful situation at work. I’ve been caught in the middle of office politics. While I was handling this pretty good for a few weeks, it has gone on too long. The professional limbo and uncertainty is causing me nothing but anxiety now. It’s making me tired 😴

Another reason I am so exhausted lately is age related. My body is in transition. I haven’t come out the other side of Menopause yet so I am on the hormonal roller coaster. I will be turning 52 on Thursday and I am starting to feel 52 in some ways. I’ve always needed more rest than others so I am trying to be patient and surrender as my body tries to find homeostasis. To be on the safe side, I made all of my annual doctor appointments for the next month just to double check my blood work. However, I am betting it is just stress and the dreaded “change” wearing me out 😴😂

When I left work on Thursday, I felt like a head cold was trying to get a hold on me and on Friday morning I hurt my arm while doing lateral extensions with dumbbells. (OUCH)🤬 This means my body needs me to slow down to heal. I’ve been focusing on getting extra rest and sleep to kill of the impending head cold while I’ve been icing my shoulder. Perhaps it’s ok for me to sleep all day today😴I am not depressed or unhappy just tired and sore and binge watching “Veep” because it’s light and funny 😆 At this moment, equanimity begins with me maintaining a calm mind to help my body release and heal.

Equanimity

Truthfully, I am in such a state of surrender to my body’s need for rest and sleep, I would cancel all of my plans and stay home If I felt like that was the best thing for me to do. It really doesn’t matter. I am not attached one way or another. I just want to do what is best for my body. Actually, this is a great place to be. This is called Equamitity and I’ve spent my entire adult life hoping to achieve this awareness.

Equanimity

ACTION

Can you reflect on Equanimity? Perhaps google it and read up on it a bit. Perhaps see where in your life you can embrace it and embody it? Can you practice non-attachment and find peace regardless of the situations or outcomes?

(C) 2019 Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Everything is always working out for my highest good 💙🦋

Loving Kindness Prayer💙
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you be loved
img_0819

DISCLAIMER: Poetry, views, thoughts,and opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to the author and Highest Good Holistic Health Coaching, LLC

Protected by Copyscape Online Copyright Search

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